A Retiree's Choice of Partner

[JAFO]

5 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Sorry I only used a little of the post: but it is such a good point.

 

Unless you want to start a family (you might inherit a couple of kids or even G-kids) go for the more mature woman. So lust is now tempered and the rough and tumble of a relationship has diminished but it is replaced by 'togetherness' and 'caring' and 'growing old together'.

 

Balance leads to a good life!

Well stated. Early on I was fully under the idea I was going to go the rest of the way alone, date as I saw fit. I was 48 at the time. It was OK but not having the "other part" felt pretty empty. Sure you can rent as you  go here but honestly that would run its course very quickly because it is just "an act" for some short period of time and not a "connection". I am very independent and always have been but am glad I have mature women in my life. 

 

Balance absolutely leads to a good healthy fun life and I have a companion and a great friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[JAFO]

3 hours ago, Toscano said:

Firstly I would hope that you have a retirement visa .  I wouldn't recommend marrying a Thai woman , there are cultural differences that can make marriage difficult , nearly all Thai women are interested in a foreign man primarily for his money and many men get taken to the cleaners .  If pressed to marry a Thai style wedding is sufficient and not legally binding , so you can pack your bags and leave .  It is useful to find a woman with her own house , don't buy a house , lease or rent .  One of the problems with older women , is that many post menopause lose interest in sex ; kissing , cuddling and caressing are not general practiced by Thai's .  Thailand is full of pretty and beautiful women , but psychology and thinking is quite different from western people .  Pdaz is right when he says " Why buy the book , when there a library in town . "  

I know its all generalized comments in forum life but most of the "cultural differences" I have witnessed are not cultural at all. That's the excuse many use.  Its the maturity of gal the foreigner has connected with or their inability to communicate to understand each other effectively. As they say "Rose Colored" glasses and those are usually the ones that get taken to the cleaners because they simply didn't know any better. I found it a bit interesting you stated "its useful to find a woman with her own house", seems a bit shallow, is the plan to "use" her. Why not rent and have your own place and date and find about that stuff over time? 

 

I think a key element for the OP is to take his time, if you are retired you have plenty of it. With no rush or agenda you will likely bump into a nice woman. Just like dating in your home country, you didn't fall in love, move in together in a month and start giving her money so why do that here?  After dating you find out about the gal and her family ( divorced, children, behavior, friends, job, education ability to communicate etc). People are incapable of concealing their true traits for a long time, eventually they surface. I dated my now wife for over a year. I was in no hurry and as I told her, this is my last rodeo. As for older women and menopause, truth, no doubt about it, happens in varying degrees to all. But IMHO its far easier to manage versus some young immature girl with virtually no life experience except what she sees on Facebook. Its really a sight when I see an old guy with a young gal being lead around like a bull with a ring in its nose. Is that really what they wanted in life? Maybe so I guess. 

 

It seems to me from my personal experience and whats posted on TVF many men land here and connect in 2 weeks, move in and that's that. 6 months later the real personality of the gal starts to emerge or the man wakes up to see whats in front of him but potentially by then its too late. I still say, stay away from dating sites, bars etc. Meet a woman naturally. I met my wife at a night market while getting dinner.

[Stevemercer]

I have to agree with JAFO on this one. Rent (a house) for 6 months and just go with the flow and enjoy life. Don't play the tourist, but make an effort to get into the lifestyle. You will meet many interesting and fascinating Thai women just going about your daily business. Eventually you will make a connection with one. Take it slow and meet her friends and family, and see if the connections grow. If they don't, well, you can always use a new friend. 

 

In terms of a profession, you could do worse than a teacher. Most work school hours and get the school holidays. As government employees you would get the benefit of their health scheme if you married. 

Edited May 21, 2017 by Stevemercer

[chris2004]

It's a no win situation. You either have a working lady that you never see or an ex bar live in that you have nothing in common with and soon gets on your nerves. I've been through it. I just live on my own and rent when i need a lady.

[owl sees all]

57 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

Take it slow and meet her friends and family, and see if the connections grow. If they don't, well, you can always use a new friend.

Yes indeed!! Take it slow!

 

You can't get to know a woman after a night in bed together. No matter how wonderful she says you are. Or how loving you think she is.

 

Spend a couple of weeks wooing her. Then get away on some fictitious errand. Employ a private detective to keep tabs and record everything she does. Keep in daily touch with both and learn her ways. If everything is to your liking come back are and sweep her up before someone else does. If the detective's report is not to your liking; well just move on.

 

Sounds very sneaky I know, but it might just save you years of agony.

 

Note: Don't make the same mistake as me and get her brother to act as private eye.

Edited May 21, 2017 by owl sees all
spelling error

[Elkski]

Interesting except I ask the kids to deodorize this thread.  What is old people smell doing in this nice thread topic.  

First off to each his own.

I read about leaving everything to the caretaker woman.   But isn't this invitation for an early demise?

 Can't believe for 5 k/ month you can get a working girl to sleep at your place every day unless you mean after her working hours?  No way for me.  

Post 55. Indeed 42-26 is 16.  That was My first thought. Sometimes not good to be a math wiz.  

 

I loved the prose and idea of a new thriller when the pages get tattered.  But I always like broken in paper backs. They never give you paper cuts and rest nice on the tummy with no hard corners.  

My mind is really thinking about the idea of helping a uni girl with lodging. Enjoying her company when not in classes.  And then she gets a job and repeat.  But I can't help but think about my uni hours which were 1.7 times more than my working hours. I never had the school girl uniform fetish.    

Interesting ideas.   There are So many factors to this first if all is the man's age.  It's harder or different for a 56 yr old guy over a 74 yr old. 

 Someone make a flow chart. 

[murraynz]

i have had similar problems to the op- the working ladies i have met-are too committed to their long work hours,to enable a good social life together-not able to travel...yes, an ex nurse would be ideal for an older retiree....i find a decent bar girl not so bad after all...if i get bored with them,or i need a rest, or even more variety-its simple-just try a new one....for me ,i have 3 or 4 regular contacts..its just a matter of giving them a phone call,when i want to spend time with them..when i get much older i envisage having  a lady with nursing experience,stay in the 2nd bedroom at my condo-even giving her a salary, is cheap...she can give nursing care,cooking ,cleaning,shopping,even driving me around---this is far better and cheaper than i could ever get in my own country....a service like this is by far cheaper than getting married to a thai lady--less traumatic....

[Elkski]

Ok so maybe a Thai woman's previous lover didn't hug and kiss and snuggle with her but if you cheap Charlie's turn the Aircon on to human sustainable 23 c or less she may learn to enjoy.  It's hard to imagine sex occuring in the family  hut in Isaan pre Aircon days. Although one gal I know from Surin swears by global warming because she remembers highs of 38 c not 42+.   Even at 35 C after evening cooks down I am sure there was no snuggling after.   I've tried camping in hot Arkansas and you can barely touch fingers with no covers on.  Sleep is hard till 2 am.  

 

I wanted to add that it seems like a good deal for both parties if a woman has a house and the farang pays a fair rent each month.  Or he is contributing the bulk of their lifestyle funds. 

 

And if a gent was to move to Thailand and rent a house and let natural selection run its course, like it did in the Jurassic ages, where would one suggest a guy live?  BKK, korat, Phitsanulok, CM, CR, Pattaya?? Best near the Tesco or clone ,  on the city fringe, or in the upcountry?  

I think some of you guys should ask the wife for 29$ and permission to open a dating site profile just for research sake.  You accept modern cell phones in your life and wifi?  You know there are self parking cars?  Almost driverless cars?   Just saying you can't enjoy some modern things and diss on what you have never tried.  

Edited May 21, 2017 by Elkski

[Fulwell53]

Gee these thai women must be rubbing their hands together at the glittering male expat prizes that may be heading their way.

Balding, halitosis, overweight, viagra gluttons, who pin more medals on themselves than a tin pot dictator in a banana republic. That he may be impecunious will have them salivating like rabid dogs

Put a few quid in their pocket and lo and behold "brad pitt".

Cute young thing then righly and inevitably gets fed up with her past it  mr blobby and decides to bin him ( deservedly so) and the pushed away penshioner goes bleating how about how unfair and calculating thai women are.

And rinse and repeat.

The last of of the summer whine.

[williet98248]

Interesting topic and a universal problem for us expats.  The partners are either there 24/7 or work incredibly long hours.  Seems like no in-between.  My friend's wife is a real go getter but works six days at her three shops from early afternoon to after midnite.  He cherishes the couple of waking hours they have together.  My girl (her 53, me 75) got bored with being a stay at home kept woman in Phuket and moved back to her farm near Khon Khean where she gets up at 04:00 and works until dark.  We visit each other for a total of ten to fifteen days a year.  I have a cat who loves me as long as I feed her and she sleeps at the foot of my bed.  If I feel the need for some female company I go to my favorite bar, pick out the best pool player (or the one with the biggest boobs ) and play a few games.  Then it is home to my cat who greets me with a meow and a rub around the legs. 

[Nurseynutcase]

Oh dear, oh dear, what is it with men who want a nurse in their lives - retired or not?

 

I am a retired nurse and was married to my job and engaged (I am sad to say) to my husband.  Sadly due to severe ill health he had to take early retirement and died some 14 years later.  I obviously continued to work  - thankfully he was ok with my career but was on his own for most of the day.

 

I am now with a new partner who I met some 5 years after my husbands death.  He had a Thai girlfriend at the time but then he met me.

 

We are nearly the same age and both retired living the life here in Thailand.  We took it long and slow when we first got together and are both financially independent.

 

It works for us.

 

To the OP I would question why he so desperately wants a Thai women in his life and why could he not meet some-one in his own country.  Can his ideal girl be only in his mind?

[giddyup]

1 hour ago, Fulwell53 said:

Gee these thai women must be rubbing their hands together at the glittering male expat prizes that may be heading their way.

Balding, halitosis, overweight, viagra gluttons, who pin more medals on themselves than a tin pot dictator in a banana republic. That he may be impecunious will have them salivating like rabid dogs

Put a few quid in their pocket and lo and behold "brad pitt".

Cute young thing then righly and inevitably gets fed up with her past it  mr blobby and decides to bin him ( deservedly so) and the pushed away penshioner goes bleating how about how unfair and calculating thai women are.

And rinse and repeat.

The last of of the summer whine.

In the meantime he's had a nubile plaything for his personal pleasure. Does she enjoy his less than youthful coupling? Who cares, least of all him.

[giddyup]

3 minutes ago, Nurseynutcase said:

Oh dear, oh dear, what is it with men who want a nurse in their lives - retired or not?

 

I am a retired nurse and was married to my job and engaged (I am sad to say) to my husband.  Sadly due to severe ill health he had to take early retirement and died some 14 years later.  I obviously continued to work  - thankfully he was ok with my career but was on his own for most of the day.

 

I am now with a new partner who I met some 5 years after my husbands death.  He had a Thai girlfriend at the time but then he met me.

 

We are nearly the same age and both retired living the life here in Thailand.  We took it long and slow when we first got together and are both financially independent.

 

It works for us.

 

To the OP I would question why he so desperately wants a Thai women in his life and why could he not meet some-one in his own country.  Can his ideal girl be only in his mind?

Fact is, men are visual creatures and are not turned on by saggy boobs and butts, varicose veins and surgical stockings.

Edited May 22, 2017 by giddyup

[chicowoodduck]

Just get a coin operated one and be happy that you did.....?????

[thehelmsman]

Unless you're thinking of having kids. Why would you want a real relationship? I know there are some foreigners who have burnt all bridges with kids from the home country and have no one to leave an inheritance. This is sad.

[thehelmsman]

25 minutes ago, chicowoodduck said:

Just get a coin operated one and be happy that you did.....?????

Leaves you more $$$ for getting pissed.

[giddyup]

12 minutes ago, thehelmsman said:

Unless you're thinking of having kids. Why would you want a real relationship? I know there are some foreigners who have burnt all bridges with kids from the home country and have no one to leave an inheritance. This is sad.

Might surprise you to learn that some guys don't have any kids, either by choice or circumstances. I fit in the first category and am quite  happy to leave the bulk of my estate to my Thai partner of 8 years, and hopefully a few more yet. What's sad is those who do have kids who can't wait for their parents to die so they can inherit everything.

[JAFO]

3 hours ago, Fulwell53 said:

Gee these thai women must be rubbing their hands together at the glittering male expat prizes that may be heading their way.

Balding, halitosis, overweight, viagra gluttons, who pin more medals on themselves than a tin pot dictator in a banana republic. That he may be impecunious will have them salivating like rabid dogs

Put a few quid in their pocket and lo and behold "brad pitt".

Cute young thing then righly and inevitably gets fed up with her past it  mr blobby and decides to bin him ( deservedly so) and the pushed away penshioner goes bleating how about how unfair and calculating thai women are.

And rinse and repeat.

The last of of the summer whine.

I laughed a bit because while harsh and direct, its true in many cases about the men these gals get to chose from. But to your other point, when they get punted they whinge about how bad Thai women are. Quite funny actually.

[giddyup]

22 minutes ago, JAFO said:

I laughed a bit because while harsh and direct, its true in many cases about the men these gals get to chose from. But to your other point, when they get punted they whinge about how bad Thai women are. Quite funny actually.

Do they whinge, or is that just an urban myth perpetuated by guys who get some kind of sadistic pleasure out of thinking others have been ripped off or worse? I have been here 8 years and have seen many Thai/falang relationships come and go, all the guys took it in their stride, and quite often it's the Thai women who have their noses put out of joint because they lost their cash cow. If you want to see guys taken to the cleaners go to the west.

Edited May 22, 2017 by giddyup

[owl sees all]

17 minutes ago, giddyup said:

Do they whinge, or is that just an urban myth perpetuated by guys who get some kind of sadistic pleasure out of thinking others have been ripped off or worse? I have been here 8 years and have seen many Thai/falang relationships come and go, all the guys took it in their stride, and quite often it's the Thai women who have their noses put out of joint because they lost their cash cow.

I agree!!. I know an Englisg guy who was held to ransom over a child from his relationship. He didn't get the custody of the boy (7 years). After a few months of being a bit less well off the ex-wife agreed to do a deal on the lad for some regular dosh in her pocket. All well that ends well!!

[Gecko123]

4 hours ago, Fulwell53 said:

Gee these thai women must be rubbing their hands together at the glittering male expat prizes that may be heading their way.

Balding, halitosis, overweight, viagra gluttons, who pin more medals on themselves than a tin pot dictator in a banana republic. That he may be impecunious will have them salivating like rabid dogs

Put a few quid in their pocket and lo and behold "brad pitt".

Cute young thing then righly and inevitably gets fed up with her past it  mr blobby and decides to bin him ( deservedly so) and the pushed away penshioner goes bleating how about how unfair and calculating thai women are.

And rinse and repeat.

The last of of the summer whine.

It sometimes seems that Thailand's expat community's dirty little secret is everyone things they're better than everyone else. Trouble is, we can't all be right, now can we? 

 

Just a word of caution: walking around with your nose up in the air greatly increases your risk of falling into an open man hole cover, which Thailand has plenty of, both literally and figuratively. More often than not, Thailand has a way of cutting down to size those who think they are masters of the universe or have it all figured out.

 

Anybody who has managed to successfully navigate the hidden reefs and sandbars which come with dating and starting a family in Thailand probably owes more to luck than they otherwise might care to admit. Plenty of guys who did their homework, became proficient in the language, thought they were chosing wisely and shrewdly, and brought a lot more to the relationship than a dowager's pension and a pot belly have ended up disappointed. I'd further submit that anybody who thinks there aren't huge cultural differences here which present particular challenges has their head in the clouds.

 

I would like to commend the OP again for bringing up for discussion and increasing awareness of but one of the many dating challenges foreign men encounter over here.

Edited May 22, 2017 by Gecko123

[sharktooth]

3 hours ago, Nurseynutcase said:

Oh dear, oh dear, what is it with men who want a nurse in their lives - retired or not?

 

I am a retired nurse and was married to my job and engaged (I am sad to say) to my husband.  Sadly due to severe ill health he had to take early retirement and died some 14 years later.  I obviously continued to work  - thankfully he was ok with my career but was on his own for most of the day.

 

I am now with a new partner who I met some 5 years after my husbands death.  He had a Thai girlfriend at the time but then he met me.

 

We are nearly the same age and both retired living the life here in Thailand.  We took it long and slow when we first got together and are both financially independent.

 

It works for us.

 

To the OP I would question why he so desperately wants a Thai women in his life and why could he not meet some-one in his own country.  Can his ideal girl be only in his mind?

When I was a young fella I had a gf who was a nurse. All this pish about getting turned on by nurses in uniform goes straight out the window when you realise her uniform reeks of puke and bleach.

[bamukloy]

20 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Yes indeed!! Take it slow!

 

You can't get to know a woman after a night in bed together. No matter how wonderful she says you are. Or how loving you think she is.

 

Spend a couple of weeks wooing her. Then get away on some fictitious errand. Employ a private detective to keep tabs and record everything she does. Keep in daily touch with both and learn her ways. If everything is to your liking come back are and sweep her up before someone else does. If the detective's report is not to your liking; well just move on.

 

Sounds very sneaky I know, but it might just save you years of agony.

 

Note: Don't make the same mistake as me and get her brother to act as private eye.

One thing i like about about the Thai girls i meet is they dont have this ownership thing we seem to need in the west.

 

but hiring a detective to chase a bargirl?

Is kinda like hiring a rat to eat the fleas off a dogs back.

 

May as well save that money and just pay it to her so she can sit beside you and be a good little pet 24x7 lol

[thehelmsman]

If you want to be happy for the rest of your like, never make a pretty woman your wife. Or, so the song goes.

[owl sees all]

42 minutes ago, bamukloy said:

One thing i like about about the Thai girls i meet is they dont have this ownership thing we seem to need in the west.

01. farang meets Isaan girl in Pattaya.
02. farang sh-gs Issan girl.
03. farang marries Issan girl.
04. girl takes farang home to meet her family.
05. family borrow a little of farang's money.
06. family pay money back as they said they would.
07. family suggests a business idea that can't fail.
08. wife turns nympho
09. farang lends family all he has for business venture.
10. business goes kaput - all money lost.
11. farang asks for loan to be repaid.
12. family get angry with bad farang.
13. wife and farang start to argue.
14. wife questions why farang is now so poor.
15. wife turns celibate.
16. divorce/suicide/accidental death.

[JAFO]

7 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

01. farang meets Isaan girl in Pattaya.
02. farang sh-gs Issan girl.
03. farang marries Issan girl.
04. girl takes farang home to meet her family.
05. family borrow a little of farang's money.
06. family pay money back as they said they would.
07. family suggests a business idea that can't fail.
08. wife turns nympho
09. farang lends family all he has for business venture.
10. business goes kaput - all money lost.
11. farang asks for loan to be repaid.
12. family get angry with bad farang.
13. wife and farang start to argue.
14. wife questions why farang is now so poor.
15. wife turns celibate.
16. divorce/suicide/accidental death.

LOLOLOLOL!!!

 

 

[Stevemercer]

Point 14 should read: 'Wife questions why farang is now so stingy'.

 

It doesn't matter how many times the farang explains that his money is now all gone, she will never understand. She is sure he is just hiding it now and being stingy.

[JAFO]

6 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

Point 14 should read: 'Wife questions why farang is now so stingy'.

 

It doesn't matter how many times the farang explains that his money is now all gone, she will never understand. She is sure he is just hiding it now and being stingy.

or he has a Mia Noi.....LOL

[bamukloy]

6 hours ago, Stevemercer said:

Point 14 should read: 'Wife questions why farang is now so stingy'.

 

It doesn't matter how many times the farang explains that his money is now all gone, she will never understand. She is sure he is just hiding it now and being stingy.

 

That is so true, but she knows that the money is never really all gone as she knows the farang would have to keep money aside for a ticket home.

Of course she will try to get her paws on at least a portion of that dosh before she kick you to the kerb.lol

[Elkski]

7 hours ago, owl sees all said:

01. farang meets Isaan girl in Pattaya.
02. farang sh-gs Issan girl.
03. farang marries Issan girl.
04. girl takes farang home to meet her family.
05. family borrow a little of farang's money.
06. family pay money back as they said they would.
07. family suggests a business idea that can't fail.
08. wife turns nympho
09. farang lends family all he has for business venture.
10. business goes kaput - all money lost.
11. farang asks for loan to be repaid.
12. family get angry with bad farang.
13. wife and farang start to argue.
14. wife questions why farang is now so poor.
15. wife turns celibate.
16. divorce/suicide/accidental death.

First mistake if said future wife not nympho at step 2 move on.     Very good thread.   Maybe ugly is the way to go with everything else??

But if a gal in Thailand is 50 she can look 45 compare to USA. But what if 45 woman in Thailand looks 55 in USA years? Nympho no problem.