Cheap Charlie on holidays at its best

[howard ashoul]

(Sorry if it's too long. I met a lot of different characters in Thailand. But this is my top experiences so far. I call him Adam. He is like 60 years old fat British. He went home today.)

 

I'm living in Isaan. Im living here with my wife and family. My wife has also a sister, Toy, who is working bar in Pattaya. And Toy's daughter is staying with us.

 

Last week we got call from Toy, that her boyfriend (=customer) wants to visit Isaan. Children were all happy, that new father/grandfather will buy them food and take them on trips. Adults were also looking forward to this visit. Including Toy's daughter.

 

Farang tourist coming to the village with his GF for the first time, bit event, right?

 

It all started by picking them up at airport. We paid our friend 500 Baht to take us by car to the airport and back (1 hour each way). So we picked them up. At arrival Adam calculated, that since he went just 1 way, he should pay just 200 Baht. And we should pay 300 Baht, since we went both ways. (only reason we went, was to pick him up) I didn't argue at that point and payed my "half". After arrival Adam came to our house and announce, that today's dinner will be huge. Since he is paying and its on him! Whereat he handed my wife and Toy 300 Baht to go shopping. I have no idea how my wife cooked dinner for a 8 persons with 300 Baht, while she still managed to get french fries for a children. Which are 140 Baht over here. But she did it.

 

...

 

Next morning Adam told Toy, that he is not paying her daily rate anymore. Since she is on holiday with family. And at some point in the future she would go to visit us on her own. So she can be glad, that her payed for her ticket here. She wasn't really ammused byt this as I could say... .

 

...

 

During morning Adam observed, how it works here. Family members are allowed to come to my house on their own and do whatever they like here. Even alone. So he addapted this behaviour. Since second day he begin to coming to our house on his own. He would use our toilet, bathroom, kitchen and toke anything he wanted. Like other family members. Although he wasn't family member. Even stuff from the fridge, like juice or ham. At dinner he asked my wife "whats for a dinner." She told him "we are eating pork with rice". Sounded good, so he eated with us. Since the first "huge dinner" he didn't pay a single Baht for a food. It would go like this. My wife or Toy would tell him, that they are going to shopping. What he wants to buy for a lunch? He would said that "he is good, nothing". And after my wife would cook food, he would be first there with his plate. My wife was going totally mental. She is already on tight budged. He using huge ammounts of our shampo, shower gel, toilet paper, water, electricity was enough. And now she was paying for his food too. I hade to slip her some more money, so she can make it to the end of the week.

 

...

 

There were some small episodes, like when he borrowed tools including material from local mechanic shop. To fix his suitcase. Returning them without paying for renting tools or even material. Or when Toy gave daughter 100 Baht as a pocket money, And she would come back with 20 Baht ice-cream, Adam with 50 Baht ice-cream and a 30 Baht change in his pocket.

 

...

 

Later that week I woke up to found out my wife really pi*sed off. She woke up at 5am, went to jungle, found mushrooms, sold them at market for 200 Baht (which is a lot of money for her). And bought skewers with that money. For children, when they come back from school. When she walked out of shower, they have been already eaten by Adam. She had enough! In the evening I bought 3 large Changs (beers) and putted them in the fridge. I walked to kitchen few hours later only to found out 3 empty bottles on the table. Adam peacefully resting on the chair next to them. I had enought too!

 

...

 

Later that day Adam found out about some local atractions, so he sugested, that we should visit them. Me, my wife and Toy immediately refused. Because we were too busy. (Since we knew, that it wouldn't be "Adam is taking us on trip", but "we are taking Adam on a trip").

 

So instead of going on trip Adam called us all in the living room. And started to showing us photos from his home (house, cars etc.). At every photo he would commented, how much does it cost to buy. My wife was still pretty pi*sed off by Adam by eating childrens food, so half way through his lecture about his wealth she went (literally) "I don't give a <deleted> how much you have! up to you! up to you! i don't care! i don't care! up to you!" and walked out of his lecture.  That was pretty funny from my point of view! But Adam continued like nothing happend. He ended up his lecture by telling us, how much he has in a bank. At that point he realised, that the whole time we had no idea how much these costs are, since he was using his currency the whole time (pounds).  So he quickly checked exchange rate and told us, that he has 300,000,000 Baht in his account (his own words, 300 milions Baht). And also told us, that his bank won't let him use it, since it's all in investment/long-term accounts (again, his own words).

 

.....

 

Today we toke him to airport. Toy's daughter never had father and was living with us. Even without her mother. So when Adam came, she was treating him like a dad. When he was leaving, she asked him for some small money. So she can buy some make-up, maybe new T-shirt. Girly things. He generously opened his wallet. And handed her 20 Baht bill. Single 20 Baht bill!!! To a 16 years old girl!  Not kididing.

 

He also found out some cheaper airlines, that were charging just 1200 Baht per ticket. What he didn't know was, that this airlines had maximum baggage allowance 15 Kg, instead of 30 Kg. So he was presented with a additional 1500 Baht bill for a baggage. Adam made a huge scene. My wife and Toy spent next 10 minutes apologizing to everybody at the airport. When it didn't help, he started to stuff all his belonings to his hand bag. At which point he was told, that hand bag has also maximum weight allowance... .

 

...

 

My last memory of Adam is, he standing at security checkpoint, wearing 4 T-shirts, 2 jeans, sweater, jacket, pockets stuffed with socks and briefs, computer/tablet/books in one hand, over-weight-limit bill for 500 Baht in another hand. Angrily eyeing Toy, because she refused to wear 4th layer of clothes. And because she also refused to stuff her pockets with panties and socks. While he was standing there, he looked at us and told us "well, see you next time guys!". He was very lucky, that he was already behind security point. Otherwise my wife would probably jump him.

 

Since Toy was leaving last, she just turned to us, and told us "don't wolly, you never see this farang again! me not see him again, too!"

[DILLIGAD]

Wow, quite a story and he seems to have so much wrong, it is hard to imagine a worse guest.
Hope you have learnt from this bad experience!


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[GuiseppeD]

I think your wife should have been kinder to the guest. Just my thoughts.

 

 

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[bartender100]

Why did you not take him on one side and speak to him? I would draw the line at drinking my beer, are you timid, or was afraid of him??

[NickJ]

So for once the shoe was on the other foot............

Bar Girl fails miserably in having farang buy her a house and pick up. 

Edited June 9, 2017 by NickJ

[tomwct]

I hope when they got back to Pattaya the bar made sure Toy was paid for her time with this British piece of garbage!

[colinneil]

OP you bored/nothing to occupy your time, that you have time to write a novel.

[metisdead]

Posts containing inappropriate language have been removed as per this forum rule:

 

11) You will not post slurs, degrading or overly negative comments directed towards Thailand, specific locations, Thai institutions such as the judicial or law enforcement system, Thai culture, Thai people or any other group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

 

 

[puchooay]

Nice, funny story. My guess would be to file it under the fiction section. 

[steven100]

funny story  ....   just tell Adam he's not welcome ....   he's too much a cheap charlie.

[petermik]

Well done "Adam" obviously clued up beforehand.......boot on other foot....thai no likey

[chicowoodduck]

Sounds like a good bitch slap was in the cards for your friend....lol...??

[SantiSuk]

Nouveau poor Brit. There's a lot of em around regrettably!

 

Should've cut him dead when he pulled the airport transport stunt. We Brits are too polite sometimes.

[NoshowJones]

I enjoyed reading this OP,  but I think it is grossly exaggerated, no one would last long in a normal household acting like this.

Edited June 10, 2017 by possum1931

[petermik]

7 hours ago, SantiSuk said:

Nouveau poor Brit. There's a lot of em around regrettably!

 

Should've cut him dead when he pulled the airport transport stunt. We Brits are too polite sometimes.

Nah Santi,they should have given him 5,000 baht and told him "you are our guest now we take good care you"     

[SantiSuk]

Note that the OP starts his post with the word "sorry". Classic Brit behaviour, which I relate to absolutely!

[NoshowJones]

4 hours ago, tomwct said:

I hope when they got back to Pattaya the bar made sure Toy was paid for her time with this British piece of garbage!

Is he British? Or have I missed something, I got the impression that he is not a Native English Speaker, may he's

an Indian, and that's why the OP called him Adam.

[cat handler]

So after reading that I see you are weak as p..s, personally I would have had him out on the street within 24 hours.

[ujayujay]

I doubt this Story, but if its true: Why to hell you dont kicket out this Bastard at 2. Day?

[silver sea]

Very funny piece. Adam has clearly learnt from a young age, "If you look after the pennies, the pounds look after themselves." So he's not going to change the habits of a lifetime.

 

Also, well done to the wifey for managing to cook a dinner for 8 on the 300 THB that Adam had given her, and still have money left over to buy the kids chips.

 

You should send a longer version to Stickman Bangkok for his Readers Submissions section; it would be real eye opener!

[superal]

10 hours ago, GuiseppeD said:

I think your wife should have been kinder to the guest. Just my thoughts.

 

 

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 excrement stirrer 

[SantiSuk]

40 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

Is he British? Or have I missed something, I got the impression that he is not a Native English Speaker, may he's

an Indian, and that's why the OP called him Adam.

You missed something (in the opening para!)

 

"He is like 60 years old fat British"

 

What qualifies as Brit and quality of English writing among Brits? Let's not go there 

 

Sorry* - can't seem to unembolden the text above

 

 

[*$hit - there I go!]

[anto]

Reminds me of an Aussie guest we had lately .Such people do exist .

[loong]

Great story!

I wouldn't have put up with that.

[Pat in Pattaya]

I stopped reading after a few paragraphs as I got the point. The fella is scum, pure and simple.

 

To be fair, it also sounds like you like like a destitute too. So all in all a thouroughly depressing tale that one hears far too often here.

[moe666]

True or not but why would any sane person put up with sort of behavior from anyone

[Xobtsiwt]

Adam clearly wanted to sample some traditional Thai hospitality, and you and your family were kind enough to provide it. I wonder if I may pay you a visit, my annual vacation is next month?

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, SantiSuk said:

You missed something (in the opening para!)

 

"He is like 60 years old fat British"

 

What qualifies as Brit and quality of English writing among Brits? Let's not go there 

 

Sorry* - can't seem to unembolden the text above

 

 

[*$hit - there I go!]

Sorry, missed that bit, maybe he wasn't British but holds a British passport, very easy to get.

[steven100]

10 minutes ago, moe666 said:

True or not but why would any sane person put up with sort of behavior from anyone

true .....   especially when he drank the Chang beer .....  that could be taken as attempted poisoning ...

[steven100]

Just now, possum1931 said:

Sorry, missed that bit, maybe he wasn't British but holds a British passport, very easy to get.

oh ....  you mean like a muslim Brit  ...   ...      lol