Wedding ends in chaos as groom arrives with only half a dowry!

[wildewillie89]

1 hour ago, IMA_FARANG said:

In Thai tradition the dowry was for the Bride, to provide for her life if her husband died or could not provide for her because he could not, for some reason work

Or alternatively, it was to provide for her parents old age, since there was n such thing as government help for the aged then.

This tradition has been corrupted by imported  Western values, so now the Bride is regarded as a marketable commodity

That seems like a nice story , but more logically it seems it is more of a way to keep class structures in society together, the same way the West also used to do things, Wasn't the very reason of marriage in the first place to expand powerful clans?

In Thai. as factors such as work, education, family status, family wealth, children, previous relationships are all considered on how much a dowry should be, then surely, it is about keeping the rich and powerful together, and the poor with the poor. It is why in one village one woman may be expected to receive 1 million baht, where as the neighbour only 30,000 baht. 

I think that story is more of fantasy girls like to spread. I once had a friend who expected a man to pay for not only her future life, but for everything since she was born (schooling, health, clothes, all). Whereas the wife said, it is a moronic thing only the older people really care about, so don't bother with it. We will just spread a rumour around the older villagers that you did it. It is almost labelling your wife as a 'prostitute', I will pay you this much for your daughter. 

I don't think it has been corrupted, if a Westerner marries a bar girl, then she is not asking for much as she doesn't qualify for much due to the above factors. If the Westerner is an idiot and hands over money, then it is another story lol.

[timkeen08]

Oh ,the dowry. It's part of the culture, you know?
 
I'm trying to think of a single time I've done something controversial and used the excuse "But it's my culture".
 
As far as I know, there are no laws stating that you have to follow your culture. You can use common sense and apply that. I told my missus that in my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding. But I'm willing to let that slide if she's willing to let the dowry slide too. There's two cultures mixing and coming out with a great result. 
 
I think the world should adopt a new and universal culture called  'mind your own business'. 

Agree. Coming from a 36 year marriage in America to being married to a very traditional Thai woman was definitely a cultural learning experience for both of us. Especially for my wife since she had never married. But in our 50's starting in America, learn we did. Me always thinking about satisfying you and you always thinking about satisfying me is good but we thinking about satisfying us and what is best for us is the perfect foundation to a lasting relationship. If we actually work at it and find a solution without the you-me finger pointing, then issues get resolved without hard feelings or regrets. As long as we attempt to have an understanding of both cultures and determine what mixes together synergistically, we build a future. Even if both are from the same culture, such as both Americans, each is brought up with different cultural standards so the same applies. We have to learn and understand where we each come from first, then find common ground.

Mind your own business is a hard concept for Thais to understand especially in a long generation family based village. But, the we compromise can be achieved with the appropriate approach and politely standing your ground with relatives and villagers. Sometimes I do have to remind them in the land of mai ben lai - mai ben lai with a shrug or to jai yen yen. Sometimes I just shrug and walk away because I only tell my wife jhom lai.

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[Borzandy]

5 hours ago, mduras01 said:

Glad no guns or machetes were pulled. Sounds like she deserves a good, honest man, but ended up with half a man.


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If the groom had machete, he could take the half bride.

[Jessi]

6 hours ago, colinneil said:

Sad part of this story is brides family are only interested in money, not the couples happiness only money.

 

The marraige is doomed before it has begun.

Yes Colin, Its all about the MONEY, just greed and more greed.

[spermwhale]

A dowry is nothing more than a family selling their daughter. 

[JCauto]

I think that must be a poor transliteration of the text. Surely it was the "Ban Phusao Police", no?

[mark01]

Serious stuff.

Sounds like a job for a superhero and a bit of article 44.

[maxman71]

Half of a dowry = half of a bride. Which half of the bride to take ???

[maxman71]

Yet another reason why if I ever want to get married again, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house...but NO DOWRY !!!

[realenglish1]

I never was one to believe in the Thai Dowry

I still view it as buying a bride and nothing more regardless of how others view it  

[Lupatria]

15 minutes ago, spermwhale said:

A dowry is nothing more than a family selling their daughter. 

Another part of Thai culture is: If it smells bad re-label it and forget the term "bar fine".

[williamgeorgeallen]

he tried to save 50 000thb but ended up saving a lot more. MGTOW gentlemen. keep life simple.

[Paul944]

He probably lost half of it with gambling but he is sure that next month he will have tripled the remaining 50,000. That's why he offers compensation.

[mogo51]

6 hours ago, colinneil said:

Sad part of this story is brides family are only interested in money, not the couples happiness only money.

 

The marraige is doomed before it has begun.

Ohhh what a terrible suggestion.

[Italian guy]

6 hours ago, owenm said:

No money, no honey even for the locals.. And 51yo bride.. Surely not first time bride.. 

I think the father is 51, not the bride!

[Ceruhe]

15 minutes ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

he tried to save 50 000thb but ended up saving a lot more. MGTOW gentlemen. keep life simple.

I don't think he is MGTOW at all, otherwise I don't see why he would've been in that position in the first place, though maybe he is on the path for it alright. Other than that, yea...saved a ton of money and remained his own free person....for however long that is at least.

[dunroaming]

6 hours ago, colinneil said:

Sad part of this story is brides family are only interested in money, not the couples happiness only money.

 

The marraige is doomed before it has begun.

In my experience most of the Thai parents these days give the dowry back to the couple to help them to buy a house or maybe a buffalo   We didn't do the dowry bit, or the temple, just popped down to the government office and signed the papers and got the marriage certificates.  I remember my wife asking the procedure for divorce while we were there, which I found slightly  disconcerting.

[Bastos60]

35 minutes ago, spermwhale said:

A dowry is nothing more than a family selling their daughter. 

A dowry is compensating the family for the lost revenue that their daughter brings in.
But there are a few good threads on TV and some other forum that explain the sinsod situation perfectly.

 

But it is quite insulting to say it is nothing more than they selling their daughter which it definitely is not. 

It is a good way to estimate the grooms intentions with the girl. And in this case he really didn't care too much for the girl.

[Bastos60]

32 minutes ago, maxman71 said:

Half of a dowry = half of a bride. Which half of the bride to take ???

half of a downy because he pissed the other half away on whiskey and beer.

[Bastos60]

9 minutes ago, Ceruhe said:

I don't think he is MGTOW at all, otherwise I don't see why he would've been in that position in the first place, though maybe he is on the path for it alright. Other than that, yea...saved a ton of money and remained his own free person....for however long that is at least.

Either the family knew the guy and set the dowry high enough for him to make a real effort for their daughter and not just dump her pregnant on their doorstep again.

 

Edited June 26, 2017 by Bastos60

[sydneyjed]

We've  had this debate before on here about dowry's and westerners paying large amounts in gold and dosh.The mother and father in a lot of cases has handed it back to the daughter to use.Otherwise it does come across as prostitution to me..selling their daughter..am I right here?

 

[owl sees all]

31 minutes ago, maxman71 said:

Half of a dowry = half of a bride. Which half of the bride to take ???

I think this is a really interesting point.  All hypothetical I know but if you could cut her in half across the belly button. What would you prefer in this case; belly button up or belly button down. Thought provoking indeed Maxman.

[marquis22]

6 hours ago, HiSoLowSoNoSo said:

What a cheapskate!

Maybe that is all he had?   

[maxman71]

1 minute ago, owl sees all said:

I think this is a really interesting point.  All hypothetical I know but if you could cut her in half across the belly button. What would you prefer in this case; belly button up or belly button down. Thought provoking indeed Maxman.

I guess it would depend on two things: first thing being if she yak-yaks and complains too much, the second being her personal hygiene habits.

[Straight8]

6 hours ago, HiSoLowSoNoSo said:

What a cheapskate!

I reckon, I'm sure he could get more than 100k for his lovely princess.

 

 

[NextStationBangkok]

No 50% discount by Bride family ? Just for 50,000 wedding cancelled ?

 

If they bride is just waiting for another 50,000, probably her lovely life is just wasted. 

 

May be the cancelled wedding costed about 500,000....

 

If these father's just praying for dowry money, these young generation will just end up all single....

[Straight8]

7 minutes ago, sydneyjed said:

We've  had this debate before on here about dowry's and westerners paying large amounts in gold and dosh.The mother and father in a lot of cases has handed it back to the daughter to use.Otherwise it does come across as prostitution to me..selling their daughter..am I right here?

 

And in a lot of other cases they keep, right?

[NextStationBangkok]

12 minutes ago, Bastos60 said:

A dowry is compensating the family for the lost revenue that their daughter brings in.
But there are a few good threads on TV and some other forum that explain the sinsod situation perfectly.

 

But it is quite insulting to say it is nothing more than they selling their daughter which it definitely is not. 

It is a good way to estimate the grooms intentions with the girl. And in this case he really didn't care too much for the girl.

 

The dowry will be spent by bride family in few bottles in few weeks. Nothing really worth giving money to in-laws rather deposit in wife's name with condition.

 

[lucjoker]

Poor lady,  "My daughter went back to work in Bangkok in the night.

Now she needs to make 50 000 herself ,this will take her maybe a whole month of

horizontal work.........maybe she finds the "love of her life" doing this ?

[todlad]

6 hours ago, Dave67 said:

 

Well done! That's been my approach too. Initially they asked for GBP30,000 which is my estimate of their debts at that time. I paid nothing and said bit by bit I know I will pay for this then that and that's how it is.

 

This dowry lark: shouldn't we only pay for a virgin?