How to wai - a guide to the Thai greeting

[Tim207]

1 minute ago, luk AJ said:

Do you mean Thai people don't consider a returned wai polite?


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Depending on the situation it could seem silly or even cause them embarrassment or discomfort. It could even be seen as mocking although Thais generally realize that farang are just unaware of the faux pas and are not trying to cause offence (similar to someone who is mentally handicapped).

[luk AJ]

Depending on the situation it could seem silly or even cause them embarrassment or discomfort. It could even be seen as mocking although Thais generally realize that farang are just unaware of the faux pas and are not trying to cause offence (similar to someone who is mentally handicapped).

Please enlighten me how returning a wai could cause embarrassment or discomfort..just one example would make your case


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[Peterw42]

As someone mentioned earlier, a  wai is all about context. It can be a thank you, an apology , a greeting or a sign of respect.

As a greeting, a good rule of thumb is, anyone you would address as Mr, Mrs, Sir, Madam etc in the west, would be someone you would address with a wai in Thailand.

 

 

[JLCrab]

20 minutes ago, luk AJ said:

Please enlighten me how returning a wai could cause embarrassment or discomfort..just one example would make your case

If you feel you are able to pull of a wai as naturally and effortlessly as this, then by all means wai away.

[Tim207]

13 minutes ago, luk AJ said:

Please enlighten me how returning a wai could cause embarrassment or discomfort..just one example would make your case


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I am not trying to make a case. Believe it or not, makes no difference to me. An inappropriate wai will cause people to feel embarrassment sometimes. A wai is not just a greeting or a handshake. It is an acknowledgment of your place in a social hierarchy. Wai-ing someone when it is not appropriate to do so can make people uncomfortable. This may not make sense to a westerner that believes their culture's view of politeness is universal but it does to Thai people.

[luk AJ]

I am talking about "returning" a wai, so how can this be inappropriate? As far as I know, thai people will always appreciate this more than no wai at all. I work with Thai people every day during the last 20 years, I just wanted to share this experience.


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[wildewillie89]

1 hour ago, 1SteveC said:

 

So in a different country, let's say England,, what you are saying is - if you don't shake hands correctly,(and yes, there are correct ways of shaking hands), you are not speaking English correctly ? What a ridiculous, pompous, (look at me, I speak Thai) and incorrect conclusion.

Didn't you know speaking a 'proper' level of Thai was relevant to every single topic ever posted on this forum? They are the vegetarians of the forum (it is a must that they tell every single person they interact with).

[brewsterbudgen]

 
America has a multitude of English accents, so I ask again - what is the perfect English accent ?
 

Maybe he means received pronunciation. Or the Queen's English.

[Peterw42]

1 hour ago, luk AJ said:

Please enlighten me how returning a wai could cause embarrassment or discomfort..just one example would make your case


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There are lots of instances when its not appropriate to return a wai, children wai adults not the other way round. A waiter at a restaurant will wai as you arrive, you dont wai the waiter back.

[wildewillie89]

I asked the Mrs what she thought and this was the response:
'Very conservative Thai are the only people who would worry if you wai. Some farang I have spoken to speak Thai and wai beautifully, but then go on to abuse Thai people for no reason. So it is actions and thoughts that people will respect, not a wai or language'.

Surely if a conservative Thai did take offence to something so small, then lets be honest, you probably would limit your interaction with the person...as you probably would with people who are ultra conservative on any matter. 

 

Will be a tough life to live if you are constantly tip toeing around the country, worrying about tiny things like this. 

 

As the world is becoming more globalised, cultures will change, or even die out.
 

I used to work with an Indian guy that had a very 'soft' handshake (which is not seen positively by (again) some conservative people in Australia), but was a super hard worker. Moral of the story is people in the end respect positive actions, not little 'cultural' details. Just be a half decent person and no Thai will give two shits if you wai or speak the language or not. 

[luk AJ]

There are lots of instances when its not appropriate to return a wai, children wai adults not the other way round. A waiter at a restaurant will wai as you arrive, you dont wai the waiter back.

Return a wai to a waiter is perfectly ok.


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[samsensam]

34 minutes ago, Tim207 said:

I am not trying to make a case. Believe it or not, makes no difference to me. An inappropriate wai will cause people to feel embarrassment sometimes. A wai is not just a greeting or a handshake. It is an acknowledgment of your place in a social hierarchy. Wai-ing someone when it is not appropriate to do so can make people uncomfortable. This may not make sense to a westerner that believes their culture's view of politeness is universal but it does to Thai people.

 

this is true, some foreigners dont appreciate how ingrained a thais place in the social hierarchy is and how sensitive they are in this respect

 

it is comical watching the farang going round waiing everything that moves thinking they understand thai culture while displaying the complete opposite

[Tim207]

5 minutes ago, luk AJ said:

I am talking about "returning" a wai, so how can this be inappropriate? As far as I know, thai people will always appreciate this more than no wai at all. I work with Thai people every day during the last 20 years, I just wanted to share this experience.


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In a business environment a returned wai to a colleague or staff member, while maybe not always appropriate would not likely be so inappropriate that it would cause embarrassment. It would depend on the perceived disparity of the individuals status, and I say perceived because your perception may differ from a Thai's. Also keep in mind that appreciation for a wai may in fact be appreciation of your attempt to follow Thai cultural politeness. The attempt alone is greatly appreciated by most Thais since so many farang make no attempt at all.

 

I don't hold myself up as an expert but I do mix socially with Thais and count several as close friends. They feel close enough to me that they will prompt me to wai when it is appropriate and quietly let me know later if I have done something I shouldn't have done. Much the way a child learns from people who care about them. Although I don't work with Thais I have also been around a while. Many of my friendships go back nearly 20 years, so I am not spouting wisdom from a couple years on a barstool talking to hookers like many of the posters here. 

[NancyL]

In general, I am under the impression that it's considered ridiculous to return a wai to someone who is paid to wai the customers all day long, i.e. a store cashier, hotel doorman, etc.  Certainly don't see Thai people doing it.

 

Also, in some situations I don't wai when I do see other foreigners doing so.  Like at Immigration when you get done with your transaction.  Some of the Imm. officers look a little annoyed when they receive a wai from a customer, because they have to stop what they're doing, look mildly interested and return the wai.  A nod and thank-you in Thai seems to work well enough there.

 

We mix with Thai people socially through Rotary club functions.  When a group gathers for a meeting, when someone enters the room, they wai to everyone, going around the room, making direct eye contact and "directing" the wai and a smile to each person.  Normally this is a time when people are standing around, chatting.  I don't see any special attempt to wai the oldest first, they just start with the first person they come to.  But, to neglect to give a wai to everyone in the room is considered rude.  Same with the end of the meeting.  Normally these are groups of 20 - 40 people.  Works this way when we've been invited to Thai family events in their homes.  

 

And as pointed out, if you have your hands full, it's OK to return the wai with one hand or even a close approximation, like returning the wai with a file folder in between your hands, if that's what you're carrying.  But, before entering into a situation where you know you'll be giving wais, it's a good idea to free up your hands.

 

 

 

 

[luk AJ]

In general, I am under the impression that it's considered ridiculous to return a wai to someone who is paid to wai the customers all day long, i.e. a store cashier, hotel doorman, etc.  Certainly don't see Thai people doing it.
 
I agree many Thai will not return their wai, my point was that returning a wai is ok and will not be considered an embarrassment. The examples you give are relevant and I have to agree that also for me this is borderline.



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[Katia]

5 hours ago, Lamkyong said:

Everyone goes through the same questions and hesitations??     not me and i think not many others   i just acknowledge  with a polite nod/dip of the head seems acceptable

That's how I do it in 99% of situations.  I'm afraid wai-ing will seem like trying too hard... whereas a nod with a smile acknowledges a wai or just about anything else, without seeming over-the-top gung-ho-tourist-y (it's almost similar to a shallow wai without the hands, might work in Japan, etc.).  I've done it to express a large amount of gratitude to someone who I think will understand it, but that's quite rare, and would be more likely to do it with someone I know rather than a stranger.  I don't even wai my friend's Thai parents (after asking him if I should and being told no) although there are probably situations where I might (I am going to lunch with them this weekend; that might merit a wai).  I rather like a wai-- in some situations I might not want to shake hands-- but it would be a strange thing to do with other foreigners.

 

(I'll probably wai my mom when I'm back in the U.S. next-- she'll think it's cute.)

 

 

4 hours ago, howard ashoul said:

I'm always confused who should I "wai"?

 

Like should I wait my doctor? My landlord? Lady behind counter at Amphur? Generally people working in goverment? If I come to a random store and owner of business is present? Parents on every occassion? Teachers of my children?

 

You might think, that I'm overthinking this. And I should just "feel it". But I saw so many farangs wai to motorbiketaxi, bargirls, and even to beggars. I don't wanna join their club.

 

At times I'm unsure as well, if I'm not certain of the social strata.  Many of these people might seem to fall into "service" categories, but they sure as hell make more money than I do.

 

It's always cute when children do it... I once saw a Thai coworker from afar, walking with his young son.  We saw each other, he gestured to indicate that this was his son, and I waved to them.  The little boy wai'd, then waved, as if he was confused about which was proper.  Another time my friend's Thai coworker had her son in the office with her... must have been about 3 or 4.  They came to his office to say goodbye as they were leaving.  "Hey!" says my friend to the child.  "Where's your wai?"

[timkeen08]

I am usually courteous and have no problem wai-ing wherever I am. But MegaHome takes the cake. Now, I ignore them and keep on walking. They do their front door thing and leave me alone.

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[joeyg]

4 hours ago, timkeen08 said:

Just a few short monk wai observations. Many Thais do not wai a passing monk on the street unless they know him. Most Thais wai and kneel when talking to a monk at a temple or in a house/building. I have not seen a Thai kneel on the street when talking to a monk. I will wai when talking to a monk but will not kneel due to bad knees and back.

Monks don't respond to a wai with a wai. A nod and/or a smile maybe. Some monks do nothing. These are quit exceptable and expected from monks so do not feel offended. A few monks that are good friends or family will give me an arm grasp/shake after I give him a wai and I do not continue the wai while we talk in english.

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Monks often, not always will respond to a wai by raising just one hand.  I don't suggest to wai random monks on the street in passing.  I have seen woman or several women squat in the street when givening a donation and getting a blessing, never kneeling unless inside the Wat.  Also I've spent time living in Thai Buddhist temples in the states and Thailand, meditating and providing health care to the monks.  As you become friends greeting definitely become more familiar.  Elders should always be offered a wai.

[timkeen08]

Monks often, not always will respond to a wai by raising just one hand.  I don't suggest to wai random monks on the street in passing.  I have seen woman or several women squat in the street when givening a donation and getting a blessing, never kneeling unless inside the Wat.  Also I've spent time living in Thai Buddhist temples in the states and Thailand, meditating and providing health care to the monks.  As you become friends greeting definitely become more familiar.  Elders should always be offered a wai.

I forgot about the hand wave and the sai bot squat. If my wife is talking to a monk for a longer time she will do that sitting down feet back thing. I enjoyed my time spent at the Atlanta Buddhist Temple. Really good people in the Atlanta Thai community. Learned my basics among them and attended Thai language class at the Temple.

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[brewsterbudgen]

Return a wai to a waiter is perfectly ok.


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Returning a wai is polite. Thai people frequently return a wai to service staff. At least polite ones do. Some snobbish hi-so Thais might think they're superior. It would be nice to think that kind of superior attitude is in decline. Farangs should know better!

[dotpoom]

"Everyone goes through the same questions and hesitations when they visit Thailand for the first time. How do I do this, where do I put my hands. "

    Sorry, not trying to be picky.....was just brought up with the principle....."Mean what you say....and say what you mean".

    I don't see how anybody knows what everybody is thinking.

[williamgeorgeallen]

how to look stupid in thailand. go around giving every thai you interact with a wai. they will love it, especially the younger ones who think having an older person wai them takes years off their life.

then again best just return a wai or avoid it all together. wai your wife parents if you have to but they are probably to busy thinking about how to borrow money off you to really care either way.

[wildewillie89]

3 traffic police members came to give the kids a talk at school today. One of them made an effort of coming directly up to me (before any other teacher), saluted me and then shook my hand. When he left he said have a nice day and I shook his hand again and patted him on the shoulder. I didn't wai any of the three and they didn't wai me. Shock horror, nothing bad happened! I didn't feel awkward, and he obviously didn't to go out of his way to say good-bye to me. Just do what feels natural/comfortable in your environment so you can live a happy and stress free life. 

[jak2002003]

22 hours ago, timkeen08 said:

Just a few short monk wai observations. Many Thais do not wai a passing monk on the street unless they know him. Most Thais wai and kneel when talking to a monk at a temple or in a house/building. I have not seen a Thai kneel on the street when talking to a monk. I will wai when talking to a monk but will not kneel due to bad knees and back.

Monks don't respond to a wai with a wai. A nod and/or a smile maybe. Some monks do nothing. These are quit exceptable and expected from monks so do not feel offended. A few monks that are good friends or family will give me an arm grasp/shake after I give him a wai and I do not continue the wai while we talk in english.

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Monks rarely get a wai from me... I don't recognize them as higher up the social ladder, or deserving of more respect either, having seen what goes on at temples in my area.  Also I don't believe in religion anyway.  The only time I give a wai to one is when I know them personally, or one with a good reputation. 

 

I do wai to younger people who wai me first, if I know them.  Always to little kids learning the wai, because its fun and cute!  Lower down social status people also get a wai if they wai me first and I know them.... because I don't see people as being of lesser worth than me... and it helps them be more relaxed. 

 

I think the only people I never return a wai to are service people.. such as cashiers in shops, bank staff, massage place etc... because they would to expect it. 

[NanLaew]

22 hours ago, 1SteveC said:

 

America has a multitude of English accents, so I ask again - what is the perfect English accent ?

 

Scottish...

 

 

[i claudius]

I wai relatives and friends also people who i am introduced to .thats about it

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[connda]

Why wai?  A proper 'farang' wai is no wai at all.  A head nod will suffice.

However, if you live here and interact with many Thais on a daily basis, it is worth knowing how to wai properly.  If you don't know how to wai proper, don't: you simply end up looking like an idiot, e.g., extending a high wai to a 5 year old.  Which is why if you don't know how to properly wai, default to a nod.  

Edited July 5, 2017 by connda

[luk AJ]

Why wai?  A proper 'farang' wai is no wai at all.  A head nod will suffice.

However, if you live here and interact with many Thais on a daily basis, it is worth knowing how to wai properly.  If you don't know how to wai proper, don't: you simply end up looking like an idiot, e.g., extending a high wai to a 5 year old.  Which is why if you don't know how to properly wai, default to a nod.  

Again, returning a way will never make you look like an idiot. Of course children is a different matter, normally you never wai to children unless it is part of a play..


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[holy cow cm]

It's a full body and face expression and most all farang will never get it! 

[Grumpy Duck]

I have not seen one description of a proper wai. The OP seemed to have forgotten what he was writing and apparently got sidetracked. (As I often do) example: returning a wai to a person of lesser standing from the head? Or making a wai to a monk or royalty from the heart?

also I am curious about properly greeting other cultures should a farang greet a muslim with As-salāmu ʿalaykum or a wai? Lately out of boredom I watched Asias got talent, and I noticed all Thai performers would always wai the judges, but usually from the heart as equals.