Need advice about divorcing a Thai who is playing hard ball

[JusticeFT96]

If anyone has any solid advice I would really appreciate it, I will try and make the story as short as possible with the key facts included. 

 

We married 6 years ago in Thailand, had it translated and sent to the embassy etc to have it confirmed for the UK. We had a baby shortly after. I stayed in Thailand until just before my sons 1st birthday, due to financial issues living in Thailand we decided we would move to England as it would be easier for me to make money and my son would have a good education. At the time we were living in my parents house, it wasn't going well with her and my mother fighting, eventually after 3 months she returned back to Thailand with my son.

 

When she returned back to Thailand the first time her mother totally took control over my son and basically removed the bond my wife had with him and just letting her go out and party to her hearts content. She stayed in Thailand with my son for a year and during this time he ended up calling her sister rather than mother, she would hardly be in the house for me to call him on skype either. During that time using find Iphone I found out she was lying about what she was doing and where she was going. I had a strong feeling about what was going on but with my son over there it was difficult to do much. If we had a fight it would always end up with you wont see your son again threats. Eventually I got employment and moved out of my parents and then paid for a tourist visa for her and my son to return back to the UK. 

 

During that time it was obvious the relationship had broken down, she had gotten a tattoo of my initials on her chest and a tattoo of someone elses initials behind her ear lol. We were arguing most of the time and I was obviously still going on about her accusing her of cheating. After the 6 months was up she went back to Thailand and my son stayed with me to continue going to nursery in the UK. She stayed in Thailand for around 9 months and the same happened again during this time. Never at home, always cryptic etc The arguments were getting worse and more frequent and she was accusing me of being crazy and making it all up for my messed up negative mind.

 

She came back the next year and after around 2 months I was catching her up late at night talking on the phone for hours, at first I thought she was talking to her mother but one night I came up next to her and picked up the phone and she was talking to some other thai man. We had a major argument and she decided that she was going home. I paid for her plane ticket and the day before she left she got drunk, we had a long talk and she admitted what she had done and that I wasn't making it up. It was such a relief for me as I got to the point I thought I was being paranoid and just making it all up. She returned back to Thailand, at first I said I would help support her (before she admitted cheating on me) but after a week of realising what she had done I cut her off and after a month she said she wanted to come back. Desperate to be with my son rather than him living with my parents I agreed that she could live with us, that we were finished but she can stay with her son and help look after him. She returned and at the end of her 6 month visa she returned back to Thailand, this time for around a year. 

 

Needless to say nothing changed when she went back, at this point however I wasn't bothered. I was working away a lot on long contracts and I was more concerned that I couldn't be with my son and also that my elderly parents would be getting exhausted looking after a 3/4 year old boy who was a handful. I agreed to get a settlement visa so she could look after him and she could work as long as it fitted around looking after my son also. I eventually got the settlement visa and returned, shortly after I started my business from home and it went really well and eventually gave her a job as well making anything from 1000-2500 per month depending on how busy we both were. At this point we had not had sex in around 6 months and we were living in separate rooms, hardly talked but just got on for our son.

 

I had recently been to hong kong and in that time I met another thai girl spent 1 night together and then I flew home the next day. In an argument I mentioned this and she started to go mad even though we were no longer together. Anyway one night she was drunk and was being argumentative and I had told her before if she is going to make my life a living hell all the time then I don't really want her in the house or working for me. I just want a peaceful happy life. I ended up saying that she wouldn't work for me again that night and she then proceeded to call the police saying that she wanted to go home. I told the police when they arrived that I would happily pay for her to go home I was not holding her against her will, I was not being violent, I was sober and calm and she was drunk and erratic. The police left after filling her head with all sorts that she started to use against me the next day trying to say she will take my son away from me. Anyway that day I bought her a plane ticket and she went back home. Little did I know she had been logging onto my computer and taking photos of my skype conversations with my friends and also facebook with my mother. 

 

I requested for full custody to be signed over to me and a divorce and I promised I would not stop her from seeing him but I wanted assurances that if I lived in Thailand that he couldn't be taken away from me or used against me. For this she requested 800,000 baht. Reluctantly after a few weeks I agreed but now she is coming on messenger now and then and wanting to start an argument, trying to blackmail me and my friends with what was said in skype about their own personal lives and that we can go try for a divorce and see what happens. 

 

Can anyone tell me what my options are. I want her divorced ASAP and I want to move on with my life. I am sure I had evidence somewhere of her admitting cheating but it was years ago and not sure if I even still have it on my pc as I have changed pcs a few times.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated, sorry for going on and im sure something similar happens a lot in Thailand but would just like some direct advice about what I can do regarding my situation.

 

[LotusBoy]

Sorry for all your troubles here. Where on earth did you meet this lady? But wait a second, before you answer that, if it was in a bar or the leisure industry, well then you must of known the outcome. 

 

Anyway........................

 

1. Get a good lawyer. (I know, hard to find, but there are good ones out there, trust me)

2. STOP all contact with her, let your lawyer handle all, inc. talking to her.

3. Divorce by mutual consent sounds like a difficult task with her, but try. Proving she had affairs to the court is difficult, even if you have evidence. 

4. Give her 0 baht!! Do not pay her the 800k, no, no ,no ,no ,no ,noooooooooo

5. Your child, this will be difficult if her Mother has him or your Mrs. has him full-time,  but be patient with this one.

6. Good Luck!

 

(I have been there and done it. Reached rock bottom, but now happy as can be  YOU can do this!!)

 

 

 

 

[catman20]

same story different day , and you said you was going to keep it short i gave up reading it after the first paragraph.  you made every mistake you could of made.  good luck

[davidst01]

Life is a drama for you isn't it. Did you ever think that the kids might be better off with the grandparents than you?

[mstevens]

You'll never agree on anything with this woman and get it signed off and split amicably so forget that approach.  Any hope of getting assurances on anything you may think she has agreed on is dreaming.

 

She is in Thailand and you're in the UK now, right?  I'd file charges against her in the UK for blackmail and I'd do everything possible to prevent her from returning there.  Assuming she does not have a long-stay visitor and cannot return, do everything you can to prevent her from returning to the UK.

 

Cease all contact with her.  Block her on your phone / email / instant messaging and if she sends a letter, rip it up without reading it.  And whatever you do, don't give her a penny.  If she has access to any of your bank accounts, cancel the cards or drain the accounts or whatever you need to do so she cannot get her hands on the money.

 

Wait however long is required and divorce her on the grounds of abandonment.

[Baerboxer]

13 minutes ago, mstevens said:

You'll never agree on anything with this woman and get it signed off and split amicably so forget that approach.  Any hope of getting assurances on anything you may think she has agreed on is dreaming.

 

She is in Thailand and you're in the UK now, right?  I'd file charges against her in the UK for blackmail and I'd do everything possible to prevent her from returning there.  Assuming she does not have a long-stay visitor and cannot return, do everything you can to prevent her from returning to the UK.

 

Cease all contact with her.  Block her on your phone / email / instant messaging and if she sends a letter, rip it up without reading it.  And whatever you do, don't give her a penny.  If she has access to any of your bank accounts, cancel the cards or drain the accounts or whatever you need to do so she cannot get her hands on the money.

 

Wait however long is required and divorce her on the grounds of abandonment.

 

Sadly, your advice is correct. From what I've seen here and in the UK, the ladies turn extremely nasty, grabbing, and spiteful once a relationship ends. Not only do they become obsessive about getting as much money and assets as they possibly can, they will also try and cause as much trouble as possible for their former partner. In particular, they will try and cause trouble between the partner and former friends. In the UK I've see this happen when two Thai ladies who were good friends fell out. One proactively contacted all mutual friends to put the poison, fact or fiction, down first. Remember they can be very immature, self centered and act like totally spoiled brats if they can't have all their own way.

Sorry to be negative but prepare for this - don't expect fair, civilized behavior - and especially if you did meet in a the bar/leisure industry.

[MikeyIdea]

Quite a few turns here so hope I got it right. Please confirm

1) The child and you are currently in England

2) The child has spent so much time in England that that there is no doubt England is his habitual residence

3) You have shared custody in both England and Thailand (married in Thailand and formally registered in the UK)

 

If this is the case: You are in a very good position and, you wouldn't have to buy your childs right to stay in England. You need to go to court in England and get an order that child is not allowed to leave its habitual residence England because the mother threatens to take him away and never let you see him again, it can include divorce or you can do that later, perhaps better later actually

 

Then comes the curse of having children with someone from another country. The western guy who has a child with a Thai national in Thailand and it doesn't work out can go back to Europe without the child or stay in Thailand, up to him. Your wife/ex wife can do the same, up to her. The child stays where its habitual residence is, full stop - or will be returned there. Habitual residence and pre-dated court order rules. No need for pay-offs

 

This is a true story: A British guy took his son from Thailand, went back to England against the mothers wishes some 10+? years ago (should be over 10 years ago by now). Thai courts ordered sole custody to the mother and British courts of course promptly ordered sole custody to the Thai mother in England following the Thai court order and put the child on a plane back to Thailand. I heard of this when the father was in the Supreme Court of Thailand requesting access to his son and the mother refused and the court of course did nothing to help. He had been in Thai courts for 5-6 years then, he is probably still there or perhaps the child has reached the middle teenage years and court told the mother - OK you can give him access now. The same would happen if the Thai mother takes the child from England

 

By the way: Don't care about unfaithful or not. It has nothing to do with custody of the child. The unfaithful parent who cheated on his/her spouse can still be better for the child and that is what matters in a custody issues

 

You don't need blackmail charges. Women tend to be more revengeful than men so beware. I would start the court proceedings I recommended and still keep contact but not tell her anything yet. Send her a bit of money if you can afford it. After all, she is the mother and she loves her child too, just like you do. Civilised goes two way. I'd even help her to come to England to see her child occasionally later when the child is safe in England

 

I think divorce is secondary, you should secure the child first.

 

Thailand has good free legal advice, does England have the same? Or you can try to get some free legal advice from non-profit organisations like Care before you hire a lawyer 

 

Good Luck

Michael

[connda]

Sorry, you picked a real winner.  Hire a PI.  

[Miami007]

1) get an attorney.
2) Let him handle all communication with her
3) You and your son are both in the UK, correct?
4) stay in the UK and do not move to Thailand - she will have a hard time getting custody in the UK, but you may have to play hardball too and show that she is an unfit parent (either no job or working in a bar may help your cause)
5) file for custody in the UK before she gets a Thai court to award her custody- it may get tricky after that
6) best of luck to you and your son

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[janpharma]

Feel sorry for you and your son.  Take a good lawyer...If you want you can PM me and I will give you full details.

[Chpied]

My advice is to keep a dairy of things done with dates, how often She contracts the child and any screen shots of unnecessary rubbish she has posted, eventually you can prove a pattern of instability and only discuss the child with her nothing else.

I don't know about you but I forget stuff all the time, especially if it's going to go over a few years.

Don't give her anything until a decision is made either way.

Don't let emotions control your thoughts, it has to be business like.

Good luck, think about your sons interest, make sure he can still contact his mum, I'm sure she will drop off eventually and loose interest not long after settlement is done.


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[pumpjack]

short ?

 

i got a headache after the 2nd paragraph which i just barely got through.

 

1. give her no money !!

2. you do not need a " good " lawyer,  all you need is any lawyer to file to court in uk that you request divorce, after approx 6 months  if she does not reply to the divorce then the courts in uk will grant you it.    ( i remember reading this a few years ago after my own issues with wife ) 

3.  if you care anything for your kid do not let him return to thailand with her,   he would have such a shit life there especially with a mum like her .    keep his passport, or hers if you paid for it ( perfectly legal maybe )  or let her return alone. 

 

 

[MikeyIdea]

2 minutes ago, pumpjack said:

short ?

 

i got a headache after the 2nd paragraph which i just barely got through.

 

1. give her no money !!

2. you do not need a " good " lawyer,  all you need is any lawyer to file to court in uk that you request divorce, after approx 6 months  if she does not reply to the divorce then the courts in uk will grant you it.    ( i remember reading this a few years ago after my own issues with wife ) 

 

That doesn't solve the custody issue though, she will still continue to have shared custody of he child

[blackcab]

As a temporary measure secure the child's passport and other important documents where she can not get them. Perhaps tucked away at your parents.

 

Check with school to see who has the right to collect or remove your child from school.

 

If she had keys to your house or your parent's house then change the locks.

 

Keep this information to yourself and don't use it to taunt her.

 

You never know, but she might get a new sponsor who will get her a temporary visa to the UK. Don't tempt fate by doing nothing.

 

Best of luck, and try and keep your head straight.

[Ridge]

Good luck. Dont be too aggressive or you will never get out alive in case you want (have to) visit Thailand. Stay alive first. I have been attacked twice because of a dispute with the neighbour. Dont try to "win" it all, thai always take revenge to gsin face. Stay calm and rational. Within a few years your son will start using social media. This will help you a lot. Think...

[JusticeFT96]

Thanks for the replies, the post was quite long yes but it is a lot shorter that it could have been :)

 

My son is with me, he is far better off with me, I work at home so I can look after him. Even when she was here I would do everything apart from cook food, not once did she ever take him out, buy him clothes, toys, do his homework with him, help him study, anything. She would simply put a tablet in front of his face to entertain him. When he was in Thailand with her she would just leave him with her mother, brothers and even friends at the age of 15 months old and go out for days. 

 

I did have evidence somewhere, it was so long ago and on another PC that I am struggling to remember where I saved it to or if I did save it at all.

 

Yes I know, I fell for the same old thai bar girl tricks. I was quite young and naive at 28 when I first came and I got played like a fiddle. I have tried my best to give my son a stable family home but it is just never going to work.

 

I have his passports here, both Thai and British with me. 

 

I have sent her one nice final message today to try and resolve this amicably if that does not work I will not reply to her any more and block her but would this not work against me showing that I am not allowing her to see her son? Paying 800,000 for a divorce and full custody would be a bargain rather than having to wait months if not years to obtain a divorce. I was planning on moving back to Thailand and putting him into a good international school as I work out of Hong Kong a lot of the time, this was the reason for the custody request as I told her that when we finished I would come to live in Thailand but I would need her to sign that for my protection, she could see him when she wanted but I need custody but now she just thinks I want to go to thailand to get with that girl I met in HK which could not be further away from the truth.

 

I will get some numbers for lawyers who have dealt with issues like this before and see what I can do, thanks again for the replies, much appreciated. 

[ThaiWai]

20 minute vasectomy,  8000 baht. 

A lifetime of peace of mind, priceless. 

[JusticeFT96]

Ive had the snip already haha. 

 

Shes agreeing to what we said earlier now, I am being diplomatic and not argumentative. I need to get it signed asap. Need to find a lawyer in thailand to do all this for me though while I am here in the UK. Does anyone have any suggestions for who can do this in thailand?

[bazza73]

4 hours ago, JusticeFT96 said:

 

Yes I know, I fell for the same old thai bar girl tricks. I was quite young and naive at 28 when I first came and I got played like a fiddle. I have tried my best to give my son a stable family home but it is just never going to work.

 

 

 

 Paying 800,000 for a divorce and full custody would be a bargain rather than having to wait months if not years to obtain a divorce

Do you really think, with the history you have, she is going to be content with 800,000 baht? Stop kidding yourself. Give her anything, and she will simply come back for more when it runs out.

[JusticeFT96]

How can she come back for more when I would be divorced and have full custody of my child?

[Chpied]

How can she come back for more when I would be divorced and have full custody of my child?

I think it needs to be the courts decision for peace of mind and security, or at the very least the agreement is registered with the courts as part of a consent order, don't just sign an agreement without registering it, because any agreement she signs now, she could later say she was forced by someone to sign or she was not thinking straight or depressed any of those things.

When dealing with these woman western, Thai or other wise, they generally won't reason and now she knows someone else is on the seen, she would think someone is taking her money, a very poisonous situation.

I feel your pain brother I just went through a western divorce, 21 years Married she never had a full time job, was very well kept, I gave her everything at the start of the divorce but it didn't help, 3 years later she still got 65/35 split in the cash, I lost my farm, business almost bankrupt, and get to see my boys 2 days a fortnight, I'm like you no conflict and let's get it over, but it's in there DNA.

(Bouncing back now though) and she is still chasing more even though it is finalised, ####me.

Whatever choice you make it won't be quick, the solicitors will make sure that doesn't happen, minimum 18 months if you are lucky.

If you have a good case for custody you won't need to pay her anything anyway, so don't pull the trigger to early.

Concentrate on giving you son a stable loving environment that has structure and routine, that's what counts for your son and that is what they look for, child first.

And look after yourself don't think this will happen or that will happen, take care of your headspace.

Also don't talk bad to your son about his mum, if it does go to court and it gets nasty, they have specialist that extract this information from children, my sister went through a real shitty divorce, it opened my eyes right up.





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[JusticeFT96]

Really it can take that long? Even if both parties are agreeing to the situation? I read that you could both go to the ampur and do it that day. Would that not be any use for the custody of a child? I was planning on contacting a lawyer, get a contract made stating what we both wanted and get it signed and get divorced, I thought it would be quite quick and straight forward

[Chpied]

It depends how binding you want the agreement,
You can take a letter to her tomorrow to sign but if it's not registered with the courts, it wouldn't hold much weight on a legal sense, I had a an agreement the ex with the children signed dated, it meant nothing in the end, they do take it into consideration, but any good solicitor will get around that.
I wish it was that easy for you just to pay for her to disappear, but your crazy if you go down that track with sound legal advice.


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[Chpied]

Divorce and child custody are separate


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[JusticeFT96]

Thanks, I think I will try and just get the divorce out of her first then pursue the custody option through the proper channels to make sure that is water tight. 

[bazza73]

2 hours ago, JusticeFT96 said:

How can she come back for more when I would be divorced and have full custody of my child?

Do not underestimate the capacity of women. It's called emotional blackmail, and some are experts from the cradle.

[KBsinter]

You sound very gullible,if you think having custody issued by a  UK  court and return to 

Thailand with him, think hard you will probably lose him,be careful the justice system

here is not as Europe.................do not trust her, or the system.....good luck. 

[ThaiWai]

1 hour ago, bazza73 said:

Do not underestimate the capacity of women. It's called emotional blackmail, and some are experts from the cradle.

I can remember at least to 2 stories in the past year where parents put ropes around there kids neck or hung them outright in this country to punish the other parent.  If he thinks the story ends after the divorce and custody is final he is kidding himself.

[JusticeFT96]

Not gullible I have just never been in this situation which is why I am asking for advice. I know it is the typical this is Thailand that's what happens when you get with a bar girl situation but I would love to get it resolved. 

 

I was planning on getting it all done in Thailand not the UK as I am also planning to move to the UK.

[Watchful]

2 hours ago, JusticeFT96 said:

Not gullible I have just never been in this situation which is why I am asking for advice. I know it is the typical this is Thailand that's what happens when you get with a bar girl situation but I would love to get it resolved. 

 

I was planning on getting it all done in Thailand not the UK as I am also planning to move to the UK.

 

I believe this is a typo as you said you were already in the UK and we're thinking of moving to Thailand. Do I have this right?

 

Assuming I do, you must remember that once in Thailand, your ex has the home court advantage. Even if you are in the right, Thai lawyers could extract tons of bath from you defending you in custody battles.

 

If you want to avoid these "battles", stay in the UK where your ex would have a very difficult time proving that she would be a better "provider".

 

As for the divorce, if your wife has agreed to the 800,000 bath, tell her she gets it as soon as she sends you proof of the registered divorce.  In short, let her do it. She can do it for a fraction of the cost the Thai lawyers will want from you.