Chris Daley

I almost got smudged by a Thai bus. There was a clearly marked wide crossing near major schools and universities. I was almost to the end and he just clipped my backpack. He will do it to the wrong person one day.

It's an interesting one. I've noticed a lot of Indians and Pakistanis run up huge debts on luxury cars and nice houses drag it out for a year and then do a runner. I could do with a bit of that.

Disgusting raw sweet roti and the bizarre ''Kao Mok Gai'' will do it. Serve that crap to an Indian and he will knife you.

How about 90 day reports and background checks for Thai teachers? They wouldn't last a second.

We all know that these holy books written by a bunch of beardy men. They got to the part about women and were totally lost. Basically don't screw your wife when she is on her period. That the only wisdom they have to offer. The Bible 20 Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Anyone who touches her bed will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 22 Anyone who touches anything she sits on will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 23 Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, they will be unclean till evening. 24 If a man has sexual relations with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean. (Leviticus 15:19-30) The Karen Surah Al-Baqarah (2:222): "And they ask you about menstruation. Say, 'It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.''

When someone reading the horoscope page in a paper asks me my star sign I always give the wrong one. They read it and make it fit perfectly then I tell them sorry that's not mine. - Ricky Gervais

I'll get my money somehow.

Spoke to the girl in Seven Eleven. Trafficking. Sneezed in the same room as a woman. Trafficking. Draw a picture of Marilyn Monroe on a windy day. Dead celebrity picture trafficking.

I have teams of people handling my visa. The girlfriend + the entire visa department at the school. They f it up every single time.

So that will be one condensed milk pizza, no cheese extra packets of sweet sauce please. Yum. Sorry this isn't sweet enough can you just poor sugar on it. Thanks.

I was at a Makro in Issan and some Aussie guy started getting abusive. I asked him to hand me something off the shelf and he started blocking me with his trolley. I took my shirt off and asked him if he wanted to go outside. He was really starting to give me the hump so I spat in his face. I reached over his trolley and got my tin of Pork Faggots off the shelf. And the we moved on.

He tried it 6 times in his bungalow before moving on to the condo.

With all that alcoholic I bet he is really flammable. Should go up a treat.

Always ten vs 1. Thai men are cowards.

They probably put raw green beans in his krapao. That would push me over the edge.

Hi can I get a condensed milk pizza with no cheese. And can you make it really small and the price really high?

They do everything small in Japan except the prices. A sack of rice is 100 baht. So why is 4 cubes of sushi 60 baht? Why would you eat wasabi with white meat? We all know wasabi is Colman's Mustard. And we eat that with red meat, onions and a rich gravy sauce. The wasabi over powers the delicate fish. So that's it? They have two sauces, soy sauce and wasabi? Why is the sushi scene so stuck up and pretentious. It's just student food. How about you? Do you eat sushi often?

You can buy them already built.

He probably thought issuing fines in rapid succession would protect him from the knife.

Thai taxi drivers are useless tossers. The most mundane simple job in the world and they can't do it.

Yeah I drove past that the day it happened. Total bedlam. 5km of track fell off the thing and went onto the live street cables just missing the condos. A lot of Myanmar called in to fix it. Looks like some of them had been working overtime.

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Nothing says ''festive'' like Thailand. Miserable land of frowns. F all decorations and no Christmas music.

Search for child porn and send the police around his house.

The robber needed the money as they were poor. Silly Thai Karen.