ballpoint

Thieves stole our new tree from the front garden. Bring back the birch! I say.

I bought a racehorse called 'Creosote' He's very good over fences.

Not just Thailand. There will be a global shortage of cooking oil as manufacturers look for alternatives to sunflower oil. "France has loosened food packaging rules to temporarily allow manufacturers to replace sunflower oil with other ingredients in the face of supply problems due to the war in Ukraine. Food manufacturers had alerted the economy ministry several weeks ago about sunflower oil supply issues, after Russia invaded Ukraine, the world's largest sunflower seed grower and sunflower oil exporter. The war has blocked exports and planting and harvesting of the crops has been disrupted. After negotiations, manufactures have received the green light from French authorities to replace sunflower oil with other ingredients like colza or even palm oil without immediately changing ingredient lists printed on packaging". France allows ingredient swaps as war in Ukraine hits sunflower oil supply (rfi.fr)

Apple have just released a new gadget to remove the lids from tin cans; It really is an iOpener.

Advice to the younger ones: Never buy a house when horny. I Walked away with a semi.

A man walked into a car showroom. He said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” Salesman said, “We haven't got a Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” The man replied, “You have now mate".

I think its a total disgrace that after only 50 years many people don't know who Neil Armstrong is, let alone what kind of trumpet he played.

I phoned up the local asylum and asked if anyone was in Room 51. The guy came back and said no it's empty. "Brilliant!" I roared, "I've escaped!"

We didn't get a single thing done at work this morning. One of the computers crashed, and every other computer slowed down so it could get a look.

My neighbour walked by with two dogs... I said... "I didn't know you had dogs" He said... "I don't, they are my sisters" I said... "wow your sisters are ugly" And that's when the fight started, officer

Gillette have finally brought out a razor for dyslexics. It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

Tips on how to fall asleep in a chair. . . . . 1 get old. 2 sit in a chair.

I saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "Guess" on it. Apparently "Implants?" was not the appropriate response.

From Ukrainian TV. Russian ineptitude is hilarious, and down right frightening: