The week that was in Thailand news: “Thailand, Thailand – Believe it or Not!”

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: “Thailand, Thailand – Believe it or Not!”

 

 

For most of my working life in Thailand I had a very unusual job – one that might have figured on those lists of forbidden employment for foreigners. I taught Thai.

I had started in my early days in Bangkok as a door-to-door teacher of English in the Japanese community of Sukhumvit Road.  This earned my girlfriends’ daily crusts.

In my free time I spent every available hour learning to speak, read and write Thai to a good level.

Later when the altogether greater needs of a wife and child came along I decided to adapt my career path getting a job teaching Thai language and culture at a British international school in Bang Na.

The hierarchy were a bit nervous – my work permit said I taught Maths - and when the Education Minister came for lunch one day I was asked to make myself scarce. I wandered incognito around the campus but not very well – I virtually trod on the minister’s foot as he rounded a blind corner with his inspecting entourage.

Still, he imagined I was just another clumsy expatriate, I expect. Later I was offered a chance to front a Thai department at a new international school that went from strength to strength.

Having such a visible position meant walking a tightrope at times as my department grew from just gnarly Rooster to a total of 13. Needless to say the others were carefully selected and all very attractive lady Thai teachers….all much better at their jobs than me, you’ll appreciate.

My Thai skills helped of course as did my attempts at humor – one or two students even mentioned that I could teach. I introduced a Thai cultural studies curriculum based on my experiences that resonated with the international clientele and I was responsible for bringing Cambridge First Language Thai exams to the kingdom.

Representing Thailand in English crossword gaming championships didn’t do any harm to my reputation and I later became a Thai resident.

But in 2013 my life took a dramatic turn when a new headmaster – in his infinite wisdom – decided I couldn’t have time off to play for Thailand in the World Scrabble championships in Prague.

It gave me the greatest pleasure to quit my lucrative job on the spot and walk free as a bird out of the school gates to an uncertain future.

In fact, not looking, I was nearly run down by a passing car as soon as I exited the campus – something that has acted as a metaphor for my subsequent life.

After two years off I accepted a job as a translator and feature writer for Thaivisa and the rest is history, though thankfully I am not quite history myself!

I often look back to my Bangkok school days when following the news on Thaivisa. For example, I wrote many plays in English containing Thai stories that were performed by students for parents.

One by Year 4 children was called “Thailand – Believe it or Not!” To this day its rhymes and suggestions of a land of double-talk, mystery, innuendo, intrigue and deception come back to me:

“Behold our Thailand Land of Dreams, Where all is not what it would seem,

“Where one is seldom really able, To determine fact from fable,

So please enjoy our production, And kindly use your own deduction,

Of which is true and which is rot, Thailand, Thailand Believe it or Not!”

This week, as ever, so many stories reminded us that Thailand is not only unbelievable but equally unfathomable!

We started with the befuddling juxtaposition of a land where prostitution is rife but one where the authorities are constantly conducting lip service crackdowns pandering to a perceived need to uphold Thai morals.

This was seen in the “outraged” reaction to two foreigners going for it on a Rayong footbridge and, to a lesser extent as some of the participants are only 17, the arrests, raids and aftermath at the Bangkok “modelling agency” run by new public enemy “Pa Kert” and his missus.

Whilst not condoning underage sex for sale, the idea that Thais might provide “coyotes” for the dens of Soi Cowboy and Soi 33 hardly seems like news. But these are the days of a more intense righteousness spawned of social media, pictures, video clips and in-yer-face salaciousness and sensationalism.

At least it gets the constabulary off their not inconsiderable derrieres as was also seen at the “drama of the week” following an almighty kicking handed out by seven men to a pump attendant and his mate for overfilling a tank.

The thugs clearly have a “famous” son in their ranks because the station chief wanted to sweep it under the Thai rug – well known for having the thickest shag pile on the planet.

Met chief Sanit soon had his new masters on his tail – the snapping hounds of social media – as he burbled about justice prevailing and giving the station chief an audible slap in private.

The upshot is that someone may just be fined more than 500 baht for shooting a gun and others may breakfast on rice gruel for a few months.

The continuing saga of the wanted US pedophile Jackson Hall took a new twist after it emerged he had had a “lovechild” with the Thai woman who acts as an agent for English teachers. Earlier in the year her family said she felt threatened. Friday saw the fugitive’s arrest in Samui after police found they had been living together in Bangkok.

Of course having a kid with a Thai woman would not be enough for horrible Hall to avoid extradition like Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs in Brazil. The Thai case had Rooster remembering earlier days as a cub reporter in England.

After Biggs was kidnapped in Rio and spirited to Barbados the British police tried to get him extradited. I knew one of the cops on the team who told me that Biggs had taunted him that they would never take him to England saying he would send the copper some flowers when he was proved right.

When the extradition team subsequently failed and the cop flew to England his wife said to take a look at what awaited him in their suburban living room.

“Rooster, my front room was like a frickin’ florist’s mate!”.

A very popular – and maligned - story this week was by the BBC Thai service – yes they do exist after having a rather less than private slap over some of their work – who featured Thais who marry westerners.

Apparently there are 100 families in the same boat – read cruise liner – who have benefited from having a walking ATM in the family in the town of Phu Wiang alone.

I shall always think of that now as I drive through Phu Wiang on my way to a small village in Loei where I can say – rather like Little Britain’s “only gay in the village” – I am the only farang.

I married my first wife in Bang Rak registry office where the wedding feast consisted of a burger in one of Thailand’s first MacDonald’s – no expense spared. At my second nuptials in Non Sombun I felt only a wince of pain as I laid out a six figure dowry on the dusty floor of my new father in law’s shack promising in time to build the family a house.

The wealth garnered from that school job made me a bit more generous but it also seemed a reasonable thing to do for pleasant people who welcomed me after the mother in law discovered I was good at playing Dummy…the Thai card game.

May Thaivisa forum members suggest that anyone who pays a dowry is precisely that – a dummy.

But parting with cash, while invariably painful, often oils the wheels of justice and relationships in equal measure in Thailand and should never be rejected out of hand.

Another story featuring much comment was that of a woman taking a four meter long PVC pipe home that the shop, she said, had secured incorrectly on the back of her pick-up. Consequently it swung out and dispatched a 65 year old man on a motorbike to the next cycle of life.

Doesn’t it just remind you of all those filthy, miniscule bits of red rags that are draped on the back of massive loads protruding from traffic all over Thailand?

In place to “satisfy” the law – meaning avoid fines – unwary motorcyclists stand the likely chance of being skewered as effectively as a stick of grilled “luuk chin”.

I hate it when people say “life is cheap” in Thailand and the locals have no concept of safety because I have built up so much evidence to the contrary but as a translator bombarded by this negligence on a daily basis my mind is apt to wander and wonder if there is not some truth in it after all.

Certainly the police seem to know the precise value of a human life, or for that matter a dog’s.

And so to this week’s Rooster awards. First is the “Best Forum Comment of the Week” by wag “JHolmesJr” who was referring to the beefy body building monk who appeared to be collecting steroids on his morning rounds:

“Nice Alms”.

The story highlighted the physical plight of the monkhood being unfit. Or did they just mean unfit to be clergy?

Coming in second was the punster who called the sex on the overpass story in Rayong, “The Bridge of Sighs”.

While the “No Publicity Is Bad Publicity….NOT” award goes to the smiling Russian at Pattaya nick photographed after taking a lady boy for the proverbial romp, losing then getting his wallet back.

If he thought wearing sunglasses at the station would complete a cunning disguise he was mistaken!

Finally I do hope we hear more about another Russian who the cops in Trat found incongruously attempting to paddle an inflatable dinghy back to Pattaya.

Apart from the absurdity of taking “oars” to the Queen of the Eastern Seaboard, it was interesting to see the local constabulary sleuths put two and two together and make roughly four.

The uncooperative Ruskie had apparently “lost” his three friends.

And had an axe in the boat.



Rooster

 

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-09-24

[Stargeezr]

Another good write. and Oh Those Russians,  Boney M,  thanks for that saying.

  One of my frustrations in Thailand is the British translations of some of the names.

like porn, pronounced as pawn. and Thai families with 3 daughters all having their

last name on their passports and records written 3 different ways in English.

Or even streets like Onnut road spelled about 5 different ways, depending where on

the street you are. Guess that is the British influence in translating Thai into their

English.

Geezer

 

[moondoggie]

27 minutes ago, Stargrazer9889 said:

Another good write. and Oh Those Russians,  Boney M,  thanks for that saying.

  One of my frustrations in Thailand is the British translations of some of the names.

like porn, pronounced as pawn. and Thai families with 3 daughters all having their

last name on their passports and records written 3 different ways in English.

Or even streets like Onnut road spelled about 5 different ways, depending where on

the street you are. Guess that is the British influence in translating Thai into their

English.

Geezer

 

Typical teacher in thailand. Cant even write a sentence correctly. "My first job in thailand was teaching MATHS" LOL.

[moondoggie]

Do you really want to waste peoples time reading this rubbish!

[biggles45]

A lot of people read his "rubbish" unlike yours Mr 33 posts. Crawl back under your rock, troll !! 

[moondoggie]

4 minutes ago, biggles45 said:

A lot of people read his "rubbish" unlike yours Mr 33 posts. Crawl back under your rock, troll !! 

I guess that lao kao tax hit you pretty hard. Have a drink mate.

 You  need it!

Edited September 24, 2017 by moondoggie

[champers]

1 hour ago, moondoggie said:

Typical teacher in thailand. Cant even write a sentence correctly. "My first job in thailand was teaching MATHS" LOL.

That is the correct English spelling; with an S. Americans have; naturally; dumbed it down to merely Math. Great article.

[moondoggie]

2 minutes ago, champers said:

That is the correct English spelling; with an S. Americans have; naturally; dumbed it down to merely Math. Great article.

The article stunk. I wish i could get the time it took ro read it back. Way too long, With nothing being said. And It Is math not maths. LOL

[biggles45]

I would imagine that "Maths"  is a shortening of the English  word Mathematics, in which case it would seem to require an S at the end ! , but who really cares as it was a very good read. 

Edited September 24, 2017 by biggles45

[moondoggie]

He should really proof read and edit, The crap he writes!

[moondoggie]

35 minutes ago, champers said:

That is the correct English spelling; with an S. Americans have; naturally; dumbed it down to merely Math. Great article.

And dont call Americans dumb, That's uncalled for!

[off road pat]

Another good read funny as usual.

THX Rooster you made my day.

[EnlightenedAtheist]

4 hours ago, Stargrazer9889 said:

One of my frustrations in Thailand is the British translations of some of the names like porn, pronounced as pawn. and Thai families with 3 daughters all having their last name on their passports and records written 3 different ways in English.Or even streets like Onnut road spelled about 5 different ways, depending where on the street you are. Guess that is the British influence in translating Thai into their

English.

Well, life is a "beach"!

 

When you consider that just 1.5 billion of people on Earth will have to stomach the English spelling ... (wait for the epitome of irony) system (irony is one too) made up of tens of hundred of thousands of words --in effect--misspelled words (to provide you with some levity or some weird psychological superiority over the planet) and consider that some of us must read the plethora of comments giving lessons to Thais about how to conduct their affairs (some of them justified), from people who have, nevertheless, the dubious record of having sat on their ass for 250 years and doing zippo to find a fix, mmmm, I should feel sorry for you? 

 

But, wait, it gets better. Not only there is that 250 years of laissez-faire AKA laziness dare I say incompetence, dare I say waiting for a divine intervention,... that time has afforded you the opportunity to "create" 20 --or so-- excuses --including, amongst other gems, the inability to create an organization that would fix, mmm, for the pedants, the orthography! All of them are very elaborate, of course. It makes teenagers' missing homework excuses look really tame though! The hypocrisy of adults is only surpassed by their ignorance.

 

Now that I have vented for the collective 1.5 billion on Earth (some of whom might even like the ordeal, akin to a linguistic version of the Stockholm syndrome, I suppose), let me say this. While I understand that you and the rest of the 1.5 billion people (because it includes English speaking children as well) are not entirely responsible for the "squalid" conditions, the (dis)state of rottenness of the English spelling system, may I suggest you find the time to write with the same fervour to your government because you know you are paying for the extra teachers that it takes to teach this "mess", IF your government does care about its people, that is. Ironically, you might be a very nice guy, caring and all. Probably! The system that created you made you though. Learning this mess has consequences: subservience to stupid and arbitrary rules, doubt into one's ability, instilling the desire to follow, to listen, to sit, to be mocked by the teacher or others, to mock. And, yet, you are still in love with it, the mess, its imperfections. Right? The metanarrative learned at school, in the media, in movies, in books,... creates agents making sure that others do get hurt because they did. The blue pill is better than the red pill. There are so many agents Johnson we will have to wait, I guess, for a superhero to solve the narrative. Waiting! Waiting for Godot!

 

I know, I know, it is pipe dream, it will never happen,... Probably! How stupid of me!

 

Well! I do hope the Chinese come and kick someone's rump because that would be poetic (the best alexandrine type of verse) justice!

 

http://reforming-english.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2017 by EnlightenedAtheist

[DefaultName]

2 hours ago, moondoggie said:

He should really proof read and edit, The crap he writes!

Some people get a lot of respect on this forum, some don't. Attacking someone who takes the trouble to write a weekly commentary is not, IMO, the way to enhance your reputation. If you care about that of course.

Edited September 24, 2017 by DefaultName
D@mn spellcheck

[wgdanson]

3 hours ago, moondoggie said:

The article stunk. I wish i could get the time it took ro read it back. Way too long, With nothing being said. And It Is math not maths. LOL

It is MATHS, an abbreviation of MATHEMATICS. Or can Americans only do one sum at once.

 

[Frotting]

7 hours ago, moondoggie said:

And dont call Americans dumb, That's uncalled for!

If you bother to read what he wrote correctly, you will see that the phrase, "Americans dumbing down a word" is not the same as saying Americans are dumb.  But since we are on the topic, yes, it would seem to be borne out by close scrutiny that in fact Americans are very stupid.  Anyway, this doesn't obscure the fact that you are trolling, and we shouldn't feed Trolls - just ignore them.  But if you are indeed American, you have our utmost sympathy, but alas there is no cure for this affliction.

[Wake Up]

1 hour ago, Frotting said:

If you bother to read what he wrote correctly, you will see that the phrase, "Americans dumbing down a word" is not the same as saying Americans are dumb.  But since we are on the topic, yes, it would seem to be borne out by close scrutiny that in fact Americans are very stupid.  Anyway, this doesn't obscure the fact that you are trolling, and we shouldn't feed Trolls - just ignore them.  But if you are indeed American, you have our utmost sympathy, but alas there is no cure for this affliction.

Seems like you having a bad day? We all have had them. 

Attacking all Americans ---hope you get some peace brother. 

[Wake Up]

Rooster 

 

I enjoy your writing sharing your experience and knowledge of Thailand. Look forward to reading your article every week. Keep up the good work. ?

[Jai Dee]

Several off-topic troll posts and replies have been removed from this thread.

[moegreen]

On 9/24/2017 at 1:29 PM, biggles45 said:

I would imagine that "Maths"  is a shortening of the English  word Mathematics, in which case it would seem to require an S at the end ! , but who really cares as it was a very good read. 

Why didn't he just write mathematics?

[EnlightenedAtheist]

20 hours ago, Frotting said:

If you bother to read what he wrote correctly, you will see that the phrase, "Americans dumbing down a word" is not the same as saying Americans are dumb.  But since we are on the topic, yes, it would seem to be borne out by close scrutiny that in fact Americans are very stupid.  Anyway, this doesn't obscure the fact that you are trolling, and we shouldn't feed Trolls - just ignore them.  But if you are indeed American, you have our utmost sympathy, but alas there is no cure for this affliction.

You must be a Brit for writing such nonsense. You should start using words like "some", as in "some" Americans". After all, one of your luminaries is Samuel Johnson, whose dictionary is the epitome of nonsense AKA as a mess, a mess that 1.5 billion people must put up with or the English spelling system. Well done!

Edited September 25, 2017 by EnlightenedAtheist

[moegreen]

23 hours ago, moegreen said:

Why didn't he just write mathematics?

deleted

 

 

Edited September 26, 2017 by moegreen

[moegreen]

On 9/24/2017 at 12:10 PM, moondoggie said:

Typical teacher in thailand. Cant even write a sentence correctly. "My first job in thailand was teaching MATHS" LOL.

The correct and original term for mathematics is math.

[coulson]

The correct and original term for mathematics is math.

 

Poor auld rooster, teaching kids all his life and then finding the same petty immature cr@p when he writes for an adult forum.

 

[Jonah Tenner]

On 24.9.2017 at 8:50 AM, moondoggie said:

And dont call Americans dumb, That's uncalled for!

You just proved his point.

[bheard]

Do you really want to waste peoples time reading this rubbish!

On the contrary. I, along with many others I'm sure, enjoy reading this well written and entertaining rubbish as I settle in to my first morning coffee.
Go and stand in the corner! And don't forget the apostrophe next time . . .

[moegreen]

9 hours ago, coulson said:

 

Poor auld rooster, teaching kids all his life and then finding the same petty immature cr@p when he writes for an adult forum.

 

He should learn how to write properly then!

[GarryP]

4 minutes ago, moegreen said:

He should learn how to write properly then!

Everyone bow down to the all knowing moegreen. He who knows everything about the ever changing English language. You should try reading Irvine Welsh. 

[Artisi]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 5:24 PM, moegreen said:

The correct and original term for mathematics is math.

Says who? 

[moegreen]

6 hours ago, bheard said:

 

On the contrary. I, along with many others I'm sure, enjoy reading this well written and entertaining rubbish as I settle in to my first morning coffee.
Go and stand in the corner! And don't forget the apostrophe next time . . .

 

I guess that shows what a exciting life you are living. Very tedious reading this guys drawn out nonsense.