The week that was in Thailand news: Why I’m happier to have Thai neighbors!

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Why I’m happier to have Thai neighbors!

 

 

Whenever my news editor says it’s a quiet day or we are in for a relaxing time I have a sense of foreboding and a feeling it might be a good time to buy my first lottery ticket.

While not believing in karma I have more than a little grudging respect for the word that that the Thai’s tend to pronounce “gum”.

At the very least it makes me think that those who ignore it might come to a sticky end….

So it was this week as on Monday I receive the customary email that tells me this is still October and it’s all quiet on the eastern front as somber Thailand tones down its activities ahead of the anniversary of the beloved monarch’s death and subsequent cremation.

It was a pity no one told the nations nutters to stay home and show a bit more respect.

Leading the way in a week when the Thaivisa server must have been stretched to breaking point was the story of the Thai gold shop owner and the Australian pensioner – or was he British.

On first seeing the left hook connecting with the pensioner in the school parking lot I invoked the name of a J person I don’t believe in. Was this to be like last year’s Songkran “Battle of Bintabaht” in Hua Hin when the Owen family were set upon?

Immediately I suspected the story – akin to that one – would have far more than initially met the eye, rather like that punch in full view of a cop, teachers and students.

The video – published without details – brought out the Thai bashers and cop complainers in all their ugliness.

When it emerged that the ‘Australian’ had been a naughty chap too with a little machete shenanigans, focus shifted to anyone born with an antipodean grandmother.

Subsequent road rage footage merely confirmed the two sides to the story as Facebook and the forum went ballistic at everybody. Only Pattaya seemed to escape the barrage on this occasion as everyone ground their axes to nubbins without resorting to resort bashing.

Then – lo and behold – we wake next day to be told that Aussie Gerard is in fact British George and he’s even 77 and not 72. And now he is claiming complete innocence.

Forum poster “BEV UP” came close to a Rooster prize for his comment:

“Well, well, well….now that everyone has dragged the A(u)ssies over the coals, they can have a crack at the Poms”.

But “NCC170IA” once again summed up the mood best from the safety of his Hua Hin keyboard:

“Hold on until I get some popcorn. OK, go”.

Here was Thaivisa making its own drama of the week along with a little help from Sumeth the gold shop owner and pensioner Mr Collins, who not surprisingly his “friends” prefer to give a wider berth than Sumeth did in his car.

Having spoken at length to the elder man myself, I am happy to have Thai neighbors.

Clearly both of these individuals need attitude adjustment while Rooster has stocked up on unhealthy snacks as we prepare for another “quiet” seven days ahead.

Also going crazy – especially on Thaivisa’s Facebook arm – was the story of the smoking ban on Thailand’s tourist beaches. Buried in the Thai media stories, that focused on how many Krong Thip butts there were per square meter of Patong beach, was the gem that environmental rather than littering ordinances would be invoked for smokers.

This meant, in theory at least, they could be jailed for a year or fined 100,000 baht for lighting up and for the want of a better phrase, “tossing their butts”.

Cue the Thai bashers who put the X in xenophobia as they imagined little old western grannies having a crafty drag at Jomtien being hauled off to join the bridge players in clink.

Coming on the back of paltry fines handed out to Thais involved in highly anti-social behavior recently no one was surprised at the righteous indignation.

Rooster found it all rather absurd – as I said in my Midweek Rant – while accepting the view of those who say such scaremonger penalties could be used as leverage for the extortion of a couple of hundred dollars that some Thais believe no westerner would miss.

The poor Thai environmentalist who thought he would be praised for helping to do his bit for the nation’s beaches was reduced to ridicule and the Thai press – who increasingly monitor Thaivisa – were forced to acknowledge the angle they had missed.

This clearly came about because even the most sensationalist Thai reporter could not imagine that any person would be fined more than a few hundred baht let alone go to jail for dropping a “gon buree” in the sand.

Enjoying lunch on Friday with a Thai citizen born and bred in the north of England who I had not seen for three decades, we shook our heads in mutual wonder at those bashers who profess a profound knowledge of the kingdom but in reality know ‘diddly squat’.

You can use terms like that when you originate from a country where it is legal, no matter how nonsensical it sounds, to say that Richard the Lionheart was not brave.

After the hullabaloo of butts on beaches and menacing motorists with machetes there was still plenty for all to enjoy on Thaivisa’s many platforms.

It emerged that the Thai authorities were going to stop foreigners from owning guns that was a redder than red rag to a Red Bull in the wake of Las Vegas.

Some clearly felt, like Mr Collins with his “gardening tool” in the boot, that it was better to be safe than sorry with all the Thai “loonies” supposedly waiting to do harm on every street corner.

Funny how this Thai resident and my friend the Thai citizen could barely recall an incident of violence directed against us in a combined near eight decades in the kingdom. We put it down, in part, to speaking Thai and smiling no matter what difficulties the country threw at us.

Like all people we have faced the trials and tribs that life throws at anyone who bothers to leave their front door. The trick for us has not been to look out and blame where we are, but look inwardly at ourselves.

Regarding guns I always felt nervous when I discovered that an early Thai girlfriend from the south kept one under her bed. I was quite relieved when she ran off with a Brit who worked in the consular section at the embassy…..

An amusing story concerned what Thais refer to – for want of a better word – as their lawyers.

On a beach somewhere – referring to it as his office – we had “Attorney Adul” telling us all in a “live”20 minute video how he was going to defend his US client “Peter” in the corpse in the freezer case that dominated the news last September.

Telling us laymen all his strategies and expecting us to buy into his “revelations” about police planting of evidence it was truly hilarious when a parasailing vendor came up and asked him to shift his butt from the beach.

This hurried Adul along as he concluded his treatise with a request that anyone watching might post some helpful Facebook comments to aid the defense.

“Peter” is facing the attempted murder of a policeman but with cheery Adul at the helm I would suggest that he may be enjoying the cuisine at Bang Kwang for a very long time.

Who did what to whom pertaining to the stiff in the freezer seemed to be of secondary interest.

Rooster occasionally pops in to a well-known recruitment agency started by two English friends in Bangkok. I used to be surprised by the remarkably low salaries earned – again for the want of a better word – by qualified lawyers in Thailand noting that decent people in sales or marketing could easily garner at least five times as much.

After listening to the lesson in law from the beach I am beginning to understand why their monthly salaries are what western lawyers would charge for an hour.

Once again the hot topic of the next election was up close and personal. The week kicked off with former premier Aphisit – who Rooster prefers to think of as Mark who supports Newcastle FC – saying a tad diplomatically that 2019 was a bit far off and delay could be dangerous.

The choice of words of the old Etonian, mindful that political activity is still a no-no at least until next month, reminded me of when I met him some years back.

In a private conversation in English I marveled inwardly at how he pronounced the word “home” thinking that if I ever tried to emulate such enunciation my Australian friends would dismiss me as a pretentious plummy Pom!

One wonders what politicians like Mark have been doing while His Generalness has promoted national fitness at Government House – did he get together for Earl Grey and scones with his former adversary Yingluck before she so rudely left without so much as a word of farewell?

Later in the week, someone in charge thought the natives were getting a mite restless so they dangled the carrot of hope that the election would be brought forward to November 2018.

This carrot seemed to grow rather like Pinocchio’s nose within minutes of the announcement.

And so to this week’s Rooster awards and there are but two relating to the same video news story.

The much coveted “Darwin Award for Services to the Gene Pool” goes to the lady on a motorcycle happily riding her bike slap bang into the back of a parked pick-up while holding an umbrella to shield herself from the horrors of the Thai road ahead.

Fortunately she survived with barely a scratch to pass on her genes to future generations.

The “Public Spirit” award goes not to the kind gent who wheeled her smashed bike off the road but to the motorcycle taxi guy who cleared up the litter from the accident and took it home with him.

Just a shame it was the lady’s wallet.

Finally, is it really a year since everyone’s lives were touched by the outpouring of grief and respect that we saw in Thailand last October with the death of King Bhumibol Adulyadej the Great.

For many this week the memories of those days were experienced anew and will continue to be up to and beyond the royal cremation.

One can only hope that a year from now the relative peace and stability that we enjoy today is still in place.

Whether there is an election in the offing or not.



Rooster

 

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-10-14

[Cadbury]

I often enjoy Roosters ramblings but this time I had to give up. Could not understand any of this rambling pretend journalistic dribble. From carrots to Pinocchio’s nose to Earl Grey and scones . 

There is a tone of excessive booze about this literary garbage.

Edited October 14, 2017 by Cadbury

[anon789561]

gave up half way through 5555. what on earth are talking about??

[dotpoom]

13 hours ago, Cadbury said:

I often enjoy Roosters ramblings but this time I had to give up. Could not understand any of this rambling pretend journalistic dribble. From carrots to Pinocchio’s nose to Earl Grey and scones . 

There is a tone of excessive booze about this literary garbage.

I was interested in finding the bit about having " Thai neighbours" as I am the only farang in my mooban....gave up after 5 mins. flicking up and down.

[Soi Dog]

The election date saga reminds me of a sign I saw in a bar that said “free beer tomorrow”.  Just change that to “election next year”.

[elgenon]

Trump has the right idea: 1 page, triple spaced with bullets. Can't read no more that that. 

 

Verbal diarrhea.

 

Hint to author- if you add photos of pretties it will go down easier.

 

(poor English intentional you scullymuffins)

[topt]

35 minutes ago, dotpoom said:

I was interested in finding the bit about having " Thai neighbours" as I am the only farang in my mooban....gave up after 5 mins. flicking up and down.

Snap - I think it was a side swipe at TV "contributors" - IE us.............. 

[Maggusoil]

Anything can happen on an open forum. . . and does and will. . . once we let our thoughts out for all to read.  Unless you are a poet, alcohol is also ill advised for writers. Personal experience noted haha

[alfalfa19]

14 hours ago, Cadbury said:

I often enjoy Roosters ramblings but this time I had to give up. Could not understand any of this rambling pretend journalistic dribble. From carrots to Pinocchio’s nose to Earl Grey and scones . 

There is a tone of excessive booze about this literary garbage.

well said

[outlaw11wa]

Congratulations. Nice piece of writing. Some here seemed lost but are obviously challenged by attention deficit disorder...lol. I'm a writer and recently a TEFL Teacher so have more than a passing interest in the English language.  I think it was well written, well structured and supplied plenty of compulsion to read to the end. Different  from some opinions it was clear of confusing terms or similes that might confuse a younger or less educated audience. Thanks for your contribution, enjoyed it immensely. 

Edited October 15, 2017 by outlaw11wa

[Kadilo]

"Having spoken at length to the elder gentleman myself I'm glad to have thai neighbours"

 

Says a lot about the Brit. 

[mikebell]

Yes a disappointing article; hardly a rant.  I am a professional writer with two books on Thailand to my name.  For a small fee I could be persuaded to contribute amusing articles/short stories on a  regular basis.

[Farang99]

I too am happy to have Thai neighbours. 20 years ago when I came to this moobaan there were a few farang renting or buying, but most have since left and life is a great deal more peaceful.

[Scouse123]

26 minutes ago, mikebell said:

Yes a disappointing article; hardly a rant.  I am a professional writer with two books on Thailand to my name.  For a small fee I could be persuaded to contribute amusing articles/short stories on a  regular basis.

 

Interesting.

 

Care to mention the books? or were they published under your real name and you don't wish to disclose?

 

Or is Mike Bell the name?

Edited October 15, 2017 by Scouse123

[mikebell]

'Amusing Thailand'

'Thai Tales' 

on Amazon.  Thanks for your interest.

[Scouse123]

Thanks, I will buy them.

[NeilSA1]

3 hours ago, Kadilo said:

"Having spoken at length to the elder gentleman myself I'm glad to have thai neighbours"

 

Says a lot about the Brit. 

Yes, I would also hate British George as my neighbour.                  

Edited October 15, 2017 by NeilSA1

[Expat68]

Much rather mix with Thais than falangs

[jgarbo]

23 hours ago, Cadbury said:

I often enjoy Roosters ramblings but this time I had to give up. Could not understand any of this rambling pretend journalistic dribble. From carrots to Pinocchio’s nose to Earl Grey and scones . 

There is a tone of excessive booze about this literary garbage.

What is this word "gum"? Can't anyone learn Thai? Of course, if they could, most of the farang problems here would disappear.

Edited October 15, 2017 by jgarbo

[jgarbo]

8 hours ago, mikebell said:

Yes a disappointing article; hardly a rant.  I am a professional writer with two books on Thailand to my name.  For a small fee I could be persuaded to contribute amusing articles/short stories on a  regular basis.

Or you stick your books where they'd do the most good. 

[Mark mark]

Nice Job Rooster !!! On On Mate !!! .... Mark Smith from Bang Paharn,  .... And I only know of one other Folang in My whole district I think ??? ... And it is GREAT !!! As you say ....

 

Just Reading about Pattaya makes me frightened, and reluctant to go there, and well ... "The Biggest danger to my Great Life in Thailand" ??? ... Well ? It's Pattaya ? ...  And the Mental Bastards ... Mostly Foreigners, ... who live there ???? ... And seem to be almost always causing trouble, of some form or other ???  ... Or well ....Visitors !!!   (Russians ? ....  Not wishing to be a racist, as it is there turn out now) .... 

 

...  Or is it just that I see it on ThaiVisa d/t the Good News Value of "Trouble" ??? ... Like that Really Old (British, Not Australian) bastard with the Machete !!! .....  Varrrr, what could that guy be thinking off ???? .... If he actually was thinking at all I wonder ??? .... .... 

 

And the War of words between the American actor, and the French (Xxx Xxxx) with the Mobile phone video, in the heck out queue in the super market !!! ... What is wrong with these people !!! ...  Like what are they On !!! ??? ....  Why do they insist on Coming Here, and then going off, ... or Jumping of their balconies !!!  ... Don't they have Mental Health services back in their own countries !!! ??? .... Only Kidding as we all know that they are all just Trying to avoid them, Right ??? … ???

 

... Still, .... Back to Bangpaharn, for me, ... (Often pend "Boring Paharn" by myself, .... and most of the Thais around me there also laugh at that, which seems to suggest to me, that they actually are all mostly, Not that bad in the Intelligence Dept.) .... And On On, ...

 

And they all seem to know how to drive reasonably well also around there !!! ..... Believe it or not ??? 

 

And On On, ....

 

Mark

[Mark mark]

Mark mark from "Bua Paharn" just testing ???

[dogpatch55]

On ‎15‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 6:52 AM, mikebell said:

'Amusing Thailand'

'Thai Tales' 

on Amazon.  Thanks for your interest.

I see there are no customer reviews yet..

[Aussie69]

Great round up as usual Rooster [emoji106]

[mikebell]

On 15/10/2017 at 8:28 PM, jgarbo said:

Or you stick your books where they'd do the most good. 

What an unpleasant person you must be or it's a pathetic attempt at humour?

[ELVIS123456]

"..... we shook our heads in mutual wonder at those bashers who profess a profound knowledge of the kingdom but in reality know ‘diddly squat’. "

 

Great article - and just like many other posters, I prefer the company of Thais to most Expats. Some Expats are OK as we all know, but so many are just bitter twisted old whingers, and that is why we all avoid them. Yes there are 'bad' Thais, but they are a minority and even they will be respectful and leave you alone if you 'behave' (smile and dont argue or threaten). 

 

So if you are a new Expat and an OK guy but find other Expats giving you the 'cold shoulder', just take it easy and only slowly show yourself to those that you think over a long period are OK.  We all quickly learn after being too open and friendly, that this will attract those Expats you will want to get rid of after a very short period (and some you just cant get away from without moving).

 

[YetAnother]

On 10/15/2017 at 9:52 AM, dotpoom said:

I was interested in finding the bit about having " Thai neighbours" as I am the only farang in my mooban....gave up after 5 mins. flicking up and down.

seems that angle wasnt covered well, only mention of it was talking to the nutty machete old farang man; nary a wit of positives of having thai neighbors

[coulson]

On 10/15/2017 at 12:55 PM, mikebell said:

Yes a disappointing article; hardly a rant.  I am a professional writer with two books on Thailand to my name.  For a small fee I could be persuaded to contribute amusing articles/short stories on a  regular basis.

Why don't you give it a whirl? 

[mikebell]

20 hours ago, coulson said:

Why don't you give it a whirl? 

Thanks for your support. Here's a sample - to whom do I send it?

 

Farangs

 

There are generally two types of farang living in Pattaya: ex-pats and tourists.  Both sorts provide the capital necessary to perpetuate its very existence.  Naturally I support the ex-pats (along with an unspecified number of single mums).  I resent the tourists who come over here with their money and their youth, pushing my nose out.

They are only here for a fortnight yet bring enough money for two months.  They don’t understand tipping, baht buses or the future.  One day, if they are lucky, they might retire here and then they will reap the harvest they have sown: 10% minimum expected after every meal; 50 or 100 baht on a bus, (check out Phuket before you scoff); I shudder to put a figure on bar-fines.

 

All of this is bad for us residents.  The good news is that they are only here for an ever shortening high season as Thailand refuses to compete with Cambodia or Vietnam for tourist dollars.  I would, therefore, like to offer some words of advice to bar owners and other service providers.  The fact that we have upped sticks to move here means we are mobile and could go else where if the climate is right, taking our pensions with us.

 

It is with inordinate pleasure that I can write that at the age of 68, I have still not tired of sitting with a pretty, young lady who helps me drink faster than I would normally.  Naturally I will buy her a drink.  And here is rule number 1.  My son was hired to turn around the fortunes of an ailing bar.  He instigated a simple maxim: No farang drinks alone.  Within two months, he had more than doubled the takings.  I have gone into bars, especially go-go ones, desperate for what we euphemistically call ‘attention’.  I have sat nursing an over-priced beer, smiling wildly at groups of semi clad girls sat gossiping in a corner.  At last one will deign to saunter over and grace you with her captivating presence.  Within two minutes of buying her a drink, she leans over and murmurs those memorable and infuriating little words, ‘I go dancing now.’

 

More than one mamasan has had her ear bent and the girly drink sent back.  We are paying over a hundred baht for their company, not for dilute diet coke. The very unsatisfied customer drinks up and takes his custom elsewhere, vowing never to return.  He always does, of course, eventually - a major curse of my age group is short term memory loss.  Girls frequently shout that old ploy, ‘Hello, handsome man, you forget me already?’  Well yes, a minute after leaving the bar. The odd girl has been known to lie and has never seen you before or, as all farang look alike, they think they remember you.  The result of this false memory is the customer turns back desperately trying to recall her name and her various peccadilloes.  Incidentally have you noticed during High Season they stop shouting ‘Handsome man’ and revert to ‘Granddad?’

 

I suspect, not being a go-go bar owner, the biggest source of income is from bar fines.  This is supposedly to compensate them for the loss of potential earnings whilst the girl is away short time.  At five or six hundred baht a throw, she’d have to guzzle an awful lot of sugared water to bring in that kind of money.  So why is it that just as negotiations are at a delicate point, her number comes up and off she goes dancing, leaving you with rapidly cooling ardour and such.  Surely if a customer is buying her a drink and getting to know her, she should be given time to work her magic.  This has happened to me where I’ve been the ONLY customer!

 

A big tip to girls who wish to build up a regular clientele base; watch what you eat.  I am not fattist and am rather partial to a girl with cuddly proportions as opposed to those with inflatable bras.  I recently gave up smoking partly for health reasons; if you are drawing a pension, it’s your duty to draw it long as possible and partly because I empathised with the non-smoking girls who were having nicotine-flavoured breath exhaled over them.  By the same stretch, I’ve left many a girl prematurely when I catch the lovely garlic perfume of Som Tam.  More and more girls are sucking mints and chewing gum which is a step in the right direction at least.

 

As the customer gets older, some of his faculties start to fade.  Thankfully the purple pill has alleviated the ultimate faculty failing but there are others: eyesight, for one.  I once ogled a girl till closing time.  When the lights went on, I realised it was not a girl after all!  When they bring your check bin and you can’t read it in the half-light, you are reliant on your new friend.  How we laughed when she misread 240 as two thousand and forty!  Hearing is another failing faculty.  We all know that the ‘music’ in go-go bars is designed to kill the art of conversation and, for that matter, dancing, but sometimes it is deafening to the already partly deaf.  There have been frequent misunderstandings: in certain circumstances, ‘No I’m not buying you another drink as I’m moving country to somewhere cheaper like the UK’ can sound like ‘OK, just one more.’

 

Language acquisition is vitally important in the clinching of business deals.  I appreciate the need for a regular influx of girls from up-country but surely there should be some basic skills required to pass the ‘interview’?  I am always amazed at the rapid rate of progress in English among the girls of soi 6.  After ‘passing up’ on a girl with no English, within a month she is rattling off the basics.  This is solely down to her sisters; there is no input from the bar owner.  My son taught his girls a basic script.  It began with ‘What is your name & where do you come from’ through to ‘300 for the room and 500 for the lady.’  The clincher in the deal was the girl’s ability to say ‘You have a nice smile/kind face/firm stomach/big muscles.’  The customer feels personalised and not just a walking wallet.

 

The ex-pat community in Pattaya is highly organised and there are many forms of alternative excitement.  On Mondays and Wednesdays there are Quiz leagues; on Mondays and Thursdays, Pool leagues.  There are nights for Darts, 10 pin bowling and such.  It follows that on these nights there are many more farangs tottering the sois, blinking dazedly at the lights after days of staring at a computer screen playing Spider Solitaire.  These are peak nights for bar owners and soi 6 so should be embraced as such.  (In my limited experience much embracing goes on at the latter venue.)

 

Those bar owners with teams know that upwards of twenty customers will flood in on league nights.  The successful bar owners cosset their teams – Happy Hour prices, free food, and extra serving wenches with loose fitting bodices and short skirts that sway as they move and then …..Where was I?  I seem to have lost my thread amongst other things.  What day is it?  How long till Monday?

 

[coulson]

6 hours ago, mikebell said:

Thanks for your support. Here's a sample - to whom do I send it?

 

Farangs

 

There are generally two types of farang living in Pattaya: ex-pats and tourists.  Both sorts provide the capital necessary to perpetuate its very existence.  Naturally I support the ex-pats (along with an unspecified number of single mums).  I resent the tourists who come over here with their money and their youth, pushing my nose out.

They are only here for a fortnight yet bring enough money for two months.  They don’t understand tipping, baht buses or the future.  One day, if they are lucky, they might retire here and then they will reap the harvest they have sown: 10% minimum expected after every meal; 50 or 100 baht on a bus, (check out Phuket before you scoff); I shudder to put a figure on bar-fines.

 

All of this is bad for us residents.  The good news is that they are only here for an ever shortening high season as Thailand refuses to compete with Cambodia or Vietnam for tourist dollars.  I would, therefore, like to offer some words of advice to bar owners and other service providers.  The fact that we have upped sticks to move here means we are mobile and could go else where if the climate is right, taking our pensions with us.

 

It is with inordinate pleasure that I can write that at the age of 68, I have still not tired of sitting with a pretty, young lady who helps me drink faster than I would normally.  Naturally I will buy her a drink.  And here is rule number 1.  My son was hired to turn around the fortunes of an ailing bar.  He instigated a simple maxim: No farang drinks alone.  Within two months, he had more than doubled the takings.  I have gone into bars, especially go-go ones, desperate for what we euphemistically call ‘attention’.  I have sat nursing an over-priced beer, smiling wildly at groups of semi clad girls sat gossiping in a corner.  At last one will deign to saunter over and grace you with her captivating presence.  Within two minutes of buying her a drink, she leans over and murmurs those memorable and infuriating little words, ‘I go dancing now.’

 

More than one mamasan has had her ear bent and the girly drink sent back.  We are paying over a hundred baht for their company, not for dilute diet coke. The very unsatisfied customer drinks up and takes his custom elsewhere, vowing never to return.  He always does, of course, eventually - a major curse of my age group is short term memory loss.  Girls frequently shout that old ploy, ‘Hello, handsome man, you forget me already?’  Well yes, a minute after leaving the bar. The odd girl has been known to lie and has never seen you before or, as all farang look alike, they think they remember you.  The result of this false memory is the customer turns back desperately trying to recall her name and her various peccadilloes.  Incidentally have you noticed during High Season they stop shouting ‘Handsome man’ and revert to ‘Granddad?’

 

I suspect, not being a go-go bar owner, the biggest source of income is from bar fines.  This is supposedly to compensate them for the loss of potential earnings whilst the girl is away short time.  At five or six hundred baht a throw, she’d have to guzzle an awful lot of sugared water to bring in that kind of money.  So why is it that just as negotiations are at a delicate point, her number comes up and off she goes dancing, leaving you with rapidly cooling ardour and such.  Surely if a customer is buying her a drink and getting to know her, she should be given time to work her magic.  This has happened to me where I’ve been the ONLY customer!

 

A big tip to girls who wish to build up a regular clientele base; watch what you eat.  I am not fattist and am rather partial to a girl with cuddly proportions as opposed to those with inflatable bras.  I recently gave up smoking partly for health reasons; if you are drawing a pension, it’s your duty to draw it long as possible and partly because I empathised with the non-smoking girls who were having nicotine-flavoured breath exhaled over them.  By the same stretch, I’ve left many a girl prematurely when I catch the lovely garlic perfume of Som Tam.  More and more girls are sucking mints and chewing gum which is a step in the right direction at least.

 

As the customer gets older, some of his faculties start to fade.  Thankfully the purple pill has alleviated the ultimate faculty failing but there are others: eyesight, for one.  I once ogled a girl till closing time.  When the lights went on, I realised it was not a girl after all!  When they bring your check bin and you can’t read it in the half-light, you are reliant on your new friend.  How we laughed when she misread 240 as two thousand and forty!  Hearing is another failing faculty.  We all know that the ‘music’ in go-go bars is designed to kill the art of conversation and, for that matter, dancing, but sometimes it is deafening to the already partly deaf.  There have been frequent misunderstandings: in certain circumstances, ‘No I’m not buying you another drink as I’m moving country to somewhere cheaper like the UK’ can sound like ‘OK, just one more.’

 

Language acquisition is vitally important in the clinching of business deals.  I appreciate the need for a regular influx of girls from up-country but surely there should be some basic skills required to pass the ‘interview’?  I am always amazed at the rapid rate of progress in English among the girls of soi 6.  After ‘passing up’ on a girl with no English, within a month she is rattling off the basics.  This is solely down to her sisters; there is no input from the bar owner.  My son taught his girls a basic script.  It began with ‘What is your name & where do you come from’ through to ‘300 for the room and 500 for the lady.’  The clincher in the deal was the girl’s ability to say ‘You have a nice smile/kind face/firm stomach/big muscles.’  The customer feels personalised and not just a walking wallet.

 

The ex-pat community in Pattaya is highly organised and there are many forms of alternative excitement.  On Mondays and Wednesdays there are Quiz leagues; on Mondays and Thursdays, Pool leagues.  There are nights for Darts, 10 pin bowling and such.  It follows that on these nights there are many more farangs tottering the sois, blinking dazedly at the lights after days of staring at a computer screen playing Spider Solitaire.  These are peak nights for bar owners and soi 6 so should be embraced as such.  (In my limited experience much embracing goes on at the latter venue.)

 

Those bar owners with teams know that upwards of twenty customers will flood in on league nights.  The successful bar owners cosset their teams – Happy Hour prices, free food, and extra serving wenches with loose fitting bodices and short skirts that sway as they move and then …..Where was I?  I seem to have lost my thread amongst other things.  What day is it?  How long till Monday?

 

I'm not gonna say parts of that weren't funny, however you seem to miss the point. The weekly rant usually covers a wide demographic, summarizes the news and has a touch of nostalgia that everyone can relate to in some way.

 

You seem to know a lot about the bar business  (possibly a lot less than the average sex pat in Pattaya) , however that subject has tediously familiar and outdated. 

 

There is a wider range of expats and tourists going about their business in Thailand that don't even bother themselves enjoying or reading about that scene, they possibly prefer to stick to Roosters column any day.

 

Stickman did all of this decades ago, think you are a day late and a dollar short.

 

Just my 2 cents.