Lady advice?!

[Johny90]

Hi guys,

Im just looking for some advice/ past experiences about a thai girls..

 

2 months ago, when in Pattaya, I met a girl at a Go-go bar. After a few days of pre drinking in there amd getting to know her, it seemed like we hit it off. I paid her bar fine for two nights.

2nd night we went out and on the way back to the hotel stopped in the bar she works for a few drinks. I got on really well with the owner after a week of drinking in there (an older lady). I played pool with her betting that the loser rings the bar bell and buys everyone a drink. I won and she changed this to winner rings the bell. She kicked off and the girl I fined stuck up for me and ended up getting sacked (as well as a few pool balls thrown her way).

I spent three days with her in total which brought me to the end of the holiday. She never asked me for payment but because of her getting sacked etc i paid her 4000bht. However, other than the odd beer at her bar, she never offered to pay for anything when we were out and about (taxi, food, drinks) or said thank you when I did. We seemed to have a lot of fun and a laugh and she also told me she likes me more than just a customer.

I return home to a few messages from her saying she missed me. The day i left she returned home to surin and spent a few weeks there. When returning to Pattaya she found a new job and she tells me she feels bad towards me going with customer and it took her a while to go with one. I know this because she constantly messages me all day every day and most nights wants to video call me. I offered (tested her) to send her money each month and look after her if she wanted to return home but she declined my money. She has nearly finished building her own home in Surin (bar work and bank loan funded). I told her I do not like the work she does but it is ok for now as she needs money to finish her home and to provide for her family, as long as she always uses condoms.

She is 32 with two children and im 26. She has never asked me to send money and tells me in 2 months she will finish the bars because she has had enough and wants to settle down. Im due to visit her in 3 months. She wants me to meet her family, see her home and quite often talks about having a family with me. She comes across very soppy, always talking about her feeling towards me. Today we exchanged over 350 messages after her taking the night off from work because she "wanted to talk to me all night". She has also put on facebook she is in a relationship and a few times sent me screen shots of men messaging her and her replies telling them she is in a relationship and she is not interested.

This was my first time to Thailand and all the internet consists of is sob stories with western men and thai girls not working out and them getting conned one way or another so im not sure what to think.. She knows I think this and says she understands as a lot of thai girl use western men.

All the boxes seems to have been ticked and she seems genuine but can you trust a bar girl or help not think she has other intentions?

 

Thanks in advance! 

 

Johny

Edited December 28, 2017 by Johny90
Wrong wording

[grollies]

5555555, nice try mate.

[Johny90]

Thats a no then? Haha

[Pilotman]

Well here goes!   Yours is a classic story, heard and written about thousands of times over many many years.   It comes down to this, she is either giving you a story you want to hear, or stringing you along and you are not going to know which it is from miles away.  She may well be genuine, as this is how a lot of relationships do start.  She is not a youngster anymore, she has two kids to support and maybe, just maybe, you have found a connection that may work.  Despite what lots of people on this forum will tell you, nobody can give you advice on how to proceed.  Several things are for sure, no relationship  like this can survive  months of separation; this is going to cost you money, as for her to stop, you must support her. You may well pay for years and nothing ever comes of it.  Getting her out of LOS to your country is expensive, time consuming and may not be successful, even if you are married.  She already has a family, you are younger and don't, will that work for you?  Tough questions mate. I wish you luck. These relationships have worked for others, but not many an d after a lot of heartache and coming and going. 

[Peterw42]

Banks dont give bar girls loans to buy houses, you may want to look into who's name is on the mortgage.

 

OP, a lot of this comes down to your future plans, are you intending to move to Thailand, or looking for a Thai girl to come to your country. Otherwise, whether she can be trusted, genuine etc isn't really relevant. 

[Johny90]

21 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Well here goes!   Yours is a classic story, heard and written about thousands of times over many many years.   It comes down to this, she is either giving you a story you want to hear, or stringing you along and you are not going to know which it is from miles away.  She may well be genuine, as this is how a lot of relationships do start.  She is not a youngster anymore, she has two kids to support and maybe, just maybe, you have found a connection that may work.  Despite what lots of people on this forum will tell you, nobody can give you advice on how to proceed.  Several things are for sure, no relationship  like this can survive  months of separation; this is going to cost you money, as for her to stop, you must support her. You may well pay for years and nothing ever comes of it.  Getting her out of LOS to your country is expensive, time consuming and may not be successful, even if you are married.  She already has a family, you are younger and don't, will that work for you?  Tough questions mate. I wish you luck. These relationships have worked for others, but not many an d after a lot of heartache and coming and going. 

Thanks for your reply bud!

 

 I guess your right. Any kind of relationship from, near enough, opposite ends the world is doomed from the start. 

 

Like you said, im much younger than her so, Im not to sure how it can progress. For one I have no idea on how the country/ women works out there.

 

I dont mind some baggage, most women (even here in the UK) have some these days. 

 

Im already booked up to return in march so, if theres no red flags before then, I'll see what she has to say about her plans and intensions and go from there. 

 

Thats deffinatly brought some more points to mind though. Thanks again!

 

[Johny90]

7 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

Banks dont give bar girls loans to buy houses, you may want to look into who's name is on the mortgage.

 

OP, a lot of this comes down to your future plans, are you intending to move to Thailand, or looking for a Thai girl to come to your country. Otherwise, whether she can be trusted, genuine etc isn't really relevant. 

 

Thats interesting... I'll have to giver her an ask..what do banks require for a cash loan in Thailand?

 

Right now I have no idea on my future. Im 26 with a decent job working for an international company so the worlds my oyster, I guess. 

 

I can see a future with this girl - once (and if) the tust could ever come...

[xylophone]

7 minutes ago, Johny90 said:

I can see a future with this girl

Bear in mind what Peterw42 has said with regard to you future plans.............

 

You are 26 and can you find work in Thailand? If you can, will the salary be enough to support you and help build a successful and financially secure future for you/her/children? This esp as you can most likely be the "breadwinner" for her and her folks.

 

As for taking a Thai woman back home, well some have made it work, but many haven't as there are many pitfalls.......her children stay in the village and she misses them and her folks; you are out to work and she stays at home bored and lonely (though some girls find work) and friends for her are hard to find; climate change, and so on.

 

I would love to be proven wrong, but the odds are stacked against you I'm afraid.

 

 

[1happykamper]

Bear in mind what Peterw42 has said with regard to you future plans.............
 
You are 26 and can you find work in Thailand? If you can, will the salary be enough to support you and help build a successful and financially secure future for you/her/children? This esp as you can most likely be the "breadwinner" for her and her folks.
 
As for taking a Thai woman back home, well some have made it work, but many haven't as there are many pitfalls.......her children stay in the village and she misses them and her folks; you are out to work and she stays at home bored and lonely (though some girls find work) and friends for her are hard to find; climate change, and so on.
 
I would love to be proven wrong, but the odds are stacked against you I'm afraid.
 
 

"2 months ago, when in Pattaya, I met a girl at a Go-go bar." No no to read further. However I did read further... and my guess was correct. Next girl!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[steven100]

'  I met a girl at a Go-go bar '      then I stopped reading ....

 

marry her ....  what could possibly go wrong.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

I'm just posting here to subscribe

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, steven100 said:

'  I met a girl at a Go-go bar '      then I stopped reading ....

 

Me too .

Same guy as usual .

New profile, first post , similar story to all his previous ones

[aircooledflat4]

2 hours ago, Johny90 said:

she never offered to pay for anything...... or said thank you when I did

Instant dismissal right there

[Pilotman]

3 hours ago, Johny90 said:

Thanks for your reply bud!

 

 I guess your right. Any kind of relationship from, near enough, opposite ends the world is doomed from the start. 

 

Like you said, im much younger than her so, Im not to sure how it can progress. For one I have no idea on how the country/ women works out there.

 

I dont mind some baggage, most women (even here in the UK) have some these days. 

 

Im already booked up to return in march so, if theres no red flags before then, I'll see what she has to say about her plans and intensions and go from there. 

 

Thats deffinatly brought some more points to mind though. Thanks again!

 

see the replies you are getting?  Very helpful and empathetic some people.  Font of all knowledge eh.   

[sharktooth]

Run for your life and don’t look back...

[craftyhen]

sounds like love at first sight to me

 

though i'd like to see those 350 messages just to be sure..

[samsensam]

 

hopefully you're a troll, if not better strap yourself in as your in for quite a ride.

[Hutch68]

Back again?
Can't you try think of something more original next time?


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Hutch68]

<deleted>!


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Kwasaki]

13 hours ago, Johny90 said:

2 months ago, when in Pattaya, I met a girl at a Go-go bar.

Is it April the 1st already.

 

[Gracas]

15 hours ago, Johny90 said:

She has also put on facebook she is in a relationship

Well that is it then, a solid base for the future.

[Johny90]

Like I said, first time to Thailand so im asking for some advice and peoples past experiences on bar girls. I mean, isnt that what forums are for? Sarcastic expats who take the Mick out people behind a keyboard.. Great one!

 

Cheers to those who have left sound advice for me to consider.

[Kadilo]

You say all the boxes seem to be ticked, yet she doesn't offer to pay for anything or say thank you when you do. 

As you will be aware Pattaya is full of Go Go / Bar girls of all ages. She is probably at that age where most start to think about calling it a day so you need to decide whether you are ready to commit and support her financially if she returns home or you want to continue having fun in places like Pattaya. 

As you say you will read loads of stuff how Western guys get ripped off and this forum is no different. Lots of scarred people on here with many hard luck stories to tell and will tell you that all Bar Girls are the same. 

My advice would be to go visit her in March if you're still speaking by then and take it from there. What you got to lose.?

One  thing, and it is just a pet hate of mine, all this bullshit about Facebook and screenshotting conversations and her responses to blokes tells me she maybe a wrongun. Just a bit too much stage managed. Others may think differently. 

Best of luck. 

[473geo]

Well you are a young guy, thoughtful, don't mind treating your girl, and have generously dropped a little money on her.

So with this in mind, the advice offered to you in the previous post "What have you got to lose" would appear to apply to her also

Have fun - enjoy 

[Berkshire]

22 hours ago, Johny90 said:

 

Right now I have no idea on my future. Im 26 with a decent job working for an international company so the worlds my oyster, I guess.

....and the best you can do is a 32 yr old BG with kids?  Young women back home ain't doing it for you? 

 

The thing is, a BG who's been in the business a long time most likely has had her heart broken many times over.  By Thai and foreign blokes alike.  Over and over again.  Nevermind you trusting her, when will she trust you? 

[Rhys]

....dude enjoy and move on... you'll find it a better option...26...5555

[sharktooth]

Run Forest Run

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎12‎/‎28‎/‎2017 at 8:06 AM, Johny90 said:

She kicked off and the girl I fined stuck up for me and ended up getting sacked (as well as a few pool balls thrown her way).

I spent three days with her in total which brought me to the end of the holiday. She never asked me for payment but because of her getting sacked etc i paid her 4000bht. However, other than the odd beer at her bar, she never offered to pay for anything when we were out and about (taxi, food, drinks) or said thank you when I did. We seemed to have a lot of fun and a laugh and she also told me she likes me more than just a customer.

Hmmmmmm.

It's sometimes hard to know if posts like this are for real, or just some expat on a boring day seeing how many suckers take a troll post seriously.

However, a few points really sound warning bells for me.

 

I met a girl at a Go-go bar

Yet she never said how much she expected and was so happy with 4,000 that she wants you to meet her family hahahaha

 

"She kicked off and the girl I fined stuck up for me and ended up getting sacked (as well as a few pool balls thrown her way)."

You are claiming a bargirl that you never gave any money to supported YOU over the mama san, to which she owes her job, haha.

 

"She never asked me for payment"

To read your post it's like she works in a barbeer just so she can have a few free feeds and a bit of rumpty. Hahaha.

I guess she can save a bit of the food for a doggy bag to feed her children.

 

However, other than the odd beer at her bar, she never offered to pay for anything when we were out and about (taxi, food, drinks) or said thank you when I did.

Seriously, you think she works in a gogo so SHE can pay for taxis, which she would never use herself, and food in restaurants that she would never eat at herself, because she has children to support ( not men she's only known 2 days )?

However, the most significant "alert" is that apparently she bought you beers at her own bar, which is frankly UNBELIEVABLE.

 

she also told me she likes me more than just a customer.

Significant word "customer", yet you gave her sod all, lost her her job, and expected her to pay when you went out.

You apparently understand that you were a customer, but thought you didn't have to pay the bill.

 

 

I'm with Grollies when he said

5555555, nice try mate.

 

Either this thread is a try on, or that girl is playing the longest con ever played.

 

On the extremely unlikely chance that the OP is serious, and it actually happened, I suggest an extensive reading on the internet about bargirls and cons in Thailand, developing a strong sense of cynicism, and understanding that bargirls do their job to make money, not be a 3 days girlfriend for a few feeds and a taxi ride or two.

I also suggest never, never, never going to visit her family.

 

 

PS I told her I do not like the work she does

but, it's OK when you are the customer?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, Berkshire said:

....and the best you can do is a 32 yr old BG with kids?  Young women back home ain't doing it for you? 

 

 

That's a bit harsh. If I was 26 now and knew anything, I wouldn't bother with Young women back home if my life depended on it. My biggest regret is that I didn't know enough when I was 26 to stay away from them and wasted so much of my time trying.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, Johny90 said:

Like I said, first time to Thailand so im asking for some advice and peoples past experiences on bar girls. I mean, isnt that what forums are for? Sarcastic expats who take the Mick out people behind a keyboard.. Great one!

 

Cheers to those who have left sound advice for me to consider.

The best advice you have received is to "run Forrest run". You can choose to ignore it, but don't cry if it all turns to tears.

I had many bar girl girlfriends ( a lot longer than 3 days ), but if one was planning the wedding ( asking you to visit the family is code for I want to marry you ) after 3 days, she wouldn't be seeing me again. 

BTW, many bargirls have several "boyfriends" sending them money from overseas and spend their time away from the bar messaging and skyping them all. Their problem is making sure they don't all turn up at the same time.

 

Famous bargirl lie- "send me money so I don't have to go with man".