NE live in village monthly

[DJ54]

Those of you that live in the NE appreciate your input. I live in village 1 hour from Udon 1 hour to Khon Kaen. 

Me/Wife/ her Mama and Papa live in our house. Pay older sister monthly to take care of cows. Pay middle sister

to clean house. Have been giving Mama and Papa I give 5,000 baht a nmonth. I buy most groceries pay electric etc. 

House is paid for and we built small house for the older sister. 

 

My question is the 5,000 a month fair and comparable to what other pay?  Reason being I was asked to give 10,000 and questioned why? 

 

Thanks

[cooked]

Without knowing all the details I should say that ฿5000.- a month is really enough. What were they living off before you turned up? 

[Rc2702]

Assuming your mrs parents are 60+?

 

Each should get 600 baht a month for being over 60.

 

So you pay them 5000 baht a month to live with you? House built on their land?

 

What expenditure do they have if you pay for most essentials?

 

 

 

 

[Rc2702]

Can you not reach a compromise and split the difference? 7500

[Lamkyong]

so you actuall pay to live in crowded conditions ??

[Huckenfell]

10 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Assuming your mrs parents are 60+?

 

Each should get 600 baht a month for being over 60.

 

So you pay them 5000 baht a month to live with you? House built on their land?

 

What expenditure do they have if you pay for most essentials?

 

 

 

 

Certainly no rent or electricity !

[gerry1953]

Fair questions but there is not enough information to give specific advice.

- Did you build a new house to accommodate the family and did you pay for the land?

- Are the parents receiving the government pension.

- Are they helpful, decent people with no vices (alcohol, drugs or gambling) and respectful.

- Is your wife working to help her family?  You are paying her 2 sisters to do house and yard work plus you built a small house for one sister.

 

Paying the parents even 5,000 baht a month (166 baht a day) plus feeding them, paying utilities, taking care of 3 sisters and providing housing seems very generous to me.  Many older couples in rural areas of Issan don't make that when working.

 

Did you pay sinsot (and or gold equivalent) when you married her?

 

For me it would all come down to are they all nice people you trust and wouldn't take advantage of your kindness.  I have known some Thai's who seem to feel being generous and kind is almost a weakness - not all.

 

Do you have a good financial situation, maybe you are financially secure and it is easy to support everyone?  If you were just getting by on a pension it may put hardships on you?

 

Good luck.

 

Edited May 16, 2018 by gerry1953

[Odysseus123]

Jesus,Mary and Joseph..the usual.

 

....and yes,I lived in the NE.

 

Try..as much money as they think (fantasy) that your bank account will bear.

[Huckenfell]

13 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Jesus,Mary and Joseph..the usual.

 

....and yes,I lived in the NE.

 

Try..as much money as they think (fantasy) that your bank account will bear.

Asking for 10000 bht after what they are getting, would 'turn my radar on '

[DJ54]

Fair questions but there is not enough information to give specific advice.

- Did you build a new house to accommodate the family and did you pay for the land? Yes built new and bought land. Wasn’t expecting family to come along. 

- Are the parents receiving the government pension. No he’s 57 and she 55

- Are they helpful, decent people with no vices (alcohol, drugs or gambling) and respectful. Mama and Papa seem to be ok. 

- Is your wife working to help her family?  No would probably spend more on fuel than what she’d make due to lack of education. You are paying her 2 sisters to do house and yard work plus you built a small house for one sister.  The small house Is on land where the barn (shelter) cows are kept at night. The money paid to take care of cows would have to be paid to someone. So a trade off.

 

Did you pay sinsot (and or gold equivalent) when you married her? Yes but the amount was reduced per my agreement if problems with wife within a year. 

 

Do you have a good financial situation, maybe you are financially secure and it is easy to support everyone?  If you were just getting by on a pension it may put hardships on you? I’ll be 64 next year and I can hear Retirement knocking on the door. 

 

They also have a brother who works in BKK and sends 3,000 a month

 but that’s for oldest sister to take care of his two children 6 and 11. 

 

I wanted to get an idea what others are doing to be fair. The Mama and Papa fish and work farm and sell at the small market. 

 

My my concern is if and when the wanting of more will stop. 

 

I think i will keep it at 5000 and if Mama Papa need something I will buy it. This would keep all of the. From thinking there’s a money tree. 

 

Thanks to all for input. 

[billd766]

That is very fair and reasonable.

 

I think you are doing a good job in helping to support your Thai wife's family.

 

My MIL lived with us for about 5 years untill she died, in a small house we built with this in mind. 

 

We never gave her any money but if she wanted anything we bought it for her.

 

We used to take her down to see the rest of the family in BKK 2 or 3 times a year and we never expecte her to do anything in return other than be a Mum and a Grandmum.

[Rc2702]

It's a nice gesture to support a family but the parents are not even 60 and both work. Some market sellers make decent money but maybe that's not the case here. 

 

Just happy to hear the BIL contributes.

 

The sisters and wife, can you not try to make something sustainable for them to make their own cash?

 

5k a month could be saved for a few months and make a fund for a food cart business or something.  

 

It's odd that you have not requested info as to why they need more cash. I'd hate to think people have been comparing the farang and having loose lips about your generousity. 

 

64 with retirement on the horizon I'd be concerned about this the same as you.

 

 

[starky]

Your getting bent over I wouldn't give em another cent. I live in Udon the BIL looks after the cows (about 1 hour morning and arvo) gets nothing does it to help the family. Mama and Papa might get a couple thousand on Mothers day and Fathers day and maybe Songkran and that's it. The whole family is proper Isaan so it costs them nothing to eat but I'll buy groceries and that occasionally amd we all eat out on special occasions. I don't know why if you are already supporting your not working uneducated wife why her parents need to be on a salary as well. 

[Rc2702]

10 minutes ago, starky said:

Your getting bent over I wouldn't give em another cent. I live in Udon the BIL looks after the cows (about 1 hour morning and arvo) gets nothing does it to help the family. Mama and Papa might get a couple thousand on Mothers day and Fathers day and maybe Songkran and that's it. The whole family is proper Isaan so it costs them nothing to eat but I'll buy groceries and that occasionally amd we all eat out on special occasions. I don't know why if you are already supporting your not working uneducated wife why her parents need to be on a salary as well. 

Harsh but very true. 

But imagine the problems if he pulled back on this.

 

 

[DJ54]

38 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

It's a nice gesture to support a family but the parents are not even 60 and both work. Some market sellers make decent money but maybe that's not the case here. 

 

Just happy to hear the BIL contributes.

 

The sisters and wife, can you not try to make something sustainable for them to make their own cash?

 

5k a month could be saved for a few months and make a fund for a food cart business or something.  

 

It's odd that you have not requested info as to why they need more cash. I'd hate to think people have been comparing the farang and having loose lips about your generousity. 

 

64 with retirement on the horizon I'd be concerned about this the same as you.

 

 

 

My try at getting them to make own money and run business. 

 

Had a building built on front of lot near road with open cooking area, another room with large glass frig for cold drinks beer snacks etc. One side open with rollup door when closed and a enclosed room for storage resting etc. Wife’s an excellent cook and started a soup. I funded the stock for start up. Business was ok made 500-800 baht a day after paying Mama for help. Basically to keep wife “an idle mind is the devils playground “ from happening. went on week trip to US came back everything in the big commercial type store refrigerator gone. Snacks gone. The famil used it as “The Free Stroe”. It didn’t happen when I was around as I made everybody pay. Even myself. 

 

Round two:  3 months later. Middle sister and wife do the work and split profits. I funded the start up for goods again. Went good for 2-3 months 

then middle sister and boyfriend took the bank without splitting with wife which was 12,000 and took off. 

 

Round 3: wife trying to do good wants to start it again. We did lasted two weeks. 

 

Knocked out out the wall on the enclosed room. 1 section for moto , the other park the two cars. Nice garage! 

 

The latest I was asked to fund a massgage shop in BKK so when I die or gone the wife would have work. 

 

They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.... I finally said “No”. 

[DJ54]

The Papa and Mama seem to be ok. Even though they can’t speak English Mama doesn’t ask me for money. Maybe she does through the wife. But then I question it.  

 

Now Papa he will hold his back meaning it hurts need go to village doctor  and says song lo  baht (200 baht).  Usually always on Friday. 

 

I caught on quick Saturday it’s when the guys are watching boxing at shop across the street. I’m told he was pretty good Muay Thai boxer

when he was younger (professional or semi). 

 

Sometimes if I’m in a good mood and he doesn’t ask I’ll give him 200 maybe once a month. If he asks I give him a chore to do like mow the yard (gas mower). 

 

He tried switching up on me and held stomach it hurt. So I go in the room get stomach medicine. He hasn’t tried that again. 

 

All in all the Mama (kinda) Papa and Older sister and Brother are ok. 

 

Anyway thanks to all and enjoy the week! By the way I really like it here except for the rugs on the wallet. 

[gerry1953]

Hi DJ54 - after reading your last 2 replies I think you are joking or being shook down (robbed) by the family.

- You say your mother in law who is 9 years younger than you is asking your wife to give money even though she is working and receiving the 5K baht a month subsidy from you plus free housing, utilities and food.  Plus you paid a sinsot (dowry).

- Your father in law who you say is still working and is 7 years younger than you develops Friday heath issues which requires a 200 baht medical fee on an apparent regular basis.  Then you pay him extra to do yard chores after supporting him?  Maybe he wasn't a former Mai Thai fighter but a dairy farmer as he seems very proficient at milking things?

- Your sister in law buggered off with money from a business you financed?  The other business ventures did great didn't they?

 

It certainly sounds like you have their respect and admiration.  Possibly you could delay your retirement until you are 80 and continue to support the whole clan and their children?  Obviously you didn't pay the parents enough sinsot for them to live out their days in style.

 

And yes you should fund the proposed massage shop immediately in Bangkok so she doesn't get stressed out after you pass away.  It seems very sensible to me! 

 

 

Edited May 16, 2018 by gerry1953

[Martyjustice]

Just tell them all the $$ are gone. Everyone left around the next month are worth keeping. If you are alone then run away, quickly.
Their only job is you.


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[tweedledee2]

  After my wife and I married, we lived with her parents for the first year. I had none the issues you are having. I paid for our share of food and monthly expenses which cost me half of what you are giving your in-laws. My wife's parents have never asked for money over the 4 years we have been married. We now have a home with 3 rice fields and when I have to go back to the US the MIL comes to stay. She doesn't freeload but cleans, cooks, does laundry and yard work. The FIL comes and prepares the fields and sows the seed, then returns during harvest time. I do give them money for their help, but leave it to my wife to set the amount. They also share the harvest. I have never felt disrespected by my wife's family as you are.  I question why you are even giving them any monthly money when they are already getting free room and board. For 5000 baht a month they could afford to live somewhere else. They now want more and the price will continue to go up in the future. If you refuse what can they do. If your wife doesn't support your decision then you know how much she actually loves you. The only way I would give them more is if they move out. 

[starky]

18 hours ago, DJ54 said:

 

My try at getting them to make own money and run business. 

 

Had a building built on front of lot near road with open cooking area, another room with large glass frig for cold drinks beer snacks etc. One side open with rollup door when closed and a enclosed room for storage resting etc. Wife’s an excellent cook and started a soup. I funded the stock for start up. Business was ok made 500-800 baht a day after paying Mama for help. Basically to keep wife “an idle mind is the devils playground “ from happening. went on week trip to US came back everything in the big commercial type store refrigerator gone. Snacks gone. The famil used it as “The Free Stroe”. It didn’t happen when I was around as I made everybody pay. Even myself. 

 

Round two:  3 months later. Middle sister and wife do the work and split profits. I funded the start up for goods again. Went good for 2-3 months 

then middle sister and boyfriend took the bank without splitting with wife which was 12,000 and took off. 

 

Round 3: wife trying to do good wants to start it again. We did lasted two weeks. 

 

Knocked out out the wall on the enclosed room. 1 section for moto , the other park the two cars. Nice garage! 

 

The latest I was asked to fund a massgage shop in BKK so when I die or gone the wife would have work. 

 

They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.... I finally said “No”. 

None of them really know how to run a business as I am sure you found out thought they seem to have an endless amount of business opportunities lol

[starky]

18 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Harsh but very true. 

But imagine the problems if he pulled back on this.

 

 

The people of Isaan were poor waaaay before we got there and at 64 they will still be poor waaaay after he is gone. Hard to do but if you jag the right family none of this applies. The people are totally self sufficient and subsistence farmers and the good ones are way too proud to ask falangs for a handout. Having said that my in laws got a reasonable house want for nothing and if they were ever really in trouble I wouldnt hesitate to help them out. Much like in laws anywhere else in the world. Unfortunately it is foreigners like the OP that perpetuate this myth that we are bottomless pits of money, and as you correctly stated once you start how do you pull back? And if you can give 5 then why not 10 then why not 15 ...you kee niow falang! 

[starky]

11 hours ago, Martyjustice said:

Just tell them all the $$ are gone. Everyone left around the next month are worth keeping. If you are alone then run away, quickly.
Their only job is you.


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The only one left around will be the OP if he tries that one on

 

[Martyjustice]

And that would be bad, how??


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[Patriot]

Can I agree with other posters and yourself in “not” increasing the monthly stipend, just purchase extra items as and when necessary. Any I increase and you’ll still be expected to pay up!

i don’t give my MIL anything mainly because there are 8 other offspring of hers that can get their hands in their pockets but certainly will help out occasionally as a good will gesture. The FIL is a complete waste of time. We built a good house for him which didn’t last too long as I had him kicked out for “inappropriate behaviour”, which is great as we have the house back now?? This had the full understanding of the family as he’s always been a vile creature - I wasn’t aware before building; thankfully!

[Patriot]

Forgot; business purchasing or creating will probably be s waste of time and money as, in due course, interest will be lost, assets stripped, and land or property sold. A Massage Shop in Bangkok ...... I’m lovin’ it ?

[zoza]

19 hours ago, tweedledee2 said:

  After my wife and I married, we lived with her parents for the first year. I had none the issues you are having. I paid for our share of food and monthly expenses which cost me half of what you are giving your in-laws. My wife's parents have never asked for money over the 4 years we have been married. We now have a home with 3 rice fields and when I have to go back to the US the MIL comes to stay. She doesn't freeload but cleans, cooks, does laundry and yard work. The FIL comes and prepares the fields and sows the seed, then returns during harvest time. I do give them money for their help, but leave it to my wife to set the amount. They also share the harvest. I have never felt disrespected by my wife's family as you are.  I question why you are even giving them any monthly money when they are already getting free room and board. For 5000 baht a month they could afford to live somewhere else. They now want more and the price will continue to go up in the future. If you refuse what can they do. If your wife doesn't support your decision then you know how much she actually loves you. The only way I would give them more is if they move out. 

we do not have anything re   '' our home'' ''with three rice fields'' your wife and her family own  that.

you cannot own land or property (condo's apart) in Thailand. and if you got the property how long do  you think you would last if they wanted you out?

you will never be disrespected by the family as they share in the harvest from the three rice fields. and they know it will stay in the family (it is like money in their bank to them)

the fact that you give them money but your wife decides how much? sounds  the same as my wife tells me how much money to give them.

I have access to a house and rice fields outside Udon Thani, I paid for most of it, I own nothing.

does my wife love me ? never sure but maybe?. people and glasshouses is a funny saying innit

we are mostly all in the same boat in Thailand it just that some people see their boat as a different boat.

[Rally123]

On 5/15/2018 at 10:21 PM, DJ54 said:

Those of you that live in the NE appreciate your input. I live in village 1 hour from Udon 1 hour to Khon Kaen. 

Me/Wife/ her Mama and Papa live in our house. Pay older sister monthly to take care of cows. Pay middle sister

to clean house. Have been giving Mama and Papa I give 5,000 baht a nmonth. I buy most groceries pay electric etc. 

House is paid for and we built small house for the older sister. 

 

My question is the 5,000 a month fair and comparable to what other pay?  Reason being I was asked to give 10,000 and questioned why? 

 

Thanks

One word, 'WALK'.

Edited May 18, 2018 by Rally123

[Hummin]

13 minutes ago, Rally123 said:

One word, 'WALK'.

To late he invested to much already. Emotions and money. 

 

How much do you pay sisters to take care of house and cows? 

 

My parents in "law" they need 3 000,- baht a month to eat from home delivery trucks. Everything served them on the doorstep. They have chickens, small vegetable garden and fruit, and sell also on marked. We do not give them nothing except some few thousends on new year, and so on. I have bought them cheap pohone and one washing machine, and a motorbike we use when we are home. Most of the time that motorbike is placed in the dining room next to the tv, and father in "law" ride it once and awhile just to keep battery loaded and of course to show of. Decent hard working people never ask for nothing. They also take care two foster childs from family. We pay also internet home so we keep contact, and have internet for our selves when home to. 

 

It seems a bit greedy if you ask me. It dependes how much they used to have before their daughter meet you, and maybe expectations have raised if you show off to much? 

 

I asked my gf to stopp posting show off pics on fb when we got together, and never post pics of cars, bikes, or trips we make, and I think that is wise to do. 

 

I have no advise to give you, but I think you already doing to much! 

[billd766]

3 hours ago, Rally123 said:

One word, 'WALK'.

 

One different word.

 

"STAY".

[BEVUP]

Wasn't expecting family to come along !

 

That's where it all went wrong - where were they before, in some shack working on a farm

Some people have had the parents come along (when older then these 2 )

Certainly not Free Loading sisters

 

Why on earth are you paying those freeloaders?  What does your wife do all day (watch them )

You pay for everything & give them a place to stay (isn't that enough ), if they want extra let them earn it 

These pair are taking the piss - do you think a thai family would pay their live in relatives to do chores

 

Your about to retire ! You had better get a grip on things

BIL sends 3000 a mth for 2 kids - That wouldn't cut it, who is paying the rest or is that just a minders fee

 

5000 is ample my wife gives elderly mother (unable to work ) 2000 p/mth

 

10,000 ? You have been had from the start.

Some people have actually got to fully support themselves in rented accommodation on that

 

Am I correct to say that are you Aussie 

That would be just over $400 AUD a mth alone - You must have a good super (most Aussies don't )