Relationship dynamics w/Thai wife questions

[NanLaew]

8 minutes ago, phetpeter said:

 Na! They all make money by the adverts, when we click on them or the page comes up. Plus we must save the world, reduce paper use to protect the trees  ? plus I only want to borrow , when read ...give it back  555! ('I didn't get where I am today, by, spending my own money" ?

I can relate with your thrift.

 

FWIW, you won't get to any great relational nirvana by reading Thailand Fever either.

[NanLaew]

5 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Thais are just, basically, uneducated and kept dumb by their system that does not want 'thinkers'. It's beyond me why anyone would want to marry one I must say, well i do get it, I suppose, 20 years younger and free sex everyday but I prefer change and no dramas from am emotional 12 year old.

Thailand's much vaunted sufficiency economy isn't just about growing enough rice to be happy you know?

 

I take it you have a dog or two?

[SpeakeasyThai]

Consider it a feather in your cap she actually apologises.

Try sitting down one night and having a chat on world events. Korea, Trump, the middle East crises and you will discover you might as well have married a frog.

[worgeordie]

Its 30 years for me, just do as your told,or let them think that,

and it will be OK, it's not easy understanding women,especially

Thai ones,get a good one  and they will stand by you.life is not

easy,neither is marriage,you have to work at both.

regards worgeordie

[phetpeter]

1 minute ago, BobBKK said:

If you can't have a serious conversation with your 'wife' then I suggest she is no real wife at all in the sense that you are not close, don't have mutual understanding and respect etc. I agree Thais are VERY insular and most don't know who Nelson Mandela was and who Ghandi was but might know who Trump is as it's a short word and he's ubiquitous. Thais are just, basically, uneducated and kept dumb by their system that does not want 'thinkers'. It's beyond me why anyone would want to marry one I must say, well i do get it, I suppose, 20 years younger and free sex everyday but I prefer change and no dramas from am emotional 12 year old.

We are social animals, But, a wife is your guardian in the animal kingdom, she is the one who is there, to protect you, feed and care for you against problems. She may not have the knowledge of the western ideals, she will never be the one to sit down and understand your feelings completely. But as you get older she will (hopefully) be the one who will care. We all love the 'fun' of the younger model who makes US feel in power and young again. But, she ain't the one who will make certain you only go out with clean underwear, an iron shirt. and in alot of cases a cold one in the fridge. She won't there when illness strikes, hospital beckons! and make sure you are happy when you take that final breath, (knowingly or otherwise! ?)

[BobBKK]

Just now, phetpeter said:

We are social animals, But, a wife is your guardian in the animal kingdom, she is the one who is there, to protect you, feed and care for you against problems. She may not have the knowledge of the western ideals, she will never be the one to sit down and understand your feelings completely. But as you get older she will (hopefully) be the one who will care. We all love the 'fun' of the younger model who makes US feel in power and young again. But, she ain't the one who will make certain you only go out with clean underwear, an iron shirt. and in alot of cases a cold one in the fridge. She won't there when illness strikes, hospital beckons! and make sure you are happy when you take that final breath, (knowingly or otherwise! ?)

Well there is truth in there and I wish you only happiness. Personally what I have to give up to get this 'insurance' is not worth the price. But I do understand what you are saying and respect your point of view but often in doesn't turn out that way.

[NanLaew]

7 minutes ago, SpeakeasyThai said:

Try sitting down one night and having a chat on world events. Korea, Trump, the middle East crises and you will discover you might as well have married a frog. ...

You mean bar stool talk?

 

Doesn't even work in the pub so why on earth would he want to waste his wife's time?

[BobBKK]

4 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Thailand's much vaunted sufficiency economy isn't just about growing enough rice to be happy you know?

 

I take it you have a dog or two?

Yes I do understand that but personally I like living alone and see 'friends' occasionally and rely on a very good (platonic) Thai friend  for the 'insurance' gig. But none of us really know for 100% but I wish you all well.

[NanLaew]

3 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Well there is truth in there and I wish you only happiness. Personally what I have to give up to get this 'insurance' is not worth the price. But I do understand what you are saying and respect your point of view but often in doesn't turn out that way.

Yes, there's a certain deep comfort in knowing that my wife already knows exactly what size of incontinence pants I will eventually need.

 

Waiting to see if any members have a dog have that ability.

[BobBKK]

Just now, NanLaew said:

You mean bar stool talk?

 

Doesn't even work in the pub so why on earth would he want to waste his wife's time?

That's not really fair. When I was married in UK we used to discuss everything and anything. That's true partnership and discussing world affairs, religion and all that jazz is healthy and builds a stable relationship. Thais are, more or less, incapable of that.

[NanLaew]

4 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

That's not really fair. When I was married in UK we used to discuss everything and anything. That's true partnership and discussing world affairs, religion and all that jazz is healthy and builds a stable relationship. Thais are, more or less, incapable of that.

For the most part, farangs married to Thai's are linguistically challenged so can't even talk about the price of fish... even if they wanted to.

[phetpeter]

6 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

That's not really fair. When I was married in UK we used to discuss everything and anything. That's true partnership and discussing world affairs, religion and all that jazz is healthy and builds a stable relationship. Thais are, more or less, incapable of that.

Bar! death breaking up the UK relationship, One must assume that in the UK the true partnership and discussing didn't work also??

[transam]

3 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

For the most part, farangs married to Thai's are linguistically challenged so can't even talk about the price of fish... even if they wanted to.

But some, me, can.....

[transam]

Just now, phetpeter said:

Bar! death breaking up the UK relationship, One must assume that in the UK the true partnership and discussing didn't work also??

Well, some of us tried everything to no avail....

[phetpeter]

1 minute ago, transam said:

3 minutes ago, phetpeter said:

Bar! death breaking up the UK relationship, One must assume that in the UK the true partnership and discussing didn't work also??

Well, some of us tried everything to no avail....

Me too! 3 times! gave them a child, problem was having them learn to drive and buying them a car, The giving of more freedom was a bad mistake! Still good friends all 3 came to my wedding of with Thai wife and they are all friends still! 

[NanLaew]

6 minutes ago, transam said:

Well, some of us tried everything to no avail....

As I said earlier...

 

52 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Wimmin... can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

 

Can't kill 'em either.

 

 

[NanLaew]

10 minutes ago, transam said:

But some, me, can.....

Do you sing (badly) in Thai as well?

[transam]

2 minutes ago, phetpeter said:

Me too! 3 times! gave them a child, problem was having them learn to drive and buying them a car, The giving of more freedom was a bad mistake! Still good friends all 3 came to my wedding of with Thai wife and they are all friends still! 

Not in my case, the third one was even threatened with imprisonment by a Judge....

[transam]

2 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Do you sing (badly) in Thai as well?

Only one song....?

[Peterw42]

45 minutes ago, SpeakeasyThai said:

Consider it a feather in your cap she actually apologises.

Try sitting down one night and having a chat on world events. Korea, Trump, the middle East crises and you will discover you might as well have married a frog.

I think it comes down to what you consider a world event, I was talking to my wife recently about major world events that have happend in our lives, 911, berlin wall, etc. Wife listed Cyclone Nargis (I had no idea what she was talking about, had to google it) which happend in Burma in 2008, 130,000 people died. For her that was a major world event, in the country next door, friends and neighbours knew people that died.

I knew nothing about the major world event in her life and have to admit to feeling like the frog you mention.

 

[Andyfez]

The way you are writing this immediately gives me the impression you are trying to justify your point of view.

The way you describe 'childlike' also gives me the impression that you think you are the adult here, and she is not.

With parents etc who lived together till they died is admirable. But by having g such puts YOU in the minority.

Sounds to me like you are a strong-willed person, and font have the flexibility of your wife.

Having kids so early in a relationship, and with you both still so young is a very optimistic thing to do 

Good luck.

[totally thaied up]

 

How do I deal with it?

You will not understand them. They have a very different culture. The watching of the Soap Dramas on TV I hate; belief in hitting, yelling and drama is normal in an argument. The silent treatment. What you see on TV is what you get. Mostly to me, they are childlike in this sense and if you confront, you're just going to be walking into a minefield. 

For all our home and money issues, I just control. My word goes in this regard. She expects this. That is my wifes belief; in that, I need to control. She likes this fact. I would walk away from any Thai relationship now of if it was not like that.

 

I met my fair share of girls that thought they could hoodwink me in thinking they would wear the shoes in this regard. Once they have control, your f$$$ed.

 

Next, for your demise, it will be control of the money and you then will have lost your balls in it all. Game over;  they can see they control you then and respect is gone. My wife says to me, 'Act like a husband, you get a wife.'

For business issues; she is in control of that as she runs her business very well. Still, I have control of the purse strings and vet the finalization of most deals. I have never had to intervene on this issue yet.

 

Somethings you need to trust. 

For family issues, her Father's words are listened to, but if it affects me in any way, she will discuss the issue to me, and I have the final word on how it affects us. She understands that her father is just an uneducated townsman that can barely count past ten and needs our help in improving his life. Her Mother holds no power in the household. She just cooks in the bakery and looks after Father.

 

End of story there.

I will always listen to any of her concerns and take action to fix. Confrontation of a Thai girl outright is a very bad idea.

 

Confrontation never works as it will always end up in tears and most likely saying sorry the next day but the problem that underlies it all is still there. 

[BobBKK]

22 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

For the most part, farangs married to Thai's are linguistically challenged so can't even talk about the price of fish... even if they wanted to.

I rest my case...

[MaeJoMTB]

6 minutes ago, totally thaied up said:

 The silent treatment.

I wish ....... I have to wear headphones to shut her up.

[TKDfella]

As far as the arguments go, my Thai marriage was similar, except the 'I want a divorce' part was replaced by 'why did you come into my life.' And the next day, all fine. But then the same, small easily avoidable problem would reoccur over and over and my efforts to persuade her to move on and learn from it, fell on deaf ears. Great shame because one her family exploited this and the marriage ended after 18 years.

[petermik]

On 5/28/2018 at 6:25 AM, petermik said:

 

Try and sit her down and explain to her your interpretation of what living together harmoniously means and listen to her side....if she won,t do this....or her ideas are way out of sync with yours I would be looking for a strategic withdrawal.

You are too young to start out on a life of misery,life,s too short......good luck anyhow

 

 

On 5/28/2018 at 6:30 AM, MaeJoMTB said:

You really have no idea about Thais or Thai women!

Thais don't want to know your interpenetration on anything, you are a foreigner, if you don't like that, go home.

I can just picture the hysterics, drama and possible violence from 'sitting her down and explaining'.

 

My thai GF has been with me for over 5 years,the previous 20 odd years she spent working front desk customer service in high end international Bangkok hotels and therefore understands many of the cultural differences between the western and asian world,many things we agree on very few that we don,t but we are able to sit down and rationally discuss ANY issues,I fully understand MaeJoMTB the problems some guys here do have with their ladies,as do some of my friends....I can only relate to my own personal circumstances......

Choosing wisely and taking your time to get to know someone properly goes a long way to avoid major issues further down the line....have I been lucky? absolutely.....and so is she

 

 

[BobBKK]

Just now, TKDfella said:

As far as the arguments go, my Thai marriage was similar, except the 'I want a divorce' part was replaced by 'why did you come into my life.' And the next day, all fine. But then the same, small easily avoidable problem would reoccur over and over and my efforts to persuade her to move on and learn from it, fell on deaf ears. Great shame because one her family exploited this and the marriage ended after 18 years.

Sad for you but you are one of countless. We are not Thai and there is a cultural chasm. Rent don't buy would be my advice (cynical I know).

[BobBKK]

9 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

I think it comes down to what you consider a world event, I was talking to my wife recently about major world events that have happend in our lives, 911, berlin wall, etc. Wife listed Cyclone Nargis (I had no idea what she was talking about, had to google it) which happend in Burma in 2008, 130,000 people died. For her that was a major world event, in the country next door, friends and neighbours knew people that died.

 

The point is a SEA cyclone is 'local' and Berlin wall, 911 were WORLD events. My English teacher did not know who Nelson Mandala was and the 20 year old son of a friend asked me the other day who my favourite 'superhero' was. Gob nai kala.

[MaeJoMTB]

5 minutes ago, petermik said:

20 odd years she spent working front desk customer service in high end international Bangkok hotels

How do you know?

I'm thinking you only know what she tells you about her past.

And if she was a great catch, why was she still single at age 40+.

No many perfect, loving and beautiful women reach age 40 as single virgins.

Husband dead? That's the only legit excuse, and I've know many ladies lie about that (stops foreigner asking questions about her past).

 

I mean, it's great you're happy with her, and all that.

I just think too mutt.

[SpeakeasyThai]

53 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

You mean bar stool talk?

 

Doesn't even work in the pub so why on earth would he want to waste his wife's time?

I don't spend my time in smelly bars discussing current affairs with washed up drunk ex pats. I'll take your word on it though as you appear to have experience and the knowledge regarding 'bar stool talk'.