Is your Thai companion averse to questions?

[Brunolem]

My Thai wife hates questions!

She hates answering questions as well as asking them.

 

Let's start with answering questions.

There are a few options regarding how she might react, none of them good I am afraid.

 

The most common is to answer the question with another question.

Q: are you going to visit your friend later today?

A: why?

 

Yet, if she doesn't like the question, for whatever unknown reason, the answer is more brutal.

Q: are you going to visit your friend later today?

A: why do you ask? this is not your business!

 

In another option, she makes up the answer though not to have to search for it.

Q: are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: yes!

Yet in fact they are not going...

 

She also does that when I ask her to translate a question of mine to a third party.

Q: ask the monk if he would like to visit our house.

A: yes he would!

Q: but you didn't ask him! ask please.

A: he says he doesn't have the time

 

Let's now move to asking questions.

 

With friends and relatives there are never any questions asked, other than related to money, that is.

After spending a good half hour talking on the phone, I come with my stupid practical questions.

Q: so your sister is on the road to visit us, will she stay for dinner, overnight...(or any other issue you might think about)?

A: I didn't ask (the answer is always this one)

 

Now, out in the wild world, I sometime have to force her to ask a question to a stranger.

It feels like she'd rather eat a bar of soap.

For example, I am driving in some city, looking for a place where I have never been before.

Q: let me stop and you go ask directions to this guy

A: why don't you turn around a little bit, I am sure we are close.

After finally gathering the strength to go ask someone, it turns out that we were on the wrong side of the city.

 

One last point.

Being a simple and practical guy, I try to generally formulate my questions so that they can be answered with a few words, or even a simple yes or no.

Well, once my question is delt with between my wife and other Thais, it often takes a good ten minutes of talking to get an answer.

 

Is your personal experience similar to mine, or is my wife a special case (lucky me!)?

[faraday]

All your wife's fault, eh?

 

Perhaps you aren't asking the questions, in a way that she understands & without being confrontational?

[starky]

Why you tink too mutt? Mai kit mak

[Orton Rd]

Usual responses:

 

why you want to know

up to me

silence

[Dmaxdan]

Sometimes my wife doesn't completely understand the question, but rather than admit that she decides to gamble on an answer,  which can leave me scratching my head in a state of confusion. So she sees me looking bewildered and then says "what was the question again".  I believe it is another case of loss of face, the fear that perhaps her English isn't quite as good as she thought.

 

 

[simoh1490]

Typically, my wife will always answer questions I put to her, a common problem however is that she often answers a different question to the one she was asked! The problem is selective listening, understanding maybe every third word and from that she derives a question which she can answer and very often she's correct, it's the listening equivalent of speed reading!!! When I tell her that wasn't my question she listens more intently and usually gets it right and then answers so I suppose it's a laziness/English proficiency/attention span thingy.

[Brunolem]

8 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

Sometimes my wife doesn't completely understand the question, but rather than admit that she decides to gamble on an answer,  which can leave me scratching my head in a state of confusion. So she sees me looking bewildered and then says "what was the question again".  I believe it is another case of loss of face, the fear that perhaps her English isn't quite as good as she thought.

 

 

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

[colinneil]

15 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

Sometimes my wife doesn't completely understand the question, but rather than admit that she decides to gamble on an answer,  which can leave me scratching my head in a state of confusion. So she sees me looking bewildered and then says "what was the question again".  I believe it is another case of loss of face, the fear that perhaps her English isn't quite as good as she thought.

 

 

Spot on mate, when i say things to my wife and she answers with something totally different, i say something about it  and i get English not my language.

[simoh1490]

1 minute ago, Brunolem said:

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

You fail to understand that your wife is clairvoyant and also can determine in advance your need to know the answer to any question, please adjust your attitude accordingly.

[bert bloggs]

My wife always answers questiones ,we talk normally ,why shouldnt she ? to be honest she is no different from a British wife ,(ive had a couple) perhaps its because she is well educated or the fact we lived in the UK for a long time ,who can say .

[colinneil]

2 minutes ago, bert bloggs said:

My wife always answers questiones ,we talk normally ,why shouldnt she ? to be honest she is no different from a British wife ,(ive had a couple) perhaps its because she is well educated or the fact we lived in the UK for a long time ,who can say .

Your wife always answers questions, ok but you didnt say that she answers them correctly.

[bert bloggs]

11 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Your wife always answers questions, ok but you didnt say that she answers them correctly.

? i assume she does ,mind you we do most things together , that is except when she is on a run ,then ime out

[colinneil]

My wife always answers my questions but sometimes the answers are bloody ridiculous.

Recently i asked what time will you be home, answer, we have pla duk for dinner. Ehh !

 

[norrska]

55 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

My Thai wife hates questions!

She hates answering questions as well as asking them

Some people don't like gestapo style interrogations....what is next, "ver are your paperz"?

[JLCrab]

 "Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies" -- attributed to Irish playwright Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774).
 

[Brunolem]

48 minutes ago, faraday said:

All your wife's fault, eh?

 

Perhaps you aren't asking the questions, in a way that she understands & without being confrontational?

There are not so many different ways to ask a five word question...

I can also ask the same question in Thai, yet the answer remains the same.

 

As for being confrontational, we are not talking about an interrogation here, but about simple daily life questions...

[Brunolem]

3 minutes ago, norrska said:

Some people don't like gestapo style interrogations....what is next, "ver are your paperz"?

Perhaps you should take some medication, because your post actually sounds as if it was written by the gestapo!

Just sayin'...

 

[Damrongsak]

To hell with all you lucky guys who can get a question in edgewise.  I have to jump up and down and wave my arms to get any air time.

[Swiss1960]

19 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

From your initial post and this your answer, it sounds to me like your wife does not really care about you and what you want to do or know... it sounds very much like a "leave me alone" attitude... but I hope for you that I am wrong...

 

the only thing your wife and mine have in common is about asking questions to strangers, there my wife is also very reluctant. But once she overcomes this "Thai shyness", she will ask and translate all that is being told to her.

[evadgib]

"Why you have to do 'Mister Fawlty' all the taam?" ?

[richard_smith237]

1 minute ago, Swiss1960 said:

From your initial post and this your answer, it sounds to me like your wife does not really care about you and what you want to do or know... it sounds very much like a "leave me alone" attitude... but I hope for you that I am wrong...

 

the only thing your wife and mine have in common is about asking questions to strangers, there my wife is also very reluctant. But once she overcomes this "Thai shyness", she will ask and translate all that is being told to her.

It would appear that the Ops wife has no respect for him whatsoever.

What a frustrating existence!

[norrska]

15 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

There are not so many different ways to ask a five word question... 

According to my calculations, there could be as many as 31 different ways, depending on the words of course.

https://math.stackexchange.com/questions/161565/what-is-the-total-number-of-combinations-of-5-items-together-when-there-are-no-d

 

 

[Brunolem]

3 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

It would appear that the Ops wife has no respect for him whatsoever.

What a frustrating existence!

In my opening post, I asked members to share their experience, not to rub in my face because I don't have a life as perfect as theirs!

 

 

[JLCrab]

27 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Spot on mate, when i say things to my wife and she answers with something totally different, i say something about it  and i get English not my language.

You guys are missing out on the fun -- since in my case the girl doesn't speak English, and my Thai as I say is in the 60-70% range, I am the one who gets to say -- especially when convenient: Thai not my language.

[norrska]

15 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

Perhaps you should take some medication, because your post actually sounds as if it was written by the gestapo!

Just sayin'...

 

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!

[norrska]

3 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

You guys are missing out on the fun -- since in my case the girl doesn't speak English, and my Thai as I say is in the 60-70% range, I am the one who gets to say -- especially when convenient: Thai not my language.

That is a crafty and great tactic!  Or add, Thai language too difficult, yak maak.

[Brunolem]

1 minute ago, norrska said:

According to my calculations, there could be as many as 31 different ways, depending on the words of course.

https://math.stackexchange.com/questions/161565/what-is-the-total-number-of-combinations-of-5-items-together-when-there-are-no-d

 

 

There are actually 5x4x3x2x1 = 120 combinations

 

Yet few of them will be understandable...

[Brunolem]

5 minutes ago, norrska said:

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!

Indeed!

It's always easy to say afterwards that a comment was meant as a joke, and then put the blame for the misunderstanding on the receiving end of the comment...

[norrska]

3 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

Indeed!

It's always easy to say afterwards that a comment was meant as a joke, and then put the blame for the misunderstanding on the receiving end of the comment...

Just don't ask me any questions, I am not in the mood to answer!

[Happyman58]

Ok, I have read what you guys have written and can relate to that. I think most farang husbands are in the same boat. The fav saying from Thai ladies is "Up to You"

"Or I do not understand" that's another favorite

 

When you say you want 5,000 baht they seem to understand that. I am afraid my wife has two bad habits. One is she loves to gossip and the other is it's ok for her to go out with her Thai mates for hours and cant give a time when she might make it home. Tomorrow we were asked to go to Lunch with a group of farangs and their Thai wives and she is making every excuse not to go. Why do I wonder? Do they feel uncomfortable with a group of farangs or do they just like Thai company? She cant see my way of thinking. Hey, I don't want to go but I will go maybe he might make some friends. Does anybody come across this? I think they want you to sit at home know nobody and they go out and enjoy themselves