Is your Thai companion averse to questions?

[simoh1490]

My wife is always happy to go out with me and meet new people and she's not in the least uncomfortable if anything I'm the lazy one - sitting around at home and doing nothing is just not on her agenda and sometimes I wish it was.

 

 

[Happyman58]

19 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

In my opening post, I asked members to share their experience, not to rub in my face because I don't have a life as perfect as theirs!

 

 

Yeah, I agree Brunolem You are just stating your experiences I think 90% of all Farang husbands run into this. Then again you do get 10% who are just perfect. Keep talking mate say what you like OK

[norrska]

5 minutes ago, Happyman58 said:

Ok, I have read what you guys have written and can relate to that. I think most farang husbands are in the same boat. The fav saying from Thai ladies is "Up to You"

"Or I do not understand" that's another favorite

 

When you say you want 5,000 baht they seem to understand that. I am afraid my wife has two bad habits. One is she loves to gossip and the other is it's ok for her to go out with her Thai mates for hours and cant give a time when she might make it home. Tomorrow we were asked to go to Lunch with a group of farangs and their Thai wives and she is making every excuse not to go. Why do I wonder? Do they feel uncomfortable with a group of farangs or do they just like Thai company? She cant see my way of thinking. Hey, I don't want to go but I will go maybe he might make some friends. Does anybody come across this? I think they want you to sit at home know nobody and they go out and enjoy themselves

most likely one of the girls in the group is a self-appointed Queen Bee and your missus would have to report to her.  Seen it time and again.

Edited June 3, 2018 by norrska

[Happyman58]

Just now, norrska said:

most likely one of the girls in the group is a sel-appointed Queen Bee and your missus would have to report to her.  Seen it time and again.

Yeah maybe Never thought of that one  I will ask her who is the Queen Bee in the group you visit.  I will get back the stock standard answer " I not understand " LOL

[robblok]

Just imagine you have to be someone else his private translator all the time. It gets annoying, i get that so I get her aversion for asking questions for you. 

 

Your monk question... did you really want the monk come to your home or not. Because if she asks the question and he says yes you can't back out. Maybe she just did not want to be put in such a position. Maybe she just did not want to have the monk over. 

[Damrongsak]

" Thai not my language. "

 

Boy, if I ever used that expression except in a conciliatory tone, my wife would have my head. For years, she's managed to keep words to a minimum and understandable to me.  We met when we barely spoke the others language, but could share a bit of life philosophy.  She has a way with children. My Thai has not gotten much better in 40 years in the USA, but her English took off.  So now I'm all ears and they hurt.

 

Funny thing, my wife wrote a book in English before she went back to Thailand.  Home spun philosophy.  In the Acknowledgements, she says "I thank my husband XXX YYYY for helping correct my spelling and grammar.  Although it has driven near divorce many times, we made it."   

 

No kidding, 100+ agonizing pages and endless edits. My girl ...  

 

 

[BobBKK]

It's simple your wife actually doesn't respect you and is lazy to answer and lives in her own world.

[JAFO]

1 hour ago, Dmaxdan said:

Sometimes my wife doesn't completely understand the question, but rather than admit that she decides to gamble on an answer,  which can leave me scratching my head in a state of confusion. So she sees me looking bewildered and then says "what was the question again".  I believe it is another case of loss of face, the fear that perhaps her English isn't quite as good as she thought.

 

 

That's it in a nutshell. 

 

I think what happens to many of us is we believe they understand English better than they do and so our questions become confusing.  I realized many times I asked a question that was likely outside her scope and I think it embarrasses her so she will become irritated.

 

Speaking fluent Thai with your partner helps but honestly not that much.  

 

It's blending 2 entirely different cultures. mindsets. upbringing and in some cases huge age gaps.  

 

 

[BobBKK]

Just now, JAFO said:

That's it in a nutshell. 

 

I think what happens to many of us is we believe they understand English better than they do and so our questions become confusing.  I realized many times I asked a question that was likely outside her scope and I think it embarrasses her so she will become irritated.

 

Speaking fluent Thai with your partner helps but honestly not that much.  

 

It's blending 2 entirely different cultures. mindsets. upbringing and in some cases huge age gaps.  

 

 

 

Your last sentence is on the money. So don't do it.

[JLCrab]

17 minutes ago, Damrongsak said:

" Thai not my language. "

 

Boy, if I ever used that expression except in a conciliatory tone, my wife would have my head. <snip>

Well I guess that's the difference -- she's your wife and realizes not so easy for you to go off and find another.

[FritsSikkink]

Jeez, why would you marry someone who doesn't even answers your questions ?

[Ombra]

My wife and I have quite normal conversations, but in some situations she hates to ask questions. She would prefer to be lost than to ask someone the way and she would sooner walk round and round a supermarket than ask a staff member where something is. How do you explain this in terms of Thai thinking?

[1FinickyOne]

Wow.. Sometimes you must feel as if you are in another culture... huh? 

[zyphodb]

8 minutes ago, Ombra said:

My wife and I have quite normal conversations, but in some situations she hates to ask questions. She would prefer to be lost than to ask someone the way and she would sooner walk round and round a supermarket than ask a staff member where something is. How do you explain this in terms of Thai thinking?

Face dear boy, face.......

[colinneil]

7 minutes ago, Ombra said:

My wife and I have quite normal conversations, but in some situations she hates to ask questions. She would prefer to be lost than to ask someone the way and she would sooner walk round and round a supermarket than ask a staff member where something is. How do you explain this in terms of Thai thinking?

Your wife wont ask she would rather walk round.

Well here is 1 happened yesterday, wife went to Global house for me.

I explained what i wanted, got photos of the internet, when at Global ask  a worker in that section ( the very tall man ask him ). Well she came home with the wrong items.

Did you ask the staff, no i did it myself, well she had to g back and change them, just because she would not ask for help.

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, Brunolem said:

Well, once my question is delt with between my wife and other Thais, it often takes a good ten minutes of talking to get an answer.

Not trying to rub anything in, but this does sort of sound like interrogation... 

 

But as you, my wife can be 50/50 on questions... she likes to talk in English and sometimes it gets confusing for her... my Thai is pretty good, but we as Westerners often tend to care more about specifics...

Who?

The man. 

Which man?

You know, the man.

 

Surely, for me, none of it is worth confrontation, accusation or arguing about... just no big deal. And I do not se that Thai pepper each other with questions too often... unless the lottery just came out... you know, the important stuff. 

[ICECOOL]

2 hours ago, Brunolem said:

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

If she was a western wife I would think she is not answering because the relationship is on the rocks......?

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, Brunolem said:

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

If I were you, I'd be hiding my money for the coming divorce. If she won't even answer a question or help by asking things of other Thais for you will she help you if you become sick, injured or disabled?

The warning signs for my own marriage came when I was injured in a m'bike accident and she was very reluctant to help me, and she did answer questions and ask other Thais for me.

[Brunolem]

9 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Not trying to rub anything in, but this does sort of sound like interrogation... 

There might be a misunderstanding here.

What I meant to say was, for example: I tell my wife to ask a neighbor if he can give me a hand to move something.

That, at least to me, is a yes or no kind of question.

 

Yet, once my wife starts talking with the neighbor, it is going to last for ten minutes!

Sometime, I will interrupt and say "so is it yes or no?" and she will say "wait" and go on talking with the neighbor.

 

When it's about asking for directions, the talking is so long that I have time to take a nap in the car...

 

[Krataiboy]

Thai women who have long term falang partners tend to fall into two categories. One lot never seems to stop talking and getting a word out of the rest seems to be letting squeezing blood out of a stone.

 

My partner, thankfully, is the latter category. Just about the last time I can remember her answering one of my questions with words was when she said "I will".

 

Thereafter, down the years, has perfected a repertoire grunts, gasps and groans and a wide range of subtely different facial movements which she employs instead of verbal responses to my questions or vain attempts at meaningful conversation.

 

For example, a raised eyebrow indicates consent or agreement.  A pair of deeply-knitted brows (Yes, I've warned her about the wrinkles!).are clearly mean to give me the opposite message.

 

A frown accompanied by pursed lips is shorthand for "Forget it!", a total lack of expression a sign of assent.

 

A gentle grunt means she agrees with something I am saying, a louder version indicates the opposite.  Then there's the sudden explusion of exasperated air from her throat which tells me I have just asked a question so obviously ridiculous and irrelevant that it does not even warrant an answer  I hear this at lot.

 

At least I can't accuse my dear old dutch of being garrulous!

[Beats56]

Normal my wife and I have no problem talking but if she gets excited I half to slow her down and break in to bits so I understand her.

Reminds me of story maybe I heard here. Husband ask wife go ask someone where have to go. Wife goes and talks to a Thai.  Five minutes go by and he ask what did he say. She says he don't know.

[worgeordie]

Maybe once in a while you should ask your wife "Are you happy,everything OK"

I do ask my wife quite often,and we have been together for 30 years,marriage 

you have to work a it.

regards worgeordie

[Brunolem]

1 hour ago, robblok said:

 

Your monk question... did you really want the monk come to your home or not. Because if she asks the question and he says yes you can't back out. Maybe she just did not want to be put in such a position. Maybe she just did not want to have the monk over. 

Sure!

We know this monk very well and have had at home many times.

We have even organized small ceremonies (tambun) with him at home.

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, worgeordie said:

Maybe once in a while you should ask your wife "Are you happy,everything OK"

I do ask my wife quite often,and we have been together for 30 years,marriage 

you have to work a it.

regards worgeordie

You are thinking like a farang. My wife lied all the time. I never bothered asking her that sort of question because she'd never tell the truth. When she was in a ''mood", she'd just refuse to say anything.

[worgeordie]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You are thinking like a farang. My wife lied all the time. I never bothered asking her that sort of question because she'd never tell the truth. When she was in a ''mood", she'd just refuse to say anything.

Yes that was YOUR wife,all woman are not the same,try and understand that.

how long did your marriage last ?,maybe it was you.

regards Worgeordie

[Brunolem]

37 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Wow.. Sometimes you must feel as if you are in another culture... huh? 

It would be a cultural issue if most or all members were having the same experience as mine.

Yet, according to the multiple answers above, it seems that Thai women behave in many different ways when it comes to deal with questions.

[robblok]

5 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

Sure!

We know this monk very well and have had at home many times.

We have even organized small ceremonies (tambun) with him at home.

Then why not ask your wife to make an appointment with the guy, just asking him if he wants to go to your home sounds like a waste of time if you already know he is willing and able. Maybe your wife thought the same thing as I do.  Or did you mean make an appointment (even to me it did not sound clear)

[robblok]

1 minute ago, Brunolem said:

It would be a cultural issue if most or all members were having the same experience as mine.

Yet, according to the multiple answers above, it seems that Thai women behave in many different ways when it comes to deal with questions.

Of course because just like foreigners they are individuals. Are you the same as everyone else from your country ? I never get it why people think all Thais are the same and should share the same traits. For sure that  not all Dutch are the same and have the same value's and habits why would it be different for Thais. 

[Brunolem]

14 minutes ago, Krataiboy said:

 Just about the last time I can remember her answering one of my questions with words was when she said "I will".

 

The famous "I will" sometime followed with "do it" but never followed by the most important: when!

 

[Brunolem]

11 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

Yes that was YOUR wife,all woman are not the same,try and understand that.

how long did your marriage last ?,maybe it was you.

regards Worgeordie

Are you a divorce lawyer?

For divorce lawyers, and most judges, the husband is always responsible, no matter what!

This is a specific case for which women are not asking for equality of treatment with men...go figure...