In a pickle - I want to divorce Thai woman, she refuses

[ThomasTT]

10 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Ok, my wife checked this out with the lawyer and it can be done as I said in my previous post. Sue for divorce through court and then the court issues an order to register the marriage and then divorce at the same time. If one party refuses then it goes back to the court and the court then takes the necessary steps to enforce the order. It can take time and money but it is possible to do.

I dont know what the court can do to enforce the order though as the cases they were involved in were settled in the first instance.

HL

I will be in contact soon. Thank you so much.

[MyFriend You]

15 hours ago, Stevemercer said:

In most countries, a divorce requires a financial agreement between the parties (division of assets) and a family agreement (custody, visitation rights and maintenance).

 

I would have thought it would be possible for a lawyer to draft both contracts and register with any civil court (e.g. bypass the marriage question). Any two parties can enter into civil contracts.

 

Now, of course, the problem is that she will probably will not sign any such documents unless you agree to an exorbitant settlement. 

 

However if you have the documents drafted and translated, at least you have a starting point for negotiations with her. You also establish the basis as to what you are willing to pay and fair visitation rights. You stick to this payment schedule until she is willing to negotiate seriously.

 

Once the signed contracts are registered, then you can take her court if she breaches the contract (e.g. prevents you from visiting the kids etc).

I know two Americans that got divorced in Bangkok exactly as you described  -  both still live here and have seperate businesses - hers a floral shop, his a plumbing consortium  -  turned into best friends..........so it is possible.

 

The Ops wife is Thai, does she hold another passport, which one did she enter the country on, if Foreign, then  I think she is considered a foreigner when it comes to the divorce court - can't have it both ways.  This is not as difficult as you thin

 

Another suggestion, go back to your place of marraige, file for divorce based on Abandonment (as she will most certainly not come back there to answer the court)  Done deal.

[Farma]

11 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Ok, my wife checked this out with the lawyer and it can be done as I said in my previous post. Sue for divorce through court and then the court issues an order to register the marriage and then divorce at the same time. If one party refuses then it goes back to the court and the court then takes the necessary steps to enforce the order. It can take time and money but it is possible to do.

I dont know what the court can do to enforce the order though as the cases they were involved in were settled in the first instance.

HL

His first priority is to have his marriage recognized in Thailand.

 

Then a lawyer is required to apply for divorce through the court. He will have to attend the court (with a legal translator) at least once. This attendance is a mediation session in front of 3 judges in an attempt to get the parties to agree to a divorce rather than fight it out in a court divorce case.

 

Court divorces cost a lot of money and can take years. Translation and legal fees quickly add up.

 

After possibly a lot of claims and counter claims bouncing back and forwards the court will reach a decision and issue a verdict. (From experience, each claim and counter claim requires a new court hearing with an average of 6 or so weeks between hearings.)

 

This verdict could include a financial settlement from one party to the other which needs to be paid prior to the court verdict document being issued to his lawyer.

 

He and his lawyer then take the court verdict to the Umphur. The other party doesn't need to be present. The Umphur will issue the divorce certificate and paper using the court verdict as authority and the court ordered settlement details on the back. The divorce certificate will show "Court verdict in lieu of signature" where the other party would normally sign.

[hatewaitin]

You can only be responsible for your actions. 

If your bad tempered Thai wife is going to take it out on your children then it would be appropriate to take custody. 

You should go see your wife and tell her up front that you either need to have your relationship amiable or finished. 

Tell her that if she wishes to continue on extorting you then there will be no money until the matter is completed in the divorce court. 

Make sure you always meet her in the company of someone who can at a distance record what is happening. 

So that it can't be claimed that you have physically injured her. That's why she had to stab you in the chest so many times. Pun intended. 

It sounds like your road is going to be a difficult one. 

Probably compound by your own guilt of infidelity. 

It's unfortunate but shit happens. 

Chin up n get on with it

[spidermike007]

I have a friend who was in a similar position. He took his ex to court. Sued for visitation rights. The judge was very sympathetic. Apparently, the courts like to look at who the breadwinner in the family is. It haws become quite a precedent, as there are alot of deadbeat parents here. And it does not matter if you are Thai or a foreigner. The judge scolded the ex, and allowed my friend generous visitation rights, and sternly told the mother, that if she did not abide by his ruling, and played games with her ex, she would lose custody of the child, altogether. She was scared to death, and totally surprised by the outcome. She has been very compliant, to the point where she has agreed to let him take his son back to the US, for his education. 

[Rolanddrums]

All sounds incredibly complicated . Assuming  law where you got married ( European Country you say) is same as UK, if you got married there you can get divorce there. Easier/cheaper to wait till 5 years up ( ie 3 yrs to go) and you can get divorce without her consent/ her being there anyway ..Easy .

Financial settlement can either be done at same time OR later ( Even years later) so best to tie it in , but if not forthcoming just do the divorce first. Why u want to register the marriage in Thailand , which u say is not recognized here anyway just to then get a divorce seems like madness to me.

Money ....Until such time as you get a full and final settlement agreed/ signed up , (could be years) surely just pay a fair sum each month which you do already . Obvious thing to do is give the money AT THE END OF EACH VISIT FROM YOU....no visit = no money.  You will also see whether the kids are happy /well cared for or not each time .

The other thing is school fees, just deposit it in schools bank account each term ..NEVER hand her the money for it..it could be going anywhere.  

No need to justify/explain your infidelity, its irrelevant if all done like this. Its not something you will be financially punished for regarding division of assets. If marriage is finalized first she will probably jump at almost any lump sum offer. I guess the moneys in your sole account therefore YOU are in control...dont forget it.  But being fair/decent is ALWAYS a good thing.  

Edited June 9, 2018 by Rolanddrums

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, TunnelRat69 said:

I did the same, but my ex-wife still found me thru social media, I never acknowledged the contact  -  I have since changed my facebook usage drastically - she was batshit crazy after 4 years of marraige, separated for 2, then divorced amicably in California (she was actively pursuing another marraige)  -  twenty years later she wants to make contact & 'get back together???'   The term "Run Forrest, Run!!" immediately came to mind.

I had the same problem, so on social media I just created an account without any outwardly identifying features, no photos of me for viewing, any posts with personal details 'friends only', and 'block' her access. I also restricted or blocked anyone with her as a 'friend'. These women take a massive dump on us, then expect 'forgive and forget' ....... not from me, I prefer 'avoid and ignore'.

Edited June 9, 2018 by BritManToo

[Topah]

2 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

I have been seeing this other girl ever since I met her and one day I want to marry her. My wife knows this and she refuses to let the kids come to my place and refuses to let them meet my girlfriend. 

 

 

Seems like you are nice guy and I can relate to "she developed anger issues"... But you don't seem to understand that this new girl can turn to be the same like your current wife. So I try to make this clear for you -> DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE MARRYING EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE @@!!!! Just don't do it and make it clear for your new girl(s) since the beginning. 

 

Why you have to marry? It will only make things difficult. Ladies will pressure you but make it certain for her: "I will never marry again, is that ok?". If that is not ok for her, you explain that risks are too big. Marriage makes zero sense today. Atleast be with the new girl 10 years until making stupid decision about marriage. I warned and don't get here crying again later what happened again after you marry. Marriage can ruin your life. PERIOD!

 

Addition... Ladies have this switch type of behavior. It means that they can change in split second to a totally different person if things don't go their way. You cannot negotiate with them and they are masters controlling you emotionally.

 

Edited June 9, 2018 by Topah

[SCOTT FITZGERSLD]

in thailand there are many single moms. some say too many.

a senior worker in my embassy said once that all the woman he deals with in thailand, are

single, divorced, or single moms.

 

anyway, what i wanted to tell you is that many of those single moms don't get child support.

i allways thought it has something to do with poverty or failure  of the justice system to go

after the fathers, but after talking with some thai single moms i understood from them 

that they prefer to give up the money from papa cause they don;t want to sea or hear from him again.

 

in other words, they refuse any financial arrangement with the father of their children, weather

he was their husband or just a boyfriend, cuase they don't want him to see the children never ever.

 

it might be some kind of revenge or rage or a woman thing.

 

so in your case, you might want to get an a legal written aggreement that will clarify

to your wife when and how you see the children.

[ThomasTT]

10 minutes ago, Topah said:

Seems like you are nice guy and I can relate to "she developed anger issues"... But you don't seem to understand that this new girl can turn to be the same like your current wife. So I try to make this clear for you -> DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE MARRYING EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE @@!!!! Just don't do it and make it clear for your new girl(s) since the beginning. 

 

Why you have to marry? It will only make things difficult. Ladies will pressure you but make it certain for her: "I will never marry again, is that ok?". If that is not ok for her, you explain that risks are too big. Marriage makes zero sense today. Atleast be with the new girl 10 years until making stupid decision about marriage. I warned and don't get here crying again later what happened again after you marry. Marriage can ruin your life. PERIOD!

 

Addition... Ladies have this switch type of behavior. It means that they can change in split second to a totally different person if things don't go their way. You cannot negotiate with them and they are masters controlling you emotionally.

 

I understand that fully but the new girlfriend is not Thai, so don't expect the same kind of anger issues based on her nationality and persona but I will make a note that you did warn me ?my girlfriend does not expect marriage, neither am I intending to marry her now - but I can see myself wanting to in the future. She is actually cool about the whole situation and tells me, if she doesn't want to divorce you I don't care.... I will be here for you anyway... so no added pressure there.

Edited June 9, 2018 by ThomasTT
Forgot something

[Topah]

1 minute ago, ThomasTT said:

I understand that fully but the new girlfriend is not Thai, so don't expect the same kind of anger issues based on her nationality and persona but I will make a note that you did warn me ?my girlfriend does not expect marriage, neither am I intending to marry her now. She is actually cool about the whole situation and tells me, if she doesn't want to divorce you I don't care.... I will be here for you anyway... so no added pressure there.

It does not matter is she Thai or other nationality. I have few questions... Do you pay your new girls dinners, drinks etc or do you share everything? Is she in the same level as education, work status? 

[ThomasTT]

Just now, Topah said:

It does not matter is she Thai or other nationality. I have few questions... Do you pay your new girls dinners, drinks etc or do you share everything? Is she in the same level as education, work status? 

She is not in the same level as education or job as I am but she takes care of herself. She pays for her own clothes, she does as much shopping of groceries if not more than I do, when I am traveling she supports herself. She lives with me and I pay the rent and mainly I pay if I invite her out for dinner but we mainly eat at home. She has never asked me for money, so if I pay for anything it is because I choose to.

[Topah]

6 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

She is not in the same level as education or job as I am but she takes care of herself. She pays for her own clothes, she does as much shopping of groceries if not more than I do, when I am traveling she supports herself. She lives with me and I pay the rent and mainly I pay if I invite her out for dinner but we mainly eat at home. She has never asked me for money, so if I pay for anything it is because I choose to.

I just hope you are strong and stay in control without making stupid marriage mistake. Just keep it like it is by providing good times for both and when/if things get difficult, boring or too challenging... You know what to do. You have the edge but seems like you are still too naive about how ladies work emotionally. In future you maybe go for a walk and she knows that you both are in love and talk very beautifully... Then from middle of nowhere there might come a sentence which will make you a "prisoner".

 

Ladies want security but men want often good times/freedom and when good times end, ladies will be lucky if they have that marriage card. Ladies will get old and not desirable so it is hard for them to find someone like you again. I am divorcing myself and now I can do exactly what I want, when I want and just have good time with interesting ladies... Having dinners, interesting talks etc. So many interesting people around. Don't make yourself prisoner again. Just be honest to them and live interesting life. I always say at the first date that "I won't ever marry again".

[ThomasTT]

1 minute ago, Topah said:

I just hope you are strong and stay in control without making stupid marriage mistake. Just keep it like it is by providing good times for both and when/if things get difficult, boring or too challenging... You know what to do. You have the edge but seems like you are still too naive about how ladies work emotionally. In future you maybe go for a walk and she knows that you both are in love and talk very beautifully... Then from middle of nowhere there might come a sentence which will make you a "prisoner".

 

Ladies want security but men want often good times/freedom and when good times end, ladies will be lucky if they have that marriage card. Ladies will get old and not desirable so it is hard for them to find someone like you again. I am divorcing myself and now I can do exactly what I want, when I want and just have good time with interesting ladies... Having dinners, interesting talks etc. So many interesting people around. Don't make yourself prisoner again. Just be honest to them and live interesting life. I always say at the first date that "I won't ever marry again".

Good advice mate - I am taking it all in, believe me.

[473geo]

29 minutes ago, Topah said:

Seems like you are nice guy and I can relate to "she developed anger issues"... But you don't seem to understand that this new girl can turn to be the same like your current wife. So I try to make this clear for you -> DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE MARRYING EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE @@!!!! Just don't do it and make it clear for your new girl(s) since the beginning. 

 

Why you have to marry? It will only make things difficult. Ladies will pressure you but make it certain for her: "I will never marry again, is that ok?". If that is not ok for her, you explain that risks are too big. Marriage makes zero sense today. Atleast be with the new girl 10 years until making stupid decision about marriage. I warned and don't get here crying again later what happened again after you marry. Marriage can ruin your life. PERIOD!

 

Addition... Ladies have this switch type of behavior. It means that they can change in split second to a totally different person if things don't go their way. You cannot negotiate with them and they are masters controlling you emotionally.

 

 

Why get married? My wife will receive benefit from my private pension for as long as she outlives me, this in turn benefits our children, and it pleases me my wife enjoys having a husband and a little security.

Not for all maybe but it is possible to make marriage something special with the right person.

 

As for the OP yes couples drift apart keep looking for a solution it is there somewhere. There does appear to be some protectionist/'ownership' thing going on with Thai women and children, perhaps they are insecure in that access to the 'wealthy' father is a sure way to lose them.

[cyberfarang]

4 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

Thank you everyone for your valuable advice. No matter whether it is slating me for who I became or whether you are genuinely trying to help.

 

There is no way I would be able to explain what really went on and why I chose to cheat. I am not a cheat by nature but I'd like to try and explain. After giving birth to our second child, my wife developed mental problems. She went through a full year of counselling but nothing seems to change. She developed incredible anger, where when she flared up would lose control and hardly know what she was doing. The next day when she calmed down, she would cry and apologise. On top of this, she developed an almost paranoia, where she would call me several times a day and night while I was on business trips and I travel a lot, perhaps as much as 200 days each year. She would threaten to take my kids away to a place where I would never find them, she would threaten me with telling lies about me to my employer, all kinds of thing. For 1.5 years I dealt with this on a daily basis and tried to remain calm. It was all based on jealousy and all based in her mind that every time I was traveling, I would be f***ing someone. At that point in time, I kept soldering through and praying that it would stop. At one point, I was out for dinner with colleagues and I met what I still feel is one of the most incredible girls I have ever met. We talked and talked and talked almost to the next morning but nothing else happened, as I was still trying to be strong. A few months went by and I went back to the same country again. I met up with this girl again and those two months in between had been absolutely horrid with threats, anger and jealousy from my wife's side. Perhaps I should ask that up until this point, for 1.5 years, I did not sleep with my wife. She shied away from all intimacy and didn't feel comfortable being touched and I accepted that and was waiting for the counselling to start working just a bit. All I ever wanted to do, was to go back to the way it was the first 3 years we were married. However, at this point in time I was not as strong anymore.... I was giving up... I couldn't deal with the anger and threats and I won't go into just how creative she was when threatening me (and still are). I met this girl for dinner and it was not my intention to sleep with her but she fascinated me because she was so calm, so gentle and yes, I guess she was everything my wife used to be and wasn't any longer. The worst part was the jealousy - fighting her jealousy knowing I had done nothing wrong. That night I kind of gave up and gave in. My mind was thinking, here is a beautiful, educated, gently girl who clearly badly wants me for the night. I have two options: 1. I can keep being a soldier and get accused of sleeping around 2. I can sleep with this girl and get accused anyway. I chose the second option. Right or wrong, I personally feel that my wife's jealousy was the main reason I cheated on her - some of you might disagree.

 

We already had separate bedrooms at that point in time but the last year we have not been living together but in separate homes. Some have asked what it is that I want out of this and what I want out of this is peace. There has been so much shit going on for so long now and it is affecting the kids, I can see that. My wife does not allow me to spend time with my kids, unless it is at her place and that is really tough on me. I have been seeing this other girl ever since I met her and one day I want to marry her. My wife knows this and she refuses to let the kids come to my place and refuses to let them meet my girlfriend. 

 

It has never been about the money for me and as I travel so much, I actually think it is better for the kids to be with her and live with her. I currently pay ~200,000 THB a month for international school, rent, transport, medical insurance, internet/phone, upkeep for her and the kids and it is too much. It is not about the money but I do not want to fund her personal savings, so I will cut this down to the bare minimum for what I feel is required for rent, school, clothes, food for the kids. So that I have already decided. A whole other thing I did not touch, is my wife's statements that being a full-time mom for 2 means she doesn't have to work. She keeps saying that and of course I disagree to that. The kids are in school from 8-16 every day, so there has to be something she can do to help support the kids. At present it is not that she cannot find anything to do, she flat out refuses to do so.

 

All I want, is for her and I to be able to act like adults and do what is best for our kids. In my opinion that is sharing custody and them having a chance to see both their parents happy - and no, we will never be together again. I am happy but I feel stuck and feel I cannot move on with my life because we are still married and because the kids doesn't know where dad goes after he visits them for a couple of days. They need to know and see that I also have a place to live and that I have someone special in my life too and that this someone will love them just as much as I do.

 

Not sure if this has helped explain the situation but I will be happy to elaborate further if anyone has any questions. 

You were away for over half a year of every year while your wife was left alone to take care of your 2 children. You claim she was frequently contacting you. 

 

It appears to me that your wife was struggling to cope on her own and you were not there to support her, it also seems you became bored with living in domestic bliss, running a home, being a dad for the kids and that you found other activities and other women outside your relationship more exciting and in your mind you wanted to move on.

 

Your wife`s gut feeling about you was correct and it`s no wonder she went off you physically. Who would want to share a bed with a partner that doesn`t particularly want to be with you. 

 

What you are doing is seeking the most viable and economic ways to get out of this relationship. Sorry, but you are what is described as a deadbeat husband and dad. What often happens in these situations is that the Farang husband or partner moves on, stops supporting the family, the Thai wife having to leave the kids with relatives while she has to work and find a means of financial support.

 

If you take her court, the court will award her alimony and child support from you. You have boxed yourself into a corner, my friend, you are in a no win situation, every which way it`s going to cost you and your wife is smart, she knows that,

 

Do the right thing, have a meeting with your wife and come to some legal financial arrangement, it`s your only option.

[ThomasTT]

10 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

You were away for over half a year of every year while your wife was left alone to take care of your 2 children. You claim she was frequently contacting you. 

 

It appears to me that your wife was struggling to cope on her own and you were not there to support her, it also seems you became bored with living in domestic bliss, running a home, being a dad for the kids and that you found other activities and other women outside your relationship more exciting and in your mind you wanted to move on.

 

Your wife`s gut feeling about you was correct and it`s no wonder she went off you physically. Who would want to share a bed with a partner that doesn`t particularly want to be with you. 

 

What you are doing is seeking the most viable and economic ways to get out of this relationship. Sorry, but you are what is described as a deadbeat husband and dad. What often happens in these situations is that the Farang husband or partner moves on, stops supporting the family, the Thai wife having to leave the kids with relatives while she has to work and find a means of financial support.

 

If you take her court, the court will award her alimony and child support from you. You have boxed yourself into a corner, my friend, you are in a no win situation, every which way it`s going to cost you and your wife is smart, she knows that,

 

Do the right thing, have a meeting with your wife and come to some legal financial arrangement, it`s your only option.

I was not away half a year in a row. At most I was away 10 days in a row. My job is like that but I was home 75% of all weekends.... it is not uncommon. I am ok with the fact that you think you have an idea about my life and can judge me, but count into this that my wife (when we lived together) always had two full-time helpers. A nanny and a cleaner/maid who both lived in our house. So the only thing I can reply to the above is no, I did not get bored, I gave up. I wanted nothing more than for her to become the woman she was before so we could still be together...... Oh an in addition, IF I did have a choice, I would love to have my children staying with me, instead of staying with her... but since I travel so much due to business, they would grow up with a nanny or two - is that right? I don't think so. What you have read out of what I have posted couldn't be more wrong. My children and their well-being comes first. Ahead of everything else. 

 

Edit: In addition to that, I tried skyping her and the kids every night. It was the 30-40 text messages a day containing threats if I didn't reply immediately etc. She knew I was working. She knew that I had to socialise at night over business dinners etc. I went out of my way to even Skype her before bedtime (again) to calm her down and assure her I wasn't with someone else..... I don't think you'll ever understand unless you try being with someone similar.... 

Edited June 9, 2018 by ThomasTT
Forgot something

[cyberfarang]

54 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

I was not away half a year in a row. At most I was away 10 days in a row. My job is like that but I was home 75% of all weekends.... it is not uncommon. I am ok with the fact that you think you have an idea about my life and can judge me, but count into this that my wife (when we lived together) always had two full-time helpers. A nanny and a cleaner/maid who both lived in our house. So the only thing I can reply to the above is no, I did not get bored, I gave up. I wanted nothing more than for her to become the woman she was before so we could still be together...... Oh an in addition, IF I did have a choice, I would love to have my children staying with me, instead of staying with her... but since I travel so much due to business, they would grow up with a nanny or two - is that right? I don't think so. What you have read out of what I have posted couldn't be more wrong. My children and their well-being comes first. Ahead of everything else. 

 

Edit: In addition to that, I tried skyping her and the kids every night. It was the 30-40 text messages a day containing threats if I didn't reply immediately etc. She knew I was working. She knew that I had to socialise at night over business dinners etc. I went out of my way to even Skype her before bedtime (again) to calm her down and assure her I wasn't with someone else..... I don't think you'll ever understand unless you try being with someone similar.... 

Don`t you get it? She wanted you, not a nanny and a cleaner, a full time husband and father for the kids. Maybe she was feeling insecure and needed your support by just being there.

 

You tried to assure her you wasn`t with anyone else, but you were with other women, you`ve already admitted that and she probably sensed that.

 

You want her to be the woman she was before, but you had 2 kids together and that changes things in relationships. If you knew you were going to be absent on long business trips, not able to share in the physical upbringing of the kids, then why did you have 2 children with her?

 

Any judge, in any court, in any land,  will see this in the same way I do. Wise up and sort this out, you are going to have to compromise,  financially provide for her and your kids, at least provide for children until they reach the age of 16 or 18.

 

Hire the services of a lawyer, draw up a legal contract of financial support for your wife and kids, on condition that she grants you a divorce. This is the only way you`ll get free of it.

 

As for being in a similar situation, yes I have in England.

 

 

[ThomasTT]

6 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

Don`t you get it? She wanted you, not a nanny and a cleaner, a full time husband and father for the kids. Maybe she was feeling insecure and needed your support by just being there.

 

You tried to assure her you wasn`t with anyone else, but you were with other women, you`ve already admitted that and she probably sensed that.

 

You want her to be the woman she was before, but you had 2 kids together and that changes things in relationships. If you knew you were going to be absent on long business trips, not able to share in the physical upbringing of the kids, then why did you have 2 children with her?

 

Any judge, in any court, in any land,  will see this in the same way I do. Wise up and sort this out, you are going to have to compromise,  financially provide for her and your kids, at least provide for children until they reach the age of 16 or 18.

 

Hire the services of a lawyer, draw up a legal contract of financial support for your wife and kids, on condition that she grants you a divorce. This is the only way you`ll get free of it.

 

As for being in a similar situation, yes I have in England.

 

 

I wrote a long explanation previously in this thread explaining what happened. From your reply, I don't think you read it. This went on for 1.5 years before I chose to cheat on her. I also have all the intentions in the world of supporting my kids. You are missing out the most important details in this, which is her refusing to let me see them, when I don't give her what she wants (additional on top of support) and the threats. Please go back a page and read my post.

[cyberfarang]

7 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

I wrote a long explanation previously in this thread explaining what happened. From your reply, I don't think you read it. This went on for 1.5 years before I chose to cheat on her. I also have all the intentions in the world of supporting my kids. You are missing out the most important details in this, which is her refusing to let me see them, when I don't give her what she wants (additional on top of support) and the threats. Please go back a page and read my post.

There is no point in going backwards and forwards with me, this will not solve your problem.

 

The fact is, your wife is in a bigger pickle than you are. She has herself and 2 children to support, and the amount of monies or verbal promise of sending money at your discretion without any legal commitment is not an ideal situation both for her and your children. Can`t you see, that she is keeping you at bay trying to establish some kind of legal commitment from you.

 

I`ve already advised you what to do. If you`re serious about supporting your children, then hire a lawyer and put it in writing. 

[ThomasTT]

9 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

She has herself and 2 children to support, and the amount of monies or verbal promise of sending money at your discretion without any legal commitment is not an ideal situation both for her and your children. Can`t you see, that she is keeping you at bay trying to establish some kind of legal commitment from you.

She refuses to acknowledge and register our marriage here. And she supports f*** all, she has no money and is not working. She is not trying to establish any kind of legal commitment. If she was, then her first step was to make sure our marriage is registered here. 
What you describe is exactly what I want.
And yes, I am already in contact with a couple of lawyers and have talked to two previously, who couldn't help me. Hence why I post here.

[WHYWHY]

You were marriedin a different country 

Get yourself a divorce Lawyer from country you were married in.

I'm sure if you do some leg work it will be an easy process.

Using a lawyer from country where you were married maybe mor beneficial to you.

Least that way maybe more fare too

[SCOTT FITZGERSLD]

your case sounds familiar to the case in the link here, maybe you should have a talk with that guy : 

 

 

 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-04-20/russian-oligarch-ordered-to-hand-over-superyacht-divorce-deal/9679120

[Rolanddrums]

Well  hes already giving her 200,000 baht ( Yes 0.2 million!) every month so he says ..more than most on here.

Cyberfarrang does have a point. Would be nice to hear both sides but of course we never will.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Easy to understand why your wife doesn't want to give you a Divorce. Nobody likes to let the Goose who lays the Golden Egg get away. As long as she has your kids, she has this Goose by the scruff of his neck. 

 

If you get Officially Married in Thailand, this is recognized anywhere in the world.  Or at least in the EU and Americas. The same holds true Visa Versa. So you need to consentrate on getting your marriage recognzed in Thailand. For that you need proof you were legally married elsewhere.

 

This includes a Marriage Certificate and perhaps certified by the Embassy in the Country you got married that this is authentic. A call to that Embassy should help you get started. Perhaps your ID and a sworn oath from a Lawyer, and Official Translation of these papers. You are travelling in unchartered waters so somewhere along the line you will need a lawyer I would think. 

 

All you are trying to do is prove you were legally married in another country, so I don't see why you think you need your wifes co-operation or signature to do that here. This would be on the Marriage Certificate. Once you obtain that you can move on to Divorce. 

 

Of course it would be much better for the Divorce if you had your wifes agreement. Especially when there is 2 children involved here. I am sure you tried your hardest to do that, but without any success. Perhaps when she sees you are serious, and are moving forward with this, she may change her mind. 

 

I don't agree with stopping Child Support. The kids have done nothing to hurt you or your marriage and I see no reason why they should suffer more. Stopping Payments now will probably hurt you in the long run. Prooving you are a good father to your children will aid in your future visitation rights I would think.   

[ThomasTT]

2 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

Easy to understand why your wife doesn't want to give you a Divorce. Nobody likes to let the Goose who lays the Golden Egg get away. As long as she has your kids, she has this Goose by the scruff of his neck. 

 

If you get Officially Married in Thailand, this is recognized anywhere in the world.  Or at least in the EU and Americas. The same holds true Visa Versa. So you need to consentrate on getting your marriage recognzed in Thailand. For that you need proof you were legally married elsewhere.

 

This includes a Marriage Certificate and perhaps certified by the Embassy in the Country you got married that this is authentic. A call to that Embassy should help you get started. Perhaps your ID and a sworn oath from a Lawyer, and Official Translation of these papers. You are travelling in unchartered waters so somewhere along the line you will need a lawyer I would think. 

 

All you are trying to do is prove you were legally married in another country, so I don't see why you think you need your wifes co-operation or signature to do that here. This would be on the Marriage Certificate. Once you obtain that you can move on to Divorce. 

 

Of course it would be much better for the Divorce if you had your wifes agreement. Especially when there is 2 children involved here. I am sure you tried your hardest to do that, but without any success. Perhaps when she sees you are serious, and are moving forward with this, she may change her mind. 

 

I don't agree with stopping Child Support. The kids have done nothing to hurt you or your marriage and I see no reason why they should suffer more. Stopping Payments now will probably hurt you in the long run. Prooving you are a good father to your children will aid in your future visitation rights I would think.   

I never intend to stop the child support. I will pay their school and the apartment they live in + reasonable cost for them to sustain. Today my best guess is that there is +40,000 out of the 200,000 I give them every month that goes to herself, perhaps to savings or to whatever she uses it on. As late as last week, I asked for proof of what the money is spent on. Receipts! The housing and school is paid to landlord and school directly by me. 

 

I have ordered a copy of the marriage certificate at the authorities in Switzerland and it should arrive end of next week or the week after. Then I will have that translated and go to the Swiss Embassy here in Bangkok to get it certified - or perhaps the other way around, get it certified by the Swiss Embassy and ask them where to get it translated and then get both legalised. Perhaps even by my own embassy as well. Then, I will look for a lawyer.

 

Thank you for the sensible advice. 

[GOLDBUGGY]

3 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

I never intend to stop the child support. I will pay their school and the apartment they live in + reasonable cost for them to sustain. Today my best guess is that there is +40,000 out of the 200,000 I give them every month that goes to herself, perhaps to savings or to whatever she uses it on. As late as last week, I asked for proof of what the money is spent on. Receipts! The housing and school is paid to landlord and school directly by me. 

 

I have ordered a copy of the marriage certificate at the authorities in Switzerland and it should arrive end of next week or the week after. Then I will have that translated and go to the Swiss Embassy here in Bangkok to get it certified - or perhaps the other way around, get it certified by the Swiss Embassy and ask them where to get it translated and then get both legalised. Perhaps even by my own embassy as well. Then, I will look for a lawyer.

 

Thank you for the sensible advice. 

Yes! I think your plan will work for you. All you are required to do here is prove you were married in a country that Thailand also recognizes, which Switzerland is. Having to go through Government Officials here, who may not know there jobs that well, or came across a case like yours before, may be discouraging, but not impossible to break through. 

 

Your Support Payments are Generous. Many may argue far too Generous. In My Books your Wife is getting a very good deal, and perhaps why she is afraid of Divorce and going to Court, as it may not turn out as sweet as this. If it is your intention to keep up these payments after a Divorce then maybe get that down on paper, sign it, and have that legalized, and present this to her to inspect. She may be more co-operative then. (I Hope?).  

[ThomasTT]

3 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

Yes! I think your plan will work for you. All you are required to do here is prove you were married in a country that Thailand also recognizes, which Switzerland is. Having to go through Government Officials here, who may not know there jobs that well, or came across a case like yours before, may be discouraging, but not impossible to break through. 

 

Your Support Payments are Generous. Many may argue far too Generous. In My Books your Wife is getting a very good deal, and perhaps why she is afraid of Divorce and going to Court, as it may not turn out as sweet as this. If it is your intention to keep up these payments after a Divorce then maybe get that down on paper, sign it, and have that legalized, and present this to her to inspect. She may be more co-operative then. (I Hope?).  

No chance. Any word about divorce and she laughs - even at signing to register the marriage. That will cost me a one-time payment of EUR 100,000. Just to get her to sign the registration. 

[Topah]

It is very obvious here that wife got nuts and I know what  it is like when those anger issues arrive. It is like hell to deal with a person like that. I am totally ThomasTT side in this case. It is that "Guys F things up" because "Ladies are just F'ed up". That is why never marry. 

Edited June 9, 2018 by Topah

[GOLDBUGGY]

2 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

No chance. Any word about divorce and she laughs - even at signing to register the marriage. That will cost me a one-time payment of EUR 100,000. Just to get her to sign the registration. 

He who laughs first ends up laughing last. 

 

Don't pay her anything extra! You give her far too much already! Also don't fall into the trap of letting her Blackmail You! That is the surest way of keeping you on the string forever!

 

Look! She has absolutely no control on you getting a Divorce! There is no country in the world that refuses Divorce and forces you to stay Married, just because one of the Parties doesn't want it. She is laughing because she thinks she can stop this and you, were in reality she cannot. She can delays things a little bir but not stop it! She even has you thinking she can and this way (sometimes). 

 

I have never been Divorced here in Thailand or had the same situtation as you do now. But I have been Divorced 2 times in 2 different countries, so I have been around. One of my X's was like this and refused to give me a Divorce as well. Even after living apart for over 2 years and in 2 different countries. 

 

I tried to reason with her at first and like you, and thought I could buy her out with kindness and more money. But not only did this not work, it made matters worst. I finally got her to be reasonable after I started Divorce Proceedings, and told her I was about to disappear off of this Earth forever. When she believed that, she rushed and signed the Papers right after that.