Domestic violence in Thailand advice

[bangkokcity12]

Hey guys,

 

I'm looking for advice or anyone who has experienced something similar. Here's my situation..!

 

I have been with the same gf for 6 years. 5 of those years have seen her act violently during most arguments we have had. These arguments can be extremely petty. Her actions generally involve her shouting and causing an embarrassment to my neighbors and then moving to her lashing out- punching, hitting, scratching, kicking which ever part of me she can reach. She has smashed many things in the house during these moments and will refuse to back down at any point unless she feels she has won or that I have received some kind of punishment in her mind!!

 

So she's nuts, I get it! but there's more. As she attacks me I will of course defend myself or block a flying hand aimed at my face. This means she often causes bruising to herself from landing her own punch on my arm etc. As a form of restraint I have held her wrists to stop her punching, but as she fights to struggle free she can be left with marks on her wrists.

With her injuries and smashing things around the house, she will take photos and videos claiming this is from me attacking her and act as the victim. If I threaten to leave her or break up with her, she threatens she will report me to the police and have me arrested/charged. I have received multiple injuries but never recorded this as evidence. I have never hit/punched/kicked/slapped her. Grabbed and held to restrain her yes, and pushed her off me  to create space between us. 

 

My question is, what trouble or outcome can I expect if the police are involved and it goes to court with her side of the story etc (I understand she has connections with police through her family and assume this could make things more difficult if involved). I dont want this to affect my job, Ive had enough and want to end this BS!

 

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
 

[Poottrong]

"I have been with the same gf for 6 years. 5 of those years have seen her act violently during most arguments"

 

And yet you haven't left. Not sure there is much point in offering any advice.

[Dmaxdan]

You say she takes photos and video of her injuries and the damage caused but does she have any actual footage of you attacking her? Because if she doesn't then surely if the police get involved then it would her word against yours?


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Dmaxdan]

"I have been with the same gf for 6 years. 5 of those years have seen her act violently during most arguments"
 
And yet you haven't left. Not sure there is much point in offering any advice.

If you read it through then you will see he is being threatened with police arrest if he leaves her. That's why he is requesting advice.


Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[bangkokcity12]

8 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

You say she takes photos and video of her injuries and the damage caused but does she have any actual footage of you attacking her? Because if she doesn't then surely if the police get involved then it would her word against yours?


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

There is no video or photo of me attacking her. 

But where does her word and my word stand? would something like this just be dismissed and ignored?

[Badrabbit]

I would have left after the 1st time and maybe have given her a chance but on the 2nd time I would be gone, been with my Thai gf 9 yrs and never once has there been a problem, leave now and don't look back!!

 

Best option is to leave Thailand and don't tell her, she is a bully and a very violent one, you have no way out other than what I have suggested, stay and one day it won't be a fist it will be a knife, the very best of luck!!

 

Sent from my SM-G610F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

 

 

[akirasan]

Throw her phone out the window and leave.

 

Incidentally one of my ex's tried the same thing. I got woken up at 11pm by two BIB and my ex pounding on my door after she'd claimed I was beating her. The police spoke with me for a couple of minutes and very quickly realised my ex was batsh*t crazy. They left and that was the end of that.

Edited June 21, 2018 by akirasan

[patrick1968]

ok 3 years of good  times ,,,, and the other 3 years are hell ,,,,   time to go ...just leave ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

[bwpage3]

The fact you are still there after having this happen for 5 years is shocking to say the least.

 

With all the women in Thailand, why, why, why, why, why would you put up with this?

 

Perhaps there is some guilt on your part, that is why you are afraid of the police or to leave?

 

Whose house/apartment is it?

 

If yours, there is currently no physical evidence, go to the police now and have her removed.

 

Many foreigners end up dead with these types of women.

 

Don't be one of them.

[catman20]

11 hours ago, Badrabbit said:

I would have left after the 1st time and maybe have given her a chance but on the 2nd time I would be gone, been with my Thai gf 9 yrs and never once has there been a problem, leave now and don't look back!!

 

Best option is to leave Thailand and don't tell her, she is a bully and a very violent one, you have no way out other than what I have suggested, stay and one day it won't be a fist it will be a knife, the very best of luck!!

 

Sent from my SM-G610F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

 

 

you can take the girl out of the bar but you cant take the bar out of the girl.

if your not careful we will be reading about you having had your dick cut off.

leave, change your phone number and dont let anyone know where you have gone and dont tell her your going. leave when she goes out and go quickly.

[Destiny1990]

U been here 6 years and this is  just ur first (fake) post?

[jossthaifarang]

Mate, It does not get better. I was married for 6 years to someone that sounds exactly the same as what you describe, my best advise is for you to go to the BIB before she does and file a report (your side of the story). You may want to try tourist police though, they are generally more understanding to this situation and have seen it many times.

 

Next time it happens let her smash the place up, let her land one of the punches aimed at your face, go back to the police and job done, you have flipped the coin. Then you just pack your stuff, with the police present and leave. She will be able to do nothing, make sure you have somewhere to move your stuff too, or cut your losses and just take a "GO BAG".

 

As others have stated, knives, pots, pans, cups and glasses being thrown at you will come next. Yes I have been there, It was at that point that I drew the line. This isn't about me though, get out while you can still walk out on your own 2 feet, as opposed to a stretcher or body bag.

[terminatorchiangmai]

Start recording her when she gets angry, with your phone and  maybe a hidden cam ?

Not easy to break away.

Hope you will succeed.

 

Cheers

[DoctorG]

If you are on a high floor you might become a "suicide" if she gets angry enough to enlist some help.

[Scott]

An inflammatory post reported and removed.

[Colabamumbai]

Make a police report of her abuse, cover yourself.

[harrycallahan]

Set up hidden camera and wait. Then post footage so we can laugh at it. Then leave her. 

[thaiguzzi]

Jeez. 5 years?

Glutton for punishment.

[tompelli]

I can appreciate the concern about getting the police involved, generally fallangs take authority figures seriously. I was told by a former cop that they keep 2 report registers at the station. One is the official one, other is for what they consider trivial/revenge/fictitious complaints (which go nowhere). Mrs Somchai after being dumped for a new Mia, goes to the cop shop. She has her rant, signs her name in the book & job done. So the tourist police suggestion is probably a good choice

 Main thing is bail out & quickly before we read about you on here.

[Juan B Tong]

Two pussies in your house.

Abandon her you dolt.

[soistalker]

All she needs to do is tell police you are the aggessor, and you'll be arrested, mistreated, thrown into a holding cell with a bunch of dangerous guys who the police have told that you like to beat Thai women.  You will lose your job. 

This is all if you are lucky. You could end up dead.

Edited June 22, 2018 by soistalker

[shaurene]

You HAVE to leave Mate, no other way. If you want to live in Asia think about Vietnam, many have moved there and love it. You can easily end up with a knife attack. Wait till she goes out pack your bags quickly, empty your bank accounts and GO GO GO. Use your common sense Mate. I have been married to mine for 10 yrs, she has never ever been like yours, we talk, she listens and we understand each other. We have some problems with her family but she stays by my side most of the time. One suggestion made, YOU go to the tourist police and report it. Get out in one piece while you can. This is not a life to live.

[pappusrkr]

I have been exactly in same situation, I knew her for around 5 years and had issues less frequently at the beginning which grew with time. The last time without just any reason, I was speaking to a friend and she suddenly started smashing stuff (except her own). 98% of the stuff was bought by me all new. When I tried to stop her she started hitting me, and throwing stuff at me, I got hit a few times with cuts and bruises. Somehow grab my computer (it has most important things related to work) and my passport. I couldn’t even grab my wallet. I went out to save myself and not to be in a situation when she locked the door from inside and started yelling at me in front of the neighbors as if I was abusing her. I was not even wearing proper clothes, no money and nowhere to go. I went to the police station, they just casually talked to me and didn’t agree to take a report, saying "these things happen, it will be fine tomorrow". They said the max punishment for her would be just TBH 500, whereas the male person can be jailed. I somehow spent the night at a friend’s place (they helped me out), I would never forget that night 26th March 2011. Next morning, I went back together with some colleagues and a friend, and saw a truck parked in front of my home and guys loading stuff (TV, Fridge, bed etc.). I didn’t speak to her; her sister was present too. My colleagues knew she was moving out after speaking to her, and they asked me if those are all my stuff she is loading. I replied yes, I bought them all new but let her take it, I can buy them again. After 2 hours later, she and the truck gone. My home looked totally wrecked, nothing left was usable and not much left. Even my wallet, my wrist watches etc. all gone. I started again new, it took me a while but I got back everything. 2 months later she calls back to apologies and come back, to which I refused, then changed my phone number and my rented place. That was the end and I and feel happy today that it happened. I moved out of Thailand in June 2011 but I come back to visit every year, I have lots of friends and ex-colleagues there. As others suggest things might get worse, I have read lots of similar horror stories. As a foreigner you have very few rights in Thailand compared to a Thai female. Just try to find the right opportunity and move out, don’t think about belongings, you can always buy new one, let her keep them. You are also not legally married that’s an advantage. If you feel she is too aggressive, install some cam (go to panthip mall if you are in BKK), get some footage when she is fighting or smashing stuff for your own defense. Most important get some people (knowledgeable and trustable) involved in the conversation, it might help you. DO NOT DELAY, PLAN AND DO IT ASAP. 

[lionsincity]

1. make a police report stating the violence and you want her out

2. change the locks and pack all her belongings up 

3  leave belongings downstairs with security and a copy of the police report

4. return to condo and bolt the thing down.

5. either stay inside or rent a hotel room for a few days

[TKDfella]

13 minutes ago, lionsincity said:

1. make a police report stating the violence and you want her out

2. change the locks and pack all her belongings up 

3  leave belongings downstairs with security and a copy of the police report

4. return to condo and bolt the thing down.

5. either stay inside or rent a hotel room for a few days

No.1 would certainly have been my move long before the 5 years. If the OP is concerned about the police, get there first.

[murraynz]

are you a kid or a man ??  grow up...obviously she wont change---just leave..go  somewhere that she cant find you..

surely its not hard to find this simple solution....

[Vacuum]

As others have said; pack a bag. Clear all your bills and move to another city/region for a couple of months. Do not involve the police! You're lucky she's only a gf and not your wife.

[Mansell]

27 minutes ago, murraynz said:

are you a kid or a man ??  grow up...obviously she wont change---just leave..go  somewhere that she cant find you..

surely its not hard to find this simple solution....

Easy to say because you are not in his situation, and every person is different. You have been given good advice on here to get out and sooner than later. If you want to survive this woman leave before the weekend is over.....take your personal stuff passport, wallet, watches, etc. the rest is just crap which you can replace with a good shopping spree.....get out before it gets worse, and it always gets worse and not better. The woman is mentally disturbed, and that means capable of anything including murder and lying to the police.........do not walk away, run and do not look back. Take a taxi anywhere and enjoy your new life.

[SteveMack]

14 hours ago, Badrabbit said:

I would have left after the 1st time and maybe have given her a chance but on the 2nd time I would be gone, been with my Thai gf 9 yrs and never once has there been a problem, leave now and don't look back!!

 

Best option is to leave Thailand and don't tell her, she is a bully and a very violent one, you have no way out other than what I have suggested, stay and one day it won't be a fist it will be a knife, the very best of luck!!

 

Sent from my SM-G610F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

I Totally Agree. Get out now, ( or at least see legal advice from your Embassy.) and then get out.

 

 

 

 

 

[Stokakrishna]

I was in similar situation as you.

 Just after 2 weeks my gf started  howing these signs: extreme jelousy, control freak. Always nagging, complaining, calling every 10 min. 

 When she got mad, which was everyday (and got over smallest thing like: while in restaurant with her, orderring food could be a reason to fight cause i looked at the waitress while ordering food. So clearlybi was flirting with the waitress. Nonsense like that.

  Verbal abuse,   at home often  started fighting, punching, kicking, blackmailing.  I was pretty patient, but after a month i just left.

 She was threatening me that if i leave she will kill herself. Which i believed seeing how crazy she is.

 So one day i told her i am going to 7-11 but snack.

 And never came back.

 Took only my passport with me.

 Left everything else.

 Changed my phone number. Cancelled FB, changed email.  Mlved to another city, got a new job

 You should do the same. Just quietly leave. Leave your job. Move elsewhere.

 If want leave her just one message saying that u go back to your contry. Saying clearly: that you have had enough of her abuse. Make copy of it. And keep it. Or even send to few people