Lesson Finally Learned

[OneMoreFarang]

2 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

If that's aimed at me, just shows how wrong you can be when you don't know the whole story - I visited every 8 weeks for 2 weeks.

I think you take this way too serious. We all make mistakes and most of us learn from them after a while. Thailand and Thai people are very different from "the west" and many of us have difficulties to understand this.

 

But then again I also have difficulties to understand why some people want Brexit, why others vote for Trump or Duterte or why they drive a Citroen, ... I think often enough it's best to just accept that we don't understand why things happen.

[JRUSA]

5 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Maybe but it still makes Trump's TWEETS (sorry statements) the biggest bunch of stupid (sorry political) cr*p ever!

You do NOT need to be a US citizen to see what damage that person is doing to the world.  

What he is doing puts me in mind of the film "DR Strangelove".

PS; A bit out of context but you started it here.

I left the USA and came here when trump was elected.. I know exactly what a lair, and azzwhipe he is...

[OneMoreFarang]

Just now, JRUSA said:

I left the USA and came here when trump was elected.. I know exactly what a lair, and azzwhipe he is...

How long to you plan to stay out of the USA?

Because even after Trump there will be still the 62 million US citizens in that country who voted for him...

[scottiejohn]

11 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

If that's aimed at me, just shows how wrong you can be when you don't know the whole story - I visited every 8 weeks for 2 weeks.

Does the time span and frequency of your visits make any difference to the time span of her "loyalty" to you or "her" next "punter" (sorry lover!)?

[Shouldhaveknownbetter]

Just now, NoMeAmes said:

it took you 16 years, huh? I've been here for only 3 and I've noticed that the moral values here (and in other buddhist southeast asian countries, it seems) are not the same as in the west or in countries with abrahamistic religions. I went on a date with a Thai guy (I'm female) once, and he asked me what kinds of things I don't like. I said that I don't like liars, fake people, people who say A one day and say B the next day, or people who would rather lie than admitting that they've made a mistake or people who lie to gain something, even if hurts others. His reaction to what I said was clear: he didn't seem to see the problem in lying, at all. For me, lying is a black-and-white thing. That's why I don't do it lightly. I sometimes still deceive, but it is on some level taxing on my mental state. So I don't do it often. However, Thais don't seem to think this way. Maybe there is no concept of sin in buddhism, I don't know (someone please tell me whether buddhists know the concept of sinning). So everything is relative to them, everything is tolerable, as long as the "image" is preserved and the relative peace is kept. The guy wanted to continue the date, even though we've spent 4 hours together, which for me, felt like a torture because I saw him as this deceitful individual with no regard for others but himself (as long as his pride is not on the line) - classic Thai behavior. And after that he still texted me. I have no idea why - why keep on trying when it's clear it's as hopeless as Trump's hair?

Lying is a big no no to a true Buddhist.  

[JRUSA]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How long to you plan to stay out of the USA?

Because even after Trump there will be still the 62 million US citizens in that country who voted for him...

Permanently...

[scottiejohn]

15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

the knight in white armor.

I assume that would be "Sir Lancelot".  I leave the rest to your imagination!

[KhaoYai]

19 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think you take this way too serious. We all make mistakes and most of us learn from them after a while. Thailand and Thai people are very different from "the west" and many of us have difficulties to understand this.

Strange comment if you don't mind me saying - of course I take marriage seriously. I have learned from my mistakes - isn't that the title of this thread? The fact that Thai's are very different to Westerners is exactly the point I'm making.  Their ways are not acceptable to me so I won't be having any further relationships.......I think ?

[user343434]

I just posted my story in another thread.

 

You can be lucky or unlucky.. I was lucky.

...and some comment above is true.

Look for a girl that doesn't knowingly looking out for a Farang.

If she sits on a Buffalo, working hard in a rice field, runs shocked away because a Farang approaches her and she doesn't speak English then the chances are great that she is not from walking street or sent by her parents..

 

Then its up to you how much you adapt to the Thai culture but you want to live here so it's in my point of view the Farang that has to make the most changes otherwise for what did you leave your home country?  

 

[soistalker]

Whore.

[OneMoreFarang]

13 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

Strange comment if you don't mind me saying - of course I take marriage seriously. I have learned from my mistakes - isn't that the title of this thread? The fact that Thai's are very different to Westerners is exactly the point I'm making.  Their ways are not acceptable to me so I won't be having any further relationships.......I think ?

It seems to me you are not only struggling with the relationships but with "Thai" behavior in general. I guess it's much easier for you to understand the people at home. So if you want to understand people in Thailand there is an easy solution: Stay home.

[OneMoreFarang]

8 minutes ago, See Will said:

I just posted my story in another thread.

 

You can be lucky or unlucky.. I was lucky.

...and some comment above is true.

Look for a girl that doesn't knowingly looking out for a Farang.

If she sits on a Buffalo, working hard in a rice field, runs shocked away because a Farang approaches her and she doesn't speak English then the chances are great that she is not from walking street or sent by her parents..

 

Then its up to you how much you adapt to the Thai culture but you want to live here so it's in my point of view the Farang that has to make the most changes otherwise for what did you leave your home country?  

 

And what would be your plan for the future with such a girl? Keep her at home and make sure she will never mingle with other Thai/farang couples? Sooner or later she will meet other women who are not only together with a guy because they love him too much...

[micmichd]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Does your social group in the west contain lots of prostitutes and lots of uneducated people with very little money?

Many of us would never have a prostitute as a girlfriend in the west and certainly never marry one.

And most middle class people wouldn't hang around with people who are best case on minimum wage. And they wouldn't mingle with girls who never finished school.

But while visiting Thailand the same people meet all the time low paid, uneducated prostitutes. And then they complain that "Thais" are different...

Hang on, there's more prostitutes per capita in Germany than in Thailand, and there are certainly customers for them.

Edited August 7, 2018 by micmichd

[Gecko123]

56 minutes ago, See Will said:

Look for a girl that doesn't knowingly looking out for a Farang.

If she sits on a Buffalo, working hard in a rice field, runs shocked away because a Farang approaches her and she doesn't speak English then the chances are great that she is not from walking street or sent by her parents..

 

Then its up to you how much you adapt to the Thai culture but you want to live here so it's in my point of view the Farang that has to make the most changes otherwise for what did you leave your home country?  

"Chances are good she's not a hooker." Okay, I'll give you that. But chances are also very good that she has no more than a ninth grade education, has already had one or more children, has had more than her share of sun, insecticide, herbicide exposure, has been raised on a poor diet, was raised in a single parent or absent parent household, will more likely struggle to adjust to farang ways (especially if relocating back to home country), and is more likely to see a relationship with a foreigner as a ticket out of poverty.

 

By the way, the "if she doesn't speak English she's probably not a hooker" reasoning (something which I used to think as well) ignores the fact that girls sometimes start out working in karaoke bars and venues which sexually cater to Thai clientele before transitioning to more tourist oriented locales. Also, as English is taught from kindergarten on up in all Thai schools, a complete lack of English skills strongly suggests a less than stellar academic record on her part.

 

So in all honesty, as 'Farmer in the Dell' idylic as I know it sounds on paper, I would not recommend Thai farm girls as prime marital prospects for the vast majority of foreign men.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Gecko123

[bananafish]

A big obstacle with my relationships with Thais is I'm not a family man. I see my family once every two years and I'd prefer to see hers no more often. 

[KhunFred]

That guy should have read "Private Dancer". Sad, but this is Thailand.

[user343434]

59 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And what would be your plan for the future with such a girl? Keep her at home and make sure she will never mingle with other Thai/farang couples? Sooner or later she will meet other women who are not only together with a guy because they love him too much...

Yes can happen,

 

18 years I know her and 14 years we are married and there was no asking for a house, no bank account.

The only thing what changed was she speaks now well English, she has learned about modern farming and she has learned that not every Farang is a Barfly who is blowing the money out in whore houses.

 

Sure and honest, our real love and trust came much later than 14 years ago.

 

I would like to confirm from the Thai Point of View:

you go and get a Farang but be aware they just want to look good with a Thai Girl at their side and over the years they have 4 more of them. 

 

Seems I must have been lucky to hit the jackpot but I bet that I am right,

there are heaps more of me.

Just the bad stories feed this forum and the good stories nobody wants to hear coz they give no reason to join the chorus of moaners and bad talkers.

Just scroll up and see who the shoe fits.. 

[Kevbo]

4 hours ago, bubba45 said:

Quite a few years back a novel came out here called "Private Dancer".  A writer for the BKK Post, believe it was, reviewed it and said it should be handed out free to every single westerner coming into the country.  One of the many occurrences in the book was exactly that, husband passed off as brother.  Good, entertaining read.  Still in print, as far as I know.

I believe it was by the brilliant Stephen Leather.

[OneMoreFarang]

49 minutes ago, micmichd said:

Hang on, there's more prostitutes per capita in Germany than in Thailand, and there are certainly customers for them.

You might be right. But as far as I know most customers in Germany visit them for a short time and that's it. No romance, no going out for dinner, no "I love you too much", no girlfriend. It's a business transaction and that's fine.

It's like hiring a maid or a cook. Even if they do their job right there is no reason to marry them.

But then guys come to Thailand...

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

The trick is to find a Thai woman that has never knowingly thought about a relationship with a Farang or has no acquaintances who have Farang partners. Then they have nothing to compare it with.

I willing to bet there are just as many TV members who have long term successful relationships as those that had problems, if not more.

I might take that bet. I too know several successful Thai-farang marriages, but I believe they are outliers. The problem is how do we get the empirical data to make the determination.

[smotherb]

5 hours ago, hellohello123 said:

be careful!!!, she may trade you in for any farang in any part of the world!!!???

That pretty much disrespects that man's wife. Do you even know them?

[user343434]

36 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You might be right. But as far as I know most customers in Germany visit them for a short time and that's it. No romance, no going out for dinner, no "I love you too much", no girlfriend. It's a business transaction and that's fine.

It's like hiring a maid or a cook. Even if they do their job right there is no reason to marry them.

But then guys come to Thailand...

Well I would say the (mainly east) European Hookers love you as much than a Thai hooker in Walking Street, just you need a much more filled wallet to upkeep a more than 5 hrs relationship.. 

There was a Time on the Reeperbahn the price made a German Coin famous.

The "Heiermann" (5 Marks) Now it's the "Fuffi" that drags you in the Room and another Fuffi lets her take the Bra off.. 

Before you ask now:

Yes I have been in the German Navy, done all, spent all to a time, Penicillin was still a painful Jab and not a Pill ?

[SOTIRIOS]

...well said...

 

...as for someone's advice about....'the trick being'....

 

...part of this culture is how to 'deal with'....to put it politely.....foreigners....

 

...and it has been passed down generation to generation.....

 

....like 'the white powder' that is kept under the sink.....

 

...and of course...we will never be privy to any of it...we are the targets....'the marks'....

 

....it took you a few years.....another foreigner 7 years......

 

...and some of you...longer...10...20...30 years...

 

...for me...it ate away at me for 12 years....thinking....'she will come to her senses'...

 

...and for some of you....' It's okay'...you accept... 'the trade-off'....

 

...but sadly...at the end of the day...this is grand-scale scamming.....

 

...and we....and our original families and loved ones...and our mixed children...pay the price...

 

...one of the reasons so many of us cannot look each other in the eyes...

 

...or give each other a hearty greeting....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[micmichd]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You might be right. But as far as I know most customers in Germany visit them for a short time and that's it. No romance, no going out for dinner, no "I love you too much", no girlfriend. It's a business transaction and that's fine.

It's like hiring a maid or a cook. Even if they do their job right there is no reason to marry them.

But then guys come to Thailand...

Yes, and then they come to Thailand and promise Thai ladies a rose garden. Like a house in Germany, where in fact the house belongs to a bank, the mother, or someone else. 

Why should a poor farmergirl from Issan want to.marry someone like this?

Edited August 7, 2018 by micmichd

[Spidey]

6 hours ago, oldrunner said:

Berkshire sure sounds British so leave President Trump out of your limited mental capability.

Ooo, I can feel your pain from here!

[Sprigger]

As they would say in the House of Commons, Here Here.

[bermannor]

2 hours ago, See Will said:

Just the bad stories feed this forum and the good stories nobody wants to hear coz they give no reason to join the chorus of moaners and bad talkers.

Just scroll up and see who the shoe fits.. 

Why should a hardworking farang farmer, integrated into the community, taking care of wife and kids, read TVF and read and post on threads like this one to a bunch of loosers or selfproclaimed reborn Thai experts?

[swissie]

6 hours ago, Pilotman said:

Ha ha, good luck finding one of those mate.  They dont exist.  All Thai girls and older woman know about the Farang game.  The vast majority know someone married to one,  or were married to one,  or knows someone who knows someone who has a story about one. 

 

On your second point about successful  mixed relationships, absolutely right, probably more than ones that fail, they just don' t write about it on forums.   

QUOTE: "On your second point about successful  mixed relationships, absolutely right, probably more than ones that fail, they just don' t write about it on forums."

Well, actually there ARE quite a few posters that write about their successful marriages on social media. I know a few of them personally.
It's just that suddenly, some of them "drop out of sight" (even e-mails are not being answered anymore). Oftentimes, an "on location" fact finding mission reveals, that the "successful" marriage has turned into a "unsuccessful" marriage in the meantime.

Understandable, they don't blow a bugle to let the world know, that their "successful" marriage has failed in the meantime.
They become like old soldiers: They didn't die, they just faded away. On social media and otherwise.....
Cheers.

[sandrabbit]

5 hours ago, NoMeAmes said:

it took you 16 years, huh? I've been here for only 3 and I've noticed that the moral values here (and in other buddhist southeast asian countries, it seems) are not the same as in the west or in countries with abrahamistic religions. I went on a date with a Thai guy (I'm female) once, and he asked me what kinds of things I don't like. I said that I don't like liars, fake people, people who say A one day and say B the next day, or people who would rather lie than admitting that they've made a mistake or people who lie to gain something, even if hurts others. His reaction to what I said was clear: he didn't seem to see the problem in lying, at all. For me, lying is a black-and-white thing. That's why I don't do it lightly. I sometimes still deceive, but it is on some level taxing on my mental state. So I don't do it often. However, Thais don't seem to think this way. Maybe there is no concept of sin in buddhism, I don't know (someone please tell me whether buddhists know the concept of sinning). So everything is relative to them, everything is tolerable, as long as the "image" is preserved and the relative peace is kept. The guy wanted to continue the date, even though we've spent 4 hours together, which for me, felt like a torture because I saw him as this deceitful individual with no regard for others but himself (as long as his pride is not on the line) - classic Thai behavior. And after that he still texted me. I have no idea why - why keep on trying when it's clear it's as hopeless as Trump's hair?

I love your post but this isn't just Thailand this is the way Asia works from all the countries I've worked in. A lot of what you are saying is the Asian way of not saying anything bad or avoiding saying they are wrong so an Asian finding out the truth wouldn't react but us outsiders pull them up on this.

[NoMeAmes]

11 minutes ago, sandrabbit said:

I love your post but this isn't just Thailand this is the way Asia works from all the countries I've worked in. A lot of what you are saying is the Asian way of not saying anything bad or avoiding saying they are wrong so an Asian finding out the truth wouldn't react but us outsiders pull them up on this.

There's a difference between not saying anything and knowingly spit out lies.... One is passive, which, in my eyes, are more acceptable. The other one is done consciously and in order to gain something from the person who is being lied to (so yes, there will always be a victim). And if we're speaking about the first type, then yes, pretty much the entire Asia functions like this. It's the whole "saving face" culture. However, in countries where abrahamistic religions are the majority, saving face doesn't trump morals and principles. Children are taught not to lie, but to admit to their mistakes and their failures. That admitting them makes you then able to go on. And that lies will only dig you a hole in the ground cause you're gonna have to keep on lying to cover up each lie you spit out. I know this, I grew up in one of these non-buddhist countries. I grew up being taught that morality and principles do not trump pride and wealth or image in public.