Frustrated Farang Husband

[trainman34014]

Run Forest....Run !

[smotherb]

3 minutes ago, billsmart said:

Assuming the kids are minors, I say take the kids and go, and preferably out of Thailand. Of course I'm only basing my opinion on the OP. She might have a different story. Who knows?

What if the kids would rather stay with mommy? I think all of us are simply taking his word for it.

[TKDfella]

Although my Thai (ex) wife and I did not have children I also suffered (as many other expats have done) with 'the  family'. Her brothers continually 'persuaded' her to extort money from me (because I trusted her) and eventually I moved out hoping it would teach her a lesson. I returned only to leave again 18 months later. I still hoped. I returned yet again but I said that there would not be a third time. One year later one of the brothers persuaded her to get 20,000 Baht from me via her bank but they didn't think it through. I won't go the into details but I insisted the money was returned to me and I left for the third time. As a result I started the divorce effort an two years later we were divorced. I could have taken her to court to try and reclaim some of the money I had spent in building this & that but decided that I would more likely spend a lot more going that route (as well as all the trouble and upset I was likely to experience) and after 18 years, managed a quick divorce. Some friends told me I should have fought to get some compensation and some thought I did the right thing and moved on. It's all down to the individual but make a choice and do the best to stay with it. Having children, in the middle, as it were, is never easy (experienced that in my first divorce). Best of luck to the OP.

[rumak]

7 hours ago, Krataiboy said:

Heartbreaking though they are, we need to hear more horror stories like this latest example. Forewarned, after all, is forearmed.

if you change your pic you'll get more   likes  ?

[arcturaz]

On 8/22/2018 at 3:20 PM, Esso49 said:

Were you married when your children were born ?

Yes I was married when my Son was born. I divorced three years ago after I discovered many things. I obtained an agreement specifying I have custody of my Son. The girl is adopted, but not technically a full adoption (connected to my ex's family). Thak you for the reply by the way. Esss

[arcturaz]

14 hours ago, JimmyTheMook said:

I don't at all.

 

Stay away from long term relationships with Isaan women and their deadbeat trash families.

 

 

Thaks for the kindness, very nice of you ...

[arcturaz]

Again I want to thank EVERYONE for the amazing responses. Never in my life did I expect to get such a range of intelligent and useful responses from so many people. This is helping. I am aware of my deficiency and the fact that by even living with her I am creating a problem. The responses are very instructive and encouraging. I just want to say THANK YOU to EVERYONE for the POSITIVE, and STRENGTHENING FEEDBACK. 

[arcturaz]

2 hours ago, smotherb said:

What if the kids would rather stay with mommy? I think all of us are simply taking his word for it.

They might, but I have custody. Thai Moms are very good at control. 

[arcturaz]

8 hours ago, Megasin1 said:

I feel for you dude and went through a similar thing with my ex thai wife who in her words wanted "to try a different flavoured coffee" LOL. Some people walk away, some people don't, everyone is different. In my particular case I walked and I am now living a fairly contented life. When I fly to Thailand I book a chick, bang and return home, a life without commitments, never having to walk endlessly around shopping malls or meet relatives that you don't know, or even don't like, is a pretty good life. My plans to retire to Thailand were delayed when my half Thai daughter wanted to come to school in England but I wouldn't have that any other way and although now Thailand has probably just become a holiday destination for everyone as her life path is headed in a European direction my experiences have taught me that considering any woman for a long term relationship is not always the best of options and you can have fun and dictate your own life and be a lot wealthier and happy at the same time. What you do is up to you, however whatever you do don't look back with anger or regret, just look forward and enjoy your life, everything else will sort itself out, even the kids. I wish you all the best.

Yes, I have this delusional concept of a lifetime marriage and a happy family, pathetic I know. 

[arcturaz]

9 hours ago, wolf81 said:

Haven't read all responses, but …

 

From what I understand you have decent businesses, can take care of yourself. I would try to buy some decent apartment for myself, live on my own or (preferably) together with the kids.

 

Discuss with your wife who will take care of the kids. Say if you take care of the kids, you pay for everything, but if your wife takes care, it's her responsibility. The idea is to stop funding your wife and her extended family. Your wife probably won't have the money to take care of the kids, so she will (hopefully) prefer you to do this. 

 

Then your wife can party with all the men in her village and you can live your own life again. 

 

It's possibly a good idea for you then to not hook up long term with another wife by then or you must be really sure she's a good lady.

 

By the way my Thai girlfriend is an excellent cook and housekeeper - so I don't know about the "Thai style housekeeping" you mentioned. My GF is cleaning the house every single day, doing laundry every day, making nice breakfast for me and our daughter, etc… 

I have never seen a really well kept Thai home, most seem like storage rooms. I am happy you found a perfect lady. 

[BEVUP]

4 minutes ago, arcturaz said:

They might, but I have custody.

So this was agreed upon by the wife or did you have it forced by the courts

 

BUT remember (actually maybe 2 things )

* As mentioned will the kids want to go with you - You mentioned you moved your business to another country (or can you control that from here, with minimal onsite trips ). who will look after kids in that case

* It's all fair & good to say you have Custody, but as I have read in previous Posts it doesn't mean much to a up country family & could take yrs to enforce

[arcturaz]

8 hours ago, Krataiboy said:

What a harrowing tale of woe from yet another falang put through the mincer by a scheming and immoral Thai partner.  

 

If ever a new "Me, Too" movement were needed, it is to name and shame these hard-hearted hannahs who tarnish the world-wide reputation of all Thai women.

 

Hardly a week goes by without a fresh account of their nefarious activities.

 

I'd wager a month's pension against a plate of somtam that their luckless victims far outnumber those of Harvey Weinstein and others out in the recent Hollywood 'gropes of wrath' scandal.

 

They are getting away with murder - literally in some cases. All too often, Thai law being the way it is, a wronged falang husband's only recourse is to walk away and write off his generous investment in love and money.

 

Heartbreaking though they are, we need to hear more horror stories like this latest example. Forewarned, after all, is forearmed.

I am not playing the victim. I am human, made mistakes too. However, the account given is approximately 1/3 rd of the actual situation. It simply does not sound believable, so I just focused on the more salient details.; 

[arcturaz]

8 hours ago, Dene16 said:

It's fairly obvious you have have some kind of misguided loyalty to your wife but i believe you know deep down this relationship is doomed. You just want/need others to reaffirm your very own thoughts that there is nothing worth/left saving.

In the end it's your decision but don't waste another x amount of years trying to hold onto something that will never return. The mistrust will never ever go away and just continue to grind away at you

If you leave. it is my belief, it is something you will not regret in the future but how do your children feel about this? (i doubt they are aware). how old are they? how will you look after them? etc etc

People will always stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons and sometimes out of necessity.

It's going to be hard but but you need to make that step/leap into the unknown for yourself

Good luck

 

 

 

 

 

Boy 8 (I have custody)  Girl 5 (I do not have custody). It will tear them apart and possibly leave a horrible scar affecting both of them for life.; 

[arcturaz]

11 hours ago, bkkgriz said:

Mate, cut the cord, pull the trigger, rip the band-aid off. Choose whichever metaphor you like, but just get you and your kids out of there. It Will Not Get Better. She has seen how much $hit you will take, a lot apparently, and has you measured. You did your best and now it is time to move on. Good luck. 

I agree

[arcturaz]

11 hours ago, bsdthai said:

she sounds like a pc of sht. leave her. lifes too short. You sound pussy whipped but it sounds like its getting whipped too much. Get out now. Be proud and go. Its not your fault. Your not compatible. If you were she wouldn't cheat. My wife would never dream of it but everyother women ive known would or has. Lifes not ober. keep searching and save the kids.

I never really bought into the whole pussy whipped ideology thing. I am not less a man for applying patience and understanding. However, I do need to apply the same to myself. 

[BEVUP]

5 minutes ago, arcturaz said:

By the way my Thai girlfriend is an excellent cook and housekeeper - so I don't know about the "Thai style housekeeping" you mentioned. My GF is cleaning the house every single day, doing laundry every day, making nice breakfast for me and our daughter, etc… 

Same here but wife

The only bad thing she has done is give her family everything financially, they all come out of the wood work when they know a Falangs around & wait for the right time to strike

[smotherb]

9 minutes ago, arcturaz said:

They might, but I have custody. Thai Moms are very good at control. 

Well, then I guess you can legally take them from their mother. However, is that what they want?  Of course, the younger they are the easier it may be. However, I believe you said you had been married 17years.  

[arcturaz]

12 hours ago, rumak said:

OP........are you following the feedback ??   Maybe the "advice" sounds a bit harsh (to some)......but from what you write on your post about the relationship ( and i hate to call it that),   it seems you are really

keeping yourself in a living hell .     Give us your thoughts on the feedback .  I for one would like to know

WHY ?????

The advice is excellent and correct in most aspects. However, relationships are not always so cut and dry. She did this years ago, seems to be getting better. The real issue is the obvious division that exists, it is palpable. It is not about revenge or pride, really it is about rebuilding with RELIABLE materials. 

[arcturaz]

11 hours ago, smotherb said:

My issue is not whether he was a good husband or not. Why did he put up with it at all. He must have seen early on that the woman neither worked nor wanted to and had no ambition other than being taken care of. He then had all that reinforced with being cuckolded and the bread-winner for her family.

 

I know some say they don't mind that, great, more power to them. However, I can only express what my feelings would be.

Do good husbands leave at the slightest sign of trouble? DO we want to marry women who divorce us when we make mistakes? Reverse the logic and then you will understand my reason for trying to make this work out. 

[rumak]

7 minutes ago, arcturaz said:

Do good husbands leave at the slightest sign of trouble? DO we want to marry women who divorce us when we make mistakes? Reverse the logic and then you will understand my reason for trying to make this work out. 

read your original post again.   are you schizophrenic?  .   It seems you are the one reversing all logic.

I'm outahere.     

[BEVUP]

9 minutes ago, rumak said:

read your original post again.   are you schizophrenic?  .   It seems you are the one reversing all logic.

I'm outahere.     

I can see the problem & had this yrs ago - Not the part where legs were spread (that for sure would of had my bags packed )

 

In my case many posters said leave (I have a 10 yr old son as well )

 

But my way around this financial problem was to make sure there was no avenue to do such again

 

& there isn't - Car in my name / House in Son & wife

 

So he is giving it yet another go, no doubt should have the financial side wrapped up (as I was peed & letting wife know that I don't sweat my butt of all day for yrs for the family )

 

My wife is very good in taking care of Son & house 

 

But my first sentence would would make all the above null invoide as there is no grey area 

Edited August 23, 2018 by BEVUP

[swissie]

Summarising the advice concerning this thread: Most posters advice is: "Get out of this living hell". Fine. Under the circumstance, it seems to be the thing to do.

UNLESS:

- The Farang has invested a major part of his life-savings in "immovable" assets in paradise. (Land, House etc.)
Not easy to get "the hell out of dodge" and live off a "pension" in the future. Especially if the "pension" only allowes for a 6000 Bht fan-room in Pattaya or a bedsit in the UK.

Over the last 22 years I have met a few so called "well-established" Farangs in Thailand that are living under similar circumstances like the OP, commenting their situation with: "I have no other place to go to anymore", my situation will not allow for it". (Referring to their financial-situation, I suppose).
So they tend to stay in their known self created hell (that they paid for), instead of heading for a new unknow form of hell.
In short: "Getting out of dodge" is easily said. Without the ability to bankroll the "getting out of dodge", it may turn out to be as "not feasable".
No money= no honey and no "starting over".
Cheers.

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, arcturaz said:

Do good husbands leave at the slightest sign of trouble? DO we want to marry women who divorce us when we make mistakes? Reverse the logic and then you will understand my reason for trying to make this work out. 

I don't see the problems you described as "slightest signs." As I said, some are willing to put up with it. I am not. However, it is not a one-way street, to be treated well, you need to reciprocate. Some don't realize that and only take. Others blame anyone but themselves. What you described is your version. Would her version be any different?

[catman20]

15 hours ago, Hummin said:

For me it is a personal choice based on what I observe and what I have experienced. It is not based on a racist view, but on cultural differences. 

 

An father in Thailand have  no rights whatsoever you think, if not the child is citizen of your own homecountry solely. Custody right here if thai, can innbest case happen if you have a very good and solid case. I would not let my child greew up here without my presence! 

better still dont have children here.

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, catman20 said:

better still dont have children here.

It could happen, if you do not snitch your string! 

[catman20]

8 hours ago, BEVUP said:

I can see the problem & had this yrs ago - Not the part where legs were spread (that for sure would of had my bags packed )

 

In my case many posters said leave (I have a 10 yr old son as well )

 

But my way around this financial problem was to make sure there was no avenue to do such again

 

& there isn't - Car in my name / House in Son & wife

 

So he is giving it yet another go, no doubt should have the financial side wrapped up (as I was peed & letting wife know that I don't sweat my butt of all day for yrs for the family )

 

My wife is very good in taking care of Son & house 

 

But my first sentence would would make all the above null invoide as there is no grey area 

I can see the problem & had this yrs ago - Not the part where legs were spread (that for sure would of had my bags packed )

 

ive herd so many farangs say that over the years and when it happen they do FA sweep it under the carpet as tho nothing happened and make some B S excuse as tho it wasn't her fault or she didn't mean it. 

[catman20]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

It could happen, if you do not snitch your string! 

had a vasectomy years ago, im far to smart for these chicks. 

im no meal ticket ! ?

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, catman20 said:

had a vasectomy years ago, im far to smart for these chicks. 

im no meal ticket ! ?

Is it only me, why have kids in Thailand? Of course if you are rich, and then I mean rich and wealthy, of course you have a solid ground to start with, but with everything that can happen down here, the culture, and no rights at all as an citizen (stranger)? I just do not get it. Yes, have a gf, get married of visa reasons, or whatever, but having kids? Sorry, off topic

[catman20]

8 hours ago, arcturaz said:

Boy 8 (I have custody)  Girl 5 (I do not have custody). It will tear them apart and possibly leave a horrible scar affecting both of them for life.; 

thats life do what you can to get the girl but if your being blackmailed by the mother with your daughter she may have to be collateral damage i fear. better to save yourself and your boy than all 3 of you having a $hit life foe the next 13/14 years. good luck

P.S im sure a few bahts in this woman's hand will free the daughter from her grip.

Edited August 23, 2018 by catman20

[Skallywag]

I've read only parts of this and not knowing the wife or family of the wife (I do not say "your" wife as you never possess another human).  If you stay in Thailand - the mother will have visitation rights correct?  This means she will know where you live.  Woman are unpredictable - bad things could happen to you when those visitations occur or at other unknown times when you are at home..  Maybe just me being paranoid.  Am also a bit perplexed as to why you want to raise a boy (DNA testing done?) and adopted daughter by yourself.  I do not know your age and "business" situation - but having raised a son I can tell you it is not easy or cheap.  Children are a joy, yet limit your social life tremendously with or without a spouse .  With children there are no guarantees that they will love and respect you after they "mature"....they can become similar to a bad thai family - wanting money all the time and you rarely ever see them or hear from them.  Yes am a bit cynical as well as paranoid it seems - or maybe I was just a bad father - though I do not think so.  Faith may provide comfort - but is not Truth

Edited August 24, 2018 by RicUSA