Worst Joke Ever 2025

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Breaking news:

 

In response to Iran preparing a new load of drones for Russian use in Ukraine...

 

...the US re-provisions a battalion of heavy armour as a counter move.

 

[Zyxel]

A Great Dane and a Beagle were sitting in side by side cages at the vets.

The Great Dane asked the Beagle, “Why are you in here?”

The Beagle replied, “ I’m afraid my owner is having me put down.”

“Why?” asked the Great Dane.

“Because I am unable to control myself during full moons. I howl all night long. My owner is fed up. with me”

“Wow, sorry to hear that.” said the Great Dane.

“Why are you here?” meekly asked the Beagle.

“I also have a behavioral problem. Whenever my owner comes home after work and undresses, she bends over to pull off her pantyhose. I can’t control myself. I mount my owner from behind.”

“Wow…. That sounds like a big problem. Is she having you put down also?

“No, she’s having my nails clipped.”

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[scottiejohn]

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I was there remonstrating the locals.  That's another fine mess you got us into, Stanley.

Your more travelled than Dr Livingstone I presume!

One minute in Thailand then in Port Stanley and now in Lake Tanganyika!

All the more surprising given your testicular disabilities or have you just made a balls of your geography?

[VocalNeal]

56 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

and now in Lake Tanganyika!

You are confusing your Stanley's , what a tool????

[ballpoint]

13 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

You are confusing your Stanley's , what a tool????

No need to put the knife in.

[VocalNeal]

8 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

No need to put the knife in.

You think you're a bit of a blade????

[scottiejohn]

23 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

You are confusing your Stanley's , what a tool????

What a plane comment.  Sharpen up or you will get screwed to the workbench!

[scottiejohn]

1 minute ago, VocalNeal said:

You think you're a bit of a blade????

Not as sharp as me!!!

I'm a cut above the rest! IM(very)HO!

[scottiejohn]

11 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

No need to put the knife in.

Cutting up rough again or are you just swizzing around!

[scottiejohn]

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I'm not sure I get that!  I think I'll give it a minute to sink in and see if I can get to the bottom of it!

[VocalNeal]

31 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

You are confusing your Stanley's , what a tool????

Or even a power tool???? Spin on it.

[ballpoint]

9 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

You think you're a bit of a blade????

You should retract that comment.

[scottiejohn]

Just now, ballpoint said:

You should retract that comment.

OK! I fold you are too sharp for me!

[ballpoint]

1 minute ago, scottiejohn said:

I'm not sure I get that!  I think I'll give it a minute to sink in!

Put it on ice.  I'm sure you'll get it later.

[scottiejohn]

7 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

 

 

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Put it on ice.  I'm sure you'll get it later.

I feel crushed now! 

[scottiejohn]

I think I have nailed it as I know the drill now, I will get a vice like hold on this subject and hammer out a cast iron solution that you should awl be turning out much sharper reciprocating responses in future!

 

 

PS;  Sorry @VocalNeal about quoting you above.  I don't know how that happened!

[scottiejohn]

12 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Put it on ice.  I'm sure you'll get it later.

I see we might end up on a collision course soon!

[VocalNeal]

5 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

I think I have nailed it as I know the drill now, I will get a vice like hold on this subject and hammer out a cast iron solution that you should awl be turning out much sharper reciprocating responses in future!

 

 

PS;  Sorry @VocalNeal about quoting you above.  I don't know how that happened!

No worries this is a humour thread

[Crossy]

Thirty years since this was first published, it's as true (maybe more) today as it's always been.

 

[VocalNeal]

^ or even on Tinder????

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[scottiejohn]

4 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

^ or even on Tinder????

I remember you now!

[tomazbodner]

6 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I'm not sure I get that!  I think I'll give it a minute to sink in and see if I can get to the bottom of it!

Just don't do it in Titan!