Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

Same with me and...... old whatsername !!

[scottiejohn]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Well, I'll tread carefully and step out onto the landing then, but let me know what the final ladder looks like.

I think there are some snakes up here chasing me back down the ladder but the landing light is not on!.  What do I do now, just dice with death as normal and keep shaking before I loose my grip, on reality, or my cup and take up Ludo!

PS; What are my chances of coming out on top?

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

He doesn’t look a day over 24 !!

I suggest you stop looking in the mirror.

PS;  Oh S**t It's me thats looking in the mirror!

[scottiejohn]

2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

sometimes I might have to resort to an old one

Like the self portrait you just posted above! 

And I didn't know you were in the LGB scene!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Like the self portrait you just posted above! 
And I didn't know you were in the LGB scene!

I have standards I’ll have you know !!!

They are lower than a snakes belly but I do have them..... honest......please believe me !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Rumour has it that Burt Bacharach was strolling in this neighbourhood when he saw this shop ...............................and the rest is history !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Happy memories !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

This explains everything !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Seems reasonable [emoji848]

[vogie]

[ozbanglamung]

Why do Kiwi's like to XXXX sheep on the edge of a cliff ?

 

Because they push back harder.

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 Stop naming hospitals after dead people. 
Give us some hope. 
Like, where's the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital? 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Do you want to know the secret to making your spouse / partner go
Mmmmmmm m mm mm mm
mmmmmmmm all night?

Duct Tape and a rope!
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A blonde takes her car to a mechanic, he says 
“Nothing to worry about, just s*it in the air filter”. 

She says 'Brilliant, so how many times a day do I have to do that?'
 

[scottiejohn]

[Crossy]

[chickenslegs]

Some definitions from ISIHAC ...

· Exist – person who is prejudiced against their former lovers

· Hackney – IRA punishment before the invention of guns

· Hammersmith – the legend of Mjöllnir, weapon of the mighty Thor

· Laxity – a rural area

· Mailbag – scrotum

· Phobia – not real ale

· Psychotic – nervous twitch that makes you stab people

· Pumpkin – commit incest

· Rampart – part of a ram

· Rueful – a traffic jam in France

· Seamstress – the consequence of an over-generous lunch

· Transsubstantiation – providing evidence of one’s sex change

· Watershed – outdoor toilet

· Wednesday – ‘At what hour does the sun rise?’

[chickenslegs]

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?"

The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

[chickenslegs]

Some people thought Emperor Hadrian was mad when he built a wall between England and Scotland. Let’s be fair, it’s been nearly 2,000 years and not a single Mexican has sneaked through.

[Andrew Dwyer]

I always knew he was a wrong ‘un !!

His eyes are too close together !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Yup !!

This would be me !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Mine does exactly the same thing !! [emoji848]

[Andrew Dwyer]

What “ brake failure “ really looks like !!

[ballpoint]

[fasteddie]

[fasteddie]

[Crossy]