I had a rash on my testicles. I went to see a woman doctor, and she was holding my testicles.

She said, "You’ve got to stop Masturbating."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

15 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

You need to put Trump's head on it

Actually, I would love to put his head IN it.😂

Mmmm .... you may have to think about that one

Fella buys a talking centipede for £5000 and takes it home in a small box.

After 30 minutes, he opens the box and says, “Would you like to go for a pint?”

The centipede doesn’t answer.

He repeats the question louder — still no reply.

Now annoyed, he shouts it.

The centipede sticks his head out and says:

“I heard you the first time… I’m putting my frickin’ shoes on.”

The speed of sound is a funny thing.

Your parents tell you something when you're 20, and you only hear it when you are 40...

When the headline we're all waiting for is finally written, this is the image I'll post.