A man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse arrives and gives him a partial sponge bath.

 "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

 Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

 She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

 The man reaches up, slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but I wanted to know:

 Are - my - test - results - back?" 

I work for the Samaritans, I keep ringing them up to resign but they keep talking me out of it.

14 hours ago, sotonowl said:

I work for the Samaritans, I keep ringing them up to resign but they keep talking me out of it.

Good question [emoji848]

When I was a child I thought that earwigs actually lived in your ears, imagine how scared I was of cockroaches.

When I was a child I thought that earwigs actually lived in your ears, imagine how scared I was of cockroaches.

What about bumblebees ??

1 minute ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

What about bumblebees ??

What about buying a huge TV to watch the Championship play offs and opening the box to find no leeds.

What about buying a huge TV to watch the Championship play offs and opening the box to find no leeds.

A low blow there [emoji20]

3 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

A low blow there

I'm gutted too.????????

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

What about bumblebees ??

What about an ASS?

What about an ASS?

I think I might notice if an ass is living in my ass !!

I’m quite perceptive that way !!

31 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I think I might notice if an ass is living in my ass !!

I’m quite perceptive that way !!

I was going to say you would know if you had been stuffed or has something up your a*S* but then I remembered how insensitive you are and might not notice!

But it's ok I just remembered you are a TV member and posting on this forum.????

 

 

I fell head over heels for a female tennis player.  I bought her flowers and diamonds, but it was all in vain.  Love meant nothing to her.

16 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I think I might notice if an ass is living in my ass !!

I’m quite perceptive that way !!

Might be just the tip of the iceberg?

Might involve a loss of face !!

7 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

Might be just the tip of the iceberg?

COS you lettuce put it there!

Edited May 23, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

18 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I fell head over heels for a female tennis player.  I bought her flowers and diamonds, but it was all in vain.  Love meant nothing to her.

Maybe she had her duche/deuce(s) mixed up and wanted to wash you out of her mind(or somewhere) or just didn't want tied into a net loss engagement.

4 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Might involve a loss of face !!

More a case of in your face!