"What's wrong, Jake, you look all fired up," said his mate. 
"I sure am. My girl's going to die of the cl*p." 
"No, don't worry. People don't die of the cl*p these days." 
"They do when they give it to me." 
 

It was the young girl's first day in her new job as P.A. to the company director. Before she was called in to his room one of the other secretaries took her aside. 
"I think I ought to warn you that your new boss is a right old randy devil. He'll rip your dress off at the first opportunity." 
"Thanks for warning me," replied the girl. I'll remember to wear an old dress in future." 
 

Two gay boys were having a terrible row. 
"<deleted> off," screamed the first. 
"Go to hell," retorted the second. 
"Kiss my a&se," replied the first. 
"Oh you want to make up now," smiled the second. 
 

 

Ah!  So that's clear then!

Seems like a bargain !!

Clever kid this !!

Seems reasonable !!

Doh !!

I once had a Mexican girlfriend with only one tooth !!



Juanita was her name [emoji51]

Who’s training who ??

Makin’ bacon [emoji3]

A common problem for many expats !!

Now why didn’t I think of that ??

Accidentally ??........ yeah right !!

One for the music lovers amongst us !!

RIP Grumpy Cat

( Facebook fans will get this )

If you didn’t quite get my last post , here are some of Grumpy Cats posts on FB.









He would have fit in so well here on TVF !!

The stadium was absolutely full for the grand final - with the exception of one empty seat.  The bloke sitting on one side of it leaned over and asked the fella on the other side "How come that seat's empty?  I know a bunch of people who would have paid a fortune to get it"

"Well, my wife and I dreamed of coming to the final to see our team play, but sadly she passed away recently".

"Oh, I'm sorry.  So you're keeping it vacant in memory of her?"

"No, I couldn't find anyone to come with me.  Everyone else I know is at her funeral".

I tried to get into a flash nightclub last night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in without a tie.  I went back to my car to see if there was anything I could use instead, but all I had was a jumper cable.  Thinking that I might as well try, I wrapped it around my neck and went back to the club.  The guy took a look and said "okay, you can come in, but don't start anything!"

A rare photo of Kittens from Hell MC.

3 hours ago, owl sees all said:

You certainly wouldn't want to slip.

But, I suppose not too different to how they get the yeast into the wine...