5 hours ago, Zyxel said:

Do you think we should warn him to pull the cord a bit further away from his body otherwise he might hit his face with his hand?

14 hours ago, roo860 said:

Yes, who is that coming behind me!

Can't afford a cycle helmet? . . .

Follow me for more money saving tips . . .

.A bit of physics, the universal law of gravitation says that the

force of attraction between two bodies is

proportional to the product of their masses divided by

the square of the distance between them.

 

Perhaps this diagram will help.

 A boy promised his girlfriend: ‘We’re going to have a great time Saturday. I got three tickets for the big game.’ 
 ‘Why do we need three?’ she asked. 
 ‘One for your father, one for your mother, and one for your kid sister!’ 
 

 A dead British aristocrat and his dead butler bumped into each other in hell. 
 ‘I did not expect to see you here, sir,’ said the butler. 
 The aristocrat sighed: ‘I’m here because I lied, cheated and stole to pay the debts run up by that wastrel son of mine.

But what about you?

You were a faithful, loyal servant to my family for forty years.

What are you doing here?’ 
 The butler replied:

‘For fathering your wastrel son.’ 

  
 

When a famous admiral died, the navy wanted to lay on a grand ceremony in his honour.

After two hours of speeches and hymns, it was suggested that the event should end with a cannon salute. 
 That was when the organisation of the ceremony threatened to run into trouble for nobody on the four-man planning committee could seem to agree on the number of shots that should be fired in the salute. 
 ‘I think one shot would be perfect,’ said the first captain. ‘It would be moving and deeply symbolic.’ 
 ‘I think there should be two,’ suggested the second captain, ‘in honour of the two great battles he won.’ 
 ‘Well, I think we should have three shots,’ said the third captain, ‘as a mark of respect to the number of ships he commanded.’ 
 The fourth captain puffed quietly on his pipe until asked for his opinion. 
 ‘There’s no argument,’ he said. ‘We must fire four shots at the end of the ceremony to commemorate the late admiral’s four decorations for gallantry. In fact, I have already discussed the matter with the Queen, and it has all been approved.’ 
 With that, the other three captains stormed out of the room. One turned at the door and said:

 

‘We wouldn’t have bothered coming if we had known it was a four-gun conclusion!’ 
 

What do you get when you cross:- A cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

 

Cockerpoodledoo. 
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

 

Are you the first in your family to be born without a tail? 
 

What do you call a pig that does karate?

-

A pork chop. 
 

Chat-up Line:-

"Can I borrow your phone? I need to phone God and tell him I have found his missing angel"