Say what you want about deaf people...………………….

26 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

Say what you want about deaf people...………………….

I am so glad that joke had sub titles.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well ……………………………….

 

Dwarf Shortage

1 hour ago, Daffy D said:

Say what you want about deaf people...………………….

Why bother? They can't hear you!

????

Edited January 14, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

29 minutes ago, kannot said:

Dwarf Shortage

Please come up with something bigger please, as the actress said to the Bishop!

Edited January 14, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

I am so glad that joke had sub titles.

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.

 

10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.

 

The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"

 

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

 

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

 

"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

Whaaaaaaaaatt did you just say?

22 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

I should have written "When I was Blind drunk" I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

 

Too late now, it seemed funny to me at the time.

I don't want to brag at my age but I just climbed the stairs from the Livingroom and into another room and actually remembered immediately why I went in there!

Ok It was the bathroom, but still!!

 

PS;  I also found the laundry basket!

Edited January 15, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

Two young hedgehogs were learning survival tactics from their father. 
"Today, I want to tell you about one of our biggest dangers. 
That road out there," instructed dad. "There will be times that you need to cross it and if you're lucky, a car won't come along. But if it does, just make sure that you stop in the middle of the road so it will go over you without touching. 
Just watch me and you'll see what I mean." 
Dad went out into the middle of the road and waited patiently for a car. 
"It's coming," he shouted, "now you'll see what..." He never finished speaking. The two young sons heard a sickly crunch as he was flattened on the road. 

"I meant to ask him what we should do if a 3-wheeler or steamroller came along," said one to the other. 
 

23 hours ago, Daffy D said:

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well ……………………………….

 

Maybe he was a spy on a blind drop!

Edited January 15, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Maybe he was a spy on a blind drop!

Or maybe a blind alley!

34 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

Or maybe a blind alley!

That would bowl me over if I was in a blind spot.

 

PS;  My apologies to the visually impaired if you are being told these "jokes" but just remember, don't believe all you are told.

 

PPS;  OOPS looks like another apology is in order, I blindsided myself with the previous comment.

 

PPPS; Oh well I better wish for some more good luck from that blind, deaf, one legged, non white Gypsy beggar who just crossed my path with a black cat under her arm who was spying on me as I bent over the wishing we...... AGH!!!!!.

Edited January 15, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

There's a theme to these terrible jokes ...

 

 

These jokes also have some”thing” in common.

“Can you tell what it is yet “ ?
RH

I’d like to apologise for these jokes they may seem a little “ sick “ [emoji30]

I got expelled from school on Pajama Day!

 

Not my fault I sleep naked

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite.."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says,
"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything ! on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know! why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" 

"Because you only got an F in sex.

Edited January 16, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

7 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

These jokes also have some”thing” in common.

“Can you tell what it is yet “ ?

All nicked off Viz?

All nicked off Viz?

Yup , although I prefer to say “ borrowed “ , I gave them back after posting here [emoji51]