2 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

Of the seven grammar is the most important.

Which one are you?

????

Most women I know are great at pouting but not spouting!

 

PS; I won't be asking her for a BJ any time soon!

Edited January 25, 20197 yr by scottiejohn

Walking home from the pub last night I got accosted and mugged by 6 dwarves !!

Not happy !!

7 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Walking home from the pub last night I got accosted and mugged by 6 dwarves !!

Not happy !!

I always knew your were not Grumpy but just very bashful and now it turns out your Snow white!

I always knew your were not Grumpy but just very bashful and now it turns out your Snow white!

Actually I’m any one of these !!

Or these :

But definitely not one of these :

Or these:

But then again I could be any one of these also :

 

I think I'm Mustard at this but I don't Bayleaf that even I could Spice up this forum by Peppering it with this contribution!

At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned
out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath.

 

"I just want to tell my wife yet again that the word is sternum."

Edited January 31, 20197 yr by scottiejohn
cannot fix the layout!

I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying:
"I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”

Suddenly I realized how many gynaecologists’ there are on the roads.

What I want to know is how did this dog get up there !!

Okay no problem, I have the answer !!

"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?"

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs, and how the light bulb should have been changed differently.

 

Twenty complaining about how poor Thai light bulbs are.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "light bulb" or "lightbulb." Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that Thai Visa is not about light bulbs, and to please take this discussion to a light bulb (or lightbulb) forum.

One to point out that having light is a universal and historical concern, and to claim that Medieval people asked God to give them light, during the hours of darkness.

One to suggest that there is a Biblical quote, that goes something such as "Illuminum da nobis, Domine."

One to correct the previous poster, and point out that the correct reference is to the Third Collect, at Evening Prayer, in the Latin edition, of the 1662 "Book of Common Prayer": "Illumina, quæsumus Domine Deus, tenebras nostras : et totius hujus noctis insidias tu a nobis repelle propitius.Propter unicum Filium tuum, Salvatorem nostrum, Jesum Christum._Amen._"
 

Three, asking a Moderator that the thread be terminated.

Eleven to defend the posting, saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to the forum.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Thirteen to quote them in their entirety, and merely add, "Me too."

Five to post that they will be moving to Vietnam / Cambodia / Philippines because they cannot handle the Thai light bulb controversy.

Four to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

One newbie to respond to the original posting three years later because it appeared with the adverts at the side of the page, and START IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!

"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?"

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs, and how the light bulb should have been changed differently.
 
Twenty complaining about how poor Thai light bulbs are.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "light bulb" or "lightbulb." Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that Thai Visa is not about light bulbs, and to please take this discussion to a light bulb (or lightbulb) forum.

One to point out that having light is a universal and historical concern, and to claim that Medieval people asked God to give them light, during the hours of darkness.

One to suggest that there is a Biblical quote, that goes something such as "Illuminum da nobis, Domine."

One to correct the previous poster, and point out that the correct reference is to the Third Collect, at Evening Prayer, in the Latin edition, of the 1662 "Book of Common Prayer": "Illumina, quæsumus Domine Deus, tenebras nostras : et totius hujus noctis insidias tu a nobis repelle propitius.Propter unicum Filium tuum, Salvatorem nostrum, Jesum Christum._Amen._"
 
Three, asking a Moderator that the thread be terminated.

Eleven to defend the posting, saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to the forum.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Thirteen to quote them in their entirety, and merely add, "Me too."

Five to post that they will be moving to Vietnam / Cambodia / Philippines because they cannot handle the Thai light bulb controversy.

Four to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

One newbie to respond to the original posting three years later because it appeared with the adverts at the side of the page, and START IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!

Me too [emoji30]

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope.  There he was stood in a big long queue with a rather expensive suit on - hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps speak a few words with him.  The Pope made his way slowly down the queue and walked right past the American, not even noticing him.  He then stopped next to a tramp, leaned over, whispered something in the tramp's ear, and made his way on again.  This pisses-off the American and so he agrees to pay 1000 dollars to the tramp in exchange for his ragged suit, in the hope that the Pope will speak to him the next day.  The next morning the American is stood in the queue, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words.  The Pope slowly made his way up to the American, and when he finally reached him, leaned over and spoke softly into his ear, saying:  "I thought I already told you to <deleted> off yesterday!"

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

"How many Thai Visa members does it take to change a light bulb?"

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs, and how the light bulb should have been changed differently.

 

Twenty complaining about how poor Thai light bulbs are.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "light bulb" or "lightbulb." Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that Thai Visa is not about light bulbs, and to please take this discussion to a light bulb (or lightbulb) forum.

One to point out that having light is a universal and historical concern, and to claim that Medieval people asked God to give them light, during the hours of darkness.

One to suggest that there is a Biblical quote, that goes something such as "Illuminum da nobis, Domine."

One to correct the previous poster, and point out that the correct reference is to the Third Collect, at Evening Prayer, in the Latin edition, of the 1662 "Book of Common Prayer": "Illumina, quæsumus Domine Deus, tenebras nostras : et totius hujus noctis insidias tu a nobis repelle propitius.Propter unicum Filium tuum, Salvatorem nostrum, Jesum Christum._Amen._"
 

Three, asking a Moderator that the thread be terminated.

Eleven to defend the posting, saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to the forum.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Thirteen to quote them in their entirety, and merely add, "Me too."

Five to post that they will be moving to Vietnam / Cambodia / Philippines because they cannot handle the Thai light bulb controversy.

Four to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

One newbie to respond to the original posting three years later because it appeared with the adverts at the side of the page, and START IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!

 

Very well thought out and well written. The scary part is its true...

 

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword has never been under automatic weapons fire. 

6 minutes ago, Snow Leopard said:

Very well thought out and well written. The scary part is its true...

 

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword has never been under automatic weapons fire. 

Just glad you didn't forget the space between the fourth and fifth words on the second line....

 

Edited January 31, 20197 yr by bluesofa

'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.‘                                                - US. Air Force Manual