Throw Away Your Western Manliness!

[Nyezhov]

In another Topic, @spidey said:

 

"It's traditional in Thailand for the wife to pay for everything, so she carries the money. It's akin to showing trust and respect to your wife and she gets kudos from her fellow Thais when in supermarkets, restaurants etc. Next time you are in a restaurant and older Thai couples are eating, just take note of who pays the bill, invariably it's the wife. I have made Thailand my home, have a Thai wife and son, therefore I try to observe Thai traditions.

 

Admittedly, it took me a couple of years of living with my wife to develop this level of trust and allow this practice but now I wouldn't have it any other way, I don't have to think about money now, she pays the household bills, does the shopping etc.

Probably is an element of the "little boy" in that but who cares? Works for me."

 

That last sentence has been a key for me over many years. It seems to me that Thai ladies seem to have a culturally inherent tendency to not only mother, but view men in general as "little boys", basically as nothing more than money earners who are incapable of doing much more than that."

 

As a farang, we are expected to be even more ignorant and incapable. Basically idiot babies. Babies with cash, even better.

 

I go way back 20 years to remember a bar girl that basically took me by the hand, ordered food for me, folded my clothes that were scattered about my hotel room and then the next night, when I was sick, real sick, stayed over without being asked to take care of me (and didnt ask for any money). And that included washing me.

 

I remember once lying in the street with a busted leg and having the ladies hovering over me, one putting my head in her lap, fanning me, and then when the ambulance showed up they began yelling and screaming at the ambulance dudes when I cried out in pain as they threw me around.

 

I remember my HiSo friend getting mad at me when I wanted to pay someone who she had ordered to work for free. As she put it "I will tell you how much to pay". And she knows I am not a fool. I still laugh at her giving a tongue lashing (smiling and politely though) in Lao to some tuktuk guy because he tried to sell me weed for $20. Not because it was weed, but becasue he was asking too much for "her farang". Poor guy then got stuck with us for a night, for free. I paid him when she wasnt around though.

 

I have honed my bumbling idiot act (Im really not as stupid as I act or look) to perfection. Confused looks get me "mothered", broken childish Thai gets me benefits. Larger portions. Better service. Approving smiles. Multiple samples.

 

The other night I wanted some noodles and I spied some Pandan ones with Pork and Wontons. By the time I was done bumbling and acting confused, I had a double portion for a single price. In fruit markets, I look at a piece of exotic fruit helplessly. Invariably, they will find someone who speaks broken English to try to explain what the fruit is..."aroi?", I will ask looking pathetic. Aroi aroi they will shout and then yell back and forth and I will end up with not just the Dragonfruit, but free snakefruit and jackfruit all with orders of  "eat, eat". One time I bought a bunch of something that needs to be peeled (like those Lychee things). I knew how to peel them, but looked at them stupidly. Next thing I know I was having peeling lessons with THEIR fruit, with a bunch of apron wearers, clucking and cackling. Eat, eat, good.

 

Eating spicy things freaks them out, especially when you dont scream for water. Then you own them. Likewise, my favourite: spy a say Pork Leg stand. Look confused. Point. "I try I try". Gooble that baby down, look satisfied, smile say aroi. Then point to another dish, "what is?". "kaki" "Kookie?" Laughs from all the ladies, you hear the word farang, one shouts to another, "you try". "No no" "yes! Free". Duh. OK.

 

You try. Their favourite words. I eat something, and on my way out, get handed a bag. You try. Plus the novelty factor. I live in a primarily Thai area (although falangs are not unknown) and end up cruising in places where I am the only white face. The other night I got a half a Sankaya for 35 instead of a quarter like you usually get because I looked anxious and mispronounced the word 4 times. Aroi? OK, OK, you try you try, insert Thai babble with the words pwumpii and falang being heard and get the big piece. Then get patted on the head by a Granny. 

 

Now the cynics among you may say Oh, they are just trying to make you a customer which may or may not be true, but Ill note that Ill be at say Samut Prakan and tell them I live in Thonburi (which is easier for many of them because they dont know where Talat Phlu is) and I still get treated like gold, especially with food. 

 

The way to a Thai ladies heart is through food. Conversely, once you become "their farang", you will be taken care of. A dude told me the other day in a bar that even though he is married to a Thai lady (and he speaks rudimentary Thai) she refers to him as "it"...."it" is my husband. "It" eats everything. "It" tries to help cook but "it" doesnt know how. Do you have a size that will fit "it"? Like he is not human because he is not Thai. Like a pet monkey or a moron that needs to be taken care of.  You guys who are married know what I mean. And folks wonder why us old dudes like it here.

 

Why am I babbling? Well boys and girls,  didnt get home till like 3:30 am and havent really slept and feel like sh*t from being Mow mak, but hey, I got a 100 baht meter ride from lower Suk home so life is good, and Im on my second cup of coffee. Now off to the local market to pretend I cant peel Pomelos so as to get the peeled ones for the unpeeled price. And some lunch.."what is?"

 

 

[JAS21]

Sorry ..I haven't read through all that shit above ... my wife always pays the bill when we eat out unless I use my credit card ....she always gets the change given so why not pay

Edited December 15, 2018 by JAS21

[Odysseus123]

There's a great conversation going on about Christmas mince pies on t'other thread.

[johng]

5 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

she refers to him as "it"...."it" is my husband. "It" eats everything. "It" tries to help cook but "it" doesnt know how. Do you have a size that will fit "it"? Like he is not human because he is not Thai.

They also often refer to children (even their own) as "It"

[BigT73]

They are into fat babies here.  Enjoy the ride!

[SammyT]

All I got from reading this is the realisation that dignity isn't for everyone...

[Nyezhov]

19 minutes ago, johng said:

They also often refer to children (even their own) as "It"

Isnt that for protection from the spirits?

[Nyezhov]

14 minutes ago, SammyT said:

All I got from reading this is the realisation that dignity isn't for everyone...

My dignity, along with my balls, is dangling on my Exs rear view mirror in the car I paid for.

[johng]

4 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

Isnt that for protection from the spirits?

Even "Farangs" need protection from spirits..

My wife uses "it" when she's angry especially with #2 daughter ????

strangely whenever I use the "it"  I always get an ear bashing or evil stare.

[Bill Miller]

10 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

Its easier to criticize than create though isnt it Mate?

I thought it was fairly amusing, and informative about the "it" bit. I don't know enough Thai to know if I am an "it". I am a "pum pui farang". ????
I do give the missus roughly half of the money regularly. I would hand over nearly all if we lived together full time. When it is time to pay I usually just hand her my wallet, which has received some approving glances. Sometimes just a wad of money, from which I may or may not get change. If not I will ask if she has enough in her pocket. 
Frankly a new experience, late in life, of sharing the finances this way in a domestic situation, but which I remember my dad doing much the same.

[Bill Miller]

35 minutes ago, SammyT said:

All I got from reading this is the realisation that dignity isn't for everyone...

I think "dignity" is an artificial construct that allows some folks to feel superior in an elevated nose sort of way.
It quickly goes out the window if you find yourself in situations where you have no control, like temporarily paralyzed, or pinned down on a battlefield.
I think DJT has amply demonstrated that it is an outdated notion. ????

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

Its easier to criticize than create though isnt it Mate?

I didn't come to Thailand to find a replacement mom, although I do see a lot of posters who seem to want exactly that.

I can cook, clean and deal with my own orders and purchases.

[PatOngo]

Entertaining. ????

[SammyT]

7 minutes ago, Bill Miller said:

I think "dignity" is an artificial construct that allows some folks to feel superior in an elevated nose sort of way.
It quickly goes out the window if you find yourself in situations where you have no control, like temporarily paralyzed, or pinned down on a battlefield.
I think DJT has amply demonstrated that it is an outdated notion. ????

 

I think dignity is what you make of it. Given I'm not in either of those situations, I will always try to maintain my dignity - i.e. by not acting like a bumbling fool just to try to get free things or discounts. 

[Nyezhov]

9 minutes ago, PatOngo said:

Entertaining. ????

someone that gets it ????

 

[Nyezhov]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I didn't come to Thailand to find a replacement mom, although I do see a lot of posters who seem to want exactly that.

I can cook, clean and deal with my own orders and purchases.

My mom never could cook worth a sh*t

[marko kok prong]

32 minutes ago, SammyT said:

 

I think dignity is what you make of it. Given I'm not in either of those situations, I will always try to maintain my dignity - i.e. by not acting like a bumbling fool just to try to get free things or discounts. 

The op is not acting.

[Kieran00001]

Quote

It seems to me that Thai ladies seem to have a culturally inherent tendency to not only mother, but view men in general as "little boys",

 

They deal with what they have, if their man has the mentality of a little boy who wants to have his fruit peeled by his 'mother', then they will do that, however if they are faced with a man who has the mentality of a grownup then they will respect that and treat them as a grown up, its up to you who you want to be and you will be viewed appropriately.

[worgeordie]

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

Its easier to criticize than create though isnt it Mate?

Whatever you say, mate,looking forward to your next thrilling ,meaningful,

creation tomorrow .

regards Worgeordie

[VillageIdiot]

This dude has a lot of time on his hands.

Sounds like he needs a new wife more than anything else.

It would keep him occupied and away from his computer.

[seajae]

what an absolute load, my wife works and she earns her own money(more than me), I give her money every month towards our commitments and the general house costs, she will buy breakfast or lunch if we go somewhere but she expects me to buy dinner if we eat out and at times we share costs.  I was brought up to pay my own way and I always have, I was taught to treat women with respect and not treat them badly, I was taught to be courteous  and to never hit a woman, all these things are totally ignored by thai men and I refuse to act like an arrogant bastard as they do. After the first part of your rave I stopped reading as it ia all bullsh*t

[thaiguzzi]

2 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

And folks wonder why us old dudes like it here.

What!?

Not like the poster on another thread then, who can't stand the place, nor the people, and most importantly, no one can cook an egg here............ Not one Thai can fry an egg.................

[BritManToo]

47 minutes ago, VillageIdiot said:

This dude has a lot of time on his hands.

 

We are all retired, of course we have a lot of time on our hands.

Sleep, eat, drink, exercise, post.

[BritManToo]

44 minutes ago, seajae said:

I was taught to treat women with respect and not treat them badly,

Metoo, but then I realised my mom had been lying to me, and women treated decent/honest/nice men with contempt and dishonesty.

Smarten up dude, pretend you are a drug dealer/pimp and they are all over you.

Edited December 15, 2018 by BritManToo

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, worgeordie said:

Whatever you say, mate,looking forward to your next thrilling ,meaningful,

creation tomorrow .

regards Worgeordie

me too and looking for the same inarticulate responses ????

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, VillageIdiot said:

This dude has a lot of time on his hands.

Sounds like he needs a new wife more than anything else.

It would keep him occupied and away from his computer.

Read the post and you will have your answer.

[Nyezhov]

56 minutes ago, seajae said:

what an absolute load, my wife works and she earns her own money(more than me), I give her money every month towards our commitments and the general house costs, she will buy breakfast or lunch if we go somewhere but she expects me to buy dinner if we eat out and at times we share costs.  I was brought up to pay my own way and I always have, I was taught to treat women with respect and not treat them badly, I was taught to be courteous  and to never hit a woman, all these things are totally ignored by thai men and I refuse to act like an arrogant bastard as they do. After the first part of your rave I stopped reading as it ia all bullsh*t

How do you know if you stopped after the first part, O Omniscient One. Do you even understand the point I was making?

[Nyezhov]

39 minutes ago, thaiguzzi said:

What!?

Not like the poster on another thread then, who can't stand the place, nor the people, and most importantly, no one can cook an egg here............ Not one Thai can fry an egg.................

Hell I would stand by the frypan with an egg in my hand and look lost. And not complain when it was brought to me while Im watching football

[Nyezhov]

20 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

We are all retired, of course we have a lot of time on our hands.

Sleep, eat, drink, exercise, post.

I dont have a lady so I have to cook, clean and do my laundry.

 

Well as to clean.... Just touch ups. And the cooking, well I have to unwrap gordian knots on the plastic bags from the Noodle Lady in front of the 7-11. Just laundry then. Don't think its worth it for me to get hooked up for the one hour savings per week.

 

So I guess its sleep, drink, excersize (horizontally or otherwise), take pics, edit pics, catch up on my reading and post.

 

Life is good. Insanity was wonderful last night. Great DJ, hot ladies. A lot of Japanese girls. One of the Coyote dancers asked me to buy her a drink, and I said, sure, how much for Short Time. She found a more compliant target.

 

 

[fruitman]

1 hour ago, thaiguzzi said:

What!?

Not like the poster on another thread then, who can't stand the place, nor the people, and most importantly, no one can cook an egg here............ Not one Thai can fry an egg.................

They are even too stupid to read a coupon, gave 2 coupons at BK (2 meals) and one burger didn't have the bacon i paid for...

 

For you that's all normal of course with your girly bicycle...

Edited December 15, 2018 by fruitman