Being gay is not a lifestyle

[thaicurious]

Gay People in Thailand

Community forum for alternative lifestyle in Thailand.

 

 

Thanx for the forum, ThaiVisa, but being gay is a life, not a lifestyle. Yachting is a lifestyle. See the difference?

 

I'd imagine you originally wrote out that subtitle with good intent. Though I'm not sure if anyone's noticed but it has since turned 2019. Maybe you can stop calling us a lifestyle now? Oh and PS, Alternative? Because we're sort of, kind of, actually mainstream already. Okay, thanks in advance of your contemporizing the forum subtitle.

 

https://www.glaad.org/reference/offensive

"Offensive: "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle"
Preferred: "gay lives," "gay and lesbian lives"

There is no single lesbian, gay or bisexual lifestyle. Lesbians, gay men and bisexuals are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrase "gay lifestyle" is used to denigrate lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals suggesting that their orientation is a choice and therefore can and should be "cured" (See AP & New York Times Style)."

[rhodie]

Wow, it's taken you 12 years to work that out. Really! It's just a phrase buddy. No harm intended I'm sure. A quiet word with a moderator may have fixed it. Calm down. ????

[Jingthing]

I agree 100 percent.

It's an awful, dated, insulting, and ignorant name.

I brought up the same issue many years ago. 

For many years "lifestyle" in this context has NOT been used by gay people.

It is used by clueless straight people, in a similar way that clueless Americans still use the word Oriental to describe Asian people. 

A change was rejected. The reason was search engine indexing if I recall correctly. 

[Jingthing]

1 minute ago, rhodie said:

Wow, it's taken you 12 years to work that out. Really! It's just a phrase buddy. No harm intended I'm sure. A quiet word with a moderator may have fixed it. Calm down. ????

No. You are wrong. It's dated and offensive and the issue to change it was brought up before and not granted. 

[rhodie]

1 minute ago, Jingthing said:

No. You are wrong. It's dated and offensive and the issue to change it was brought up before and not granted. 

I stand corrected. No harm intended.

[Jingthing]

Just now, rhodie said:

I stand corrected. No harm intended.

No problem. 

 

I accepted the decision before but really the name is seriously stupid. It would be similar to a subforum being called for Colored people or something like that. 

[thaicurious]

1 minute ago, Jingthing said:

No problem. 

 

I accepted the decision before but really the name is seriously stupid. It would be similar to a subforum being called for Colored people or something like that. 

I was seriously just about to type that example.

[Liverpudlian]

I always took the words Gay & the Pink pound a tad theatrical.

[blackcab]

I think the OP has made a very good point. Times change, along with what is acceptable and what is not.

 

I think it is really important for the forum to reflect the here and now.  Without that, all we would be is history.

 

I would like to think the issue can be revisited by the forum administrators once more. I will make a point of notifying the higher echelons.

[Scott]

I am not particularly fussed one way or the other.   Perhaps the forum should be expanded to LBGTQ issues?   Just a thought.  

 

Prior to changing it, I'd like to see a reasonable consensus.

[thaicurious]

3 hours ago, blackcab said:

I think the OP has made a very good point. Times change, along with what is acceptable and what is not.

 

I think it is really important for the forum to reflect the here and now.  Without that, all we would be is history.

 

I would like to think the issue can be revisited by the forum administrators once more. I will make a point of notifying the higher echelons.

Thank you, That was kind. Updating forum vocabulary on this now would be timely as this is the 50-year anniversary of Stonewall.

 

1 hour ago, Scott said:

I am not particularly fussed one way or the other.   Perhaps the forum should be expanded to LBGTQ issues?   Just a thought.  

 

Prior to changing it, I'd like to see a reasonable consensus.

You bring up a good though maybe a sticky point. Some don't like the Q which they find demeaning while others insist on "owning" the word, thus taking its power. Also I heard some try to bump the T. Not that the T is an orientation, but more a gender issue. But given even that, there are str8 men oriented towards being attracted to T so it is not altogether sans orientation. Plus trans people stood with gay people at Stonewall.

 

For me, I'd be fine with simply no subtitle. Then we'll just be inconsistent instead of alternative.

[blackcab]

2 hours ago, Scott said:

Prior to changing it, I'd like to see a reasonable consensus.

 

I've been educating myself on initialisms. I didn't know about LGBTQ+ or LGBTQQIP2SAA.

[thaicurious]

Eternal vigilance is the price of pride

[Scott]

Troll posts removed.   Try some off-topic commentary again and suspensions will be issued.

 

[sfokevin]

I agree the description is dated and some of us who are gay (and born that way) find it a bit condescending...

 

And not to vent (as men on this forum don’t vent) you “boys” at ThaiVisa should take a look at other descriptions...

 

[Scott]

7 minutes ago, sfokevin said:

I agree the description is dated and some of us who are gay (and born that way) find it a bit condescending...

 

And not to vent (as men wouldn’t do that) you “boys” at ThaiVisa should take a look at other descriptions...

 

T

That description is accurate.   It is a restricted forum.   But for the purposes of this thread, we'll stick to the gay forum.  

 

[onthemoon]

8 hours ago, Scott said:

I am not particularly fussed one way or the other.   Perhaps the forum should be expanded to LBGTQ issues?   Just a thought.  

 

Prior to changing it, I'd like to see a reasonable consensus.

FWIW, I agree with the OP. Being gay is not an lifestyle - the word "lifestyle" suggests it is a choice. Like we choose to be gay...

 

Living a gay life is an alternative to accepting oppression, but still, living a gay life is (or should be) the normal thing for gay people. When I hear "alternative lifestyle", I think about vegetarianism or centering one's life around yoga - choices. So I don't think living with my husband is an "alternative" lifestyle. We are as normal (and boring) as our straight neighbours.

[Skallywag]

If there was a forum for Heterosexual lifestyle it would not bother me.  Alternative can be defined as "other" not derogatory

[sfokevin]

58 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

If there was a forum for Heterosexual lifestyle it would not bother me.  Alternative can be defined as "other" not derogatory

Alternative connotes a choice which no gay person considers this to be... Again the forum owners should consider the words they are using... 

[spidermike007]

The only people who think being gay is a choice and a lifestyle, are Mike Pence, most of the Christian conservatives in the US, and other "religious" people who have been indoctrinated, and homophobes, who are very ignorant about these issues, fearful of someone who is not like them, and are drinking the kool aid. Being gay is something people just are. And they deserve the right to be able to live their lives, just the same as the rest of us. There are millions of amazing gay people in this world. And there is nothing special about being straight. Nothing that makes us any better than gay men or lesbian women. Tolerance is a beautiful thing. Just think of all the wars that could have been avoided if mankind was more tolerant, and compassionate. 

[jak2002003]

 

It's a handy forum for anyone who is interested in gay society in Thailand.  It's clearly not meant to be offensive or anything negative.  You are blowing it out of proportion... and you should save your energy for the real discrimination of gay people, not quibbling over the wording in a forum page.

 

Talk about oversensitive and over reacting.  You might also want to add a 'safe space' forum on here where you can be protected for anything you might get offended about.

 

The wording is not offensive.  Now, I could see you point if it was headed 'puffs and fags' or something like that.  Gay lifestyle is fine.  Like Western lifestyle, Women's lifestyle, British lifestyle, Expat lifestyle etc etc.  

 

It's a handy forum for anyone who is interested in gay society in Thailand.  It's clearly not meant to be offensive or anything negative.  You are blowing it out of proportion... and you should save your energy for the real discrimination of gay people, not quibbling over the wording in a forum page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Puchaiyank]

Talk about oversensitive and over reacting.  You might also want to add a 'safe space' forum on here where you can be protected for anything you might get offended about.

 

Thank you!  

[jvs]

Aren't we just all people?As diverse as we may be.

[onthemoon]

I am really annoyed by people who say we should not be offended and are overly sensitive when we tell them what we are annoyed with. How patronising is that!

 

I'm telling you how your wording makes me feel - stop telling me how I should feel (in your opinion) when you use inconsiderate wording.

 

Rant vented.

[Jingthing]

1 hour ago, jvs said:

Aren't we just all people?As diverse as we may be.

Yes we are people unless some dogs are reading this. 

[thaicurious]

2 hours ago, Skallywag said:

If there was a forum for Heterosexual lifestyle it would not bother me.  Alternative can be defined as "other" not derogatory

Only that you are not another person--you are you--so you don't get to define how someone else feels about a thing, even if they are having difficulty defining or handling whatever feelings. If you think it's your place to tell someone else how to feel, try that with your spouse and see how that works for ya.

 

2 hours ago, sfokevin said:

Alternative connotes a choice which no gay person considers this to be... Again the forum owners should consider the words they are using... 

Correct that it refers to choice which is the first offense. But even if it was a choice--which it is not--the other offending part is that "other" refers to...

 

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/other

"View(ing) or treat(ing) (a person or group of people) as intrinsically different from and alien to oneself.

‘a critique of the ways in which the elderly are othered by society’"

 

So choosing between buffet chicken satay or the crab rangoon are alternatives. Being a man or being a woman? Being str8 or being gay? Even being a chicken or being a crab? Not so much. Being a chicken is not the alternative to being a crab. A chicken itself is a chicken. A crab itself is a crab. One is not the alternative of the other.

[baansgr]

As in the OPs own words "we're actually mainstream already." why even have a separate forum?, in fact it would be better as no doubt other members are missing out on certain events and other points of interest that would normally be posted/discussed in a local forum

[Jingthing]

3 minutes ago, baansgr said:

As in the OPs own words "we're actually mainstream already." why even have a separate forum?, in fact it would be better as no doubt other members are missing out on certain events and other points of interest that would normally be posted/discussed in a local forum

LGBTQ is an important part of many people's identity. I can see arguments for cancelling this forum entirely, but not yours. Everyone has been welcome to post here as long as they're not posting anti-LGBTQ hate speech but of course predictably topics here usually attract homophobic and anti-gay posts. Similar to any topic about Israel … just wait (usually not long) for the Jew haters to emerge. 

The reason I can see to cancel this subforum, however, is that it is for the most part a DUD.

The participation level is really weak. 

So like any media organ, weak performers might be looked at, and cut out if the audience isn't big enough to rationalize continuation.

That's not my decision of course but if the management here made that choice based on weak participation, I wouldn't be bothered.

But again gay is NOT a lifestyle. 

[thaicurious]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

The only people who think being gay is a choice and a lifestyle, are Mike Pence, most of the Christian conservatives in the US, and other "religious" people who have been indoctrinated, and homophobes, who are very ignorant about these issues, fearful of someone who is not like them, and are drinking the kool aid.

Often true but not exclusively inclusive as some bisexuals who haven't yet come to terms with their own sexuality be that by internalized homophobia or whatever lack of understanding-- maybe even feeling attractions wax and wane--that therefore they might think there's some choice involved as to their current associations. Of course, where they've no choice is that they are attracted to variety of whatever their mix might be. Some before coming to terms with their own sexuality assert choice for everyone, gay, str8, chickens, crabs, all the alternatives.

 

You can easily spot them in restaurants reading off of other people's menus.

[thaicurious]

1 hour ago, onthemoon said:

I am really annoyed by people who say we should not be offended and are overly sensitive when we tell them what we are annoyed with. How patronising is that!

 

I'm telling you how your wording makes me feel - stop telling me how I should feel (in your opinion) when you use inconsiderate wording.

 

Rant vented.

Just now read this after having already posted how someone should tell their spouse how to feel if they don't believe it.