20 Clues

20 CLUES TO "CALLING IT A NIGHT" FOR GIRLS

I know it's time to go home when...

1. I have absolutely no idea where my jacket/bag and/or purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms over my head and my butt wiggling while yelling "woo-hoo" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe I could do it, too.

4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like an Oxford Street tranny than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. kebab on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.

6. I start telling everyone I see that I love them soooooo much.

7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that's because I can no longer taste the vodka.

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen/bathroom floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way, but...."

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor, wherever I happen to be standing, and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button-fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the washroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.