Bride Price (dowry)for Second Time Marriage ?

[GreatDane]

Hello everybody,

I´m new to this forum. I have been reading about the bride price in another topic (now closed), and I did not find much about what applies in my situation, so here is the question:

I have a girlfriend from Chiang Rai, we want to marry, and now she informs me, that her parents want 1 million Baht bride price at the wedding ceremony.

After the ceremony I will immmediately get back 700.000 Baht, so according to this it will be 300.000 Baht to pay.

She has been married before and had two children in that marriage, she is 37 years old.

Should there be any bride price at all regarding, that this is her second marriage ???

Well, I did already tell her, that I cannot give all that money ( and will not, but I did not tell her that ), she now tells me, that her sisters will give her the money as a loan to be payed back later.

What do you think. Should I pay for this second time marriage ?

Thank you in advance for your help.

GreatDane

[dutch]

If you have read about this in the previous thread ,you will notice that everything has been discussed all over again.

It is simply up to you what you want to do.

It is only you and your future bride who can discuss-listen and decide.

What is the use of hearing other people bringing up all these arguments again?

Are you sure you know what you want?

Good luck

[Lordfoul]

While the rules seem unclear, my understanding of the "sin sot" Is that it is to repay the parents for what they have invested into their daughter to make her worth marrying. This would have been paid off by her first husband. I have never heard of a Thai man paying the sin sot for a woman that’s been previously married and I recommend that you don’t pay either.

/SM

[Dutchy]

I have a girlfriend from Chiang Rai, we want to marry, and now she informs me, that her parents want 1 million Baht bride price at the wedding ceremony.

After the ceremony I will immmediately get back 700.000 Baht, so according to this it will be 300.000 Baht to pay.

She has been married before and had two children in that marriage, she is 37 years old.

Should there be any bride price at all regarding, that this is her second marriage ???

A Thai man will never marry a woman who has been married before, suggest that your girlfriend's parents pay you.. that will make them think...

no need to pay, I also find the amount outrageous high. You can buy a pretty nice house in Chaing Rai for that kind of money. It seems that they think that their daughter is going to marry a walking ATM

Dutchy (not to be confused with Dutch)

[dr_Pat_Pong]

While the rules seem unclear, my understanding of the "sin sot" Is that it is to repay the parents for what they have invested into their daughter to make her worth marrying. This would have been paid off by her first husband. I have never heard of a Thai man paying the sin sot for a woman that’s been previously married and I recommend that you don’t pay either.

/SM

That is as I understand it too. Second time around, free of charge. Apart from all else, you are taking on a ready made family. Ask 'em to help you out with few $$

[chanchao]

Ok, I'm sure this topic has been done before, but I don't think I've ever joined in this one here on Thaivisa.com so let me give you my 2 satangs worth:

> Should I pay for this second time marriage ?

He11 no.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Goat Roper]

What do you think. Should I pay for this second time marriage ?

To pay or not depends on how in love you are with your to be wife/money.

[chanchao]

Okay maybe that was a bit too short a reply, so let me elaborate:

* Bride price is an amount of money for the parents of the bride to compensate them for raising their daugter, and to show off wealth and thus gain face for everyone involved, including the groom.

* A woman who's divorced AND HAS KIDS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.. sorry... and has kids, already got a bride price the first time she got married. Paying AGAIN would be a bit silly. Somehow I only see this mentioned when foreign husbands are involved..

* Amounts... amounts vary and are often related to the status of the bride and groom. If the woman is from a good family, has a university degree, virgin-ish, then a high amount can happen. For your average girl off the farm that most foreign guys seem to marry (NOT talking about you here, I don't know you adn certainly don't know your wife-to-be) the amount you mention would be pretty LUDICROUS sorry, erm, on the high side. When a girl from a rural background gets married then bride price is often something like 20K-50K, if that. AND SHE BETTER BE PRETTY VIRGIN-ish TOO!

* For me personally, I could never accept any bride price. I respect Thai culture, but I also require my wife (to be, I'm not married) to accept cultural sensibilities of my own family. And anything that looks like BUYING A WIFE from Thailand would look pretty darn bad to my family, and cause a pretty big loss of face for me. So for me, NONE OF THIS BRIDE PRICE HOOPLA!!

Having said that, I very much subscribe to becoming a part of my wife's family and will do anything in my power and ability to help them any way I can, financially or otherwise. They become my family too and I respect and love them and could never repay them for raising my wife to become the wonderful person she is. I'd be honoured to be able to help out with any emergency life may throw at them. But money being paraded around the wedding-site... not for me.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Pink Mist]

Wind up I reckon, 300,000, assuming you get it back, for divorced woman, outrageous.

Her family must think you are a real goose, have you got ATM stamped on forehead?

You pay this,you'll be paying till you got nothing left, no longer greatdane but cheowowa, IMHO.

[NedKelly]

yeah for sure beingtaken for a fool. Tell em to f off and punt her a mile !! hahaha

[12call]

U gotta laugh at this.Does he really think that they will give him back Baht700,000 AFTER the wedding???

Tell her to go ###### herself and find a young one for yourself "the greedy bitch".

[bodypaul]

You don't say what age you are ..... could make a difference if you are 100 years old or so

[Up2U]

Sorry to disagree, but my wife had been married before, has kids.

I paid sin sot - 10,000 baht. It covered most of the booze that night, but not the next night, when all the neighbours came round.

[lopburi3]

As has been said by almost everyone this is truly amazing! No or h... no are truly the operative words. The term "gold digger" comes to mind.

But this is so outlandish perhaps just another troll to get our blood pressure up?

[possom]

how long have you known each other ?? how well do you know the family ?? do you trust them ?? what is their reason for this VERY high price ?? trust your instincts !!! if you feel it isnt right dont do it !! personally i think they are taking you for a fool , and lets face it ,there are plenty of farang here stupid enough to do it , and if you dont , maybe they and your girlfriend will just look for someone else . tell them to <deleted> off ( politely at first ) and see what the reaction is . are you loved for you or your money ???

[Pink Mist]

Post again troll, turn this thread in another direction this has been done to death.

lets say you are a danish prince who's brother just got married and you don't like tasmanian farang

[CMguy]

If this is a troll..good bait!!!

If this is for real which I highly doubt. In my unprofessional but worldly wise opinion you should check your self into a mental institution for even considering it

I know I would.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Wind up I reckon, 300,000, assuming you get it back, for divorced woman, outrageous.

Her family must think you are a real goose, have you got ATM stamped on forehead?

You pay this,you'll be paying till you got nothing left, no longer greatdane but cheowowa, IMHO.

That 300.000 quoted was the nett after the bullsh' money Bronc. A con methinks.

[GreatDane]

Thank you everyone, for comments so far.

I would like to comment some of the remarks, but I don´t have the time now.

I´ll be back in about four hours.

GreatDane

[kenk3z]

It's reasonable to expect Thai custom to prevail in this situation as well as any other marriage. From what I've heard that means no dowry for the wife's second marriage. But it could be a little awkward if you are getting married at her home or home town.....

kenk3z

[GreatDane]

Are you sure you know what you want?

Good luck

Yes Dutch, I know what I want. I don´t want to pay the money. But anyway I thought it would be a good idea to ask some people, who knows more about Thailand customs than I do.

12call asks: " Does he really think that they will give him back Baht700,000 AFTER the wedding??? "

Well, you will never know until after the wedding, and I think better safe than sorry so I don´t expect to get them back.

And then he suggests I find a young one instead.

But no thanks. No more young women for me!

I have been married for five years to a thai from Isan, she is now 28 and I am 50, my experience is, that the difference in age was too big. (in that marriage I paid 10.000 baht bride price, her first marriage)

I have not known my girlfriend for a long time, and I am not going to marry her right now, but we were talking about marriage and she mentioned the money, so I want to do something about it now, if I do nothing she may take it for a "yes"

The bottom line is: I am not going to pay the money, and You have delivered good arguments for not paying.

Thanks.

[mbkudu]

Ask yourself if you would pay the price of a new car for a second hand car.

[KevinN]

But a second hand car can be better than a new one if you have enough tool to get down past the used and into the unused part.

As to paying a bride price,,Heil No I wouldn't,just as has been said,,it is not my custom to pay,so gimme a break,in our custom,the bride used to bring a trunk full of loot as dowry,at least a few cows.

[mbkudu]

But a second hand car can be better than a new one if you have enough tool to get down past the used and into the unused part.

As to paying a bride price,,Heil No I wouldn't,just as has been said,,it is not my custom to pay,so gimme a break,in our custom,the bride used to bring a trunk full of loot as dowry,at least a few cows.

I never mentioned performance mate. A think second rounders have the edge in the performance area. No engine break in period. Just turn the hey and the tires start squealing!

[ThaiPauly]

Okay maybe that was a bit too short a reply, so let me elaborate:

* Bride price is an amount of money for the parents of the bride to compensate them for raising their daugter, and to show off wealth and thus gain face for everyone involved, including the groom.

* A woman who's divorced AND HAS KIDS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.. sorry... and has kids, already got a bride price the first time she got married. Paying AGAIN would be a bit silly. Somehow I only see this mentioned when foreign husbands are involved..

* Amounts... amounts vary and are often related to the status of the bride and groom. If the woman is from a good family, has a university degree, virgin-ish, then a high amount can happen. For your average girl off the farm that most foreign guys seem to marry (NOT talking about you here, I don't know you adn certainly don't know your wife-to-be) the amount you mention would be pretty LUDICROUS sorry, erm, on the high side. When a girl from a rural background gets married then bride price is often something like 20K-50K, if that. AND SHE BETTER BE PRETTY VIRGIN-ish TOO!

* For me personally, I could never accept any bride price. I respect Thai culture, but I also require my wife (to be, I'm not married) to accept cultural sensibilities of my own family. And anything that looks like BUYING A WIFE from Thailand would look pretty darn bad to my family, and cause a pretty big loss of face for me. So for me, NONE OF THIS BRIDE PRICE HOOPLA!!

Having said that, I very much subscribe to becoming a part of my wife's family and will do anything in my power and ability to help them any way I can, financially or otherwise. They become my family too and I respect and love them and could never repay them for raising my wife to become the wonderful person she is. I'd be honoured to be able to help out with any emergency life may throw at them. But money being paraded around the wedding-site... not for me.

Cheers,

Chanchao

You are 100% spot on Chancho, my wife to be has a son, we are getting married soon and not a word has been said regarding money, date arranged and everything (July) they know I am well off but would not ask for money, however if there was a case for any of the family really needing money, (for medical help) and I had plenty spare well then that would be my choice to help if I so desired. If I can help, then why not, I am happy to be part of the family, but if I was directly asked will you help, I think my answer would be NO, but there agin I am sure the situation would be spelled out clearly in the "What are we to do" mode, I aint stupid

[Richard W]

A Thai man will never marry a woman who has been married before, suggest that your girlfriend's parents pay you.. that will make them think...

Why does this untruth persist in reappearing? Does it perhaps apply to Chinese Thais? It certainly doesn't apply to princes or peasants.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Are you sure you know what you want?

Good luck

Yes Dutch, I know what I want. I don´t want to pay the money. But anyway I thought it would be a good idea to ask some people, who knows more about Thailand customs than I do.

12call asks: " Does he really think that they will give him back Baht700,000 AFTER the wedding??? "

Well, you will never know until after the wedding, and I think better safe than sorry so I don´t expect to get them back.

And then he suggests I find a young one instead.

But no thanks. No more young women for me!

I have been married for five years to a thai from Isan, she is now 28 and I am 50, my experience is, that the difference in age was too big. (in that marriage I paid 10.000 baht bride price, her first marriage)

I have not known my girlfriend for a long time, and I am not going to marry her right now, but we were talking about marriage and she mentioned the money, so I want to do something about it now, if I do nothing she may take it for a "yes"

The bottom line is: I am not going to pay the money, and You have delivered good arguments for not paying.

Thanks.

The ' ask ' is way over the top Mr Denmark. Perhaps the family thought you were Prince Fred's brother.

[Pink Mist]

I would have thought after 5 years in LOS a bloke would have known a bit more about the customs to be truthfull.

[12call]

And him being a Great Dane and all that !!!

[cutethaigirl]

I would have thought after 5 years in LOS a bloke would have known a bit more about the customs to be truthfull.

also the original poster says MARRIED before and paid 10,000 baht.

This new one is 1000 times that.

Great way to start a marriage.

Errr your dad said he would give me back 700,000 but i see he has a new pickup.

Run whilst you still can:-)