Do you hate your father

[Lacessit]

My father died about 20 years ago. I actually felt somewhat sorry for him, he envied my success in work and sport. He was tied to a job he hated for 40 years, in order to support his family. He was also cheated out of a substantial family inheritance by his brother. Both those events made me decide I would only work in a job I loved, and would never have any expectations of inheriting anything.

I think the most important attitudes he passed on to me was to avoid debt like the plague, and don't try to impress people with possessions. That advice has served me well for many years.

 

[Golden Triangle]

My dad died at the tender age of 59, I'm now 6 years older than him, I never really knew him, he was always busy with his career, he finished National Service back in the early 50's, in Civvie Street he worked for a well known UK supermarket stacking shelves, when he died he was one of their longest serving and well respected Regional Managers, I visited him in hospital on the Sunday, on the way out I kissed his forehead, told him I loved him and got a call in the early hours of Monday that he had had a massive heart attack and died on the spot, I miss him to this day along with my mum who died 7 years ago, Life can be cruel, be grateful for whatever you have. ????

[Spidey]

2 hours ago, madmen said:

Extremely violent alcoholic east European father who beat both me and my mother senseless throughout my whole child hood . I celebrated when the pig died.

Mine the same. I went round to their house to kick the sh1t out of him after beating my mother up for the umpteenth time. She begged me not to do it and assured me that I could piss on his grave when he died. When he did die, I duly obliged.

[faraday]

Once you recognise that your father is also a person, then perhaps you might grow more.

 

None of us are perfect, we have to do the best we can, or else we become lost in the 'blame culture'.

 

"There is one lovely & grumpy person on here, who I admire. He has been through perhaps the most trying times in his life. He still manages to keep going & make (most of us) laugh.

 

 

[Pattayabeerbacon]

I think family are a huge trigger to alcoholics relapsing.

 

Family is the worst.

[Nyezhov]

Damn! There are some personal and family tragedies being spewed out here. I look at the guys with hard lives who seem to be quite normal, me, I had a nice normal family life and Im as looney as two hoodrats on acid playing mumblety peg with chainsaws. 

[mommysboy]

There comes a time when you are the same age as your father - if you know what I mean!

 

Your genes are what nature gave both you and him- he hardly chose them for you!

 

Yes, it's a pain being poor, especially as the world economy is shot to pieces.  It'll cause you endless trouble, and people will blame you for it. 

[faraday]

31 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

I think family are a huge trigger to alcoholics relapsing.

 

Family is the worst.

However, it is the alcoholic who picks up the drink.

 

Not their family.

 

Or, blame everyone else, attribute your problems to them & never get clean/sober

 

Up to you.

 

 

[vogie]

Never met my real father, my mother met someone else when I was about 4. She was still living with her mother and father (my grandparents), they bought a house together and left me at my grandparents for them to raise me. They had a son a few years later, my half brother, they would take him on holidays with them and leave me at home, my grandfather told me when I was about 10 that my step father didn't like me, never had a hug off my mother. When they both died I never shed a tear.

[OneMoreFarang]

I don't hate him but long time ago a psychologist confirmed that I do certain things because my father wouldn't like it.

Now I didn't see him for 20 years and I still do certain things he wouldn't like - probably deep down still for the same reason...

 

[CNX GUY]

this is a very good topic to have raised, I think it is a fascinating question. fathers are fascinating because, to a pretty great extent, they make the world what it is.

 

and that is why I hate my father.

 

was he a bad man? certainly not! did he abuse me, no!

 

however, with a combination of shall we say a high score on the narcissist scale, and a very low score on the accomplishment scale, he represents everything that is wrong with the world and makes it a pretty terrible place.

 

there's nothing wrong with being a nothing, but there is something very wrong with being a nothing while insisting you are a something.

 

that's why we humans never make any progress and that's why I "hate" my father.

[mommysboy]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Times have changed, working and saving in the west really doesn't work any more.

You just end up on a treadmill trying to keep your head above water and accomplishing nothing.

I'm all for jumping ship as young as you can get the air fare and trying out something different in the 3rd world.

Very difficult for the old uns to understand this, but it is the way it is imo for millions of people who formerly had options but don't now.  Times have indeed changed.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

15 minutes ago, mommysboy said:

Very difficult for the old uns to understand this, but it is the way it is imo for millions of people who formerly had options but don't now.  Times have indeed changed.

Im one of those.

 

Not enough jobs to go around in australia, all full time menial labour gigs are taken and even the local shire required licences and endless tickets for plant/ equipment.

 

I just did three months back home to save money and couldnt find work to keep me busy and ended up blowing coming out 50% poorer than when i went  in.....

 

Suffering never stops

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

Damn! There are some personal and family tragedies being spewed out here. I look at the guys with hard lives who seem to be quite normal, me, I had a nice normal family life and Im as looney as two hoodrats on acid playing mumblety peg with chainsaws. 

Nobody's perfect.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

4 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Nobody's perfect.

Thailand and Cambodia attracts alot who have "Had enough" of the western world B/S.

[faraday]

Rather than posting this directly, I have only put up a link, as it's a bit sweary.

 

The second stanza describes the "Chain of Torture"

 

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

 

Also, try googling 'Sins of the father' - it might help you.

Edited April 28, 2019 by faraday

[Pattayabeerbacon]

48 minutes ago, faraday said:

Rather than posting this directly, I have only put up a link, as it's a bit sweary.

 

The second stanza describes the "Chain of Torture"

 

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

 

Also, try googling 'Sins of the father' - it might help you.

Thanks alot.

 

The poem is correct, What dies it mean "get out while you can"?

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, mommysboy said:

Very difficult for the old uns to understand this, but it is the way it is imo for millions of people who formerly had options but don't now.  Times have indeed changed.

I can't directly comment about this.

But recently I spoke to a guy who used to live in Thailand and is now in the UK and he has a job over there.

He did a lot with migrants in his life, i.e. in PNG.

He told me that lots of businesses do hire now a lot of migrants and one reason is that they still want to work the whole day for a basic salary. It seems the experience of lot of business owners is that the have bad experience with the locals (UK in the UK) because many of them don't want to work hard and dedicated for not so much money.

I don't know how much this is the case but as far as I remember there are lot of those immigrants all over the world who work very hard to improve their life - often harder than anybody else.

[bermondburi]

My dad's amazing. The older I get the cleverer he gets. 

[ozmeldo]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Times have changed, working and saving in the west really doesn't work any more.

You just end up on a treadmill trying to keep your head above water and accomplishing nothing.

I'm all for jumping ship as young as you can get the air fare and trying out something different in the 3rd world.

But there's nothing here for them. They arrive without money, then what? 95% have no work ethic and many of them so dim to take on loads of student debt.

 

Come to Thailand, get a job pretending to teach English.

[OneMoreFarang]

I think this is the most serious thread I ever followed in Farang Pub - fun, entertainment and Expat life.

It looks like a lot of us are "happy" to say some things which I am sure we don't talk about very often.

 

[faraday]

7 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

Thanks alot.

 

The poem is correct, What dies it mean "get out while you can"?

In this sense i.e. the poem, it means leave home as soon as possible.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

47 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think this is the most serious thread I ever followed in Farang Pub - fun, entertainment and Expat life.

It looks like a lot of us are "happy" to say some things which I am sure we don't talk about very often.

 

Its a positive side to online anonymity

[mstevens]

16 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

I told him im drying out over here and clearing my liver out and he scolded  me for asking for money.

He agreed to give me 2USD per day.

I tried to look at this from your Dad's perspective. I know if I had adult kids and they asked me for money I'd probably hate them. Seriously, as an adult (I am assuming you are, but could be wrong) it's seriously uncool to ask your parents for money. They did their job already, don't use them as a crutch when you should be a big boy and stand on your own two feet.

[soalbundy]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Times have changed, working and saving in the west really doesn't work any more.

You just end up on a treadmill trying to keep your head above water and accomplishing nothing.

I'm all for jumping ship as young as you can get the air fare and trying out something different in the 3rd world.

If anyone wants to see how things are in the UK today a good BBC real life series to watch on youtube is 'Can't pay, we'll take it away'. It's quite shocking but somehow addictive.

[bikerlou47]

My father is OK.

My mother is a piece of shit!

[BritManToo]

I'd like to reverse the POV.

I spent 22 years providing for my 4 children, then when their mother decided to start banging someone else and divorced me, got the house, 100% custody and started saying I had constantly abused them all, they just kept quiet about her lies. When I asked one of them why they kept quiet, they just said she's our mom and we love her. Guess it was my fault, I was at work all the time so their mom could look after them 24/7. All I was to them all was a family wallet.

No love for me then, I left for Thailand and haven't really seen them since (10 years now).

I don't hate them, I just have no interest in interacting with people that betrayed me.

 

Didn't make that mistake a second time, I'm always around my new Thai son, and he clearly prefers my company to anyone else.

[faraday]

2 minutes ago, bikerlou47 said:

My father is OK.

My mother is a piece of shit!

Why is she a  p.o.s - in general, not detailed, unless you want?

[Pattayabeerbacon]

19 minutes ago, mstevens said:

I tried to look at this from your Dad's perspective. I know if I had adult kids and they asked me for money I'd probably hate them. Seriously, as an adult (I am assuming you are, but could be wrong) it's seriously uncool to ask your parents for money. They did their job already, don't use them as a crutch when you should be a big boy and stand on your own two feet.

The boomers all got rich at the millenials expense , How? A house was 10% of the cost compared to the 1980s and wages havent gone up since the GFC.

 

with all that time is such a good world economy climate  they should has struck gold and passed on the success.

 

Instead they did the opposite and left us with a huge mess.

[suzannegoh]

11 hours ago, CNX GUY said:

this is a very good topic to have raised, I think it is a fascinating question. fathers are fascinating because, to a pretty great extent, they make the world what it is.

 

and that is why I hate my father.

 

was he a bad man? certainly not! did he abuse me, no!

 

however, with a combination of shall we say a high score on the narcissist scale, and a very low score on the accomplishment scale, he represents everything that is wrong with the world and makes it a pretty terrible place.

 

there's nothing wrong with being a nothing, but there is something very wrong with being a nothing while insisting you are a something.

 

that's why we humans never make any progress and that's why I "hate" my father.

The way that you have it figured, are you a better man than your father?  It sounds like he was a man if his time and circumstances and you are a man of yours.