Do you hate your father

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

The boomers all got rich at the millenials expense , How? A house was 10% of the cost compared to the 1980s and wages havent gone up since the GFC.

with all that time is such a good world economy climate  they should has struck gold and passed on the success.

Instead they did the opposite and left us with a huge mess.

Boomer here, my wife took all my property and savings off me in the divorce.

Blame her, not me, I made nothing out of house prise increases.

Edited April 29, 2019 by BritManToo

[Pattayabeerbacon]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Boomer here, my wife took all my property and savings off me in the divorce.

Blame her, not me, I made nothing out of house prise increases.

Im sorry to here that and it must be hard.

 

Has happened to more than a few.

[OneMoreFarang]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I'd like to reverse the POV.

I spent 22 years providing for my 4 children, then when their mother decided to start banging someone else and divorced me, got the house, 100% custody and started saying I had constantly abused them all, they just kept quiet about her lies. When I asked one of them why they kept quiet, they just said she's our mom and we love her. Guess it was my fault, I was at work all the time so their mom could look after them 24/7. All I was to them all was a family wallet.

No love for me then, I left for Thailand and haven't really seen them since (10 years now).

I don't hate them, I just have no interest in interacting with people that betrayed me.

 

Didn't make that mistake a second time, I'm always around my new Thai son, and he clearly prefers my company to anyone else.

That sounds bad.

 

I think one big problem for family members, and sometimes friends, is a problem where they are supposed to takes sides. In this case if they agree with you very likely their mother will be very upset - and the other way around.

And as long as the mother has the legal right to care for them it's not difficult to understand that they don't speak up against her.

And then, of course, it's so much easier to be quiet and stay out of any problems, even if this is unfair for at least one of the people they love.

Did your kids do something wrong? Likely yes.

Did they have an option to do everything right: Likely no.

[mlkik]

17 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Never best friend I ever had, will miss him always.

I feel the same about my Dad..

[Purdey]

I didn't like my own father, a bulky who my mum was to afraid of to ask for a divorce, so I left home for university and never went back. He always said I would end up with nothing, a dustbin man at best. I looked after myself and saved money. He died before he saw my sportscar and house. I don't understand anyone who continues to blame their father for their own inability to make life work.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

5 minutes ago, Purdey said:

I didn't like my own father, a bulky who my mum was to afraid of to ask for a divorce, so I left home for university and never went back. He always said I would end up with nothing, a dustbin man at best. I looked after myself and saved money. He died before he saw my sportscar and house. I don't understand anyone who continues to blame their father for their own inability to make life work.

Thats pure motivation, He did it for a reason.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, Purdey said:

I didn't like my own father, a bulky who my mum was to afraid of to ask for a divorce, so I left home for university and never went back. He always said I would end up with nothing, a dustbin man at best. I looked after myself and saved money. He died before he saw my sportscar and house. I don't understand anyone who continues to blame their father for their own inability to make life work.

My hobby psychology instinct tells me that a big part of your success is/was that you worked hard to show your father you can do it. I am sure you enjoy your car and your house. But it seems you would enjoy it a lot more if you could have shown it to your father and told him something like: See, you were wrong. I did it!

So it seems you did what you did primarily because of your father...

[faraday]

19 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

The boomers all got rich at the millenials expense , How? A house was 10% of the cost compared to the 1980s and wages havent gone up since the GFC.

 

with all that time is such a good world economy climate  they should has struck gold and passed on the success.

 

Instead they did the opposite and left us with a huge mess.

Poor you.

 

Ok, now we can determine your approximate age....

 

Do you, for one moment think that us older members have had an easy life, without for example losing our marital home to a greedy entitled ex-wife?

 

Or perhaps overcoming alcoholism, redundancy; any of the significant life changing events?

[Spidey]

4 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

Thats pure motivation, He did it for a reason.

No mate. I've been there. I was maybe a reason he gave for his behaviour. In reality, he was a piece of scum who should never have been allowed to father children.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

5 minutes ago, Spidey said:

No mate. I've been there. I was maybe a reason he gave for his behaviour. In reality, he was a piece of scum who should never have been allowed to father children.

Yes i myself will never have kids for the reason i know myself i am never supposed to have kids.

Edited April 29, 2019 by Pattayabeerbacon

[Pattayabeerbacon]

 

 

7 minutes ago, faraday said:

Poor you.

 

Ok, now we can determine your approximate age....

 

Do you, for one moment think that us older members have had an easy life, without for example losing our marital home to a greedy entitled ex-wife?

 

Or perhaps overcoming alcoholism, redundancy; any of the significant life changing events?

Being made redundant would be an achievement for me no kidding.

[nervona81732]

It's called programming folks. When we are very young we absorb everything like a sponge including poor decisions that We take on into adult hood. Its a bitch but can be overcome. Been there done that. 

[luckyluke]

He was an alcoholic, abuse of power (policeman), abusive. He killed(shoot) himself (no note), something like 30 years ago, we were all relieved. 

 

Now at 70+, I try to understand his behaving , not to accept it. 

[suzannegoh]

12 hours ago, mommysboy said:

Very difficult for the old uns to understand this, but it is the way it is imo for millions of people who formerly had options but don't now.  Times have indeed changed.

It’s hard for anyone to judge how economic conditions are for other people, that’s why it’s hard for the “old uns” to know.   When your neighbor loses his job you think it’s a recession, when you lose your job you think it’s a depression, but either way your impression of the economy mostly reflects the very small slice of the economy that you participate in.

I don’t have kids myself but my brother and sister bother have sons who are now in their early 20’s and you’d get the exact opposite impression of how good of opportunities have by looking at either set of kids.  My sister’s kids were a bit nerdy but big for their age so they didn’t get bullied.  The studied a lot and when then goofed off it was by doing nerdy things like writing code or tinkering with old electronics equipment.  And after high school they went to university and majored in engineering.  In contrast, my bother’s kids were among the cool kids in school, were popular, but never developed any intellectual curiosity nor any demonstrable skills other than doing a bong hit.  And after high school they jobs hanging sheetrock.  So now, with them no longer being “kids”, I could look at my sisters kids I might conclude that the future is limitless for kids.  Or I could look at my brother’s kids living in a slum and conclude that kids today don’t stand a chance.

Edited April 29, 2019 by suzannegoh

[remorhaz]

My father got in cohoots with my now ex-wife and paid her under the table to help fund her divorce attorney.  He was/is a half dimwit from smoking all his life causing a series of strokes plus a triple bypass (starving his brain of oxygen) but I can't forgive him as he's the reason I haven't been able to see my children for 10 years.  In his addled state he bought every lie she floated no questions asked.  Charged falsely with domestic violence (found not guilty as I was out of town at the time) and he shows up in court to testify against me just because.  He always told me growing up that he'd wish he'd had a daughter instead of a son so now this was his chance to trade me in. 

 

Boomer parents are the worst generation to ever curse this Earth.  You can't choose your parents unfortunately but when that monster finally closes his eyes for the last time and wakes up in hell I will drink a toast to his demise.  So yes is the answer to your question at least for me.

[Berkshire]

13 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

I think family are a huge trigger to alcoholics relapsing.

 

Family is the worst.

If you can blame your father for how you turned out, I suppose he can blame his father for the same.  In other words, not really his fault....is that what you mean? 

[Spidey]

Just now, nervona81732 said:

It's called programming folks. When we are very young we absorb everything like a sponge including poor decisions that We take on into adult hood. Its a bitch but can be overcome. Been there done that. 

Some do. Some don't. The reason for my fathers terrible parenting skills was that he was born in Spain and moved to Morocco at the age of 2. His mother promptly died and he was raised by his Moroccan step mother, basically as a street urchin on the streets of Marrakech. He escaped that life by running away at the age of 16 and joining the Spanish civil war. At the age of 18, he escaped that life by joining the French Foreign Legion, from which he went AWOL and spent 2 years hiding in his sister's loft. He escaped that by joining the British army (parachute regiment) in 1943. After 5 years he was demobed and went to live in London. Violence was the only thing that he knew. It was the norm for him.

 

At the age of 12 he cut his finger on a rusty can. It went septic and swelled up. His elder sister took him to show it to his father. His father held his hand against a wall, palm down, and punched the finger with his fist to burst the abscess. His sister took him to the doctor, who amputated his finger.

 

It's no surprise to me that he became a violent, drunken father and husband.

 

I was subjected to a childhood surrounded by violence. From my father, my schoolmates and my teachers.

I was taught, by my father to resolve my problems with violence.

 

However, when I became a father myself, I was determined to break the cycle. I brought my children up with love and encouragement rather than violence and admonition. I never hit my children, nor would I allow anyone else to hit them. My 2 kids in the UK, have grown up to be a real credit to me, both with good jobs and have never been in any kind of trouble or taken drugs.

 

My Thai stepson had a similar life to my father for the first 2 1/2 years of his life. When he came to us he was sullen and very withdrawn. He wouldn't allow me to touch him and would physically strike out if I tried to point out his bad behaviour. After 3 months of really hard work, using my parenting skills, his behaviour began to change. Now, at the age of 7, he is a real credit to us. His behaviour is immaculate and the first thing he does, every morning, is run up to me, give me a big hug and a kiss and says, "Good morning cap Paw, noo lak Paw". Heartbreakingly brilliant! Brings a tear to my eyes every day.

 

I don't care what new rules TI brings in, I could never leave him.

 

[KC 71]

I love my Dad to bits,he is my Hero,i got a few well deserved beltings because i played up when he was working overseas,and Mum had to deal with it on her own !
I guess i was one of the lucky ones. Sorry to all of you that haven’t had it easy ,and i sincerely mean that.
Regards.
Regards all


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Old Croc]

Ok.

My biological father was very distant, never a father in the traditional sense of spending time with his son, he was the authority figure who dealt out the punishment (smack in the earhole) for my naughtiness as reported to him by my mother.

My mother was an alcoholic who doted on her daughter, and had little time for me. All I received from my parents were some flawed genes that gave me lifelong medical problems and resulted in my inability to now walk. Actual flawed genes not pretending alcoholic ones.

When I was still young my father walked out on his family to live with his secretary. I only saw him twice after that before he dropped dead on a beach holding his new baby son. I have a half brother somewhere, if I was interested.

My mother became a party girl, out most nights leaving me at home alone when still a preteen. (my older sister was whoring around the beach front by then) My mother would bring home many different men until she found a low intelligence, loud mouth, army man to marry. He was a drunk and a bully who found me an easy target right up until the day I had matured enough to throw him into a wall. He never went at me again.

I left home at 18, initially had many jobs, travelled and spent my 21st birthday, on the bones of my arse, in South Africa.

I had minimal contact with my mother until I found myself as the only relative available to manage her in her dotage. Her second spouse had died as he had lived - selfishly.  It was a relief to both of us when she finally died and I could head to a new life in Thailand.

I never shed a tear over the deaths of father, mother, step father or sister. They were long excised from my emotions.

I have friends who have great families and dote on their father. I often wish I had been part of such a family and had parents and siblings I could count on.

 

[RickTik]

[Ahab]

No.

 

[NoshowJones]

20 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

You make your own choices....  yet you are continuing to choose to blame your parents for an inequality outside of their control, should your son blame you for the same things? (rhetorical question). 

 

 

On a personal level - if my child grows up with half the respect I have for my father, then I considered I have done a good job as a parent. The trouble is trying to find the right balance between healthy discipline and being overbearing... 

 

 

 

 

I had no respect for my father at all, he tried to lay down the law, must not go in to cafes, must not play football on Sundays, must not go to the cinema, this was when I was about twelve years old, (he thought he was a christian) I disobeyed all these rules all the time, and was never found out, when I was in my mid teens and out grew him, I let him know that I never respected his laws, because I knew he would not dare put a finger on me as he knew he would never win. lets be honest here, would anyone respect a father like that?

[connda]

20 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

Just spoke to my father.

He handed me alcoholic / Gambling genes and long with 0 support.

When live hands you lemons, make lemonade.  You can make excuse and whinge until the cows come home and it will not change a thing.  So - get over it and get on with your life.  

[Cereal]

I'm sure I was a bit of a disappointment to my dad. He as a career military guy and I grew my hair, dropped out of university and joined a rock band and hit the road as a drummer. Dad wanted me to go to military college then join up and be an engineer or a pilot. Neither held any cachet for me.

 

He was never really part of my life. He joined things and played on sports teams, hockey in the winter, baseball in the summer. I'm not a team guy. I don't like spending a single second in the company of people I don't like, and I don't like a lot of people.

 

It's one thing to work with people or go to school with people you don't like, but to spend your free time with people you don't like is nuts. And, if there are 20 people on a sports team I'll guarantee I think at least one of them is idiot. Thus, I don't play on teams.

 

I didn't hate the old man and I think he'd be proud of me now but he's been dead a long time. I can't say I really miss him though. Sort of ambivalent about it all.

 

Now my brother....that a$$hole I hated with the white hot intensity of 1000 suns.

[Macthehat]

19 hours ago, Liverpudlian said:

OP got my respect for having the gonads to post this here.

Takes nothing to come onto an anonymous forum and slate your father for your choices in life . 

The OP should reflect on his words and wake up and smell the coffee . 

We all make choices in life   some better than others , but they are all still choices . 

His father is right .. get a job and pay his way in life . Its something that the rest of us do daily and never question or blame other people ....especially our  parents . 

Ps. Pattaya to dry out ? ???? 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, remorhaz said:

Boomer parents are the worst generation to ever curse this Earth. 

BS!

You will find good and bad parents and kids and wives in any generation.

Blaming boomers or millennials or whatever is a cheap excuse.

[orchis]

I do not hate my father. no space or time for that.
he was an abusive alcoholic who left my mother with 6 children aged 3 to 17.
it was a relief.
he passed away last year (we found out by coincidence). 
he drew a picture of the world being a nasty place to live in and as a child I believed it before I came to realize he made the world a nasty place.

I early on recognized he was a fool (and a victim of his own parents) and I had to make my life myself.
The alcoholic gene skipped me but not 4 other siblings, 3 dealt with it.
Life was harder without advice or help, it forms you in a certain way.
He once intervened with my employer to hurt me professionally, it didn't work.
I did never expect (or demand) financial help and didn't inquire about my part of the inheritance.
When you don't live with hate you feel free.

[Spidey]

5 minutes ago, Macthehat said:

Takes nothing to come onto an anonymous forum and slate your father for your choices in life . 

The OP should reflect on his words and wake up and smell the coffee . 

We all make choices in life   some better than others , but they are all still choices . 

His father is right .. get a job and pay his way in life . Its something that the rest of us do daily and never question or blame other people ....especially our  parents . 

Ps. Pattaya to dry out ? ???? 

Harsh, but some good points.

 

However, your father can play a big part in the formation of your personality and the choices you make in life. Certainly did for me.

 

My nemesis occurred at the age of 34, sat alone in a dimly lit hospital room at midnight with my newborn baby daughter in my arms. I looked down at her and felt a love like I'd never felt before. Tears streaming down my face I verbally swore to her that I would not give her a life like my father gave to me. I kept my promise to her and from that day I was a completely changed man. My choice, influenced greatly by my very own angel.

[OneMoreFarang]

Lot of people complain about their fathers - including me.

 

But I am sure lots of these fathers tried to do their best, or what they thought is the best for us.

I.e. my father would have liked if I work in the bureaucracy in a steady job where you can calculate your pension already when you just started work.

In his opinion that was a good choice and what he would have considered the best for me.

I didn't think it was the best choice for me...

 

And then many of us decide to do it different than our parents. We do the opposite, and sometimes the radical opposite. And we think that's the best. Until we ask our kids what they think about our behavior...

I have no kids and that is one reason why. There are just too many things which can go wrong including what we think is doing our best.

[Spidey]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have no kids and that is one reason why. There are just too many things which can go wrong including what we think is doing our best.

A choice that more and more people are making. Raising children is the hardest job in the world.

 

I just took the plunge and gave conscious thought on what was best for my children. All parents make mistakes, you just hope that you get more things right than wrong. Worked for me.