Unwillingness / inability to talk things through

[GarryP]

10 minutes ago, Nurseynutcase said:

Can I put forward another point of view?  It is NOT just thai ladies that can appear to be unable to face up to problems.  My ex - a farang male refused to face up to any problems caused by his acts of omission/comission.  Nothing was ever up for discussion in a reasonable manner.  In the end we, thankfully split up.  When my money ran out - so did he.  According to his family this was his standard M.O., and he would never face up to any problems.

 

Please note - I am a Farang female.

Thanks, for the balance. I understand that the vast majority of comments are from men, as they probably amount to 80 percent or more of the users of Thaivisa. This sort of explains the bias in complaining about women/female partners/wives/girlfriends but it also shines a light on the misogynistic attitude of many who post here.

 

Do men tend to blame everyone else but themselves? Probably. However, apart from communication problems such as the inability to have in depth conversations with their partners due to the language barrier, many treat their partners like doormats. It is no wonder they are unwilling to talk. They are not treated as equals and their opinions are neither sought nor respected. 

 

Aren't some of the men on here at least partially to blame for the breakdown in communications? Don't the men ever get upset or angry over petty or ridiculous things, or start pouting when they don't get their way? I know that men can be just as unreasonable as women, and I include myself in this.         

[Pilotman]

Just now, GarryP said:

Thanks, for the balance. I understand that the vast majority of comments are from men, as they probably amount to 80 percent or more of the users of Thaivisa. This sort of explains the bias in complaining about women/female partners/wives/girlfriends but it also shines a light on the misogynistic attitude of many who post here.

 

Do men tend to blame everyone else but themselves? Probably. However, apart from communication problems such as the inability to have in depth conversations with their partners due to the language barrier, many treat their partners like doormats. It is no wonder they are unwilling to talk. They are not treated as equals and their opinions are neither sought nor respected. 

 

Aren't some of the men on here at least partially to blame for the breakdown in communications? Don't the men ever get upset or angry over petty or ridiculous things, or start pouting when they don't get their way? I know that men can be just as unreasonable as women, and I include myself in this.         

yes to all that. 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Benroon said:

Your post(s) has racism seeping from its pores like a festering sore - remember you even told me you 'enjoyed' hating thais, that it made you happy ?!!

Thai's aren't a race, so hating them isn't racist (but it might be bigoted).

I quite like the Cambodians, Laos and Vietnamese, they're the same race as Thais (as far as I can tell).

Not really formed an opinion of the Burmese.

[BritManToo]

21 minutes ago, Benroon said:

I have seen enough thai girls walking around with 60 year old+ bald bloated westerners with out of control nasal hair and their soul has left their eyes.

However, hating white people is most certainly racist.

Whereas, hating old people is merely despicable.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, GarryP said:

Thanks, for the balance. I understand that the vast majority of comments are from men, as they probably amount to 80 percent or more of the users of Thaivisa.

I've only managed to identify 5 real women regularly posting on ThaiVISA.

There's another 15 men pretending to be women, but they don't post as regularly.

 

What's the membership 150,000?

With maybe 500 regular posters ................ which would effectively mean 99% male posters, 1% female posters.

[Fex Bluse]

50 minutes ago, Benroon said:

All 68,000,000 of them ?

 

I've heard they are also intolerant of generalising racist foreigners though I've no research to back that up!

 

As for 'low tolerance' and 'high avoidance' - a complete nonsensical statement. ie I have a very low tolerance for racists, would I avoid conflict with them if it came to it ? no chance !!

Maybe you are unfamiliar. Corporate execs for MNCs often get training in things like language, culture. 

 

Conflict Avoidance: check Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions

 

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by Fex Bluse

[Fex Bluse]

16 minutes ago, Benroon said:

Let me help you - according to the Oxford Dictionary 

 

Racism is a belief in the superiority of a particular race; prejudice based on this. b antagonism towards, or discrimination against other races, 

 

Your post(s) has racism seeping from its pores like a festering sore - remember you even told me you 'enjoyed' hating thais, that it made you happy ?!!

 

Did that help ?

 

 

No, that did not help me, unfortunately. But, thank you for taking the time to try. 

 

What race is it that I have a problem with? 

 

I'll give you a hint. 

 

Japanese - highly respect 

 

Chinese - do not generally like but acknowledge their cleverness and work ethic 

 

Lao - really like them generally

 

Singaporeans - highly respect 

 

[ajarnmarc]

18 hours ago, Elizway said:

But she speaks fluent English. She's been out of Thailand most of her life.

I have the exact same issue and I have been in my relationship for 14 years. 

It is only gotten worse over the years.

It appears to be her way or the highway to misery.

I do actually think it's a Thai trait, though not with all Thai ladies, 

but for those it effects, it's secured to not be removable I have decided.

For I have tried everything, to no avail...unfortunately, as we have two children together.

My lady too speaks English fluently, and has no difficulty communicating with anyone. 

My children have often stated why is their mom so nice to others and so hard on her family? 

I can not explain it, as it appears to be a disguise which she wishes to hide.

The sad part is they are now old enough to know and see that in fact their mother does have compassion, just not for the family within her home.

It's sad and often time depressing to say the least.

[Baerboxer]

My wife is fluent in English; well educated with Bachelor and Master degrees; has lived in several countries.

 

40% of the time no problem. 60% reverts back to Thai habit - only has one point of view hers; ridiculously stubborn; ignores facts she doesn't like; wants to do as she pleases with no sense of urgency or idea how to prioritize and if loosing a discussion due to logic and reasoning will try to change the topic, deflect or if that fails go berserk. Nature of women from Asia, especially Thailand. Emotional blackmail being one of their main characteristics.

 

That ration is moving to 30/70 since moving back to Thailand permanently.

 

 

[Baerboxer]

20 minutes ago, ajarnmarc said:

I have the exact same issue and I have been in my relationship for 14 years. 

It is only gotten worse over the years.

It appears to be her way or the highway to misery.

I do actually think it's a Thai trait, though not with all Thai ladies, 

but for those it effects, it's secured to not be removable I have decided.

For I have tried everything, to no avail...unfortunately, as we have two children together.

My lady too speaks English fluently, and has no difficulty communicating with anyone. 

My children have often stated why is their mom so nice to others and so hard on her family? 

I can not explain it, as it appears to be a disguise which she wishes to hide.

The sad part is they are now old enough to know and see that in fact their mother does have compassion, just not for the family within her home.

It's sad and often time depressing to say the least.

 

My daughter asked the same question as your children regarding nice to others.

 

The answer of course is face. The most important thing to them is how others perceive them and their status. Husbands and kids opinions are taken for granted.

[Fex Bluse]

Lots of hyper sensitive expats around. 

[CNX GUY]

I do not think this is solely a Thai trait.

 

the behavior you are observing is true of most all people day who refuse to communicate; qualitatively.

 

in fact they are quite hostile to it and this can be seen by anyone attempting to work things through; particularly when the going is tough. but this is true as well even when the conversation is more generic in nature.

 

the humans embrace of the low-definition communication of the Internet demonstrates this. rarely will anything get beyond the 140 characters or the comment thread. the ties remain weak, and nothing qualitative can be done. that requires traction which is just not possible in these environs.

 

yes she is female, yes she is thai and these factors play a role; but I think there is a bigger, more universal, picture to consider.

Edited May 31, 2019 by CNX GUY

[Toscano]

You have a Thai wife or girlfriend ? Join the Club my guess is they are all the same .

You have to understand that Falangs are Idiots who know nothing . 

Thais are always right so there is nothing to discuss and no arguments please .

A quick temper tantrum will ensure she gets her own way .

[MaksimMislavsky]

18 hours ago, Pilotman said:

maybe its a man thing?   I usually can't be arsed to try to communicate with someone who is being a dick head, male or female, life is just too short.  

And if they keep bothering me long enough and won't let go, I go berserk. 

[soalbundy]

18 hours ago, Elizway said:

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

They don't get resolved, they get forgotten. To resolve things one side has to give ground, that sure as hell isn't going to be a Thai. One thing I have noticed among Thais themselves is that they can argue until they spit blood, nothing is resolved, they are enemies for life and ignore each other, two weeks later they are chatting and laughing as if nothing had happened, still nothing resolved but the problem isn't brought up again.

[connda]

Everything is your fault; nothing is her fault.
It has nothing to do with language.  It's all culture.

[Thongkorn]

Had one myself, head up their arse syndrome, Its a Thai Cultural thing, not Thai bashing ,its a fact, they dont like  shouting or confrontation , They think if they keep quiet the problem goes away. Nothing gets resolved, it just goes quiet then the problem rears its head again,and around you go again, Some people like to call it Lose of face, Its just an inability to except criticism or being told they are wrong, 

[TimShady]

I am feeling the same pain ...it's a frustrating as hell that there is this inability to want to resolve things. With an analytical mind it literally drives you crazy. Just gave her 7 days of peace and quiet - just tried send a couple of nice messages and reach out and I got hosed on then blocked. Bloody psycho cant even accept a kind olive branch.

[rumak]

52 minutes ago, TimShady said:

I am feeling the same pain ...it's a frustrating as hell that there is this inability to want to resolve things. With an analytical mind it literally drives you crazy. Just gave her 7 days of peace and quiet - just tried send a couple of nice messages and reach out and I got hosed on then blocked. Bloody psycho cant even accept a kind olive branch.

Just......say NO

[Krataiboy]

20 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

Spot on.

[Bangkok Barry]

21 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

 

Nailed it. And as for never apologising, they never do because a Thai is never wrong. To do so would be to lose face.

[samsensam]

1 hour ago, TimShady said:

I am feeling the same pain ...it's a frustrating as hell that there is this inability to want to resolve things. With an analytical mind it literally drives you crazy. Just gave her 7 days of peace and quiet - just tried send a couple of nice messages and reach out and I got hosed on then blocked. Bloody psycho cant even accept a kind olive branch.

 

take the hint.

[rumak]

7 hours ago, baansgr said:

I resolved all my issues with Thai women a few years ago with one simple solution.....Dont interact with them, in fact it works just as well with all Thais. I really dont know how guys can live with a Thai woman...

living with a thai woman and interacting with the general Thai population  are very different.  If you keep everything simple and just smile and ask what did you eat you will not have any problems with 99% of thais

(higher % than with farangs i think ????)

Living with a Thai or any woman is a different story.  One that is debated about endlessly 

 

[malibukid]

hide the knives

[marcusarelus]

18 hours ago, amykat said:

Thais don’t apologize, as far as I understand it,  because that is a loss of face. They also feel uncomfortable when receiving an apology and don’t know what to do with it.  I would say that must be especially true when you are her boss, her substitute Father, higher than her ....etc.  So she is freaking out.  Play your part correctly boss man!!!

My wife apologizes all the time.  My Thai doctor apologizes.  Lazada a Thai company apologizes and refunds my money all the time.  The delivery guys apologize all the time.  My Taxi driver apologizes whenever he is late.    

[marcusarelus]

45 minutes ago, Bangkok Barry said:

 

Nailed it. And as for never apologising, they never do because a Thai is never wrong. To do so would be to lose face.

My wife apologizes all the time.  My Thai doctor apologizes.  Lazada a Thai company apologizes and refunds my money all the time.  The delivery guys apologize all the time.  My Taxi driver apologizes whenever he is late.  The only people who never apologize in Thailand that I know are on Thai Visa and they never admit they are wrong.  The best you get is an insult or no answer at all.  

[malibukid]

8 hours ago, baansgr said:

I resolved all my issues with Thai women a few years ago with one simple solution.....Dont interact with them, in fact it works just as well with all Thais. I really dont know how guys can live with a Thai woman...

i have been here 10 years and agree.  i just keep it platonic and superficial with the women.  the Thai's are generally a little to phlegmatic for me.  love the country however.  lots of young and bored western women here who love to go to dinner and to have a nice conversation and who know that  

the Doors are not something you walk through. 

Edited May 31, 2019 by malibukid

[marcusarelus]

21 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

https://theculturetrip.com/asia/thailand/articles/the-greatest-poets-from-thailand-you-need-to-know/

[marcusarelus]

5 minutes ago, malibukid said:

i have been here 10 years and agree.  i just keep it platonic and superficial with the women.  the Thai's are generally a little to phlegmatic for me.  love the country however.  lots of young western bored western women here who love to go to dinner and to have conversation with and who know that  

the Doors are not something you walk through. 

Thai women are like any other after you learn how to interact with them.  Like any person outside of our own small cultural background.  If one complains about Thai women what you are really saying I'm a failure at understanding people of this culture. 

[malibukid]

5 hours ago, Benroon said:

and in 80%+ cases she would be right 

 

I have seen enough thai girls walking around with 60 year old+ bald bloated westerners with out of control nasal hair and their soul has left their eyes.

 

In that position purely through accident of where they were born. 

 

I think there should be some kind of national rescue home for them

you sound like an ageist. with age comes experience!  some women prefer that. i know a lot to 60+ men who work out and who are in very good shape and are still surfing. but than i look at Donald Trump.  however i see your point.