Need advice/help Emergency situation

[FritsSikkink]

On ‎7‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 7:04 AM, BritManToo said:

Defamation is a criminal offense in Thailand.

It could cost you a lot of money and possibly jail if you were to ever visit Thailand.

 

Best to stay out of disagreements between your parents.

No, if he abuses her, she has to stick with her mother.

[amykat]

Taicha,

 

I’m sorry for your troubles.  I remember reading about you in the women’s forum, if that is indeed you, that I am thinking of.  I think your Father could have Aspergers, also known as HFA, which manifests as strange behavior like you describe in adults, and often their coping methods seem to get worse with age or stress.  They often seem like abusive control freaks who can’t stop ranting and can never see another person’s point of view, because they suffer from something called mind blindness, lack some forms of empathy, have social problems ....you mentioned he lost all his friends, probably from arguing too much, right??  Sometimes they can seem to have personality disorders like paranoid, borderline, narcissistic...but never 100% and wouldn’t qualify for that because, and if, they have diagnosis of HFA.  

 

The men on here, are mostly relating to this post as men with Thai women, who have been screwed over, and thinking quite correctly, that your Mother might have deserved what happened, and that she gets to keep the house due to unfair Thai laws which don’t protect farangs here, etc.

 

 I think this is not the case, you are also both as much or more American, as Thai, so tell them to stick it ...your Father seems to have trapped you in Thailand previously and kept you a prisoner practically with almost no chance of having a life or future ...these guys don’t know that.  I don’t remember every detail, and I doubt you told us the worst, abused people never do, I am pretty damn sure your father has committed plenty of abusive acts that would see him do jail time in the WEST.

 

Please start to read about parents with Aspergers and children raised by parents like that, and see if that fits you, you will need help.  It might not sink in right away and you might to read other people’s experiences before you recognize it, depends how bad or obvious your Dad is ....or I could be wrong and he is just an abusive ass without this problem.  But I have a good feeling about this.

 

I want you to not feel ignored by these men here, shunned, not seen ....but they are more or less, his peer group .....and don’t know the whole story and cannot understand the level you are talking about.  Most people, normal people, can’t ever understand.

 

[Taicha]

Just read Tanoshi's post (#32), and follow his advice.  The personality changes you describe are typical of dementia, either Alzheimer's or another sort.  Unfortunately, your father is not going to get better. 

 

Help your mother by listening to her problems.  If she has a helpful, supportive person to talk to, even if it's just over the phone, will help her calm down and get on with her life.

 

As for your father, let the police handle it, though they may ignore it as a domestic problem.  Be sure to let the Embassy know about the situation.  I wouldn't be surprised if your father ends up in the IDC (immigration detention center) and is then deported.

 

If your father has  other relatives in the US, you might let them know about the situation so that they be prepared if an angry, demented man possibly shows up on their doorsteps.

Taicha,

 

I’m sorry for your troubles.  I remember reading about you in the women’s forum, if that is indeed you, that I am thinking of.  I think your Father could have Aspergers, also known as HFA, which manifests as strange behavior like you describe in adults, and often their coping methods seem to get worse with age or stress.  They often seem like abusive control freaks who can’t stop ranting and can never see another person’s point of view, because they suffer from something called mind blindness, lack some forms of empathy, have social problems ....you mentioned he lost all his friends, probably from arguing too much, right??  Sometimes they can seem to have personality disorders like paranoid, borderline, narcissistic...but never 100% and wouldn’t qualify for that because, and if, they have diagnosis of HFA.  

 

The men on here, are mostly relating to this post as men with Thai women, who have been screwed over, and thinking quite correctly, that your Mother might have deserved what happened, and that she gets to keep the house due to unfair Thai laws which don’t protect farangs here, etc.

 

 I think this is not the case, you are also both as much or more American, as Thai, so tell them to stick it ...your Father seems to have trapped you in Thailand previously and kept you a prisoner practically with almost no chance of having a life or future ...these guys don’t know that.  I don’t remember every detail, and I doubt you told us the worst, abused people never do, I am pretty damn sure your father has committed plenty of abusive acts that would see him do jail time in the WEST.

 

Please start to read about parents with Aspergers and children raised by parents like that, and see if that fits you, you will need help.  It might not sink in right away and you might to read other people’s experiences before you recognize it, depends how bad or obvious your Dad is ....or I could be wrong and he is just an abusive ass without this problem.  But I have a good feeling about this.

 

I want you to not feel ignored by these men here, shunned, not seen ....but they are more or less, his peer group .....and don’t know the whole story and cannot understand the level you are talking about.  Most people, normal people, can’t ever understand.

 

Thank you for your informative post. Yes it is me, Lumina Caelum. Sheryl(one of the moderators?), I think that was her name said I had to get out of that situation myself. I spent a year or two stuck suffering almost everyday there until my boyfriend bought me a plane ticket to America. I known him for 4 years and he's been there for me everyday I was suffering.

He was able to give me confidence to stand up to my dad and get on a plane. Now I am working and studying so I can come back to help my mom at the house.

 

I was researching what was wrong with dad. All I came up with was either Dementia or Alzheimer's.

Now I go research Aspergers.

 

Thank you Amykat

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

[Taicha]

I didn't want to tell everyone everything about the abuse I went threw because I just wanted to get to the point. My mom needs me.. she can't handle the dogs by herself. They fight each other and she can't control them because of how dad treated them. Do you beat dogs with a stick everytime they do something wrong like accidentally pee on the floor or if you get mad because you had a argument with your wife you beat the dogs the moment they do something wrong?

Two days ago my mom got her foot bite by one of the dogs trying to stop them from fighting, lots of blood on the floor(from the dog). Yes, you ask aren't they tied up or put in a cage. Yes they were tied up but mom didn't make sure it was tied securely so one got loose and ran to the other to fight.

My mom forgets things sometimes because she's old. I'm doing the best I can so I can come back home to help her. I wanna cry but that won't do a damn thing to change anything.... She's all alone there. She won't give the dogs away because she's lonely.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

[Skallywag]

On 7/20/2019 at 8:17 AM, Taicha said:

She is Thai. But she's been living in America for over 40 years and is not sure how things work either which is why she has family to help her. We moved to Thailand in 2011.

 

So your Mother spent 40 years in USA and now 8 years back in Thailand.  And you mentioned she just came back from USA after getting her SS set up  and found the house empty. 

I am a farang from USA. Retired

Am not sure how your father is retired here with these issues? 

Can he deal with 90 day and VISA issues?   

Any Thai community is not safe for a farang who is abusive or unfriendly to his family (or dogs) is my experience.   Maybe that is why he left,

 

Also, If he has any of the diseases you mentioned or Sheryl mentioned, he should be back in the USA .

 

I may sound heartless, but maybe your mom should just "turn him in" if he shows up back at the house 

 

Alternatively , very possible your mother needs to find another place so as not to confront your father again. 

 

Is she financially OK now she is receiving SS? 

 

Best of luck to your mom and you.  Glad to hear 2 of the dogs are OK also.   Regards SW

Edited July 29, 2019 by Skallywag
grammer

[Taicha]

So your Mother spent 40 years in USA and now 8 years back in Thailand.  And you mentioned she just came back from USA after getting her SS set up  and found the house empty.  I am a farang from USA. Retired

Am not sure how your father is retired here with these issues? 

Can he deal with 90 day and VISA issues?   

Any Thai community is not safe for a farang who is abusive or unfriendly to his family (or dogs) is my experience.   Maybe that is why he left,

 

Also, If he has any of the diseases you mentioned or Sheryl mentioned, he should be back in the USA .

 

I may sound heartless, but maybe your mom should just "turn him in" if he shows up back at the house 

 

Alternatively , very possible your mother needs to find another place so as not to confront your father again. 

 

Is she financially OK now she is receiving SS? 

 

Best of luck to your mom and you.  Glad to hear 2 of the dogs are OK also.   Regards SW

 

My mom is financially okay. She has SS and a pension. The problem is she doesn't know or remember how to do things sometimes for example yesterday she called me asking how to use the ATM. Saying she is gonna find someone she really trusts to put the card in for her and put the pin #?I said no and explained what to do and ask one of the bank staff to help her. I don't want people taking advantage of her. Yesterday her money from her wallet was stolen because she dropped it on the way to the market and came back to find her wallet on the ground empty.

I'm worried everyday now, I'm scared something will happen to my mom.

I'm trying to work overtime to save more money to come back soon to visit for 3 months to help her out. Like buy a fridge for her.

 

Dad has a retirement visa. I know he has to report every 90 days to immigration. But that's his problem figuring out what he's gonna do now with what he's done. You're not heartless Skallywag, she wants to turn him in. Though, I doubt he'll return to the house.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

 

[Tanoshi]

On ‎7‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 7:04 AM, BritManToo said:

Defamation is a criminal offense in Thailand.

It could cost you a lot of money and possibly jail if you were to ever visit Thailand.

 

Best to stay out of disagreements between your parents.

Verbal, mental and physical abuse is ok then when it's a male perpetrator, but when the woman speaks out she has to careful of being accused of defamation..... really!

 

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, Taicha said:

My mom is financially okay. She has SS and a pension. The problem is she doesn't know or remember how to do things sometimes for example yesterday she called me asking how to use the ATM.

So both of your parents have dementia.

May I suggest LaLissa Nursing home in Chiang Mai.

25,000bht/month, everything included except doctors fees, and they transport to and from the hospital included.

Nice gardens, activities, swimming pool.

[amykat]

I’m really sorry all of this has happened to both you and your Mother.  Although your Mom could be showing signs of dementia, I would guess a more obvious reason for cognitive difficulties could be extreme stress/depression that she has been under for a long period of time and maybe even just jet lag from her recent trip.  She also might not be sleeping well lately.  

 

I am am no longer in Thailand, or I would try to help her.  I think she is in Chiang Mai right?  Maybe you could contact NancyL to see if there are some women volunteers who can visit her?  Or she will know who might be available to help her I think?  I’m about to get on a flight now and be traveling for a few days so I don’t have a lot of other ideas right now.  She knows a lot of expat women in Chiang Mai.  

[Taicha]

I’m really sorry all of this has happened to both you and your Mother.  Although your Mom could be showing signs of dementia, I would guess a more obvious reason for cognitive difficulties could be extreme stress/depression that she has been under for a long period of time and maybe even just jet lag from her recent trip.  She also might not be sleeping well lately.  
 
I am am no longer in Thailand, or I would try to help her.  I think she is in Chiang Mai right?  Maybe you could contact NancyL to see if there are some women volunteers who can visit her?  Or she will know who might be available to help her I think?  I’m about to get on a flight now and be traveling for a few days so I don’t have a lot of other ideas right now.  She knows a lot of expat women in Chiang Mai.  

I pm you. My mom has calmed down a bit now.
Thank you for trying to help.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2