Has the sexpat scene totally destroyed the dating scene for 20s-30s farang? (Younger guys not getting any love in Thailand due to negative association)

[Fruit Trader]

My aunt has a 26 year old American guy renting a room for six weeks. He only needs to step into a Sriracha campus area and panties are falling down in all directions. aunt is considering adding a surcharge for mattress wear.

[PatOngo]

8 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

If you refer to yourself as a farang then you are a loser. It is not polite

A person from a different country

ชาวต่างชาติ..

Chaw chang Chati

is the polite term.

Anway you should be paying for sex in Thailand not trying to get it for free unless you are on the marriage route.

 

How many demerit points will he lose?

[moe666]

Make them laff, check your back in the mirror maybe someone put a cheap charlie sign on your back

[donnacha]

The main part of your self-description that stood out to me is that you get no reactions from the girls in 7/11. I mean, the rest of it was pretty telling - because your experience is highly unusual, regardless of how you might look - but the 7/11 thing really pins the problem down.

You are too intense and lack flow. That could come be an innate part of who you are, but it is more likely to be something you will grow out of when you learn to stop worrying about this stuff.

Do yourself a favor and try to kick away all these theories that are percolating in your fevered little mind, they are just crutches. The sex industry and the reputation of farangs has no bearing at all on your ability to establish fleeting, friendly connections with girls working in retail. Seriously. German soldiers could manage that with shop girls in occupied France, it is just a natural thing between men and women.

Attracting the interest of Thai women, even when they suspect that you won't be a good longterm match for them, is like shooting fish in a barrel. A relaxed, friendly, calm, jokey (but not too jokey) manner is all it takes. Don't take yourself too seriously. A well-timed self-depreciating comment or gesture is a killer weapon that lonely Thai women have no natural defense against.

Even though Thailand has become richer and more hostile towards Westerners, the over-supply of high quality women is ridiculous. You don't need to dumb anything down, just try to date smarter women. If you actually have the intellect necessary to have a serious conversation when necessary, you are actually far more valuable to a smart Thai woman than a dumb one. A lot of them have already been bored out of their minds in previous relationships with Thai men and are actually open to foreign men not for money - they have money of their own - but because our education systems expose of to far more ideas and we have seen far more of the world than most Thai men.

Looks matter but not as much as you might imagine. This may blow you mind, but the cute small girl walking in the mall with the much older, obese German guy might not have married for money alone ... Gunther might simply have been the guy who turned up at the right time, said the right things, made her laugh, and touched her heart. Thai women can be astonishingly unfussy if they believe you have a good heart and truly like them. Western women are far more worried about what their friends will think.

Of course, there are circumstances in which most Thai women will not even consider dating a foreigner, but you mentioned that you are Caucasian. I am absolutely sure that the problem is that it isn't happening because you are anxious about it, and women can feel that.

Suggestion: Next time you are in a small, not-too-busy 7/11 with a pretty assistant, say you have a headache and ask for her advice on what to get. If her replies are good, be sure to compliment her English and ask if she is a student. Pretend to be extremely impressed by whatever crappy course she is studying. Then cut it short by thanking her warmly for the pill recommendation and leave.

Then, next time you are there, thank her again, the headache pills worked great. If she doesn't know what you're talking about ... it doesn't matter ... just laugh and that will cue her to laugh too. The point is that you have now established some shared history and rapport with her.

You are the friendly, slightly lost farang who always says hello. Establish that relationship with the men and women in all the places you frequent. If you see someone outside the context of their shop, don't be shy, wave hello. They will be flattered that you remembered them, and your own mood and confidence will be lifted.

The point is to get yourself out of your own head a bit. If you increase the amount of time of each day that you are in a relaxed and naturally humorous mood you will soon see a pay-off. At the very least, you will improve your game and increase your flow.

If you happen to come across any Irish people in your social circles, study how they interact with people, they are the masters of the sort of warm-but-wry, natural, self-depreciating attitude I am talking about.

 

 

Edited October 10, 2019 by donnacha

[balo]

Maybe because Thais do not like foreigners really, only if you have a fat wallet?  

[PatOngo]

12 minutes ago, balo said:

Maybe because Thais do not like foreigners really, only if you have a fat wallet?  

He is using the wrong bait, try a few purple or a brown note!

[metempsychotic]

50 minutes ago, donnacha said:

Seriously. German soldiers could manage that with shop girls in occupied France, it is just a natural thing between men and women.

seriously, you couldnt come up with a better parallel than this?

 

 

49 minutes ago, balo said:

Maybe because Thais do not like foreigners really, only if you have a fat wallet?  

thank heaven your experience is not universal, though it speaks more about you than it does about Thais.

[thaiguzzi]

10 hours ago, Samui Bodoh said:

Respectfully, you seem to looking outward instead of looking in.

 

I don't 'check all the boxes'; I could lose a few pounds, I usually wear cargo shorts, only my mother thinks that I am handsome, and I am... er... ah... a bit weird. That said, I find it very easy to date Thai women, I get (on an irregular basis) women who I think are out of my league, and I almost always have a laugh with the 7-11 girls.

 

In my experience, a smile and some good humour are all that is needed here.

 

It is hard to discern any reasonable insight into your character from a post or two, but i'll do it regardless; you are the problem and you need to relax and not be too serious (sorry).

 

It is that easy.

 

Chill.

 

 

+1.

What he said.

I'll add, i'm near 59 y/o, 6'3", shaven head, sleeve tats, if i've got the cargo shorts on (usually), i'll also be wearing flip flops, loud Hawaiian shirt, often a 3 day stubble, and a bit of a beer gut.

Fortunately i'm a happily married man (20 years younger if you are asking), but i get smiles and pleasant chat EVERYWHERE i go, from 7-11 pretty workers, to waitresses, to stunners in a supermarket/mall, inc the Uni girls having an hour off.

And everywhere in between.

And blokes too.

It must come down to giving off a friendly, easy going nature, regardless of the image i represent, and being CONFIDENT IN THE LOCAL LINGO.

 

[Beggar]

"Like I don't think I've ever managed to get a 7/11 girl to smile in 4 years. Mostly they just say "xx baht" and look away impatiently."

 

And I have thought I am the only one with this experience. 

[observer90210]

Have the bar girl scene, the gold diggers or the freelancers in Thermae ???? Sukhumvit, destroyed the normal dating scene, should rather be the question....

[Skallywag]

4 hours ago, Grumpy John said:

"and live happily ever after"  Are you sure about that???

Was being sarcastic / facetious 

Yet many on here purportedly are "living happily ever after"

[ylmiri]

12 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

If you refer to yourself as a farang then you are a loser. It is not polite

A person from a different country

ชาวต่างชาติ..

Chaw chang Chati

is the polite term.

Anway you should be paying for sex in Thailand not trying to get it for free unless you are on the marriage route.

 

I can't help laughing when i read, "Anyway you should be paying for sex in Thailand not trying to get it for free......."

I did my maths and found out if I get married- (part for sex, part for love) I pay more than If I go for paid sex. Even if I keep a lady and pay her on a monthly basis I still pay less and could terminated the contract any time I wanted to.

My friend too did the maths and came to the same conclusion.

[nauseus]

3 hours ago, donnacha said:

The main part of your self-description that stood out to me is that you get no reactions from the girls in 7/11. I mean, the rest of it was pretty telling - because your experience is highly unusual, regardless of how you might look - but the 7/11 thing really pins the problem down.

You are too intense and lack flow. That could come be an innate part of who you are, but it is more likely to be something you will grow out of when you learn to stop worrying about this stuff.

Do yourself a favor and try to kick away all these theories that are percolating in your fevered little mind, they are just crutches. The sex industry and the reputation of farangs has no bearing at all on your ability to establish fleeting, friendly connections with girls working in retail. Seriously. German soldiers could manage that with shop girls in occupied France, it is just a natural thing between men and women.

Attracting the interest of Thai women, even when they suspect that you won't be a good longterm match for them, is like shooting fish in a barrel. A relaxed, friendly, calm, jokey (but not too jokey) manner is all it takes. Don't take yourself too seriously. A well-timed self-depreciating comment or gesture is a killer weapon that lonely Thai women have no natural defense against.

Even though Thailand has become richer and more hostile towards Westerners, the over-supply of high quality women is ridiculous. You don't need to dumb anything down, just try to date smarter women. If you actually have the intellect necessary to have a serious conversation when necessary, you are actually far more valuable to a smart Thai woman than a dumb one. A lot of them have already been bored out of their minds in previous relationships with Thai men and are actually open to foreign men not for money - they have money of their own - but because our education systems expose of to far more ideas and we have seen far more of the world than most Thai men.

Looks matter but not as much as you might imagine. This may blow you mind, but the cute small girl walking in the mall with the much older, obese German guy might not have married for money alone ... Gunther might simply have been the guy who turned up at the right time, said the right things, made her laugh, and touched her heart. Thai women can be astonishingly unfussy if they believe you have a good heart and truly like them. Western women are far more worried about what their friends will think.

Of course, there are circumstances in which most Thai women will not even consider dating a foreigner, but you mentioned that you are Caucasian. I am absolutely sure that the problem is that it isn't happening because you are anxious about it, and women can feel that.

Suggestion: Next time you are in a small, not-too-busy 7/11 with a pretty assistant, say you have a headache and ask for her advice on what to get. If her replies are good, be sure to compliment her English and ask if she is a student. Pretend to be extremely impressed by whatever crappy course she is studying. Then cut it short by thanking her warmly for the pill recommendation and leave.

Then, next time you are there, thank her again, the headache pills worked great. If she doesn't know what you're talking about ... it doesn't matter ... just laugh and that will cue her to laugh too. The point is that you have now established some shared history and rapport with her.

You are the friendly, slightly lost farang who always says hello. Establish that relationship with the men and women in all the places you frequent. If you see someone outside the context of their shop, don't be shy, wave hello. They will be flattered that you remembered them, and your own mood and confidence will be lifted.

The point is to get yourself out of your own head a bit. If you increase the amount of time of each day that you are in a relaxed and naturally humorous mood you will soon see a pay-off. At the very least, you will improve your game and increase your flow.

If you happen to come across any Irish people in your social circles, study how they interact with people, they are the masters of the sort of warm-but-wry, natural, self-depreciating attitude I am talking about.

 

 

I was completely sucked in there, until you mentioned.....the Irish! ????

[ylmiri]

 

Meet a Thai lady you kind of fancy, just say to her, "Look, (with your lips point to the lower part of your body), is that a gun in my pocket or am I just glad to see you"

If you lucky she could be someone watching a lot of old western movies and could understand what you talking about.

[Drax]

Super easy to find a hot girl for fun using online apps. Also easy to date a normal girl for normal relationship. Not so easy to date a hot girl long term unless you have a big wallet. Maybe that’s your target? Oh and avoid all these girls who call themselves hi-so haha. My cat is more hi-so any day ????. Then again it’s a rare bred 

[ylmiri]

5 hours ago, Grumpy John said:

"and live happily ever after"  Are you sure about that???

To be more precise, "and live happily until you divorce lost all your money, or murdered by your missus ex-hubby whom she secretly still in contact.  Or murdered by your wife while you were sleeping because she found out you keep a younger girl somewhere.

No, it's no a joke, the above did happen but not that often, you read them in the newspaper.

[yogi100]

13 hours ago, tgw said:

I had the feeling you were way too serious for Thai girls, so I checked your post history and I *think* my first impression was confirmed.

 

 

[yogi100]

I was in a Pattaya gogo bar one night with two of the girls I'd just bought a drink each for back when we were getting about 60 B to the £ and LD were about 95 B a throw.

 

Three young falangs walked in and I said 'Quick quick, look young falang, big money, they buy you drink!'.

 

But the girls were not the least bit interested. 'Young falang kineow' they said, 'Him want f*** for free'.

 

So young falangs want to put their hands in their pockets if they want to make time with Thai girls.

 

The OP should get a book called 'Money Number One' and read it if he wants more success with Thai women. You're not in Falangland any more.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2019 by yogi100

[Lucky dog]

I’m a little late here but any women wants to be taken care of. They think and are right young guys just want it for free. Like the other guy said unless you want to support her and her family just pay for it. They can smell no money a mile away. Just saying. 

[Tayaout]

2 minutes ago, yogi100 said:

I was in a Pattaya gogo bar one night with two of the girls I'd just bought a drink each for back when we were getting about 60 B to the £ and LD were about 95 B a throw.

 

Three young falangs walked in and I said 'Quick quick, look young falang, big money, they buy you drink!'.

 

But the girls were not the least bit interested. 'Young falang kineow' they said, 'Him want f*** for free'.

 

So young falangs want to put their hands in their pockets if they want to make time with Thai girls.

 

The OP should get a book called 'Money Number One' and read it if he wants more success with Thai women. You're not in Falangland now any more.

 

 

 

 

 

I think you are mixing up go-go bar and real life. 

[Beggar]

I think poorer Thai ladies don't care much about the age of a Farang guy too much as long as he can support them. True love with a young handsome Farang guy without money would be expensive. There is nothing wrong with this. I fully understand them. They can't afford true love for the feeling of love alone. They need money for themselves and their family. And if the young Farang guy got enough sex and needs a change he might dissappear very quickly. 

[yogi100]

9 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Haha.  I agree.  Yes.  Wait till you have real money and a pension to date a "regular" girl, then marry her, have babies, build her a house, and live happily ever after.

 

That's if he can still rise to the occasion. We're not all Charlie Chaplin.

[RichardColeman]

I think you need to adjust your question. What do young guys have to offer young Thai women would be better ? Unless you have inherited money, have a reasonable job here then you really have no backing. Why would a Thai girl - looking for security - want to date someone that could not support her - and usually her children ? And in all likelihood be flying off and leaving her as they needed to work for a living ? 

My wife also once told me that Thai women avoided young farang men as there was far less chance an older man would cheat on her. 

Edited October 10, 2019 by RichardColeman

[yogi100]

5 hours ago, metempsychotic said:

honestly now, how could you even begin to pretend you are in a position to know this.

Be fair MTP he did start his post with the word 'Methink' even though it's not even a real word.

[Yinn]

13 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

If you refer to yourself as a farang then you are a loser. It is not polite

Er, ok. It is not impolite. 

But that another thred.

 

 

13 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

A person from a different country

ชาวต่างชาติ..

Chaw chang Chati

is the polite term.

 

 

you say it wrong. 

 

Dtang NOT chang 

chang is elephant or mechanic.

 

Also i think “chow” better than chaw. -าว sound

and Chart, or charti better than chati.

(there is no correct way) 

 

maybe say farang easier. Easy to say. If he say “chaw chang chati” the thai will no understand. Sure.

 

[metempsychotic]

20 minutes ago, yogi100 said:

Be fair MTP he did start his post with the word 'Methink' even though it's not even a real word.

methinks most certainly is an english verb, albeit archaic.

[IvorLott]

The main problem here is the OP is trying to homogenise the thoughts of 30 odd million women into a single conscience stream. 

There is no 'right or wrong' here. 

I remember a time (1980s) when it was almost impossible to meet, let alone date 'normal' Thai women. (I'm that old) as there was the popular connotation that Thai woman + Western bloke = hooker. Thankfully that mindset is a thing of the past, though still exists in some older Thais. 

To address the OP's question, no is my answer. It is easy to blame 'sexpats' and 'sex tourists' for our failings. Every generation blames the one before, as the saying goes.

My advice would be try not to 'overthink' the issue, be yourself, and see what rolls along. It sounds like you're having a 'barren spell'. Don't let it get you down. Even Warren Beatty has those. I'd say don't try and force the issue. If you are low on confidence, try the 'bad girl' route until your 'mojo' comes back.

Meeting 'good local girls' has been the 'Holy Grail' of expat life for decades (across the globe) some have more luck than others. Take the experiences of others with a pinch of salt. 'Good girl' tales are the expat equivalent of 'Angler's tales' i.e. often highly embellished.

Bottom line is that I'm sure that if you fill the criteria of being a 'good catch' in your home country, it will only be a matter of time until you're clicking in Thailand. 

[Skallywag]

43 minutes ago, yogi100 said:

" he did start his post with the word 'Methink' even though it's not even a real word."

 

William Shakespeare's Hamlet,  "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" 

Edited October 10, 2019 by Skallywag

[Skallywag]

6 minutes ago, IvorLott said:

If you are low on confidence, try the 'bad girl' route until your 'mojo' comes back.

If the guy is in his "20's - 30's" and lost his mojo, maybe its a lost cause, time to re-think celibacy ???? 

[yogi100]

45 minutes ago, Tayaout said:

I think you are mixing up go-go bar and real life. 

I mainly go to Pattaya.

 

In Pattaya if you want to experience real life go to a GGB. It's the same in Bangkok, Phuket or Samui.

 

Have you never noticed how money attracts women wherever you go. That is real life whether you like to admit it or not. Why do you think Sophia Loren married Carlo Ponti in real life. Why did Evelyn Hope marry Boris Karloff.