How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[sunnyboy2018]

45 minutes ago, SteveK said:

The funny thing is, money solves all problems in Thailand.

 

So you've either got it and you're welcome, or you don't and you are a scumbag who should be deported.

 

How lovely.

Bitter, Paranoid nonsense.

[Yinn]

3 minutes ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

What's with the farang nonsense? This kind of generalization does not help. You are Australian. Are you multilingual? Are you a city dweller? Are you educated? Are you adaptable? Have you got street smarts? If you allow the Thais to define you as a 'farang' your relationship is doomed as it precludes them understanding your unique culture and background.

In Issan they not have farang.

Only have paksida.

[SteveK]

4 minutes ago, Yinn said:

In Issan they not have farang.

Wrong again.

[rumak]

5 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

God seems very sad.

You are coming on here now asking these questions?

Good luck dude.  Just, good luck......

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by rumak

[rumak]

i don't know you...... and I don't know her,    Lots of pertinent advice on this forum from members that have seen so many relationships similar to yours ( from the sound of it)

Another older man, no experience or language skills,  jumping in head first.

 

Doesn't usually end well.   But of course you, and her, might be different  ????

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, Damrongsak said:

I liked my mother in law and the wife's siblings, who were young at the time.  Built a house for the MIL in Loei on the edge of the main town.  Our house was 14,000 km away.  On rare visits back, we'd spend a lot of time with the family and vacationed together.  We now have a second house in our little compound for retirement/extended visits if needed. 

 

About 10 years ago, we got U.S. immigrant visas for 2 of her siblings and 4 of their family members (Wait time was 10 years).  They love it here.  I love it when my brother in law mows my lawn, rakes leaves and fixes my cars.  ????  He always wais me whenever he comes to the house.  I've loaned them some money on a couple occasions, but they pay it back.   We all get along just fine.  I've known them for 42 years.

Yes. Some of us are fortunate to have Thai wives with really good families. That is a real blessing. 

[55Jay]

Just my opinion, keep hold of your finances until you get a feel for her sensibilities in that area, and then adjust accordingly over time. 

 

I've got no idea of course, but if she's been living lean for most of her life, it's not uncommon to see them remain judicious/cautious at first, and it seems like it's going to be fine.  And then it's not, and that leads to stress and tension. 

 

I don't give my wife an allowance.  The money I bring in every month goes into a main holding account, no ATM acess, and I run a forward obligation/accrual system on a s/s.  What's left after that is "our" money for all the usual things during the month.  We have a second, joint account with 2 ATM cards to transfer small amounts into as/when required.  She's got the App password now, she can do it on her own, same as me, and I keep the books updated. 

[brokenbone]

as long as you keep separate economies, and go dutch over expenses,

and never under any circumstance lend out money,

i predict a nice life, but otoh if you break any of these principles,

i predict you will ruin your life for good.

keep in mind your responsibility is your own well being

[spidermike007]

3 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

as long as you keep separate economies, and go dutch over expenses,

and never under any circumstance lend out money,

i predict a nice life, but otoh if you break any of these principles,

i predict you will ruin your life for good.

keep in mind your responsibility is your own well being

A rather gross generalization. I have lent money to both her parents and her sister on multiple occasions. Sometimes as much as 200,000 baht. Always got paid back. Occasionally not in time. But they were always steadfast about honoring me, and their obligations. Depends on the family. My wife has a really great family. They are all hard working, kind, genuine and honest folks. Really good stock. I trust them totally. But, I took my time getting to know them. 

 

Going Dutch? I asked my wife NOT to work. She had her own business for awhile. It took up too much of her time. I prefer her to have her independence and fortunately we are not dependent on that relatively small income. It also frees us up to travel alot. So I am the earner and I love taking care of her and providing for her. Again another inane generalization. 

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, Yinn said:

 

 

You do know many Issan people have high education right? 

Mahasarakam and Khon Kaen big university. Engineer, doctor, lawyer etc

 

So you theory. Does the Issan uni graduate “look down” on central person only finish Matayom.

Do they look down on each other? 55555

IMHO much of Thai education is worthless, because it is oriented towards maintaining existing social structures, is based on rote learning, and discourages the questioning of authority. "High education" is a misnomer. The best-educated Thais are the ones who have furthered their education outside Thailand, or who have lived and worked outside Thailand for extended periods, irrespective of whether they have tertiary qualifications.

I was a research chemist with tertiary qualifications. My Thai GF has had basic Thai education. Having said that, she is far more street-smart than me.

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, SteveK said:

The funny thing is, money solves all problems in Thailand.

 

 

If you have poor physical or mental health, money won't help you. That's true of anywhere.

[Damrongsak]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

A rather gross generalization. I have lent money to both her parents and her sister on multiple occasions. Sometimes as much as 200,000 baht. Always got paid back. Occasionally not in time. But they were always steadfast about honoring me, and their obligations. ...

Loaned the BIL 250,000 Baht.  Loaned the SIL 310,000. The latter has a few more payments to go, but no problem.  Of course, these are interest-free loans.  We have about 2.5 mil Baht tied up in land and houses in Thailand and hope to get maybe 1.5 mil back after a house is sold.  None in our name, but I'm not worried.  Stuff has always worked out. 

 

My wife has always had access to our general banking account (though not the retirement account which we can now tap) and paid all the bills for a number of years.  We received a very large life insurance payment when our first son was killed in combat in Iraq, and she was the beneficiary to the bulk of of it.  It went into a joint account.  Aside from land/house investments, she's very frugal.  If I discuss our net worth situation, she barely pays attention.  Guess I lucked out. 

 

(Disclaimer - my wife's ancestry is Vietnamese and she's a small-town gal, not a farmer.  Cheap, hard-headed and all that. I sometimes call her Dragon Lady.  ) 

 

Do learn to speak some Thai.  My wife had some schooling, but didn't speak English until she came to the USA a couple years after we got married.  40-some years later, she's still studying.  And she never taught our boys to speak Thai.  Weird.

[Elzear]

10 hours ago, NanLaew said:

You're stalking the OP?

 

Never mind. The OP has sussed you out.

 

Can someone please clarify for me those acronyms: OP, IMO, LOS ?

Whatever an OP is, how does it suss people out ? Is it an IA ? Is sussing the same as judging, and if so under what moral authority ? 

[Elzear]

7 hours ago, rumak said:

i don't know you...... and I don't know her,    Lots of pertinent advice on this forum from members that have seen so many relationships similar to yours ( from the sound of it)

Another older man, no experience or language skills,  jumping in head first.

 

Doesn't usually end well.   But of course you, and her, might be different  ????

So..what are you trying to say ? You sound as if you have some past experience and knowledge of such situations . Is a pre-marital relationship of three and a half years not long enough ? Should one start a relationship at the age of twenty and not sixty ? It's all well to emit opinions, but if they are not substantiated they remain just what they are .. wind. 

[GoodieAfterDark]

15 hours ago, timendres said:

My simple advice is to reserve any and all criticism/feedback to be between you and your wife. In other words, if the brother did something you feel needs to be addressed, politely tell your wife and let her deal with it. Also be careful not to do something that is viewed as "showing up" the family. For example, I once walked the entire property picking up all of the endless trash carelessly tossed onto the ground (filled two trash bags). Instead of the family being impressed that I helped out, they were insulted, viewing it as though I were criticizing their maintenance of the property.

My advice: 30K per month. Does not include school tuition for the ex kids; new cell phone; new purse; new watch; new golden chain. You will be fine. It is a very GOLDEN rich culture. Have a good day!

[dotpoom]

Personally, any man who chooses to live with his wife's family deserves everything he gets (not just in Thailand, anywhere in the world).

 Maybe it's old-fashioned thinking for some....but for me...A man "must" be King of his own castle.

[rumak]

10 hours ago, amykat said:

OMG, quite the opposite, I think he could be vulnerable and I want him to succeed and not get taken advantage of.  See how Thais and Westerners think totally opposite and misunderstandings occur all the time????????

yinn is a 26 year old thai girl that thinks she is "empowered".   Some guys on here are impressed by her

comments.  I for one am not.     whether she is indicative of how all or many thais think i don't know,

Just know her comments on TV rarely show any maturity or insights.   she just likes to stir the pot

[rumak]

28 minutes ago, Elzear said:

So..what are you trying to say ? You sound as if you have some past experience and knowledge of such situations . Is a pre-marital relationship of three and a half years not long enough ? Should one start a relationship at the age of twenty and not sixty ? It's all well to emit opinions, but if they are not substantiated they remain just what they are .. wind. 

i think your posts on this topic have substantiated my opinion of your chances of success.   But, that is

just my opinion.   I do have a lot of experience and knowledge to offer an opinion .  You obviously need

a weatherman to tell which way the "wind" blows

[Skallywag]

38 minutes ago, Elzear said:

Can someone please clarify for me those acronyms: OP, IMO, LOS ?

Whatever an OP is, how does it suss people out ? Is it an IA ? Is sussing the same as judging, and if so under what moral authority ? 

OP: Original Post, Original poster to topic., referring to the original poster

IMO: In my opinion

LOS: Thailand "Land of Smiles"

 

AFAIK : As far as I know

There are many acronyms used here, sometimes you can easily google them for definition, sometimes they are culture specific and unknown to those from other countries

Edited October 25, 2019 by Skallywag

[Skallywag]

4 minutes ago, rumak said:

You obviously need a weatherman to tell which way the "wind" blows

Dylan said you do not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.  555

 

[Straight8]

14 hours ago, sirineou said:

My mom always told me, "when new to a place keep your mouth shut and you ears and eyes open"

Good advice anywhere in the world.

Of course, good advice, I mean, he most likely is the sole provider to maybe at least 6 - 10 people, getting milked like the proverbial, but he needs to keep his mouth shut.

 

Good luck OP, hope it works out how you hope for.

[ICELANDMAN]

15 hours ago, Pilotman said:

Learning Thai won't always help, my wife's family hardly speak the language. Marry her by all means, just don't live in Issan, or anywhere near her family.  When you have to visit the family ( keep it to a max of once every 2 years and for only a couple of days, she can always go by herself to stay longer).  When you do visit,  take a few good books and ignore all that goes on around you.

if possible take her well away to live, and if to the West, so much the better. I did that 22 years ago with my wife and we have never had any problems with her family. 

The best advice, at least 1000 km more distant than his family and not married her.

 

Edited October 25, 2019 by ICELANDMAN

[thailand49]

15 hours ago, Elzear said:

Thank you. I take note of the ethnic definition and to drop it. To learn Thai is in my to do list.

Learning Thai is the easy part!   Marriage is tough anywhere in the world it is even tougher when when you come so far give up everything to live in another country.  Learning and understand their culture then blending and excepting it into your life will be the toughest part will it destroy you if you can't control everything?  It is all about picking and choosing what is important to stand up you will find bending on your part will happen more than your wife or her family will do for you.

 

What is miss by many here?  she will be in her element as you noted you don't need to be clinging you need to find things to do and create space for yourself with her no different in a relationship anywhere and although there is a language problem always will need to know when to find your opening to express your opinion.  There will be many uncomfortable moments.

 

Good luck,

[beavenlen]

16 hours ago, carlyai said:

Marriage is very difficult. Even when you both are from the same country and speak the same language.

 

It's especially difficult marrying cross-culture.

 

You're never going to understand everything, or maybe half of what goes on.

 

I'd say try and live together for a few years first before you decide that this life and this person is the one.

 

Be careful of your money and don't spend too much...keep most for a rainy day and if you have a house or property in another country don't sell it.

 

My wife and I have been together about 25 years and travelled and worked together on most of my projects. Presently retired an living in Isaan for the last 6 odd years. It's all good.

 

Sent from my SM-J700F using Tapatalk

 

 

Edit

woooppss 35 years married.

 

just a suggestion , rather than a full blown marriage,go for a thai wedding. this gives you freedom to run,or if it works out you have kept the family happy.

[sirineou]

1 hour ago, Straight8 said:

Of course, good advice, I mean, he most likely is the sole provider to maybe at least 6 - 10 people, getting milked like the proverbial, but he needs to keep his mouth shut.

 

Good luck OP, hope it works out how you hope for.

Of course they will be , because the had no life before him. 

[cmsally]

13 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

717 × 460

Goat on top of camouflaged pick up ??

[gk10002000]

Listen to the one's that have been there, done that.  Be wary of buying large ticket items.  Too many stories of expats being kicked out of their house on phony trumped up abuse charges, or worst things.   Be more than prepared of having to be viewed as an ATM.  The cultures really are apples and oranges and if there is a large extended family, well, your priority may be a lot lower than you think and that can be very frustrating for many people, and expensive. 

[Gecko123]

8 minutes ago, cmsally said:

Goat on top of camouflaged pick up ??

Goat on top of hay truck (must save money on gas).

[baansgr]

Are guys still falling for and doing these nonsensical relationships up in the boonies...?  Unbelievable.

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, rumak said:

yinn is a 26 year old thai girl that thinks she is "empowered".   Some guys on here are impressed by her

comments.  I for one am not.     whether she is indicative of how all or many thais think i don't know,

Just know her comments on TV rarely show any maturity or insights.   she just likes to stir the pot

The navel contemplators and those who see themselves as approaching the seventh stage of enlightenment seem to hang on her every word. What I find offensive is the short shrift and condescension regularly shown amykat whose assessments of Thailand often contain a lot of truth and insights.