How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[cmsally]

15 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Goat on top of hay truck (must save money on gas).

Well that doesn't work out , because if you are towing the goat too, then the added weight uses more gas! Next time tell the goat to walk !

[carlyai]

Do you give your wife a ... monthly salary ? Please I am serious. It is what I read on some article about local culture (whether a Thai or Isaan custom, I do not know)

No. We put money in a jar for food etc which we both use, and wifey and I go halves in what's left.
Well, that's the theory....but it doesn't usually work.[emoji3]

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[emptypockets]

18 hours ago, Vacuum said:

The whole country is the same.

I found the same in England. Couldn't walk down a footpath without dodging dog sh!t.

Sometimes the locals are blind to what seems clear to an outsider.

[ross163103]

Compromise and be very open minded. Also be advised that whatever you think is solely yours most Thai family members will view as theirs also. They will "borrow" items and not bring them back until asked, its a different culture that takes getting used too. Now go back and read my first sentence.

[The Theory]

19 hours ago, Elzear said:

all your advices. 

Good luck.

[Speedhump]

18 hours ago, Elzear said:

Thank you. I take note of the ethnic definition and to drop it. To learn Thai is in my to do list.

Well. There are definitely differences between Thai and Western women. To treat them the same will bring trouble. But if there is love you both will adapt (she also). In general life let yourself be guided by her (not your wallet though). Ask her how to live Thai-style enough to fit in with village life (I don't mean eating habits). Ultimate politeness is the way in the Eastern world, of course, even in disagreements, but there are nuances that will escape you. When to respectfully stand firm, when to give way to others. If you can learn Thai language it will definitely open your eyes, otherwise as you say you're just the dumb farang in the corner. Good luck and have a great life. 

[rumak]

3 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Dylan said you do not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.  555

yes he did   skw    might as well add this one for the OP as well: from"it's alright Ma (I'm only bleeding)

 

 

Temptation's page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan, but unlike before
You discover that you'd just be one more
Person crying

Edited October 25, 2019 by rumak

[Yinn]

7 hours ago, Lacessit said:

IMHO much of Thai education is worthless, because it is oriented towards maintaining existing social structures, is based on rote learning, and discourages the questioning of authority. "High education" is a misnomer. The best-educated Thais are the ones who have furthered their education outside Thailand, or who have lived and worked outside Thailand for extended periods, irrespective of whether they have tertiary qualifications.

I was a research chemist with tertiary qualifications. My Thai GF has had basic Thai education. Having said that, she is far more street-smart than me.

You ever go the doctor in Thailand? You still alive?

 

the uni system in Thailand, can pay back the study fee when you get the job. So the poor people can go to uni now, pay it back when get money (every year in July must pay). Good system.

most foreigner not see this successful hard working Issan (and other) worker, because they at work eg engineers. They not in farang tourist areas, they in factory area, you will never meet/see them.

 

Thai uni is good opportunity if want to study and work hard. Open to anyone. 

[Krataiboy]

 I am afraid my Farang’s rational thinking is not adequate.

 

On the contrary, it is going to be your only salvation.

[NanLaew]

14 hours ago, SteveK said:

14 hours ago, Yinn said:

Fail with wife. Fail make friends. Fail life in thailand. 

 

Stupid comment. What about "fail give money"?

Talk about failing to embrace the culture and only hearing the noise of the habitual losers.

[rumak]

1 hour ago, baansgr said:

Are guys still falling for and doing these nonsensical relationships up in the boonies...?  Unbelievable.

HE'S DIFFERENT  !    Well, that's what he told me, anyways

[Deerculler]

Be careful about the way they can use the Thai culture or this the Thai way to get money from you.

And learn when to say no.

[NanLaew]

4 hours ago, Elzear said:

Can someone please clarify for me those acronyms: OP, IMO, LOS ?

Whatever an OP is, how does it suss people out ? Is it an IA ? Is sussing the same as judging, and if so under what moral authority ? 

OP = Original Post(er) ie, you.

IMO = In My Opinion.

LOS = Land of Smiles, ie. Thailand.

 

Don't get all judgemental; that's for the ones that can't handle the realities of the dream they've chosen to buy into whether it be in a condo in Bangkok or a breezeblock shack in Isaan.

 

PS: I'm on your side Tonto.

[rvaviator]

You ever go the doctor in Thailand? You still alive?
 
the uni system in Thailand, can pay back the study fee when you get the job. So the poor people can go to uni now, pay it back when get money (every year in July must pay). Good system.
most foreigner not see this successful hard working Issan (and other) worker, because they at work eg engineers. They not in farang tourist areas, they in factory area, you will never meet/see them.
 
Thai uni is good opportunity if want to study and work hard. Open to anyone. 

Quick questions for you regarding student loan in Thailand

Do you need a person to guarantee the loan ?

If you do not get a well paid job after you graduate - can you defer payments until you do make a reasonable amount ?

How many years do you get to pay them back ?

What is the interest rate ?


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[NanLaew]

13 hours ago, SteveK said:

13 hours ago, Yinn said:

In Issan they not have farang.

Wrong again.

You are and always will be บักสีดา (baksida) as long as you are in Isaan.

Edited October 25, 2019 by NanLaew

[Yinn]

2 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

I love it when a mono-lingual farang chooses to do battle with the bi-lingual Thai.

 

PS, you are and always will be baksida บักสีดา as long as you are in Isaan.

Thankyou. 

i lazy explain to him.

He argue everything, but have no knowledge.

He not listen, learn. Just argue. Up to him. 5555555

[NoshowJones]

18 hours ago, CGW said:

Harsh! but a lot of truth in what you say, I have next to nothing to do with my wife's family, we live a couple of hours drive away from them, I made it clear from the beginning I didn't want any of them living with us or just dropping in, worked well, we have been together 16 years now.

In all honesty I don't know either of the in-laws first names, keep thinking I should know, the reality is not that interested!

Most of the disaster stories start where people move into the wife's village and build on family land - forget that idea IMO.

I live up country, but not in Issan, have been with my wife for 14 years, married for nine of them, when I first moved in with her, the rest of her family lived just up the road and were always around our house as we were around their house.

They have always shown me respect and never asked me for anything, there was my wife, her son and daughter living in our house, and her mother, father, aunt, and two brothers living nearby, I have never had any problems with any of them.

[Yinn]

7 minutes ago, rvaviator said:

 

Quick questions for you regarding student loan in Thailand

Do you need a person to guarantee the loan ?

 

No, government project. 

 

7 minutes ago, rvaviator said:

If you do not get a well paid job after you graduate - can you defer payments until you do make a reasonable amount ?

 

Yes.

But very easy. Depend the course. About 15,000 per year or less.

 

 

7 minutes ago, rvaviator said:

How many years do you get to pay them back ?

 

12 I think.

But you can pay it more quickly if you want. Up to you.

at Krungthai bank. Every July.

 

 

7 minutes ago, rvaviator said:

What is the interest rate ?

Very low. I forget. Maybe 2%. 

So low, most people not pay back quickly.

 

ps. Not for foreigner. 

 

Ps. If very good student from poor family, often the local orbortor will sponsor also. To pay for books, food, etc. But get this one you must be 1)clever and 2) study hard. The teacher will recommend.

 

 

[rumak]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

The navel contemplators and those who see themselves as approaching the seventh stage of enlightenment seem to hang on her every word. What I find offensive is the short shrift and condescension regularly shown amykat whose assessments of Thailand often contain a lot of truth and insights. 

i agree.  The forum has a few well-established cliques who massage each other with LIKES .  I see a few

members here that i think have more sense than others but try to not judge posters with a magnifying glass.

So many here are just looking for an excuse to dish on someone else.   sad..........

[Captain 776]

How to live with Issarn woman.  D O N T~!!  Period~!!

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, timendres said:

My simple advice is to reserve any and all criticism/feedback to be between you and your wife. In other words, if the brother did something you feel needs to be addressed, politely tell your wife and let her deal with it. Also be careful not to do something that is viewed as "showing up" the family. For example, I once walked the entire property picking up all of the endless trash carelessly tossed onto the ground (filled two trash bags). Instead of the family being impressed that I helped out, they were insulted, viewing it as though I were criticizing their maintenance of the property.

The wife will not "deal with it". She will do nothing as errant family members come far above the farang, who is there simply to fund her and the family. Farangs come even lower than the mangy soi dogs that loiter outside waiting to bite unwary farangs.

I speak as one that had to move to another city as the wife refused to stop her nephew playing his amplified base guitar at midnight.

If anything raised her ire, it was any criticism of her family, no matter how justified.

 

To the OP, if you have not lived long enough in LOS to understand the world of pain into which you are walking open eyed, do NOT get married legally. Suffice with a "monk wedding" from which you can walk away with no legal impediment.

Certainly do not spread the largesse about at the start as you will be expected to continue giving it large till you have nothing left to give, then discarded like an old shoe.

 

Seriously, if you want a problem free wedded life move far away from the family, live in a place with only one bedroom, so they can't move in with you when they come visiting. Direct them to an hotel to sleep in.

If the beloved will not agree to move, consider carefully how much <deleted> you are prepared to accept before calling it a day.

[thaibeachlovers]

36 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I live up country, but not in Issan, have been with my wife for 14 years, married for nine of them, when I first moved in with her, the rest of her family lived just up the road and were always around our house as we were around their house.

They have always shown me respect and never asked me for anything, there was my wife, her son and daughter living in our house, and her mother, father, aunt, and two brothers living nearby, I have never had any problems with any of them.

You wus lucky.

[timendres]

5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

The wife will not "deal with it". She will do nothing as errant family members come far above the farang, who is there simply to fund her and the family. Farangs come even lower than the mangy soi dogs that loiter outside waiting to bite unwary farangs.

YMMV My wife would walk an extra 500m to get my noodles for 35 baht instead of the 40 baht being asked right out front of the condo. When her mother was treated for cancer, her sister applied for a bank loan to pay the 30,000 baht hospital bill. I had to force the family to accept me paying the bill.

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, timendres said:

 Also be careful not to do something that is viewed as "showing up" the family. For example, I once walked the entire property picking up all of the endless trash carelessly tossed onto the ground (filled two trash bags). Instead of the family being impressed that I helped out, they were insulted, viewing it as though I were criticizing their maintenance of the property.

Sounds familiar.

Being retired I used to do a lot of improvements around the family house we lived in. I was constantly complaining to the wife that the family never ever said thank you for the work I did, to which she replied "they didn't ask you to do it".

Then they did ask me to do some plumbing and electrical work for them, and still never said thank you.

The only reward I got was having them steal everything they could get by kicking me out after the divorce despite promising to give me two weeks to sort my stuff.

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, timendres said:

YMMV My wife would walk an extra 500m to get my noodles for 35 baht instead of the 40 baht being asked right out front of the condo.

Does she keep the 5bht, or do you keep the 5bht that was saved?

You understand there's an important difference.

[micmichd]

19 hours ago, GalaxyMan said:

A salary? Is she doing some work that she should be paid for? Last I checked, paying a woman for companionship is considered prostitution.

Even sex work is labour, whatever your protestant ethics may tell you. 

You're not about to waste your wife's precious time by idle talk, are you?

If you dont want to pay her for sexual services, then empower her to make her own money by working on something else. Like opening a shop or a restaurant  or something like that. 

[rumak]

15 hours ago, sirineou said:

To those who say, stay away from the family , I feel sorry for them, they are missing on the best part of Thailand.

Of course this is TRUE.   IF     let me say that again   IF  .   My life I have also missed out on the best part.

I was not born to a great family.   All of us here have different circumstances ( family, economic, health,

etc)  that we inherit.  And then we are responsible for dealing with it !  

It is certainly much more rewarding IF the one you choose has an honest and warm family.  Naturally in poorer communities there are some challenges,  though personally I find those with money even more

distasteful ( think arrogance, boasting, entitlement ).  

Good partner, good family, good friends,  good sense of humor, good heart, good common sense...... ah,

so many goods .   But sorry for going off on a tangent.  As far as the Thai family :  for me no different than anywhere.  There are good and not so good.   But it does amaze me how some farangs do not seem to know the difference, and if not good do not have the smarts or balls to make changes. Of course they may be getting just what they deserve .  

[NoshowJones]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You wus lucky.

Treat people well and most times they will treat you well, also, when they see how good you

are to your wife, and not drinking beer all the time (in my case none at all) that also goes a long way.

[Vacuum]

4 minutes ago, timendres said:

My wife would walk an extra 500m to get my noodles for 35 baht

Don't know where you live, but I buy my noodles for 6 baht.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, timendres said:

YMMV My wife would walk an extra 500m to get my noodles for 35 baht instead of the 40 baht being asked right out front of the condo. When her mother was treated for cancer, her sister applied for a bank loan to pay the 30,000 baht hospital bill. I had to force the family to accept me paying the bill.

There's always an exception. 

Anyway, perhaps she needed the exercise. I assume she kept the 5 baht for herself.

 

My family "borrowed" 50,000 baht for the MIL funeral from me, and never paid it back.

Not forgetting the 15,000 my wife "borrowed" off me, and never paid back.

Mind you, I was the stupid one for marrying her. They probably still laugh about the stupid farang that they conned for so much.