After a while I realised my "melancholy" thread was asking the wrong question. I should have asked if we are happy by default, but overwhelmed by problems and life.

Therefore, my melancholy thread closed at my request, and asking the opposite question.

 

We all start out "happy" if lucky enough to have parents that love us. As a small child we are unaware of the world outside our family, and content, secure, happy. Babies, if fed and clean, seem perfectly happy.

 

It's only when we grow old enough to go to school that the problems start- uncaring adults, bullies, pain from falling and running into things. After that, the world becomes worse to us. Having to find work, a place to live, work bullies, horrible bosses.

IMO, the world overwhelms our happiness, and makes us melancholy. Some of us never make it to adulthood, committing suicide, because they are miserable, some make it through life, only to become miserable towards the end.

 

I don't know any adults that are happy all the time- some are never happy.

 

I don't know any that are lucky enough to be born into wealth, to know if money makes people happy, or just luck that does. Is it personality? Is it looks? Is it an undefinable X factor- are some just born to be happy, whatever life throws at them?

 

My question to you, is whether you agree or disagree?

 

If there is enough response. I'll share some of my insights for discussion

I think life wears us down, makes us more cynical, & any true happiness, takes longer to surface - we become, or at least I have, guarded.

 

When I do 'allow' myself to be happy however, it's not with the innocence or naivety that I once had.

 

But, having said that, I am happy, it's just that there are a lot of Scunthorpes in the world. ????

 

I don't listen to sad music, especially that waster Sinead O Connor, or whatever her bloody new name is.

 

????Nothing compares to you.????

 

What a load of depressing & miserable shyoite that was!

 

Good night mate, sleep well.????

I think most of us come into life pre-set. It's more or less a biochemical thing.  Most of us are set at about a 5 out of 10.   Events may get us dialed up or down, but I think we go back to our original setting.   

 

I know a few people who have spent most of their life in a low, depression like funk, probably a 3 or 4.   I know others who are perpetually happy and upbeat, and probably at 7 or 8.   

 

If something great happens to the first bunch, they may get all the way up to a 5 or 6, but before long they are back to their normal.   I've known those upbeat people who have experienced serious disease and death of close ones, but they are back to a 7 or 8 in a matter of time. 

 

People who get down on the 0 - 2 scale are a real suicide risk.   

 

 

I tend to be slightly on the + side of 5.   When something bad happens, I am out of sorts until I get back to 'normal'.   

"Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.."

 

Abraham Lincoln.

However, we do choose how we feel, even though sometimes it seems as if we (I) don't.

 

Mind you, I feel I want to poop right now, but I'm ignoring that feeling to finish this sentence.

I feel happy, very happy ????

 

It wasn't always like that.  It used to be much, much worse.  That changed after my 3rd divorce and I decided to live alone.  All the stress, worries and responsibilities disappeared.  Now I can be selfish and look after myself, without worrying over the demands of others.

 

Every day, I get up and jog or walk along the Mekong river.  The view is stunning.  I eat good food and maintain intelligent social company.  My health is good, I have expat medical insurance, I'm saving $ in the bank from my job.  (Although I don't feel that $$$ brings happiness with it - I have $ and that's enough for me).

 

What's not to be happy about? 

Edited November 26, 20196 yr by simon43

Human life is a tragedy ????

11 minutes ago, simon43 said:

What's not to be happy about?

I'm not convinced we can ever be truly "happy" with the values life presently sets for us, we are spiritual beings that are indoctrinated to ignore that fact and instead peruse a material life! (and serve?)

Sure we can be content with "our lot" in life but unless we ignore what is happening around us, how can true "happiness" be possible?

I believe that at some point in the past our lives have been hijacked and we are now on the wrong path, which is why there is such a huge imbalance in a world that worships "money" and all the trappings that brings.

Acceptance of what is brings contentment which allows happiness to arise. One has to reach old age with a clear mind to be able to do this, you've had your life experiences, made your mistakes, made some good decisions and have learnt to forgive yourself and others. Life becomes an even playing field, or should do. As Rudyard Kipling wrote in his famous poem 'IF'

 

"If you can meet with Triumph and disaster

And treat these two imposters just the same"

 

 for our 'not British' members the poem ends with:-

 

"Yours is the earth and everything that's in it

And - which is more-you'll be a man, my son"

 

Yes i am unlike many in Thailand. I do not spend my days on YouTube lying about and harassing other bloggers from my channel . Nor harassing another blogger dying of cancer. I work on my photography and exploring Southeast Asia.

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't know any adults that are happy all the time

It always seems to be a matter of % - I think... so many factors involved as to how fleeting the truly "happy" moments are... 

 

Finances, temperament, situation, wants, desires, expectations all come into play... everything has the ability to be good or bad and tilt the playing field... kids can be pure joy or a nightmare... all rolled into the same kid... a bad dream can filter into your waking hours, a good nights sleep can start your day right...

 

I need a good cup of coffee... 

 

We are chemistry sets sliding around on a slide rule of happy and not. 

As Woody Allen said, "there is the horrible and the miserable"

 

the horrible is lepers and people with birth defects and missing limbs, and the miserable is everyone else... so, be glad if you are only miserable... 

Happiness is a  human construct

There are a lot of thinks I am not happy about, but that does not make me unhappy.

it makes me cautious about these things. Long ago I learned to compartmentalize, I put things in their own little rooms and look at them at the appropriate times.

8 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

Acceptance of what is brings contentment which allows happiness to arise. One has to reach old age with a clear mind to be able to do this, you've had your life experiences, made your mistakes, made some good decisions and have learnt to forgive yourself and others. Life becomes an even playing field, or should do. As Rudyard Kipling wrote in his famous poem 'IF'

 

"If you can meet with Triumph and disaster

And treat these two imposters just the same"

 

 for our 'not British' members the poem ends with:-

 

"Yours is the earth and everything that's in it

And - which is more-you'll be a man, my son"

 

I agree, I was wondering if anyone would mention contentment. I think that when we are young we have high expectations, that anything is possible. As we age we find that good friends, true friends are lifes greatest treasure. Unfortunately, but naturally, people pass through our lives, they die or simply move on. I find that I am content with my life and that is enough.

I would question whether being "happy" is a natural default state of mind for human. Happiness is often promoted as a goal in order to get you to buy more stuff. If only you had a bigger house, nicer car, better wardrobe, fuller head of hair, a straighter nose, you'd finally be happy. A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

Gave up on the pursuit of happiness about 20 years ago. My epiphany came after my neighbor asked me at dusk one evening if I was happy in Thailand. I told her I wasn't sure if I had found happiness here, but that I believed I had found a measure of peace and contentment. I have found dropping out of the 'pursuit-of-happiness' rat race to be quite liberating actually.

 

Edited November 27, 20196 yr by Gecko123

I will be happy of Corbyn gets thrashed at the election on the 12th ????

I bet there is a lot of 'wisdom' on this thread that I cannot bear to read. Nowt to do with Thailand either btw.

Judging by the number of stories I read about drug addiction everywhere in the world (just read about Amsterdam becoming a narco state), and the opioid crisis happening in many countries, add to that, alcoholism, in my opinion, the world seems to be full of unhappy, depressed persons.

 

Thank Gawd, or my strict parents, I never got involved in either. And damn proud of it !

 

But, to each their own.

44 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

As Woody Allen said, "there is the horrible and the miserable"

 

the horrible is lepers and people with birth defects and missing limbs, and the miserable is everyone else... so, be glad if you are only miserable... 

Ken, you are forgetting your friend in CR.   He has not found this thread yet but will be here shortly to remind everyone that his life is a Pie in the Sky moment of continual ecstasy.

Photos included I hope.  Love those photos.

Right now my back hurts a bit so today could fall somewhere between the horrible and miserable.   I will keep updates coming.....

I'm onboard with CGW posting. It was very eloquent and i think you nailed it. Kudos for a great reply.

reading a few more posts I see some of the more philosophical types have already piped in.

I do enjoy them as I am more inclined to be that way myself.   I kinda waffle between trying not to think too mutt and not thinking enuff.   

ommmmmmy god..... haven't eaten yet.   later

25 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

Reading this makes me want a really comfy bed w/down comforter, a great a/c unit and an air purifier and never leave my bed... a nice maid to bring my meals may work too... 

There is another thread going  :   The growing old curse..... how are you dealing with it ?

 

That is a major challenge for many of us older folks on TV,  i would imagine.  Strange, still

think i"m  30 years old sometimes    haha   

 

 

1 hour ago, Chazar said:

Happiness is a  human construct

No, Unhappiness is

Edited November 27, 20196 yr by sweatalot

29 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Reading this makes me want a really comfy bed w/down comforter, a great a/c unit and an air purifier and never leave my bed... a nice maid to bring my meals may work too... 

.. and don't forget those beautiful special massage women

Edited November 27, 20196 yr by sweatalot

Happiness is found in the contrast, I read some years back, and it is one of the lines, that makes sence read at right time and the right place. So when I read the op question, this question is the first thing I thought of, and what I find true

 

Without contrasts in life, how to know when you are truly happy?

 

Expect less, gain more

19 minutes ago, sillyfool said:

i would be happy if my wife mysteriously turned into a hot 23 year old that could work like abella anderson. 

 

 

I am sure she has her "wish list"  as well   ????

...and instead peruse a material life! 

 

After losing all my money, I realised that it and material goods hadn't brought me happiness.  Now I live a far simpler life, with very few material goods and not much money.  I won't even get a pension because I left the UK too long ago (my NI contributions were almost nil).

 

Do I worry?  No I don't.  I don't worry about world or local events that I can't change.  I do what makes me happy inside.  I'm content, very very content ????