Patong’s one-way goes all the way

PHUKET: Following the overwhelming success of the one-way traffic system that went into effect in Patong in January, local officials will extend the concept to include pedestrian traffic by making Soi Bangla one-way for people traveling on foot.

After the new system is brought into effect, pedestrians must walk along Soi Bangla toward the beach.

The only exception will be in the event that the tsunami warning siren sounds, in which case all foot traffic must proceed away from the shoreline, posthaste.

Under the new regime, the only way to get back to Rat-U-Thit 200 Pi Rd will be to walk along the beach road and turn right at Sawatdirak Rd, where the sidewalks will be restricted to one-way flow, away from the beach.

The new system has already begun to generate controversy, with some local entrepreneurs fearing it will harm their trade.

A group of transvestite prostitutes calling themselves the “Two-Way Crew” has already announced plans to ignore the new regulation when trolling the soi for johns late at night.

“I thought martial law had been lifted in the South,” quipped Toy, a member of the Two-Way Crew. In another development in Patong, local officials will later this month begin “degassing” the town’s notorious sewers in an effort to reduce the noxious odors emanating therefrom.

In what should be a first-class sound-and-light spectacle, the town will conduct controlled explosions above sewer grates on a nightly basis to burn the excess noxious gases. The resulting fireballs are expected to quickly become major tourist attraction, rivaling the famous Naga Fireballs of Nong Khai.

“Actually, these will be better than the Nong Khai fireballs because we will be able to control the size and timing of the explosions,” said a member of the local public works office, who asked that his name not be printed.

However, he added, both projects would have to wait until after April Fool’s Day.

PHUKET GAZETTE 1/4/2007

very funny. i especially like the 'two way crew'.

Great start but started getting a bit too silly with the sewer cleaning mission, and the last sentence blew it completely...

Great start but started getting a bit too silly with the sewer cleaning mission, and the last sentence blew it completely...

A linguini-spine editor added that last line :-( Try to read the article without it being there.

Where the f... they find a idea like that, the only thing I can find is that the tuk tuk think they will have more business because people will have walk a long way to come back to Rat-U-Thit.

What they will do if the tourist start to walk the wrong way, give them ticket?

The one way system may have improve the traffic, now they can ride Rat-U-Thit at full speed but every pedestrian who try to cross the street are in great danger of loosing their life not mentionning the fact that in daylight the taxi motorbike are riding the wrong way on Rat-U-Thit to save the kilometre they have to do going around the Patong 500.

They want to have more "quality tourist" on the island they should start by stopping to screw the tourist every way they can think.

Somebody missed the April Fool's joke here ...