Debt crisis with girlfriend

[Skallywag]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:20 AM, genericptr said:

she claims an old boyfriend before me was able to con her into lending him 1.5 million baht 10+ years ago and she's been on the line for it ever since (500+k left). 

 

On 1/30/2020 at 9:38 AM, genericptr said:

Speaking of that, why did the bank just decide that it's next month or she's going to court?

 

On 1/30/2020 at 9:20 AM, genericptr said:

girlfriend of 7 years has good government job in Chiang Mai (in my opinion) which pays 38,000/month and provides free housing. She's had this job since being out of university and she's 40 now.

Jumped ahead from OP.

Make sure she realizes she did not lend boyfriend "her" money, she lent him the banks money.

Just for my own education and possibly yours, what type of ruling will "going to court" result in? 

If she cannot pay off her debt now, how will going to court make a difference?

She doesn't own a home, if living in company housing. 

I guess she will be told to sell the car to pay off the debt?

Is the car owned free and clear? 

If so, sell car, pay off bank loan, easy peasy 

You may need to lend her small money for a bicycle or a bus pass, but other than that - all good.  Peace

Edited February 2, 2020 by Skallywag

[SteveK]

8 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

If so, sell car, pay off bank loan, easy peasy 

Until it happens again.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, RocketDog said:

After being with the woman for 7 years I would hope he's emotionally invested in her. 

Maybe I'm just old school or simply naive. 

OP appears to be a tourist in a long distance relationship.

2 weeks a year for 7 years doesn't count for much of a 'relationship' IMHO.

OP hasn't seen any of the loan documents, or requests for repayment, they could be entirely imaginary.

And for all anyone knows shes got 5 or 6 other boyfriends on the go, and is asking each of them for 50k.

Edited February 2, 2020 by BritManToo

[SteveK]

As Yinn already suggested - if she doesn't show you the loan documents then don't help her out. With these long-distance type relationships it's very likely that she has someone else on the go also (she may even be married), I would be very suspicious.

 

The fact that she thought it prudent to purchase a brand new car despite this issue shows that she hasn't got a clue how to manage her finances. Which means that in the future you're almost certain to hit more of these problems, and you'll be expected to bail her out.

 

You're surrounded by beautiful and available girls in Thailand, it might seem hard to walk away from someone you've been with for 7 years but it seems like the best option.

Edited February 2, 2020 by SteveK

[NorthernRyland]

9 hours ago, ChaiyaTH said:

Or has she been lying since you know her, and her income is not even close to 50% of the 38K quote, which seems much more logical? 
A bonus of 7% a year (that now has been cut) at such job, doesn't make any sense either.

I've seen her pay stubs and the even the papers from "City Group" stating she owes 200k (it was a sack of like 20 pages and I read Thai soooo slow). They're already taking payments directly out of her pay check from what I read.

[NorthernRyland]

4 hours ago, Don Mega said:

Who spunked the coin for the car deposit ?

Her. I've kept entirely out of her finances until just last year. I think they she was getting bonuses and pay increases all this time so she appeared to keeping afloat even though she was drowning in debt.

 

I've just been a broke digital nomad in Thailand since 2005 and never really had any money to speak of so she's not in it for money. (Yes, I know my time is up in Thailand with new visa rules and I'm making plans to leave in next few months.)

[NorthernRyland]

2 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Just for my own education and possibly yours, what type of ruling will "going to court" result in? 

If she cannot pay off her debt now, how will going to court make a difference?

She says this could result in her termination from her job. She's already paying 7k/month but has been delinquent for 2 months I just learned. 

 

I'm <deleted> she got me involved in this nonsense and didn't come clean about how terrible her finances were. She's convinced me to bail her out 2 times now (18k for car insurance and now 55k) and the only way she can pay me back is by taking out more debt.

 

I'm not letting this go however and I'm going to force some resolution one way or another. I really appreciate all the good advice that I should be taking over her finances because she's shown gross negligence and got me involved as a result.

 

Thailand is over for me (visas, air pollution, dangerous roads etc...) so the only question left is do we get married and move back to the US together. 7 years is a long time but I'm only 37 and I can still recover from a breakup at this point.

[SteveK]

1 minute ago, genericptr said:

so the only question left is do we get married and move back to the US together. 

Probably not a great idea.

[NorthernRyland]

31 minutes ago, SteveK said:

As Yinn already suggested - if she doesn't show you the loan documents then don't help her out. With these long-distance type relationships it's very likely that she has someone else on the go also (she may even be married), I would be very suspicious.

She showed me the documents *except* the "I need 55k in 24 hours to get a discount/avoid court" which was a phone call. That's the one I don't believe and if it's a lie this is a first for the relationship. 

[RocketDog]

58 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

OP appears to be a tourist in a long distance relationship.

2 weeks a year for 7 years doesn't count for much of a 'relationship' IMHO.

OP hasn't seen any of the loan documents, or requests for repayment, they could be entirely imaginary.

And for all anyone knows shes got 5 or 6 other boyfriends on the go, and is asking each of them for 50k.

Well, you are speculating of course. If you are correct then I agree with you. 

Neither of us knows. 

[NorthernRyland]

1 minute ago, SteveK said:

Probably not a great idea.

Point well taken. Last year was the first year we were separated long term (we talked on Skype daily thought) since living together for about 5 years. It got pretty lonely and honestly it would be a bitch trying to find a new GF in the US.

[NorthernRyland]

2 minutes ago, RocketDog said:

2 weeks a year for 7 years doesn't count for much of a 'relationship' IMHO.

I don't know where that came from. I've been here in Chiang Mai with her the whole time. She got a US 10 year tourist visa even (before Trump) and visited me twice when I was back for the summer.

[SteveK]

12 minutes ago, genericptr said:

Point well taken. Last year was the first year we were separated long term (we talked on Skype daily thought) since living together for about 5 years. It got pretty lonely and honestly it would be a bitch trying to find a new GF in the US.

Thai women are very much tied to their families. If you take your fiance to live in the USA you've got a very tiny chance of her still being there and being happy a few years later. They'll miss the food, the family, their friends and want to go back in most cases.

 

Other option for you is if you got married you could stay here on a non-O with yearly extensions, cheaper and easier than getting her into the USA.

 

Sorry - I just see that you said she has the visa already.

Edited February 2, 2020 by SteveK

[NorthernRyland]

22 minutes ago, SteveK said:

Thai women are very much tied to their families. If you take your fiance to live in the USA you've got a very tiny chance of her still being there and being happy a few years later. They'll miss the food, the family, their friends and want to go back in most cases.

 

I agree and I told her this repeatedly. She's sick to death of her job and her Mom/brother are both dead leaving just her 75 year old father and older sister which she doesn't get alone with very well (the age difference is about 8 years). Even given all of that I find it very unlikely she'd survive more than a year in the US without a job (her English is not good enough to much besides drive Uber). I would only let her come if she had some plan to return and could keep one foot in Thailand while in the US.

[at15]

38k with free housing is very good situation. she needs to downgrade her lifestyle so she can work on paying off the debt. humble housing, motorbike, cheap food, etc. OP, you know damn well in tough times you would do something like that in a heartbeat to remedy the situation. Why cant she if she really loves you..

[RocketDog]

1 hour ago, genericptr said:

I don't know where that came from. I've been here in Chiang Mai with her the whole time. She got a US 10 year tourist visa even (before Trump) and visited me twice when I was back for the summer.

That the quote from another post  by somebody throwing shade on your relationship and circumstances with pure speculation and suppositions. I was telling him he simply didn't know. I think you've gotten good feedback on the topic and are fully capable of handling the situation.

 

I was not making any judgments but my original post was a replay to somebody saying if you didn't have an emotional relationship that you should just leave her. I replied that after 7 years you probably did have an emotional relationship with the woman.

[khunpa]

2 hours ago, genericptr said:

I've seen her pay stubs and the even the papers from "City Group" stating she owes 200k (it was a sack of like 20 pages and I read Thai soooo slow). They're already taking payments directly out of her pay check from what I read.

If they are already taking directly out of her pay check, then this must mean that she has already been to court earlier about the debt.

[khunpa]

2 hours ago, genericptr said:

She says this could result in her termination from her job. She's already paying 7k/month but has been delinquent for 2 months I just learned. 

 

I'm <deleted> she got me involved in this nonsense and didn't come clean about how terrible her finances were. She's convinced me to bail her out 2 times now (18k for car insurance and now 55k) and the only way she can pay me back is by taking out more debt.

 

I'm not letting this go however and I'm going to force some resolution one way or another. I really appreciate all the good advice that I should be taking over her finances because she's shown gross negligence and got me involved as a result.

 

Thailand is over for me (visas, air pollution, dangerous roads etc...) so the only question left is do we get married and move back to the US together. 7 years is a long time but I'm only 37 and I can still recover from a breakup at this point.

I think you should strongly reconsider any plans of moving her back to your home country. She will only be a constant financial burden to you and also moving a Thai to another country also has its challenges. I know my wife would never want to leave Thailand and I would be suffering every day, if we did move away.

You are only 37 and there are LOADS of Thai women out there (even beautiful and decent ones). Why not find one that will not give you a daily headache?

Look at this as an opportunity to make some positive changes in your life and let her figure this out herself.

Edited February 2, 2020 by khunpa

[Kadilo]

2 hours ago, genericptr said:

She showed me the documents *except* the "I need 55k in 24 hours to get a discount/avoid court" which was a phone call. That's the one I don't believe and if it's a lie this is a first for the relationship. 

A first? Sounds like she’s been living a lie with you for most of the 7 years. 
All this and you’re still considering marrying her and taking her back to the States? 
 

You must be a glutton for punishment. 

[SteveK]

51 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

A first? Sounds like she’s been living a lie with you for most of the 7 years. 
All this and you’re still considering marrying her and taking her back to the States? 
 

You must be a glutton for punishment. 

Agreed. If you've been with her 7 years then what you mean to say is "this is the first time that I know she is lying". Because I can guarantee she has lied to you before. It's ingrained into them under the guise of saving face. The western culture of honesty has no place here.

 

For some Thais it seems like lying is a kind of game - see how many bald-faced lies they can get away with when talking to an idiot farang.

Edited February 2, 2020 by SteveK

[BritManToo]

6 hours ago, SteveK said:

For some Thais it seems like lying is a kind of game - see how many bald-faced lies they can get away with when talking to an idiot farang.

I don't believe they tell white guys any more lies than they tell Thai guys.

We just want to 'Believe women' a bit more.

[BritManToo]

9 hours ago, genericptr said:

Thailand is over for me (visas, air pollution, dangerous roads etc...) so the only question left is do we get married and move back to the US together. 7 years is a long time but I'm only 37 and I can still recover from a breakup at this point.

Can you imagine the divorce settlement?

"But I gave up everything to be with him in America, my career, my home, my friends ........ wah wah"

You're a much braver man than I!

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/31/2020 at 7:14 PM, BritManToo said:

She never changed, he never spent enough time with her to reveal her true self.

I've found you have to live with a Thai lady constantly for 3-6 months before their true nature is revealed.

OP is just a tourist.

I lived with mine for a year, and she never took me to see the rellies. Got married and I was living with them before I knew it. That was the beginning of the end, though the end took 4 years to happen.

[thaibeachlovers]

21 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Can you imagine the divorce settlement?

"But I gave up everything to be with him in America, my career, my home, my friends ........ wah wah"

You're a much braver man than I!

Ignorance is bliss.

[Kadilo]

On 2/2/2020 at 7:40 AM, SteveK said:

 

For some Thais it seems like lying is a kind of game - see how many bald-faced lies they can get away with when talking to an idiot farang.

Agree with this 100% 

Even when you catch them they just make up more. Pathetic really, but all part of the face saving culture that’s engrained in them. 
I agree with BM2 im not sure its aimed directly at us. They clearly must get away with it with Thai men and think we are easy pickings too. 
I had one recently where my motorbike I leave at the home when I returned to UK was damaged in an accident. Nothing serious just a few scratches but needed to go to the garage. I asked a few time’s in convo during WhatsApp was everything ok and specifically mentioned bike as in had she been using it etc and was all ok. “Yes, everything ok” 

Turned up and it wasn’t. 
“I never lie, I just tell you late” ...........about sums it up. ????
 

Edited February 3, 2020 by Kadilo