My girlfriends job

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/29/2020 at 2:32 PM, Peter Denis said:

Wow!  You have a way of putting things very blunt instead of the politically correct talk, and I appreciate that.

But in this case I don't agree at all that 'most kids' want their parents dead for the heritage.

Yes, unfortunately some of them do but no way they constitute the majority.

I have to agree, but sometimes parents just don't love their children. My father ignored me for over 40 years. I did visit him before his death and there was no "love" there.

I didn't expect anything from him as he never gave me anything after I left home. I didn't wish him ill, but I didn't really think about him either. He was never bad to me, but I knew he never wanted kids.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/29/2020 at 2:38 PM, BritManToo said:

You may be right ....... but as a white person, not many of us seem to care all that much about our parents when they are alive.

We don't visit them much or seem to pay them any attention at all really.

Who on this forum spends time with their parents every month? every week? let alone every day?

Who takes their dad out for a drink?

(I went for a drink once with my dad, twice with my son ......... that was it)

My sister spent a lot of time with our mother. I think it's a gender thing.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/29/2020 at 6:23 PM, BritManToo said:

How long have you spent with your parents?

In the last year?

In the last month?

In the last week?

 

What do you think would be a reasonable amount of time to spend with your parents?

10hrs a year?

10hrs a month?

10hrs a week?

In my father's case none at all, but that was because my father went far, far away ( to the other side of the world ) and I couldn't afford to go visit him. He never visited me either and he could have afforded to.

[fredwiggy]

35 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Disease- RUBBISH. Use a condom.

My mother was married in her old age and had no love. Being married is no guarantee of "love".

 

My father never remarried after they got divorced and he was probably happier than he would have been if he'd got married again.

If your dad loved your mom, she would have had love, and your dad would have been happy. And vice-versa. It works both ways. People don't get married because they either don't have the skills to maintain a marriage or are bitter because the partners they picked before weren't the right ones for them. There are no guarantees of anything here except death and taxes. You get what you give. If you don't get back, you're with the wrong partner. And a condom isn't a guarantee of not getting a disease. The only guarantee is abstaining. Sex without love is rubbish. It's like two dogs going at it. I know, I was that dog too, although I  was always looking  for a relationship and not to use. Many will disagree but it's true. The ones that agree understand.

Edited June 2, 2020 by fredwiggy

[Logosone]

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

If your dad loved your mom, she would have had love, and your dad would have been happy. And vice-versa. It works both ways. People don't get married because they either don't have the skills to maintain a marriage or are bitter because the partners they picked before weren't the right ones for them. There are no guarantees of anything here except death and taxes. You get what you give. If you don't get back, you're with the wrong partner. And a condom isn't a guarantee of not getting a disease. The only guarantee is abstaining. Sex without love is rubbish. It's like two dogs going at it. I know, I was that dog too, although I  was always looking  for a relationship and not to use. Many will disagree but it's true. The ones that agree understand.

The problem is that nothing stays the same, everything changes. People change. Radically. The person you thought was right for you maybe was right for you AT THAT TIME. However, then they changed. You can love a person dearly, for all they have done for you, you can appreciate them. However, if they do not give you what you need, sexually, emotionally, financially (in the case of women), materially (cooking, cleaning etc in the case of men), then they are not right for you anymore.

 

And you don't get what you give. Some women can spark the highest inner emotions simply by who they are. Other women don't. Maybe they did before. Then they just don't.  You can give everything, and they may make an effort for you, but they will never reach those parts other women can.

 

And there's a bit of dog in all couples doing it, whether you love them or don't. Dogs do it too. It's just the way it is, we're animals, either way.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Logosone said:

The problem is that nothing stays the same, everything changes. People change. Radically. The person you thought was right for you maybe was right for you AT THAT TIME. However, then they changed. You can love a person dearly, for all they have done for you, you can appreciate them. However, if they do not give you what you need, sexually, emotionally, financially (in the case of women), materially (cooking, cleaning etc in the case of men), then they are not right for you anymore.

 

And you don't get what you give. Some women can spark the highest inner emotions simply by who they are. Other women don't. Maybe they did before. Then they just don't.  You can give everything, and they may make an effort for you, but they will never reach those parts other women can.

 

And there's a bit of dog in all couples doing it, whether you love them or don't. Dogs do it too. It's just the way it is, we're animals, either way.

True, but some animals are faithful. People do change, and the person you fell in love with might change for the worse. Some marry their childhood sweethearts and last forever. Some date for years, then get married and divorced in a month. Getting to know the person is always best, but we are all a product of our childhood, and some things don't go away. Some go into marriage with great intentions, then revert to their childhood trauma and sabotage things. No guarantees.

[Logosone]

52 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

True, but some animals are faithful. People do change, and the person you fell in love with might change for the worse. Some marry their childhood sweethearts and last forever. Some date for years, then get married and divorced in a month. Getting to know the person is always best, but we are all a product of our childhood, and some things don't go away. Some go into marriage with great intentions, then revert to their childhood trauma and sabotage things. No guarantees.

That's just it, you can never know a person.

 

Never.

 

Because people change. A lot. 

 

I lived with a woman for 20 years. Met her when she was 19. She seemed so eager to please, fun. Twenty years later, two children later, I tell you that woman had disappeared. She became self-centred, miserable from the children sucking all the life out of her, only made half-hearted attempts in the bedroom. You could feel her heart was not in it. And she started making demands.

 

I thought I knew that person after 20 years. But you can never know a person. They change so much.

 

If I don't get what I want I can't stay faithful and stay with that person. Some men can, they can have minimal demands and are modest. I admire that. Sometimes I wish I had that modesty. Unfortunately I do not. It's a real problem. 

 

Edited June 2, 2020 by Logosone

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Logosone said:

That's just it, you can never know a person.

 

Never.

 

Because people change. A lot. 

 

I lived with a woman for 20 years. Met her when she was 19. She seemed so eager to please, fun. Twenty years later, two children later, I tell you that woman had disappeared. She became self-centred, miserable from the children sucking all the life out of her, only made half-hearted attempts in the bedroom. You could feel her heart was not in it. And she started making demands.

 

I thought I knew that person after 20 years. But you can never know a person. They change so much.

 

If I don't get what I want I can't stay faithful and stay with that person. Some men can, they can have minimal demands and are modest. I admire that. Sometimes I wish I had that modesty. Unfortunately I do not. It's a real problem. 

 

Well, people can change minor things, but generally ,people do not change the way they actually are. They can hide it well, especially going into a relationship, as both you and I have seen, but the real "them" always shows it's head eventually. Look at how her mom treats her husband ,if they're still alive, and you'll see how she  thinks things are to be. Same goes for a man .That girl you fell in love with had some good traits, but what she really was came out after life stress hit her. And that's impossible to predict unless you've seen them growing up on a daily basis, like their family has. Women aren't mature until their early twenties, and men afterwards, so what you see then isn't  a good predictor of later behavior. This is why so many marriages fail. Unrealistic expectations and demands that people aren't capable of fulfilling. I don't know how old you are, but I hope in time you find someone that's right for you, as growing old alone isn't good, especially for men.

[Logosone]

43 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Well, people can change minor things, but generally ,people do not change the way they actually are. They can hide it well, especially going into a relationship, as both you and I have seen, but the real "them" always shows it's head eventually. Look at how her mom treats her husband ,if they're still alive, and you'll see how she  thinks things are to be. Same goes for a man .That girl you fell in love with had some good traits, but what she really was came out after life stress hit her. And that's impossible to predict unless you've seen them growing up on a daily basis, like their family has. Women aren't mature until their early twenties, and men afterwards, so what you see then isn't  a good predictor of later behavior. This is why so many marriages fail. Unrealistic expectations and demands that people aren't capable of fulfilling. I don't know how old you are, but I hope in time you find someone that's right for you, as growing old alone isn't good, especially for men.

She had some very good traits. She was loyal. Never cheated. She did the housework. Not perfectly but she wasn't lazy. With the kids just most of the work was done on them. From 20 to 29 she'd fulfill any sexual demands. 

 

However when the children came the fun party girl that enjoyed sexual experimentation became puritan, dour, Ms Responsibility.  Permanently exhausted from lack of sleep and overwork. Cantankerous and demanding. And of course started to refuse the odd request I made. At some point I realised this was not what I wanted. And I had to let her go, with my beautiful children. It just wasn't worth living like that.

 

I just got bored of her. She became so boring after the children came.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Logosone said:

She had some very good traits. She was loyal. Never cheated. She did the housework. Not perfectly but she wasn't lazy. With the kids just most of the work was done on them. From 20 to 29 she'd fulfill any sexual demands. 

 

However when the children came the fun party girl that enjoyed sexual experimentation became puritan, dour, Ms Responsibility.  Permanently exhausted from lack of sleep and overwork. Cantankerous and demanding. And of course started to refuse the odd request I made. At some point I realised this was not what I wanted. And I had to let her go, with my beautiful children. It just wasn't worth living like that.

 

I just got bored of her. She became so boring after the children came.

Life definitely changes after the kids come. It doesn't have to be that bad though. Women need time away from the kids to remember what they were before. This is why some choose not to have kids. No one remains as they were before. Life is generally boring unless you do something to change things up. Both have to be on the same page if you don't want to get in a rut. This Covid thing is hurting millions that are housebound, and surely a lot of marriages will suffer if you don't think of things to stay busy. It's always easier to change partners than trying to stay with someone that doesn't want to shift gears and make changes. If both work at it, the marriage will last. When you give up it doesn't have a chance. Teamwork makes things work, but team means both.

[Peter Denis]

56 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

...

the real "them" always shows it's head eventually. Look at how her mom treats her husband ,if they're still alive, and you'll see how she  thinks things are to be.

...

Fully agree that faking is not sustainable, and that in such cases the 'real person' will eventually shine through.  And depending on your level of intuition and psychological insight, you will see it of course much sooner (sometimes even at first glance).

The relationships within the family you are raised obviously also play a role, but that can also work in the opposite direction.  E.g. childhood experience making someone decide NOT to follow the example they have seen and experienced, but that requires a strong essence in the person to opt for what he feels is right.  And inevitably also creates friction with the family whose example is not followed.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Peter Denis said:

Fully agree that faking is not sustainable, and that in such cases the 'real person' will eventually shine through.  And depending on your level of intuition and psychological insight, you will see it of course much sooner (sometimes even at first glance).

The relationships within the family you are raised obviously also play a role, but that can also work in the opposite direction.  E.g. childhood experience making someone decide NOT to follow the example they have seen and experienced, but that requires a strong essence in the person to opt for what he feels is right.  And inevitably also creates friction with the family whose example is not followed.

Our own parents can be our best allies or worse enemies. All depends on how they were raised also. Here so many think it's the grandparents job to raise kids you have, because so many Thai men aren't responsible with the kids they make. (Not just Thais by the way). Women go to the big cities to make money to send home to the grandparents to "raise" the kids. Some working in the sex industry. Not a good legacy for your kids. And the kids think this is normal, for grandma to take care of them. It's not. (Thailand leads all countries with more children raised by grandparents, over 25%) Especially here, so many are illiterate with very little schooling, and that leaves kids to fend for themselves, growing up way too soon. One reason so many die in scooter accidents here. No parents to guide them.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/2/2020 at 12:03 PM, fredwiggy said:

If your dad loved your mom, she would have had love, and your dad would have been happy. And vice-versa. It works both ways.

and if everyone smoked happy baccy and sat around the campfire singing kumbaya what a great world we'd live in.

Nothing in life is that simple. People get married for a myriad of reasons, not many involving real love. Usually lust.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 6/2/2020 at 2:38 PM, Peter Denis said:

Fully agree that faking is not sustainable, and that in such cases the 'real person' will eventually shine through.  And depending on your level of intuition and psychological insight, you will see it of course much sooner (sometimes even at first glance).

The relationships within the family you are raised obviously also play a role, but that can also work in the opposite direction.  E.g. childhood experience making someone decide NOT to follow the example they have seen and experienced, but that requires a strong essence in the person to opt for what he feels is right.  And inevitably also creates friction with the family whose example is not followed.

My sister and I learned the lesson from our family life and neither of us had kids.

[fredwiggy]

13 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

and if everyone smoked happy baccy and sat around the campfire singing kumbaya what a great world we'd live in.

Nothing in life is that simple. People get married for a myriad of reasons, not many involving real love. Usually lust.

And that's why they get divorced. When you go into marriage, you have to understand it's permanent, that marriage vows are meant to be kept, that your love should be unconditional and not based on lust or greed. Of course it's mutual attraction to all but the gold diggers, but that that attraction isn't going to last like it does in the beginning, which is where mature love comes in, looking at your mate as you mate and not someone to use or that is going to satisfy all your dreams. No one can. No amount of money will keep anyone interested, only there to use. Communication, trust, respect, shared times, intimacy, all keep the love alive. If you don't have these, the marriage will either end or be unsatisfying for both. It isn't simple, and requires work. It's the most important reason we have for being here, and the breakdown of the marriage, and ultimately the family, is the main reason the world is having so many problems. It starts home. Marriages without love aren't marriages. They are dead at the start.