Girlfriend stole our 6 month old son, and we are not married.

[kuzmabruk]

I have all the papers with me, but I know this means squat.

 

i did not register as the father of the boy, except on birth certificate, which means squat.

 

any clear knowledgeable opinions on my options?

 

i am not going to go to Isaan and steal him.  

 

I am willing to buy the sole right to be his father and only parent, but at the moment we are not communicating and also the lady in question and her family know my assets and for me to be paying her/her family tens of millions of Baht is not an option I will consider.

 

Anybody with any experience in how to deal with this?

 

 

[BritManToo]

As my Brit lawyer told me when my Brit wife stole my 4 Brit children.

"Find a new woman, make another son"

 

Which is what I did, in Thailand, it's a lot easier than chasing the ones that are gone.

Although that may not be what you want to hear.

[ChipButty]

I would like to say she didn't steal him it's her son also, it depends on what you want to do, do you want custody of your son? I dont think thats going to happen seeing that you are a farang in any case difficult,

From the cases I have known over the years it all boils down to money I knew of one case the mother would agree to handing the son over for a fee of 250,000 Baht 

Im sure lots of guys on here will give you first hand experience but anyway Good Luck

[EVENKEEL]

52 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

As my Brit lawyer told me when my Brit wife stole my 4 Brit children.

"Find a new woman, make another son"

 

Which is what I did, in Thailand, it's a lot easier than chasing the ones that are gone.

Although that may not be what you want to hear.

You keep whining about your farang wife, would be interesting to hear her side.

[ChipButty]

1 minute ago, EVENKEEL said:

You keep whining about your farang wife, would be interesting to hear her side.

He cant find her

[BritManToo]

8 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

You keep whining about your farang wife, would be interesting to hear her side.

on ignore for dragging the thread off topic, and believing women.

Edited September 17, 2020 by BritManToo

[Preacher]

legally she has not stolen your son. Legally she currently has sole parental rights and you none. If you want to change that you will have to petition the court to be recognized as the legal father. You will also have to file for joined parental rights with the mother. (Can't say if it will be granted) Joined custody can be hell and the mother will probably get main custody.

 

Judges are reluctant to give you sole custody and you will definitely have to negotiate with the mother about that.

 

If in Isaan, you might want to consider contacting Isaanlawyers and discuss your options. 

[ChipButty]

6 minutes ago, Preacher said:

legally she has not stolen your son. Legally she currently has sole parental rights and you none. If you want to change that you will have to petition the court to be recognized as the legal father. You will also have to file for joined parental rights with the mother. (Can't say if it will be granted) Joined custody can be hell and the mother will probably get main custody.

 

Judges are reluctant to give you sole custody and you will definitely have to negotiate with the mother about that.

 

If in Isaan, you might want to consider contacting Isaanlawyers and discuss your options. 

You are correct he needs to weigh up his options and how much he prepared to spend Ive seen people 12 to 13 years down the line still having trouble as I said already it's down to money

[FritsSikkink]

She is the legal guardian, so she stole nothing. Like said beforeShe is the legal guardian, so she stole nothing. Like said before get a lawyer, be legally recognized as the father first. Buying children gives you no rights at all. Ignore BritManToo when it comes to relationships as he has a huge chip on his shoulder.

[essox essox]

should not have had the kid.....not being married....END OF STORY......

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, EVENKEEL said:

You keep whining about your farang wife, would be interesting to hear her side.

I've seen photos of his farang wife, and his Thai wife.

His Thai wife is stunning. His farang wife has dragon printed all over her.

Back on topic, the OP has no parental rights, he has to be married. Defacto relationships have no legal standing in Thailand.

[FlyingThai]

I'd do nothing at this point. This is a typical thing some crazy country bumpkins here in Thailand are pulling to drive a guy crazy and try to squeeze him for money. Where did you meet this woman? She'll probably come back running a few months from now when she needs money because her family is starving. At that point better kick her to the curb because you obviously can't trust this person.

 

Objectively: You are on very weak legal footing regarding custody of this child and this would be a fight against windmills so to speak. It's a baby at this point. Were you really able to develop such a bond with your son that you can't let go? I'd save any correspondence you had with his worthless pos of a mother just in case for the future should the boy ever contact you. Otherwise find a new NICE girl and if family is your idea for the future then learn from your mistakes and get married, make another child or two.

[ben2talk]

2 hours ago, kuzmabruk said:

Anybody with any experience in how to deal with this?

Yes, find a good woman and establish a marriage before making babies - that's called 'family' and is preferable to simple 'copulation' when children are desired.

[petermik]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ6Tp-nna9I...

Best advice....

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, ChipButty said:

I would like to say she didn't steal him it's her son also, it depends on what you want to do, do you want custody of your son? I dont think thats going to happen seeing that you are a farang in any case difficult,

From the cases I have known over the years it all boils down to money I knew of one case the mother would agree to handing the son over for a fee of 250,000 Baht 

Im sure lots of guys on here will give you first hand experience but anyway Good Luck

Not sure that's good advice, what's to stop the mother from taking the child back after the money is gone? Unless the OP leaves Thailand, and I can imagine the difficulty he would have with the Thai authorities doing that.

Most jurisdictions side with the mother, irrespective of circumstances.

[stupidfarang]

No legal rights, if you want your son then you need to wait until she contacts you, if you want to help son then I suggest you send nappies and milk each month, DO NOT SEND MONEY! In time she may contact you, keep calm, do not argue, say you are happy to have son live with you (make sure you get legal sole custody). See a lawyer for this.

 

If you do take son to live with you then know that if you get another Thai GF/wife she may not like your son, may not show it to you but there is a good chance she will put her child (if you have one with her) before your son. Thai women do not like other womens children if they are in a relationship (some may be okay but in general most will not like).

You can always set up a bank account for your son (under your name and his) and place money in it to cover his education (say 25,000 baht a year for school fees)

Do not buy a house or land in his name as the mother has control over his assets until I think 20 years of age.

 

Remember do not argue, keep calm, do not give cash to mum

 

Good Luck

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, kuzmabruk said:

any clear knowledgeable opinions on my options?

It's obvious that your relationship has failed at this point in time, and she has up and left you taking your son, noting that he belongs to both of you, and he is not a possession so she didn't steal him, and you cannot calve him down the middle.

 

Firstly you need to look at the reason why she left you, e.g. women in relationships don't just up and go if they are happy in the relationship and I would presume that either you weren't listening to what she was saying, or she was damaged goods that you took on.

 

Either way you are the only one that knows what made her up and go, and if you want her back then it's up to you to try and make it good, i.e. if you or she wants to return to what your relationship was like before she left you, but if it wasn't good from the beginning, don't bother otherwise it will get worse now that there is a child in the picture.

 

She may have done you a favor, e.g. you may not have been happy in the relationship, if that is the case then take it on the chin and move on, life is to be happy and loved, not miserable and in an unhealthy relationship with no love, just pain.

 

Getting your son back is going to be a major effort and if you do get to have him under custodial rights, do you know what you are getting yourself into. Trying to raise a 6 month old child is a major task and what psychological trauma might the child have not being reared by his mother, I mean women are built for this job and kids yearn for their mother more than they do for their father, it will be tough for you, believe you me, been there, done that, on a shared care bases, one week with me and one week with the kids mother two decades ago.

 

Letting your anger go is the first thing you need to do, cool down, then you can think straight, then try to talk to her without getting into a fight, if she doesn't want to patch things up, accept it, then find a way how you can see your son and contribute to her raising him, if she doesn't grant you visitation rights, then accept that, you can then decide whether you want to contribute to the child's needs or not, in other words, she might have the power over you by having your son, but you have the power over her raising your son via contributions to make the kids life better, that said one has to try and find neutral ground.

 

The above is the reality of your situation, how you got to this, only you know, just remember, what you are going through is not cancer or some disease that you are going to die from, so you have a choice to move on and get back onto the horse that threw you off, and you can get back onto another a little later and try again, but not before you have a look at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself if you were the real cause and whether you can learn from your mistakes, if it wasn't your fault, ok you got done over by one that had baggage that you didn't see or knew, and tried to fix, but found out you can't fix what is broken and cost you dearly.

 

I think that just about sums it up, as for getting a lawyer, well, unless your prepared to throw money away that could possibly go towards your son, then wouldn't bother because from where I am sitting, I believe you don't stand a chance in getting him back unless you stand a chance in patching things up with her, and don't do it to think you can then do the same to her as she did to you, don't forget where you are.

 

Best of luck.

[CorpusChristie]

12 minutes ago, stupidfarang said:

No legal rights, if you want your son then you need to wait until she contacts you, if you want to help son then I suggest you send nappies and milk each month, DO NOT SEND MONEY! In time she may contact you, keep calm, do not argue, say you are happy to have son live with you (make sure you get legal sole custody). See a lawyer for this.

 

If you do take son to live with you then know that if you get another Thai GF/wife she may not like your son, may not show it to you but there is a good chance she will put her child (if you have one with her) before your son. Thai women do not like other womens children if they are in a relationship (some may be okay but in general most will not like).

You can always set up a bank account for your son (under your name and his) and place money in it to cover his education (say 25,000 baht a year for school fees)

Do not buy a house or land in his name as the mother has control over his assets until I think 20 years of age.

 

Remember do not argue, keep calm, do not give cash to mum

 

Good Luck

It would be quite difficult finding another woman when you have a baby .

The benefits of Having a felang boyfriend loses its appeal , when they suddenly have to become a full time mother to someone elses kid .

[twocatsmac]

Maybe your ex girlfriend has played the long game on you.

Previously you’ve stated she’s an Isan farmer. Is there a big age gap too?

Either way deep pockets required.

[CorpusChristie]

Step back and take the "keep him" attitude .

Dont turn it into a competition about who gets the baby  

[The Man Who Sold the World]

kuzmabruk:

 

You asked for advice on an anonymous internet forum from people who have experience in this - perhaps, someone with direct experience will reply. 

 

However - every situation is different. In your shoes I would be contacting several Thai lawyers requesting their advice and costs to handle your case. Compare their responses and choose wisely. Only an assumption but the Thai lawyer you select will contact your childs mother and negotiations will begin. 

 

It is all bout your child - what is best for the child should be everyones focus. Decisions need to be without emotion. Talk to Thai lawyers and discuss your options. Good luck to you - take care of your son.

 

 

 

 

[ChipButty]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

Not sure that's good advice, what's to stop the mother from taking the child back after the money is gone? Unless the OP leaves Thailand, and I can imagine the difficulty he would have with the Thai authorities doing that.

Most jurisdictions side with the mother, irrespective of circumstances.

To leave Thailand with the kid he would need permission from the mother not easy when immigration see a farang with a kid 

[CorpusChristie]

20 minutes ago, The Man Who Sold the World said:

kuzmabruk:

 

You asked for advice on an anonymous internet forum from people who have experience in this - perhaps, someone with direct experience will reply. 

 

However - every situation is different. In your shoes I would be contacting several Thai lawyers requesting their advice and costs to handle your case. Compare their responses and choose wisely. Only an assumption but the Thai lawyer you select will contact your childs mother and negotiations will begin. 

 

It is all bout your child - what is best for the child should be everyones focus. Decisions need to be without emotion. Talk to Thai lawyers and discuss your options. Good luck to you - take care of your son.

 

 

 

 

He has no legal rights to the Child .

There is nothing a lawyer can do, apart from charge a fee 

[ChipButty]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

It's obvious that your relationship has failed at this point in time, and she has up and left you taking your son, noting that he belongs to both of you, and he is not a possession so she didn't steal him, and you cannot calve him down the middle.

 

Firstly you need to look at the reason why she left you, e.g. women in relationships don't just up and go if they are happy in the relationship and I would presume that either you weren't listening to what she was saying, or she was damaged goods that you took on.

 

Either way you are the only one that knows what made her up and go, and if you want her back then it's up to you to try and make it good, i.e. if you or she wants to return to what your relationship was like before she left you, but if it wasn't good from the beginning, don't bother otherwise it will get worse now that there is a child in the picture.

 

She may have done you a favor, e.g. you may not have been happy in the relationship, if that is the case then take it on the chin and move on, life is to be happy and loved, not miserable and in an unhealthy relationship with no love, just pain.

 

Getting your son back is going to be a major effort and if you do get to have him under custodial rights, do you know what you are getting yourself into. Trying to raise a 6 month old child is a major task and what psychological trauma might the child have not being reared by his mother, I mean women are built for this job and kids yearn for their mother more than they do for their father, it will be tough for you, believe you me, been there, done that, on a shared care bases, one week with me and one week with the kids mother two decades ago.

 

Letting your anger go is the first thing you need to do, cool down, then you can think straight, then try to talk to her without getting into a fight, if she doesn't want to patch things up, accept it, then find a way how you can see your son and contribute to her raising him, if she doesn't grant you visitation rights, then accept that, you can then decide whether you want to contribute to the child's needs or not, in other words, she might have the power over you by having your son, but you have the power over her raising your son via contributions to make the kids life better, that said one has to try and find neutral ground.

 

The above is the reality of your situation, how you got to this, only you know, just remember, what you are going through is not cancer or some disease that you are going to die from, so you have a choice to move on and get back onto the horse that threw you off, and you can get back onto another a little later and try again, but not before you have a look at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself if you were the real cause and whether you can learn from your mistakes, if it wasn't your fault, ok you got done over by one that had baggage that you didn't see or knew, and tried to fix, but found out you can't fix what is broken and cost you dearly.

 

I think that just about sums it up, as for getting a lawyer, well, unless your prepared to throw money away that could possibly go towards your son, then wouldn't bother because from where I am sitting, I believe you don't stand a chance in getting him back unless you stand a chance in patching things up with her, and don't do it to think you can then do the same to her as she did to you, don't forget where you are.

 

Best of luck.

Good Advise 

[ChipButty]

You dont need a lawyer just yet, you will get loads of free advise on TVF guys with first hand experience

I dont know where you live but in Phuket it's 50,000 Baht just to start a case

[tifino]

Note to self:   Cut ans Save a Lock of the kids hair...

 - for in future conflict/separation as per OP; it may be the only DNA evidence left available to work with 

 

 

(I'm focusing on Paternity Tests)

[soi3eddie]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

It's obvious that your relationship has failed at this point in time, and she has up and left you taking your son, noting that he belongs to both of you, and he is not a possession so she didn't steal him, and you cannot calve him down the middle.

 

Firstly you need to look at the reason why she left you, e.g. women in relationships don't just up and go if they are happy in the relationship and I would presume that either you weren't listening to what she was saying, or she was damaged goods that you took on.

 

Either way you are the only one that knows what made her up and go, and if you want her back then it's up to you to try and make it good, i.e. if you or she wants to return to what your relationship was like before she left you, but if it wasn't good from the beginning, don't bother otherwise it will get worse now that there is a child in the picture.

 

She may have done you a favor, e.g. you may not have been happy in the relationship, if that is the case then take it on the chin and move on, life is to be happy and loved, not miserable and in an unhealthy relationship with no love, just pain.

 

Getting your son back is going to be a major effort and if you do get to have him under custodial rights, do you know what you are getting yourself into. Trying to raise a 6 month old child is a major task and what psychological trauma might the child have not being reared by his mother, I mean women are built for this job and kids yearn for their mother more than they do for their father, it will be tough for you, believe you me, been there, done that, on a shared care bases, one week with me and one week with the kids mother two decades ago.

 

Letting your anger go is the first thing you need to do, cool down, then you can think straight, then try to talk to her without getting into a fight, if she doesn't want to patch things up, accept it, then find a way how you can see your son and contribute to her raising him, if she doesn't grant you visitation rights, then accept that, you can then decide whether you want to contribute to the child's needs or not, in other words, she might have the power over you by having your son, but you have the power over her raising your son via contributions to make the kids life better, that said one has to try and find neutral ground.

 

The above is the reality of your situation, how you got to this, only you know, just remember, what you are going through is not cancer or some disease that you are going to die from, so you have a choice to move on and get back onto the horse that threw you off, and you can get back onto another a little later and try again, but not before you have a look at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself if you were the real cause and whether you can learn from your mistakes, if it wasn't your fault, ok you got done over by one that had baggage that you didn't see or knew, and tried to fix, but found out you can't fix what is broken and cost you dearly.

 

I think that just about sums it up, as for getting a lawyer, well, unless your prepared to throw money away that could possibly go towards your son, then wouldn't bother because from where I am sitting, I believe you don't stand a chance in getting him back unless you stand a chance in patching things up with her, and don't do it to think you can then do the same to her as she did to you, don't forget where you are.

 

Best of luck.

 

Very good advice above. To OP: If she has done this then clearly there is a major problem. Many women will hold the child to ransom both financially and emotionally. There is no legal route to support you so that would just be wasting money. I know you cherish your child however at only 6 months old that's a short time. It's hard to detach yourself emotionally however if you don't then you will suffer for the rest of your life. Move on and focus on happier things. In due course you may find a true gem of a lady and better things can happen. Family life is never easy but for some it gives fulfilment.

    

 

 

[NanLaew]

52 minutes ago, tifino said:

Note to self:   Cut ans Save a Lock of the kids hair...

 - for in future conflict/separation as per OP; it may be the only DNA evidence left available to work with 

 

 

(I'm focusing on Paternity Tests)

Reminds me of that verse from Gold Digger.

 

"If you ain't no punk holla we want prenup
We want prenup! Yeah
It's something that you need to have
'Cause when she leave yo ass she gon' leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his"

 

 

[Lacessit]

5 hours ago, ben2talk said:

Yes, find a good woman and establish a marriage before making babies - that's called 'family' and is preferable to simple 'copulation' when children are desired.

I'm of an age where copulation is still a pleasant activity. Doing it for the sake of procreation would have me contemplating an orchidectomy to make sure, as vasectomies sometimes don't take.

[Bender Rodriguez]

8 hours ago, kuzmabruk said:

to be paying her/her family tens of millions of Baht is not an option

looooooooooooool

 

let me be sarcastic like most on TV :  just find a new girlfriend

 

or wait till the money of this one dries up and she will throw you the baby for nothing

 

or did you consider, the child is NOT EVEN YOURS

but maybe some other guy she fooled around with

Edited September 17, 2020 by Bender Rodriguez