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Thai wife doesn’t really want divorce after affairs...


alexis80

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5 minutes ago, norfolkandchance said:

The OP is probably aware that the Italian legal system is very slow. More so now in the present Pandemic. I am involved in a court case dating from 2016. Not expecting any early result. Good luck.

Yes, that’s exactly what the lawyer told me, avoid going to court at all cost if possible... also it’s crazy but if end up in court she might actually get shared custody of the kids, meaning she could come to take them with her for days a week who knows where... however if she doesn’t accept a voluntarily separation ... it’s the only way

Edited by alexis80
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OP, back in my previous life in Geneva, I had quite a few Thai lunch time partners that were in situations very similar to your wife's. One of the hottest was still in good terms with her IL's who were taking care of her young child. Wonder what her ex was like though.

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If you have ways to dry up her money and income, she'll be back, in need, and start looking at you differently again.

For some, it can be a one time (not short amount of time), aberation.  The only thing is...could you pack it away and store it in the recesses of your thoughts so it didn't affect your life with her again.

One month, might still seem like a vacation to her.  Maybe I'm different, but how can you love kids and then just ghost them?  She might snap out of it.  But not if she can afford to keep doing what she is doing.

As others said, the easiest thing to do is to cut her off from your life completely.  She doesn't care.  No contact? the quicker you can move on.  
And whether you want to date again or not...getting other romantic oriented people back into your life will help you move on quicker.  Otherwise you'll keep not sleeping the way you are, every thought going towards her.

BTW, why haven't you talked with her parents about this yet?  You said they are good people.  Sometimes family can smack some sense into someone.

Sorry to hear your situation.  Goodluck in whatever direction you decide to take.

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2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Lawyer said the best would be to come to a settlement... by law she is entitled to have half of the assets earned during the marriage, that means the new house we renovated as all my money went there... so I asked her to agree to sell the villa and get 50% and in exchange sign the divorce separation papers giving the kids to me, initially she said yes because I explained if she doesn’t I wouldn’t let the kids ever go back to Thailand as I am afraid she would try to keep them there... and in Italy she can’t take care of them... I am the one who makes the homework with the 7 years old as she doesn’t speak Italian... she doesn’t have a stable residence here ... but now she doesn’t seem like she is convinced about signing anymore... that would mean a very long lawsuit that at the moment I am not even share I can afford... 

She is probably being advised by some other Thai tramp that has already been through this.

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2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

That was my first reaction, I also suggested to her about 2 weeks ago to go back to Thailand and go to a temple to get her head straight ... in 2015 she also went for 3 days and stayed at a temple, she is pretty religious... however she said she is going back to Thailand for a short while but not because I asked her... she practically neither accepted or refused... grazie mille!!!

Come on friend? Listen to yourself?

 

Do religious women behave this way?

 

Where does such a religious women from a good family learn that sex with many different men while she is married is ok?  WHERE?

 

You are not thinking clearly.

 

Ask anyone on this forum what kind of woman will sleep around like that and you will NEVER get an answer a religious woman from a good family.

 

Time to stop reminiscing about YOUR happy past and wake up the fact she has a lot of experience hooking up with men. 

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2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Yes, I did but as we have been married more than 5 years she can stay here anyways, I don’t think it’s that, I think it’s more about her family and friends knowing what she did ...

Why haven't you told her family?

 

They might tell you a few things you wished they would have told you when you met her

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2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

It has been one month I haven’t manage to sleep very well,  the only thing that keeps me going are the kids and them needs... I need to study for my work but I am unable to concentrate, even to watch a movie... it all becomes much harder when kids ask about her, I am very strong mentally and I hide this very well from the little ones, the reason I posted here was thinking of getting also a second opinion from someone who went thru a similar situation... traveling all around the world I know different countries means differ cultures, maybe it’s just a phase she is going thru and it’s something other Thai girls do ...

No it is not a phase unless she was a hooker before?

 

You need to wise up and quit trying to make excuses for her behavior.

 

You need your mother to step up and watch the kids welfare until you can tell yourself the truth.

 

It's over, she will never change, her kids and you mean nothing to her.

 

Understand that, no matter how painful.

 

The sooner you wise up the sooner you can start healing/

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4 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Did any of you had similar experiences?

No..

It's obvious that the marriage is over,the sooner you realise this the better,

what to do with the kids is your only problem now, good luck.

regards Worgeordie

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3 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Lawyer said the best would be to come to a settlement... by law she is entitled to have half of the assets earned during the marriage, that means the new house we renovated as all my money went there... so I asked her to agree to sell the villa and get 50% and in exchange sign the divorce separation papers giving the kids to me, initially she said yes because I explained if she doesn’t I wouldn’t let the kids ever go back to Thailand as I am afraid she would try to keep them there... and in Italy she can’t take care of them... I am the one who makes the homework with the 7 years old as she doesn’t speak Italian... she doesn’t have a stable residence here ... but now she doesn’t seem like she is convinced about signing anymore... that would mean a very long lawsuit that at the moment I am not even share I can afford... 

dont offer more, she cant have her will (boy in thailand) as long as you dont give it, if it was me i would just try to pick up a new life that doesnt include her and wait for her to meet your offer

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It's "funny" that she makes like 1000 Euros a month, which is fantastic in Thailand for her (well, for most Thais); however, it's all relative and you gave her an OK lifestyle.  You were not rich, but in her head I think she thought you were rich.  Not wanting to learn the language is a BIG red flag, since then it's likely all about the money.  

 

We have all been in cheating relationships.  Not with a lady who didn't think how it would affect the kids for the REST OF THEIR LIVES....so that's horrible.  And I couldn't have sex with someone who was intimate with someone else and doing who knows what (you mind will imagine everything) for endless hours.....she wanted the young guy, so you will feel insecure when you get older.  maybe she was with 10 young guys...who knows.  you will never know.  

 

100% over.  kids........this kind of mess could haunt a kid 50-years from now.  therapy in a few years, I'm guessing......something.

 

  

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Well firstly this is a doomed relationship, and you gotta end it.

 

Now Thai's, men and women seem to be able to drop kids as fast as they would a pair of dirty underwear if it suits them, so the fact that she's dumped the kids with you, doesn't surprise me in the least....so long as she is happy!

 

Now I must say, and maybe this has been discussed in the previous four pages, but what's her immigration status? Does she want to stay married simply because she can have her other life but use your marriage to stay in Europe?

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Can only talk about the Thai Law since been there and done that.  Never let her take the Children to Thailand EVER. Unless you have document of full custody and full parental rights in Italy. Anything less some mix documents or something the court in Thailand keep the children in Thailand.  Thailand have signed the international document so normally the kids should be returned to Italy however the Thai government do not follow the document but EU does. You have to go trough endless of courts in Thailand if you EVER let them go back with her. Even with Full custody and document from the court she can go to immigration and STOP you at the airport. Thai Rak Tai, Thai loves Thai.  Let her be for the moment let her forsaken the children and document it and then go for full divorce with ONLY you as the gurdian. 

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3 minutes ago, Mike Rodik said:

those people shouting:  get full custody...

 

a thai judge for example, will never agree with full custody and 99 percent time will rule  shared custody

 

unless one of the parents abused the child and there is proof from a hospital it was not an accident

 

never bring the children back to thailand... she can use whomever to hide the kids and as a farang, good luck finding them

Meaning get full custody IN ITALY 

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Your wife using flight benefits in furtherance of a business is unethical and against airline policy.

Not that much wrong with doing a bit of personal shopping but it puts the benefit at risk for everyone and in the US every few years they talk about taxing it as income. You should  be subject to some sanctions up to and including termination of employment.  Handbags? No wonder your having  with such a person.

You are a great father. Dump her. Take care of your kids, need to seek full custody and the mother who is not even doing the minimum should get the minimum = Limited visitation.

 

I used to see Thai people at lined up at the Apple store in Tokyo buying armfuls of iPhones, Thai customs put the kibosh on that. Some flight attendants got nabbed for the handbags. It is smuggling, tax evasion and plane wrong.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Andy from Kent said:

It sounds like she wants what's called an "open marriage".      

 

Can you approach things from that perspective?

 


 

This is an option when both are financially independent, which is not the case, and when both parties agree.  I don't think this good man wants to share life with that kind of butterfly.

 

Mother of his children Yes... But liar and dirty butterfly.

 

 

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