Great Farang-thai Relationships...(marriage...whatever)

[Nebukanezar]

Ours is awesome, we argue about time, usualy me not having enough considering my current work schedule. But other than that its perfect. For us it's pretty much a few key things;

1) Communication

2) Trust

3) Common Interests and Aspirations

4) Similar views

5) And great...umm...

[Austhaied]

I was hoping that this thread would not lead to name calling. I was never a believer in marriage and told my wife from the beginning that I didn't want to get married or have kids. I still stick by the no kids rule but have never been happier than I am with my married life. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Remember it took me 20 years and some pretty embarrassing numbers before I changed.

Now the truth comes out.. No kids..That could be your secret. I have 3 and its hard work, it can put a real strain on married "bliss".. However we wont be lonely in our old age and i really love my kids to bits.. They are my sole purpose...

[sukanyacondo]

imo time away from each other is important.being together 24hrs a day can get strained.

We are together all the time and companionship is probably our strongest trait. That coming from a guy that was voted least likely to ever settle down by the guys that knew him best. After 20 years of philandering I was a very bad bet but we have been inseparable since we met 10 years ago. The hardest thing for me was to find a girl who was open to new things and Thai-enough but not too Thai. How many Thai girls have you known who will hike the Grand Canyon or Skydive in Hawaii or spend weeks on the road exploring nature and not shopping, smoking, gambling or drinking? How many can cross the social divide and hang with high-so or low-so with equal ease and grace.

Ive got to agree with this comment.

My wife often amazes me in not being the stereo typical Thai and she came from a small village in Loei.She does exactly what she wants no controls over money at all, I just tell her if she makes a mistake its down to her and I am not her "Master" and nor do i want to be. I think her Mum did a fantastic job in her upbringing extremly honest although now sadly she is dead.

She will always ask me what I think and likewise.

Still love her to bits and love to see her enjoy the benefits I can give her in not having to get on the treadmill everyday like she has done for 15 odd years. Now she runs the business and loves it. I didnt marry anyone until I was 42 years old she is my first and last wife. Im always congratulating my self for finding such a good woman and try hard to be good back.Still cant believe it in many ways as I have only been visiting Thailand for 18 months.

I truly feel extremely lucky.

Trust is important but has to be earned.

[Fred Sanford]

I think the best thing for me is never to marry. My gf sticks around but there is occasional tension because I wont do this and she knows it. We've been together 5 years now. Perhaps it works because she knows that it would be hard for her to get a replacement but for me it's a snap of the fingers. For you guys who did marry, you have my utmost respect and admiration. You are worthy, I am not. I can never go thru with it. I keep the whole farang-thai family interconnection at arm's length. This is just what I do and will continue.

[swain]

A relationship with out sex.... a relationship with out money.... a relationship with out humor....

1. Sex - They say that if you are having good sex its only 5 percent of the relationship. But if your not having good sex, it becomes 90 percent of whats wrong with the relationship.

2. Money - They say that happiness in the USA peaks at about 50k a year. In studies that have been done... people under the 50k marker were happier with more money... but that at 50k people tended to be happy or as unhappy as people with much much more. Added stress, less time etc... which makes sense to me, because someone at the poverty level can only think about survival and little else. (That dollar amount yearly has GOT to be much lower in Thailand.)

3. Humor- Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. ~Rose Franken

Sex is good, money is good enough, and we cant stop laughing at ourselves and each other.

I don't know what the future holds but I am happy now.

[sukanyacondo]

This is where my wife is "different" she also keeps her family at arms length, she says she does not want them interfering with us. She moved to Bangkok when she was 15 and beacame independant, working at many jobs to get a dgreee to get a good salary. Her drive she says to me was she did not want to be poor. Her Mother could not get to a hospital and died relatively young.

[BambinA]

Great Farang-thai Relationships...(marriage...whatever), What does it take to make it work?

On the other hand ,being a Thai, i want to give some ideas that's why relationship does not work well about TH-Farang

1)Language barrier.

- English is just a foreigner language.

1.1 ) we can not pronouce H ,V, Z, CH ,and SH

1.2 ) when we say "check' you may hear this word likes "Shag"

1.3 )when we thai say "I'm missing you" we mean for now.And you farangs may think it's really silly. It must be past because of You guys are here for now.

2)custom and tradition barrier

2.1) Dowry is a sign of rubbish for many farangs.However, no TH parents want to sell their girls .It's just tradition. It means atleast you have bucks to suppourt their girls in future. (Dowry is not an important for nowadays anyway)

2.2) Marry with a Thai girl means you have to marry with her family .We mostly come from extended families .We (mostly) support each oher.If you don't like this style, it's time for you to like it

3)asian girl style.

3.1)We girls(60-80%) have green faces.Please understand us.

3.2) we girls (60-80%) treat guys when we have relationship as guys are our son.

Just my opinion anyway.

Edited May 22, 2007 by BambinA

[retirednavyman]

I think the language is a key ellement if not the key ellement.

I know my relationship was much better in the US where we both could function. Her Englsih is excellent. Now in Thailand we have a lot of rocky times. I know part of it is the psychological impact on me... due to language difficulties & I have been here for a year.

Hard roads lay ahead, and I just hope we survive.

It is hard to take control, as suggested when you don't have the language skills.

Get up off your duff and learn the language my friend. I was stationed in the Philippines for 8 years and learned how to speak the language fluently, just a matter of applying yourself.

Have a nice day!

[Dakhar]

I think the language is a key ellement if not the key ellement.

I know my relationship was much better in the US where we both could function. Her Englsih is excellent. Now in Thailand we have a lot of rocky times. I know part of it is the psychological impact on me... due to language difficulties & I have been here for a year.

Hard roads lay ahead, and I just hope we survive.

It is hard to take control, as suggested when you don't have the language skills.

Get up off your duff and learn the language my friend. I was stationed in the Philippines for 8 years and learned how to speak the language fluently, just a matter of applying yourself.

Have a nice day!

The language is comming along. But it is not where it needs to be. It does not progress as fast as I would like it too.... It might be related to the amount of hours I work. I am hardly on my duff....

I lived in Taiwan for 2 years and learned to speak Mandarin Fluently. But the fact that I had the time to apply myself specifically for learning a language helped that learning process. Not to meniton I was younger at the time....

My employer could care less if I speak Thai, and he for sure would not allow me to take time off to learn Thai. Heaven forbid I get a day off from the 7 days I work. The boss would rathe pay someone to hold my hand all day and get immediate results than suffer down time. I would rather sit on my duff and participate in Thai language courses.... but hey whatever.

The wife has studied Engilish over 20 years and lived in the US for 6, you can bet her English skills far ecxeed any Thai I will learn in the next 4 years. So you insuation that I am a lazy, is not really appreciated. "RetiredNM" Now if I were retired, or could hold a retirement visa under the age of 50, yea sure, I could stroll on over to a Thai course or two... in between my naps.

[Nicko]

I cant tell you right now but I hope to change that in the next few months.

[endure]

1.2 ) when we say "check' you may hear this word likes "Shag"

That's just wishful thinking

[retirednavyman]

I think the language is a key ellement if not the key ellement.

I know my relationship was much better in the US where we both could function. Her Englsih is excellent. Now in Thailand we have a lot of rocky times. I know part of it is the psychological impact on me... due to language difficulties & I have been here for a year.

Hard roads lay ahead, and I just hope we survive.

It is hard to take control, as suggested when you don't have the language skills.

Get up off your duff and learn the language my friend. I was stationed in the Philippines for 8 years and learned how to speak the language fluently, just a matter of applying yourself.

Have a nice day!

The language is comming along. But it is not where it needs to be. It does not progress as fast as I would like it too.... It might be related to the amount of hours I work. I am hardly on my duff....

I lived in Taiwan for 2 years and learned to speak Mandarin Fluently. But the fact that I had the time to apply myself specifically for learning a language helped that learning process. Not to meniton I was younger at the time....

My employer could care less if I speak Thai, and he for sure would not allow me to take time off to learn Thai. Heaven forbid I get a day off from the 7 days I work. The boss would rathe pay someone to hold my hand all day and get immediate results than suffer down time. I would rather sit on my duff and participate in Thai language courses.... but hey whatever.

The wife has studied Engilish over 20 years and lived in the US for 6, you can bet her English skills far ecxeed any Thai I will learn in the next 4 years. So you insuation that I am a lazy, is not really appreciated. "RetiredNM" Now if I were retired, or could hold a retirement visa under the age of 50, yea sure, I could stroll on over to a Thai course or two... in between my naps.

I didn't insinuate anything, can't you tell by the wink at the end of my monologue :-)

No need to take what I said so personal

[torito]

I didn't insinuate anything, can't you tell by the wink at the end of my monologue :-)

No need to take what I said so personal

This sound to me as a relationship that is going bad...

[qwertz]

A woman doesn't need to marry.

She only needs three pets:

a dog that growls every morning,

a parrot that swears all afternoon

and a cat that comes home very late at night.

[cdnvic]

Six years and rarely a disagreement, and never a fight. It all comes down to communication, friendship, and really getting to know and understand each other.

1. We waited two years to get to know each other before marrying.

2. We have fun and constantly joke around with each other.

3. We can communicate well enough to talk out things that are complicated.

4. We treat each other with respect.

[qwertz]

The best hearing aid a man can have is a wife who listens to him.

[Thaddeus]

3.2) we girls (60-80%) treat guys when we have relationship as guys are our son.

Ahhh, so that's why my wife talks to me like a six year old sometimes.

Wouldn't change her for the world.

[BambinA]

1.2 ) when we say "check' you may hear this word likes "Shag"

That's just wishful thinking

From direct experience,I went to the airport.I told my ex farang bf as " Jay, we have to check in"

He asked me "shag!! where ??? we have enough time to shag." he pulled me to somewhere.

I slapped his forehead later.. NO Shag!! CHECKKKKKKK!!!

PS. i can pronouce "CRISPS" (but still have a problem with this word"TIRED" nobody understands me..They always ask me "wha?? TRY what?"

3.2) we girls (60-80%) treat guys when we have relationship as guys are our son.

Ahhh, so that's why my wife talks to me like a six year old sometimes.

Wouldn't change her for the world.

not surprise

[jumnien]

My secret to success: Marry a woman who is a better person than you are. It works!

When I came to Thailand 10 years ago I dated a few woman who were not significantly better than I was. Some of them were phenomenally cute! Thank buddha I didn't shack up with any of them! I'm happy!

Remember, assess your strengths (few) and weaknesses (many) and find a mate who is much better balanced in favor of the strengths!

[uptou]

It doesn't really matter who or what you partner is, it will be a shaky relationship when based only on love, passion, money or physical attraction.

If it begins without friendship it will almost certainly end without it too.

i agree 100%.

'love' in alot relationships is all about what the individual can get out of it.a need partly driven by the balls.

ive told my girlfreind she's like family to me (no,i'm not from the north of england)

i read that the real knights in shining armour were generally,mostly,thugs & rapists,but romantic poetry,& literature came along,describing them a little differently.

[Maigo6]

My secret to success: Marry a woman who is a better person than you are. It works!

So most Farang/Thai marriages in Thailand will work.

[villagefarang]

I didn't have a chance to follow the thread since last night but read through everything tonight and I'm impressed. A lot of really positive, sensible, caring, and romantic stuff. Not sure what I was expecting but will take away some good ideas and a feeling of hope about the future of Thai-Farang relationships. Sorry for paraphrasing and not giving credit where credit is due. This is a list of some of the good advise and successful attributes that I will be taking away from this. I always end up modifying things to fit the situation but this looks like a good base to start from. If I have missed something important feel free to add to the list.

1) Communication & Language Skills

2) Earned Trust, Understanding, desire, friendship, mutual respect, and commitment

3) Common Interests and Aspirations

4) Similar views or acceptance of different views

5) Great sex helps but is only one element.

6) No kids..That could be the secret.

7) never to marry if you know your not ready to give the other person what they need

8) Another important word patience.

9) be non confrontational

10) spend some time away from each other

11) spouse is your best friend, lover and companion

12) willingness to learn what the other partner wants or needs from the relationship

13) try giving rather than taking in all things

14) shared expectations, shared experience, shared values.

15) self-control

16)marry a better person than yourself or someone who makes you want to be a better person

17) take a good look in the mirror and assess your strengths and weaknesses

[endure]

1.2 ) when we say "check' you may hear this word likes "Shag"

That's just wishful thinking

From direct experience,I went to the airport.I told my ex farang bf as " Jay, we have to check in"

He asked me "shag!! where ??? we have enough time to shag." he pulled me to somewhere.

I slapped his forehead later.. NO Shag!! CHECKKKKKKK!!!

[BambinA]

Another thing i want to add why a relationship between Farang -TH does not work .

Pout or Sulk Behaviour.

It's common in Thai women.You guys farang have to live with it.

SCENE : TH girl fight with Farang BF/Hubby.

FR - Are you ok?

TH -Yes!!

FR- What's wrong?

TH-nothing wrong.

FR -You sure?

TH- I guess so .

FR- OK, great. (then a farang boy leaves his Th girl)

TH (How dares he leave me,He had better make up my mind and say "I'm sorry" "I want to pull his scrotum and make it as a parachute)

[buriramboy]

Another thing i want to add why a relationship between Farang -TH does not work .

Pout or Sulk Behaviour.

It's common in Thai women.You guys farang have to live with it.

SCENE : TH girl fight with Farang BF/Hubby.

FR - Are you ok?

TH -Yes!!

FR- What's wrong?

TH-nothing wrong.

FR -You sure?

TH- I guess so .

FR- OK, great. (then a farang boy leaves his Th girl)

TH (How dares he leave me,He had better make up my mind and say "I'm sorry" "I want to pull his scrotum and make it as a parachute)

just how i imagine you and jarvis, lol

[BambinA]

just how i imagine you and jarvis, lol

Bahh

Yeah but no but yeah but no but...", "What-eva!", "Oh my god! I soooo can't believe you just said that!", "Shut up! I ain't even dun nuffin' or nuffin'!" and "Don't go giving me evils!

[MVSGUY]

Rest assured, you are not the only guy happily married to a Thai woman.

I live in marital bliss with my wife, despite her being Thai...

I think the basis of our good relationship is good foundations, mutual respect, shared expectations, shared experience, shared values.

A great deal of good fortune and the ability to take something positive together when fortune has not been so generous.

And last but not least, a huge dollop of good humor.

I might add that sometimes wisdom comes into it as well - my wife reckons if my temperament is like 'fire' then its better if her's is like 'water'..... if works well. If she was more 'spirited' I am sure it would be hel_l. As we have a five year old - I think the shared values is probably the most important

[GracelessFawn]

Love...... Relationships........

if it fits - I wear it.

if it feels good - I put it on.

if it matches (my boots) - I treasure it.

if it makes me feel great - I keep it.

Life is a lot simplier than we think. Loads of people hang-on to relationships that will never work. Loads of people settle for less because they're scared to let go, to be alone, deal with changes and uncertainties. If we are miserable everyday, then what's the point???

I believe that to have a great relationship, one must be with the right person. Someone we can talk to, hang-out with, have loads of fun, share a joke with. Someone who can be our lover, our man/girl, our buddy, our partner, our friend.

Does it really matter what nationality the person we are with is? Fair enough, every nationality has a different culture, but there are OTHER things that make a relationship!

Edited May 27, 2007 by GracelessFawn

[dclaryjr]

Six years and rarely a disagreement, and never a fight. It all comes down to communication, friendship, and really getting to know and understand each other.

Thirty-one years and we had some tough times early while she was establishing the fact she wasn't going to take the kind of crap she did from her Thai husband. At around the 8-year mark, the Air Force sent me to Korea solo for a year. During that time we wrote each other everyday (with a pen and paper nonetheless) and it really was the turning point in our marriage. It's been great ever since--we were good friends before we got married and remain so today.

[hhfarang]

I apologise for coming into this thread late (no activity for six days) but I thought I should add my story which I think is quite common. My Thai wife and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary and I must say she is a wonderful person. She is a type A personality meaning that she doesn't have a lazy bone in her body, in fact, sometimes I wish she would just relax but she can't. She keeps herself looking good (37 now and heads still turn when we walk down the street) and has style and class. She's always cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. and we have a house where you could eat off the floor. It always looks like a model home in some new development.... almost too clean, and she is a wonderful cook (I've gained 15 kilos in those eleven years!), but (and this is a big but that has almost ended our marriage many times over the years and I can't help but feel has damaged the intense love I once had for her) she has two serious flaws that I haven't been able to get her to change. She is insanely jealous (for imagined reasons, I've never done anything extra-marital) and she has spent us into the poor house. She must have spent a half million dollars on clothes, shoes, jewelry, and handbags since we married. I was a professional making big bucks before I retired and moved here and should have a huge savings account but I am broke because of her shopping habits. I was married twice before to American women with good professions and salaries and they maybe had a couple of handbags that they paid over a hundred dollars for but my Thai wife has at least five that cost over $500 each. I've tried everything and like I said we have almost split up over this several times. Shopping is like a drug habit with her.

I have met many other farangs with a similar story "perfect wives except for the spending and jealousy".

It has really tarnished the love I have for her with resentment when I would like to play golf and can't afford it while her huge walk-in closet is stuffed to overflowing with designer clothes.

I love her but I don't have the passion I should have for this nearly perfect woman because of those two problems.