5.

 

A string of fuzzy green floaters slinked over my line of sight, crawling like a neon caterpillar. Then I recalled that Sammy “The Bull” has a podcast. And he’s on YouTube now. Sammy “The Bull” killed at least 19 people. And now he has a podcast. Why do people listen to it? Why do I listen to it? For the same reason I’d watch OJ Simpson give relationship advice on Twitter.

 

The macabre is fascinating. People will always crane their necks at car accidents, plane crashes, Britney Spears, and reality television…

I wonder where he is, Sammy “The Bull”… What if Sammy “The Bull” Gravano were living next door? He’d fit right in, in Bangkok, another elderly expat. Sammy “The Bull”, in a Bangkok whorehouse, getting sucked off right now. I could see it.

 

Then I remembered that I read a book about a guy who <deleted> hookers without condoms. But he didn’t catch AIDS and was disappointed. Then he cut off one of his fingers in protest of Amazon’s effect on independent bookstores and mailed the severed limb to Jeff Bezos.

 

These were the thoughts plaguing me. The thoughts animating me. Like why it’s funny to see a fat person dancing or riding a motorcycle… And what does Elon Musk think about when he takes a <deleted>… What does Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates think of when they <deleted>? I don’t think much when I <deleted>. I look at sport scores and highlights. That’s probably the difference between billionaires and me. Billionaires are serious. They’re probably working, thinking, inventing things, even when they’re <deleted>ting. 

 

I wonder what Sammy “The Bull” thinks of when he <deleted>s. Didn’t Sammy “The Bull” catch Lupus? Isn’t that why he lost all his body hair? These days, Sammy “The Bull” looks like a burn victim or a cancer kid. He’s all <deleted> up, looks worse than Michael Rapaport. Michael Rapaport, “The Gringo Mandingo”, that dude has the face of a hairless cat.

 

Then I wondered if Sammy “The Bull”, when taking a <deleted>, thinks about OJ Simpson…

 

(Then I pictured Sammy “The Bull”, barefoot and in a wrestler’s singlet, an old school singlet, King Kong Bundy style... Sammy “The Bull”, running barefoot in Lumpini Park. Sammy “The Bull”, stopping midstride, Sammy “The Bull”, with his New Yawk accent, berating and cursing at an Asian Water Monitor Lizard, just assailing the creature with expletives…)

 

Anton Szandor LaVey wrote that Martin Luther thought up the reformation while taking a <deleted>. I could never forget that.

 

People always picture Satanists as chopping up puppies, Satanists painting themselves in chicken blood and dancing naked, chanting in front of full moons. But not all Satanists are like that. I had a friend who was a Satanist, and he was an accountant. If you saw him, in his suit and cufflinks, you’d never think he was a Satanist. But he was. 

Nah satanists are targeting ANF members who write long posts. 

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