Any foreign ladies living with their husband family? I desperately need advise on how to live with Thai family.

Here is my situation : I was asked to cook for his family the 1st day i arrive bangkok ( 3 years ago). Then the rest of the year I was expected to do all the housework, cooking, laundry , water his mother flower and caring for his two grandma. Even after i get a job, they still demand me to be the one take care the house. Even I don't really like it, but for my husband, i just do it to make him happy. Did i mention he got a sister almost same age as me, not marry and particularly do nothing in the house, not even do her own laundry, but spend his family money like crazy ( guess his family spoiled her too much).

Well as for his mother , like a typical mother -in -law, no one is good enough for his son. Complaining every day and night, 24 hours a day, 7 day a week. Even my husband get annoying but he still have to fulfill all her wishes. Even i make her house sparkling- clean and cook for her, I still get criticize about the work i done. I felt so insulting !!!!!!!!! Not to mention my husband don't even care how i fell.

So please tell want else i can do to make thing better?

Move out. Not sure why you are still living with them after 3 years. But he needs to see that you cannot have a happy marriage while still living with his family.

Move out is out of question, since my husband say he is the only son and is Thai tradition that the son have to take care the elderly in the family. Anyone know about this tradition?

Perhaps that is his family but not in mine. My husband's oldest brother lives elsewhere. In one Chinese-Thai family I know it is the youngest daughter who takes care of the parents, not any of the sons.

You need to make it clear to your husband that if he wants to have a happy marriage he has to compromise on this. Either the sister-in-law starts doing the housework or move out. Tell him to take his pick. But either way, you need to stop doing the housework. And if his mother-in-law doesn't like it, well just don't listen.

I don't listen to mine that often. And I most certainly would not have lived with her long-term and hubby knows that. But then, he didn't want to live with them either.

You don't say how old your mother-in-law is but if she is under say 65, unless she is disabled, she certainly doesn't need you living with her full time.

I don't listen to mine that often. And I most certainly would not have lived with her long-term and hubby knows that. But then, he didn't want to live with them either.

How lucky you are !! BTW, my mother in law is only 55, definitely energetic since she not tire of complaining.

Then you need to make it clear to your husband that if he values his marriage he had better start compromising. And you need to learn to develop the off button in your head. Turn it off and smile.

I learned a valuable lesson from my brother-in-law who gets nagged alot by his mother. He smiles, "yes mother, yes" and then goes off and does what he wants to anyway. She thinks he's listening long enough to get her off his back and he just pretends to listen. And does his own thing.

Definitely a situation that won't work. They shouldn't be treating you like that.

They are treating you like an unpaid servant. If moving out is out of the question at the moment , try to change the situation by being unconfrontational - long working hours, frequent "headaches", buying take aways so you don't have to use the kitchen. Clean your own part of the house etc. They will get the hint.

You could try my husbands famous patented method of suggestion when you want THEM to do something - "oh don't the plants look dry", "oh what made the mess on the floor" etc.

Move out is out of question, since my husband say he is the only son and is Thai tradition that the son have to take care the elderly in the family. Anyone know about this tradition?

Tens of thousands of foreign men married to Thai women are being told that it is the Thai tradition for the daughter to look after the family.

There is a common factor here... the family who is married to someone who has or is perceived to have money is suddenly the family member who is by tradition surposed to look after mum and dad.

Move out and have your own life with your husband, or accept being a slave to the family.

can I ask where you are from Delly, cause you sure don't sound like you are a brit, yank, ozzie or european. I know of no women from those countries who would tolerate being treated like a slave by anyone let alone a spouses family.

Several years ago we moved to Khon Kaen for 3 months prior to movingf to the UK & I lived with my MIL for a total of 5 days before telling my husband that I needed my own house, not due to his family being a problem, on the contrary, I have the opposite problem to you, they bend over backwards to make me happy & I am not expected to lift a finger, but I am a grown women & need my own space & after living alone since 17 years old I just dont share a house with other women. He too was happy to move a few roads away as he had also lived away for years & didn't like being restricted in another persons house.

According to my thai husband, daughters take care of the family not sons, although they are expected to provide more financial support but daughter in laws are traditionally expected to help out (hubbies brothers thai wife cooks & cleans when she visits but when I try to help am told to sit & relax & not get too hot!!) but if your sister in law is sitting on her ass doing nothing then I suggest you follow suit & when they ask why you aren't cooking/cleaning tell them you are following your sister in laws example as it must be the thai way for girls to do nothing

Your husband needs to cut the apron strings IMO & of he can't then sorry, but you need to decide if you can put up with this for the next 20+ years.

Leave your husband. Sorry but I mean it. At least threaten to. It is totally your husband's responsibility to make sure you are living happily. Your husband should be in control of the situation, and if he is not, he is failing his part as a husband. I will not tolerate my wife being treated like that. Do you have children yet?

Delly, if you do move out, I could do with a good cook, cleaner, basic all rounder really. PM me if your available and how much you charge per hour

On a more serious note, have a word with your fella, something is not quite right here?! How can you be expected/why should you do so much?! Good luck I hope you can talk things through and reach an agreement, dont let em take you for a ride.

Best of luck, KD

Why don't you hire a maid??

If you have been doing this for three years do you think it is going to stop on its own without you revolting?

Have a discussion with your husband, tell him your body hurts, and you are tired. Tell him it is obvious your mother-in-law does not like you, and ask him if he wants YOU to leave. You married him and not his mother. Why should you be treated so badly, and why should his younger sister disrespect you? does he think the same as his family?

He should just say, if he loves you and wants you to also be happy being in his family and as a part of his family and not like an orphan with no worth. You will leave if he wants you to, and if he wants you to stay, to please, handle his family.

Perhaps his mother would be happier with a maid.

And if all that does not work, then pack your bags, life is too short.

You want to be able to look back at your life when you are 90 and smile and say.. "I had a great life!"

I can't believe it, you really have been living like this for 3 years?

It's crazy.

I would never have put up with this even for a day.

I have been with my husband for a few years, never ever did I do any cleaning at his house which is our frog farm, where his father and mother live. I did help to paint the house once.

We live in our own place in a gated community (moo bahn). It is the whole family that takes care of the up-keep of the house. My daughter cleans her room, she helps with the laundry, my husband does the dishes or I will do it, whoever is free.

I know several farang women married to Thai men and none live like you describe.

Take charge of your life girl! Life is too short for you to take this kind of BS.

I only live with my husband and children but we both work full time. He does all the cooking (ALL of it). He loves cooking. We all do dishes. Daughter does her own room and my son does what he calls "cleaning" his own room. We have someone who does the laundry and general cleaning.

If I had to live with an extended family I would make it quite clear what was my responsibility and what theirs.

Maybe best idea is to move out if they don't improve.

Tens of thousands of foreign men married to Thai women are being told that it is the Thai tradition for the daughter to look after the family.

for that matter, tens of thousands of farang women married to thai men are told a bunch of crap about what it is "thai tradition" to accept- see my post on domestic violence. you are a farang and you will always be a farang. presumably your husband married you because he likes farangs. a certain amount of compromise is cool, but trying to change you into a little thai wifey (or slave as the case may be) is out of line.

I suspect Delly isn't a Farrang (white westener).

Different rules and standards for them.

Why don't you hire a maid??

Guess what my MIL says when I suggest hire a maid....... " Cannot, many maid steal stuff from the house, they are not trustable, lazy...bla bla bla.."

I suspect Delly isn't a Farrang (white westener).

Different rules and standards for them.

You are right, I am asian. I think thai people tend to treat farang( blue eye,gold hair) a lot better then other country farang( asian perhaps)

That could very well be the problem.

However, instead of acting like the maid, just don't do it. Do your own stuff and let their stuff lay. Go out to eat, or eat before you come home. That way, if they ask why there isn't any food, tell them you already, but thanks for asking Same thing with the laundry. And if they cause trouble for you with your husband then tell him you are just too tired to do it all and with your work and everything you are afraid you are getting ill from the stress and overwork. And leave it at that. But just don't let them treat you like a maid.