How to get out of team-building trips

[Liverpool Lou]

46 minutes ago, Mr Derek said:

For my part, I'll continue acting prudently with regard to some of the most dangerous roads in the world and find ways to avoid unnecessary travel.

You volunteered to live here, and marry a Thai, correct?

[Liverpool Lou]

20 minutes ago, puchooay said:

All of a sudden the roads are safe and there are no problems.

Not one poster has said, or even suggested, that is the case, not one.

[Liverpool Lou]

17 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

27 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

He sure is trying to control her (and her career!) as much for his well-being as hers!

I think his concern is valid....

I agree that his concern is valid, I just think that he should keep it to himself as the risk to her, statistically, is minute.

[richard_smith237]

17 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

I agree that his concern is valid, I just think that he should keep it to himself as the risk to her, statistically, is minute.

I agree...  the risk is minute...  he [the Op] needs to ensure his concern is realistic and valid before he starts putting his foot down.

 

23 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

You volunteered to live here, and marry a Thai, correct?

Thats unfair...  just because the Op [and many posters] have married a Thai person, it doesn't mean we should blindly accept everything that goes without any input. Being married means sharing concerns amongst many other facets of married life. 

 

For example: When I met my Wife she would drink and drive, that quickly came to a stop. 

She’d wear a seatbelt in one car, because it ‘beeped’.. but her folks also had another car which she’d drive, slightly older, it didn’t beeb...  I put a stop to that too and insisted she always wear a seatbelt. 

 

Minor points, but ‘fresh eyes’ do see ‘different things...  it would be wrong of us not to speak up for the sole reason this is a different country or we are married to someone of a different nationality. Of course, we need to ensure our concerns are realistic. 

 

In this case it's clear the Ops concern is exaggerated and his Wife is at no greater risk than those going on a road trip in Europe or the USA. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, Mr Derek said:

For my part, I'll continue acting prudently with regard to some of the most dangerous roads in the world and find ways to avoid unnecessary travel.

You first need to evaluate whether or not your concern is realistic. 

 

Look at the actual statistics to evaluate risk as it applies to you / your Wife. 

 

In this case - look at the accident / fatality statistics with motorcycles removed because motorcycle fatalities heavily distort bigger picture. 

 

You will see that the risk accosted with 4 wheeled vehicles is closer to the risk you are familiar with in your home country. 

 

------

 

I do the same when evaluating motorcycling risk... People suggest motorcycling is ‘deadly’ here. 

It is, but up to a certain extent and the road fatality stats do not apply to every motorcyclist equally....  i.e. Remove those who’ve died riding while drunk, at night, speeding, without a helmet, racing , in the rain etc.... and we can see a more statistical risk in a more realistic light as it applies to our specific circumstance. 

 

 

[ChrisP24]

Does your wife want to go?   If she'd actually prefer not to, maybe she can just tell them she has a family obligation without elaborating.  

 

But if she wants to go on something like this that sounds like a fun outing, change of pace, and an opportunity to bond with co-workers in a way that should make work more enjoyable, then it seems over-controlling of you to want to hold her back.  And being in a professionally-driven minibus is surely safer than being on a motorbike or in a small car.

 

People can't have a good life just staying home with the doors locked, lights out, shutters drawn, hiding and hoping that nothing with any hint of risk happens.  

[cdemundo]

My thought is that you might consider taking up stamp collecting.

Another alternative would be model railroading.

Others might have suggestions as well, but exercising control over the life of your wife is not a healthy hobby.

[Bangkok Barry]

These bonding trips are an important part of Thai culture, doing things in groups, and you simply have to accept that. There is danger every minute you're out of the house in Thailand, maybe even in it with the electrical standards. That's just the way it is , but you are over-reacting and have to live with what might but overwhelming probably won't happen.

 

I hope you are able to see that if your wife didn't join in then she would be considered strange and stand-offish and that certainly could affect her promotion prospects, no matter how good she might be. Image overrides ability.

[flexomike]

14 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

Alright, armchair shrinks and arbiters of morality (this discussion has gone way off the mark) - for clarification, I won't be forcing her to do anything, just offering rational advice seeing as she is blithely unaware of the danger on Thailand's roads, as apparently you all are.

 

 

do you stay locked up in your house everyday, you sound like a real mommies boy, damn get a life

[flexomike]

13 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Not one poster has said, or even suggested, that is the case, not one.

Except for Mr Derek

[Liverpool Lou]

1 hour ago, flexomike said:

15 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Not one poster has said, or even suggested, that is the case, not one.

Except for Mr Derek

Huh?   His view is definitely not that the roads are safe!

[FritsSikkink]

17 hours ago, puchooay said:

Once again you have let yourself down with a lack of understanding of English.

Looks more like it that you have that problem. It might be your native language, but you clearly have a problem understanding what people are writing.

[flexomike]

2 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Huh?   His view is definitely not that the roads are safe!

my bad, read the post wrong, too many leos last night

[FritsSikkink]

18 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

It is unnecessary in any rational person's eyes. Why is it necessary in your eyes?

It looks like you don't have a clue how to manage employees. You haven't read / understood my previous replies and from others on this subject. So no need to try to explain again.

Edited December 16, 2022 by FritsSikkink

[Stevemercer]

These sort of trips are part of the work culture in Thailand. It always amazes me how workplaces organise seminars, workshops, conferences and professional training on weekends. In Australia nobody would go except on work time. Similarly, a government agency towards the end of the financial year will always be organising staff trips to soak up the surplus money.

 

We've probably all been along on a few of these trips. Once or twice is enough for most foreigners. Driving 8 hours in a bus with full blast karaoke, an overnight stay and then back on the bus for the boozy 8 hour trip back. It's not for me.

 

Having said this, I rarely hear about fatal accidents involving work trips. More usually it's family crowded in the back of a ute or a minibus on a commercial route. I know this doesn't help the OP, but I don't think there is much you can do about it.

[n00dle]

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

Is there any diplomatic solution? 

the diplomatic soultion is to butt out and let your wife manage her own career.

[n00dle]

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

being Thai, she is compliant to authority in all things

does that include your authority? because that is what really seems to be the issue here. Perhaps she is not as compliant as you might have hoped. 

 

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

I am dead against her making unnecessary journeys on Thailand's parlous roads

It sounds more like a matter of control than anything else
 

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

Road safety-wise, it would probably be better if I hired a car and drove her ... However, I have a heart condition 

oh, then you are definitely the better option.

 

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

Must one really put up with these things? I can't be the only one with these objections. Is there any diplomatic solution? 

It seems you are the only one with an objection. Your wife, the only person whose opinion truly counts here, does not seem to mind.

[schlog]

If i don't like a company and its policy i buy it and after that change the rules. 

So my advise buy that  nasty bank and change the rules!

[steven100]

I think your over-reacting about the risks on the road.  These team building trips are an integral part of Thai companies social culture,  and if she doesn't go it's noticed by everyone.

 

[Bert got kinky]

 

Question for the OP:

Is your wife allowed to pick her own friends and if so do you vet them first?

You never know, one of her friends may be a mass murderer who hasn't been caught yet.

You really should be checking her phone records and texts, to protect her from this.

 

Also, do you tell her what clothes she is allowed to wear?

This is important in a relationship, to maintain full control over your property wife.

 

 

[hotchilli]

21 hours ago, Mr Derek said:

Must one really put up with these things? I can't be the only one with these objections. Is there any diplomatic solution? 

I think you are...

chill-out and let the missus enjoy some time away with her colleagues.

[Peabody]

I despise those team-building activities. One place I worked had everybody take off their shoes. OK.

Then put them in a big pile. Err, weird, but maybe OK.

The you had to dig through the pile of dirty shoes to find your own. Disgusting.

[bangon04]

1 hour ago, n00dle said:

the diplomatic soultion is to butt out and let your wife manage her own career.

or you can insist that she gives up her career, stays at home with you 24/7, and you will pay for everything in her life and any of her family expectations.   That is probably the best way for you to achieve peace of mind..........

[jimn]

On 12/15/2022 at 1:53 PM, Mr Derek said:

Well, yeah, but if she gets killed, it's effectively the end of my life too.

How selfish is that?

[richard_smith237]

6 minutes ago, jimn said:

On 12/15/2022 at 1:53 PM, Mr Derek said:

Well, yeah, but if she gets killed, it's effectively the end of my life too.

How selfish is that?

Why is that selfish ?? ...  Some people are clearly trying too hard to admonish the Op for effectively being incredibly caring but failing to word his concerns in a manner most can relate to. 

 

The Op clearly loves his wife... he saying that if something happens to his wife his life is over....  

 

 

[richard_smith237]

This thread has been a complete ‘pile-on’....    

 

The Op has been verbally bullied because he cares deeply for his wife and wants to protect her. 

Quite admirable sentiment even if the logic is somewhat misplaced. 

 

 

[jimn]

5 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Why is that selfish ?? ...  Some people are clearly trying too hard to admonish the Op for effectively being incredibly caring but failing to word his concerns in a manner most can relate to. 

 

The Op clearly loves his wife... he saying that if something happens to his wife his life is over....  

 

 

No I think he means that if something happens to her, then there will be no one to take care of him. Dont forget he doesnt want to drive because of a heart issue. My comment was in semi jest actually but as you took it to be a serious comment I answered accordingly.

[Bert got kinky]

29 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

This thread has been a complete ‘pile-on’....    

 

The Op has been verbally bullied because he cares deeply for his wife and wants to protect her. 

Quite admirable sentiment even if the logic is somewhat misplaced. 

 

 

 

31 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Why is that selfish ?? ...  Some people are clearly trying too hard to admonish the Op for effectively being incredibly caring but failing to word his concerns in a manner most can relate to. 

 

The Op clearly loves his wife... he saying that if something happens to his wife his life is over....  

 

 

Sorry Richard but I have to disagree with you on this.

Many times I agree with your balanced and well thought out posts but I think that you have missed the mark on this one.

 

The Op clearly loves his wife... he saying that if something happens to his wife his life is over....  

And these are my feelings also.

I worship the ground that my dear wife walks on and if I lost her then I know that I would be totally lost.

In a matter of weeks, I would be following her.

 

However, I would never try to control my wife like the OP is doing.

This is not just a dependency issue, this is about the OP not wanting his wife doing something, simply because he doesn't want her to.

Has she got no freedom to choose?

 

The suggestion that it is because it is dangerous to travel the roads is ridiculous.

Does his wife never go out anywhere?

 

Richard, as I have mentioned earlier, I consider your posts to be well thought out.

Therefore, please think this one out and answer honestly.

Would you ever feel the need to try to prevent your wife from attending a works seminar because you did not feel that the roads were safe, despite your wife commuting to work on a daily basis?

That doesn't make sense to me and sounds just like an excuse from stopping his wife from attending.

 

 

 

Edited December 16, 2022 by Bert got kinky

[puchooay]

5 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

Looks more like it that you have that problem. It might be your native language, but you clearly have a problem understanding what people are writing.

OK. Please explain the similarities between "might" and "want".

 

Thanks.

[richard_smith237]

44 minutes ago, Bert got kinky said:

Would you ever feel the need to try to prevent your wife from attending a works seminar because you did not feel that the roads were safe, despite your wife commuting to work on a daily basis?

That doesn't make sense to me and sounds just like an excuse from stopping his wife from attending.

No, I wouldn’t stop my wife from doing anything she wanted to do unless I felt doing so was unrealistically unsafe. 

 

IF my Wife were planning on taking such a trip via motorcycle I’d speak out and voice my concern. 

 

Of course, the Ops Wife is not going via motorcycle, but the Op has significantly overthought the risk which is why I presented stats earlier on in the thread to highlight to the Op that the risk is not as significant as he thinks. 

 

As you wrote, perhaps the Op simply doesn’t want his Wife to go, perhaps he doesn’t quite understand the ‘work culture’ here in Thailand... Or perhaps he is genuinely concerned for his wife’s safety having significantly misunderstood the level of risk. Either way, he’s taken quite a beating on this thread, perhaps unfairly.