When you're old & lonely

[Felton Jarvis]

I am 73 and my “live-in” girlfriend is 46. she is attractive but no raving beauty. I took her in when she lost her job at a traditional massage parlor in Sriracha. We have lived together for three years now and she is very helpful. She has become friends with my landlady, who has given her occasional massage work. She doesn’t speak much English but just enough to be helpful. She seems honest to a fault and I have tested her many times. She spends a bit too much on vitamins and food supplements but she doesn’t drink any kind of alcohol and always passes my “honesty tests”. It ain’t love but it ain’t bad.  

Edited September 14, 2023 by Felton Jarvis

[scubascuba3]

28 minutes ago, xylophone said:

As if to back up some of the posts on this thread about being old and alone and having someone to care for you, I experienced something today which really brought it home to me – –

 

Sitting talking to a couple of women I know who own a massage shop, and I've known them for quite a few years now, so I often stop off for a chat, and if I'm making a Thai meal, I cook enough for them as well and they seem to appreciate it. Anyway just across the road we noticed an old farang stumbling along and falling over, and my immediate response was perhaps he was drunk, and one of the women said she thought she recognised him and he wasn't a drinker??

 

Having said that, the two women went over to him and lifted him up, and bought him over to the guesthouse/bar next door, so I asked them if he was drunk/smelling of alcohol and they said no, but they thought there was something wrong with him mentally. When they said this I went over to him to see if he understood English, and to see if I could help, but the only thing I got out of him was that he was Swiss and that he had forgotten his hotel, although he had a hotel key with him (nothing on it to indicate which hotel). He did point up the road somewhere and muttered, so I thought I would walk up the road and see if I could see something which might match the picture on his room key, but no luck, even though I asked a few shopkeepers and motorbike taxi drivers, and they were no help unfortunately.

 

There was a farang sitting nearby, whom I had seen over many years, and who a friend of mine had known, and often said that he was a miserable, grumpy old bar steward, however I thought he might be able to help so I asked if he understood Swiss/German, however this grumpy old bar steward dam near bit my head off with just one or two English words in it but the rest of it was grumpy and loud and he was just obnoxious, so I walked away.

 

I was speaking to the two women who were still sitting next to the poor guy trying to comfort him because he looked a little flustered, and I would say he was either suffering from some sort of dementia, or had a minor stroke or suchlike, but he had no idea where his hotel was unfortunately, and the only thing we could get out of him was a Soi name, and we didn't even know if that was the right one.

 

So I said to one of the women, the one who thought she recognised him, that perhaps we should get a tuk tuk and put him in it and drive to this particular Soi to see if he recognised his hotel, which they thought was a good idea. I also suggested that if they had no luck they should either take him to the hospital or to the police station to see if they could help They both wanted to go with him, so I gave them 500 baht for the tuk tuk fare and off they went.

 

I sat down and spoke to the owner of the massage shop and her sister, and they were puzzled as to why he would be here on his own, and I said maybe he had just had some sort of mental problem, and that it could happen to anybody, although someone should always have the phone number of a friend to help. To which they replied that I was about the same age as him and that I shouldn't worry because if anything happened to me they would come round and take care of me and I only had to let them know and they would be there.

 

In its own way that was very comforting, but it got me thinking about this thread and wondering how many old guys here could be in the same position should a medical event occur.

I prefer being single but I know at some point I'll need a helper \ girlfriend, everyone should be teeing someone up for that point.

 

As for a guy with the hotel room key, I've seen a few facebook posts of people in the same position don't know their hotel has only a room key, probably dementia and on holiday

[bignok]

40 minutes ago, xylophone said:

As if to back up some of the posts on this thread about being old and alone and having someone to care for you, I experienced something today which really brought it home to me – –

 

Sitting talking to a couple of women I know who own a massage shop, and I've known them for quite a few years now, so I often stop off for a chat, and if I'm making a Thai meal, I cook enough for them as well and they seem to appreciate it. Anyway just across the road we noticed an old farang stumbling along and falling over, and my immediate response was perhaps he was drunk, and one of the women said she thought she recognised him and he wasn't a drinker??

 

Having said that, the two women went over to him and lifted him up, and bought him over to the guesthouse/bar next door, so I asked them if he was drunk/smelling of alcohol and they said no, but they thought there was something wrong with him mentally. When they said this I went over to him to see if he understood English, and to see if I could help, but the only thing I got out of him was that he was Swiss and that he had forgotten his hotel, although he had a hotel key with him (nothing on it to indicate which hotel). He did point up the road somewhere and muttered, so I thought I would walk up the road and see if I could see something which might match the picture on his room key, but no luck, even though I asked a few shopkeepers and motorbike taxi drivers, and they were no help unfortunately.

 

There was a farang sitting nearby, whom I had seen over many years, and who a friend of mine had known, and often said that he was a miserable, grumpy old bar steward, however I thought he might be able to help so I asked if he understood Swiss/German, however this grumpy old bar steward dam near bit my head off with just one or two English words in it but the rest of it was grumpy and loud and he was just obnoxious, so I walked away.

 

I was speaking to the two women who were still sitting next to the poor guy trying to comfort him because he looked a little flustered, and I would say he was either suffering from some sort of dementia, or had a minor stroke or suchlike, but he had no idea where his hotel was unfortunately, and the only thing we could get out of him was a Soi name, and we didn't even know if that was the right one.

 

So I said to one of the women, the one who thought she recognised him, that perhaps we should get a tuk tuk and put him in it and drive to this particular Soi to see if he recognised his hotel, which they thought was a good idea. I also suggested that if they had no luck they should either take him to the hospital or to the police station to see if they could help They both wanted to go with him, so I gave them 500 baht for the tuk tuk fare and off they went.

 

I sat down and spoke to the owner of the massage shop and her sister, and they were puzzled as to why he would be here on his own, and I said maybe he had just had some sort of mental problem, and that it could happen to anybody, although someone should always have the phone number of a friend to help. To which they replied that I was about the same age as him and that I shouldn't worry because if anything happened to me they would come round and take care of me and I only had to let them know and they would be there.

 

In its own way that was very comforting, but it got me thinking about this thread and wondering how many old guys here could be in the same position should a medical event occur.

Too long. 100 words will do.

[Bobthegimp]

On 9/13/2023 at 1:52 PM, Lacessit said:

I am happy with my own company, so I don't feel lonely

Does this mean that you sugar your own churro? 

[NextG]

4 hours ago, xylophone said:

As if to back up some of the posts on this thread about being old and alone and having someone to care for you, I experienced something today which really brought it home to me – –

 

Sitting talking to a couple of women I know who own a massage shop, and I've known them for quite a few years now, so I often stop off for a chat, and if I'm making a Thai meal, I cook enough for them as well and they seem to appreciate it. Anyway just across the road we noticed an old farang stumbling along and falling over, and my immediate response was perhaps he was drunk, and one of the women said she thought she recognised him and he wasn't a drinker??

 

Having said that, the two women went over to him and lifted him up, and bought him over to the guesthouse/bar next door, so I asked them if he was drunk/smelling of alcohol and they said no, but they thought there was something wrong with him mentally. When they said this I went over to him to see if he understood English, and to see if I could help, but the only thing I got out of him was that he was Swiss and that he had forgotten his hotel, although he had a hotel key with him (nothing on it to indicate which hotel). He did point up the road somewhere and muttered, so I thought I would walk up the road and see if I could see something which might match the picture on his room key, but no luck, even though I asked a few shopkeepers and motorbike taxi drivers, and they were no help unfortunately.

 

There was a farang sitting nearby, whom I had seen over many years, and who a friend of mine had known, and often said that he was a miserable, grumpy old bar steward, however I thought he might be able to help so I asked if he understood Swiss/German, however this grumpy old bar steward dam near bit my head off with just one or two English words in it but the rest of it was grumpy and loud and he was just obnoxious, so I walked away.

 

I was speaking to the two women who were still sitting next to the poor guy trying to comfort him because he looked a little flustered, and I would say he was either suffering from some sort of dementia, or had a minor stroke or suchlike, but he had no idea where his hotel was unfortunately, and the only thing we could get out of him was a Soi name, and we didn't even know if that was the right one.

 

So I said to one of the women, the one who thought she recognised him, that perhaps we should get a tuk tuk and put him in it and drive to this particular Soi to see if he recognised his hotel, which they thought was a good idea. I also suggested that if they had no luck they should either take him to the hospital or to the police station to see if they could help They both wanted to go with him, so I gave them 500 baht for the tuk tuk fare and off they went.

 

I sat down and spoke to the owner of the massage shop and her sister, and they were puzzled as to why he would be here on his own, and I said maybe he had just had some sort of mental problem, and that it could happen to anybody, although someone should always have the phone number of a friend to help. To which they replied that I was about the same age as him and that I shouldn't worry because if anything happened to me they would come round and take care of me and I only had to let them know and they would be there.

 

In its own way that was very comforting, but it got me thinking about this thread and wondering how many old guys here could be in the same position should a medical event occur.

I was involved in a similar situation a short while ago. Was out riding when I saw someone on a motorcycle stopped outside HomePro. I only saw him for a split second, but sensed something wasn’t quite right. So I stopped my bike 100 metres down the road and walked back. 
I thought he might just ride off and I might feel a bit silly, but I decided to keep going. 
When I reached him, I thought he might have been drunk and I was a bit apprehensive since COVID was still rife. He sat on the bike as if he wanted to ride, but wasn’t moving. I didn’t smell any alcohol on him. 
I suggested that he got off the bike and took a seat, but he kept pushing my hand away, though not aggressively. He also began to lean to one side, so I put my weight on the bike to keep it upright, but he fought against me to stay at the weird angle. 
At that point a Filipino band member came along and told me that the rider had come off the bike earlier just down the road, which explained the scrapes he had on his hand etc

I stopped a pickup full of locals coming out of HomePro and asked them to hold the bike whilst I assisted the rider to rest on the pavement. Took his jacket and used it as a pillow for his head and there he lay. Noticed a phone in his top pocket, but didn’t want to touch it until there were witnesses on the scene. Win(motorbike taxi) came along and started harassing him ‘Mister, mister….’ that annoyed me so I pulled him away. His breathing was okay, so better he was left to calm down and collect his thoughts. Possibly was a bit panicked about his situation but unable to react.   Local guy came along with a walkie-talkie and I heard him suggesting that the man was drunk. I insisted that he was not. Walkie-Talkie guy called an ambulance but needed permission from the patient to take him to a hospital. Of course he was in no condition to do so. I took the phone out of his pocket. A new iPhone with just two numbers in it, but no SIM card. I was able to create a HotSpot with another phone to use WhatsApp to try to call the numbers. First one was no longer in existence. Second one just rang out. ????????‍♂️
Tried the second one again, someone answered, it was his son in Germany, at work. 
With a bit of coordination and help from everyone around, someone called a Pattaya City ‘Special Affairs’ crew and together we got him to his place after much ado. But we still had an issue with finding his friend there(his son’s guess was one floor out). Eventually we worked it all out. Manager knew him and together with his friend, I was able to leave him in safe hands. 
Kudos to the Pattaya City team and everyone who assisted. 
His son flew to Thailand and insisted on meeting me to thank me. But I’m a bit shy so I find these things quite painful. 
Now he’s moved back to Germany to be close to his family. 
Turned out that he had a fractured skull, a mini stroke, sepsis… not drunk at all. 
At least he had people who cared about him where he lived, so not totally lonely. 
I did notice him guarding his pocket momentarily, but I think he realised he was in safe hands at some point. His son told me later that he had 80,000 baht in his pocket. 
I actually don’t feel comfortable telling the story, but it’s in context. 

Edited September 14, 2023 by NextG

[rumak]

On 9/13/2023 at 4:21 PM, BE88 said:

After reading all these comments I became depressed, I have to stop reading ASEAN for a while.

It'll still be the same when you return.   Used to be exciting when my friend Yinn was around . 

[NextG]

7 minutes ago, rumak said:

It'll still be the same when you return.   Used to be exciting when my friend Yinn was around . 

Was Yinn the Australian to whom transam refers?

[rumak]

8 minutes ago, NextG said:

Was Yinn the Australian to whom transam refers?

 

not a subject they want brought up here ..... you will have to ask him

ahhhh the good ole days ........

 

Edited September 14, 2023 by rumak

[NextG]

1 minute ago, rumak said:

he did seem to have a thing for her .........

 

Now he seems to have a thing for everyone..

[micmichd]

On 9/13/2023 at 1:02 PM, georgegeorgia said:

So some expats pay to be loved and have someone care for them?

Yes, exactly. 

[bignok]

How old is George? Doesnt know when summer is by hemisphere

[transam]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

How old is George? Doesnt know when summer is by hemisphere

Not 15.............????

[thaibeachlovers]

22 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Must say I too would be interested in thaibeachlovers story 

 

 

Since you asked:

 

Arrived on the shores of LOS some decades ago and fell in love with the women. Still had to work, so only visiting and many trips to the beaches of LOS with a friendly young woman to keep me warm in bed ( which is why I claim to love Thai beaches ).

Got old and stupid, so thought getting married was a good idea. Also assumed I could get pension from home country.

Jump forward some years and I was engaged, moved to LOS to live with beloved.

Discovered I was unable to get pension in LOS, but able to survive on savings so long as family helped me.

Got married.

Jump forward some more years and divorced, no pension and no family to help me.

Left LOS for ( probably ) the final time.

Spend my life wishing I was there and not here. Too cold, too PC, too expensive, no pretty girls.

[Bobthegimp]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Since you asked:

 

Arrived on the shores of LOS some decades ago and fell in love with the women. Still had to work, so only visiting and many trips to the beaches of LOS with a friendly young woman to keep me warm in bed ( which is why I claim to love Thai beaches ).

Got old and stupid, so thought getting married was a good idea. Also assumed I could get pension from home country.

Jump forward some years and I was engaged, moved to LOS to live with beloved.

Discovered I was unable to get pension in LOS, but able to survive on savings so long as family helped me.

Got married.

Jump forward some more years and divorced, no pension and no family to help me.

Left LOS for ( probably ) the final time.

Spend my life wishing I was there and not here. Too cold, too PC, too expensive, no pretty girls.

That's a horrible story. Most guys would be testing out their homemade wing suit from the top of a Viewtalay building, yet here you are. Where there's life, there's hope. 

 

Most Western countries have some sort of pension available at 65 or so, can you get one of those? 

[scubascuba3]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Since you asked:

 

Arrived on the shores of LOS some decades ago and fell in love with the women. Still had to work, so only visiting and many trips to the beaches of LOS with a friendly young woman to keep me warm in bed ( which is why I claim to love Thai beaches ).

Got old and stupid, so thought getting married was a good idea. Also assumed I could get pension from home country.

Jump forward some years and I was engaged, moved to LOS to live with beloved.

Discovered I was unable to get pension in LOS, but able to survive on savings so long as family helped me.

Got married.

Jump forward some more years and divorced, no pension and no family to help me.

Left LOS for ( probably ) the final time.

Spend my life wishing I was there and not here. Too cold, too PC, too expensive, no pretty girls.

Why no pension? state pension? pension credit?

[connda]

Every man should make their first love their own solitude. 
 

[xylophone]

22 hours ago, bignok said:

Too long. 100 words will do.

Had I known that you had reading and comprehension difficulties, then I might have made it a little shorter especially for you, however I will leave it up to the moderators to decide what posts will/won't suffice. Unless you are a new moderator of course. LOL!!!

 

Anyway, you're now going on to ignore, so others can put up with your tardy remarks, but I won't see them, thankfully.

[bignok]

5 minutes ago, xylophone said:

Had I known that you had reading and comprehension difficulties, then I might have made it a little shorter especially for you, however I will leave it up to the moderators to decide what posts will/won't suffice. Unless you are a new moderator of course. LOL!!!

 

Anyway, you're now going on to ignore, so others can put up with your tardy remarks, but I won't see them, thankfully.

Few people will bother with 1000 words. Just the truth. Sorry the truth offends. 

[micmichd]

1 hour ago, Bobthegimp said:

That's a horrible story. Most guys would be testing out their homemade wing suit from the top of a Viewtalay building, yet here you are. Where there's life, there's hope. 

 

Most Western countries have some sort of pension available at 65 or so, can you get one of those? 

You have to pay into a Social Security Funds in order to get a pension. Many just didn't care when they were young, and then got shocked when they got old. 

[bignok]

1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said:

Why no pension? state pension? pension credit?

Pensions start 65 or so. He must have been younger or didnt qualify.

[bignok]

Just now, micmichd said:

You have to pay into a Social Security Funds in order to get a pension. Many just didn't care when they were young, and then got shocked when they got old. 

Thats not true. Old age pensions in Oz and NZ arent like US.

[gargamon]

22 hours ago, bignok said:

Too long. 100 words will do.

Yeah. These people that dictate their posts tend to get out of hand. There should be a rule that you have to type it in. But it beats being face to face where you can't shut them up. At least you can jump to the next post. 

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, gargamon said:

Yeah. These people that dictate their posts tend to get out of hand. There should be a rule that you have to type it in. But it beats being face to face where you can't shut them up. At least you can jump to the next post. 

555

 

Or at least make it interesting

[gargamon]

1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said:

Why no pension? state pension? pension credit?

Very common for people who come to Thailand when young. Pensions generally require many years of being a good citizen and paying taxes, etc. Both the US and Canada need 10 years fully qualify. 

[xylophone]

23 hours ago, xylophone said:

As if to back up some of the posts on this thread about being old and alone and having someone to care for you, I experienced something today which really brought it home to me – –

 

Sitting talking to a couple of women I know who own a massage shop, and I've known them for quite a few years now, so I often stop off for a chat, and if I'm making a Thai meal, I cook enough for them as well and they seem to appreciate it. Anyway just across the road we noticed an old farang stumbling along and falling over, and my immediate response was perhaps he was drunk, and one of the women said she thought she recognised him and he wasn't a drinker??

 

Having said that, the two women went over to him and lifted him up, and bought him over to the guesthouse/bar next door, so I asked them if he was drunk/smelling of alcohol and they said no, but they thought there was something wrong with him mentally. When they said this I went over to him to see if he understood English, and to see if I could help, but the only thing I got out of him was that he was Swiss and that he had forgotten his hotel, although he had a hotel key with him (nothing on it to indicate which hotel). He did point up the road somewhere and muttered, so I thought I would walk up the road and see if I could see something which might match the picture on his room key, but no luck, even though I asked a few shopkeepers and motorbike taxi drivers, and they were no help unfortunately.

 

There was a farang sitting nearby, whom I had seen over many years, and who a friend of mine had known, and often said that he was a miserable, grumpy old bar steward, however I thought he might be able to help so I asked if he understood Swiss/German, however this grumpy old bar steward dam near bit my head off with just one or two English words in it but the rest of it was grumpy and loud and he was just obnoxious, so I walked away.

 

I was speaking to the two women who were still sitting next to the poor guy trying to comfort him because he looked a little flustered, and I would say he was either suffering from some sort of dementia, or had a minor stroke or suchlike, but he had no idea where his hotel was unfortunately, and the only thing we could get out of him was a Soi name, and we didn't even know if that was the right one.

 

So I said to one of the women, the one who thought she recognised him, that perhaps we should get a tuk tuk and put him in it and drive to this particular Soi to see if he recognised his hotel, which they thought was a good idea. I also suggested that if they had no luck they should either take him to the hospital or to the police station to see if they could help They both wanted to go with him, so I gave them 500 baht for the tuk tuk fare and off they went.

 

I sat down and spoke to the owner of the massage shop and her sister, and they were puzzled as to why he would be here on his own, and I said maybe he had just had some sort of mental problem, and that it could happen to anybody, although someone should always have the phone number of a friend to help. To which they replied that I was about the same age as him and that I shouldn't worry because if anything happened to me they would come round and take care of me and I only had to let them know and they would be there.

 

In its own way that was very comforting, but it got me thinking about this thread and wondering how many old guys here could be in the same position should a medical event occur.

I wanted to know what had happened to the poor old Swiss guy after yesterday's event, so I went along to see the two women who had helped and who had taken him in the tuk tuk, and they said that they had found his hotel, through him mentioning a bar nearby, and had taken him safely back to it.

 

The hotel staff knew him and said that he was going back home next week. So to say thank you to the two women, I bought them a bunch of durian, and they were delighted.

 

Very pleased to know that it ended well for him.

[LaosLover]

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

Had I known that you had reading and comprehension difficulties, then I might have made it a little shorter especially for you,

You're a quality poster and I find you reasonably succinct.

[scubascuba3]

5 hours ago, gargamon said:

Very common for people who come to Thailand when young. Pensions generally require many years of being a good citizen and paying taxes, etc. Both the US and Canada need 10 years fully qualify. 

But in UK can buy missing years 

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, Bobthegimp said:

That's a horrible story. Most guys would be testing out their homemade wing suit from the top of a Viewtalay building, yet here you are. Where there's life, there's hope. 

 

Most Western countries have some sort of pension available at 65 or so, can you get one of those? 

I get the home country pension, but only when living in home country, ergo no choice in having to leave Thailand, as had been living on savings, which were not going to last. Probably the best time to leave as would not have enjoyed living in LOS during covid with little money.

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Why no pension? state pension? pension credit?

Without going into details, I got caught by an unpublished on the website "rule" which meant that I didn't qualify for the pension in any country without a bilateral pension agreement. I could have continued to live in the UK, but not Thailand. Typical bureaucratic BS. I went as far as to appeal the decision but to no avail. I am not a fan of bureaucracy.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, micmichd said:

You have to pay into a Social Security Funds in order to get a pension. Many just didn't care when they were young, and then got shocked when they got old. 

NZ does not do that. Everyone gets the pension worked or not as long as lived in NZ for the required number of years depending on age. Two required blocks which I don't remember specifics of, but a certain number of years before a certain age and more years after.