Losing my religion

[bignok]

I asked before about meditation retreats but asking again for clarity from those that have done 7 days to 30 days.

 

Does it improve your ability to relax? Disconnect? Zone out or zone in? Does it improve your patience? Improve your ability to not care?

[Prubangboy]

It's very unpredictable. It's like tennis camp. Some people have a gift for it and take to it, others just find it to be a miserable slog. 99% of people who do a 10 day retreat on vacation in Asia never meditate again. Less than 1% have a daily practice.

 

It's also very mentally grueling. For general self improvement like you are suggesting, it's not very helpful. It's a spiritual pursuit.

 

Said my fave teacher, "It would be a shame if the 5,000 year tradition of searching for enlightenment to be of service to others got dumbed down to being a mental cocktail that just makes you feel a little bit better".

 

Mae Hong Son has a place with no strict schedule and no silence requirement. Try 3 days there and see if you want to do more. 

 

I've done a few 30 and 90 day retreats. Do I seem particularly evolved or Dali Lama-chill to you? 

[Prubangboy]

.....more to the point, try relaxation response and yogic breathing. The other stuff like detachment and patience work is accomplished by lowering your ego. Meditation is a very roundabout approach to that.

 

Try Buddhist psychology instead. Two books: Why Buddhism is True and Buddha Brain will lay out the logic of why your ego is just a pile of nonsense. Then it would be a very slow, water on a rock process to be a little lighter.

[bignok]

14 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

It's very unpredictable. It's like tennis camp. Some people have a gift for it and take to it, others just find it to be a miserable slog. 99% of people who do a 10 day retreat on vacation in Asia never meditate again. Less than 1% have a daily practice.

 

It's also very mentally grueling. For general self improvement like you are suggesting, it's not very helpful. It's a spiritual pursuit.

 

Said my fave teacher, "It would be a shame if the 5,000 year tradition of searching for enlightenment to be of service to others got dumbed down to being a mental cocktail that just makes you feel a little bit better".

 

Mae Hong Son has a place with no strict schedule and no silence requirement. Try 3 days there and see if you want to do more. 

 

I've done a few 30 and 90 day retreats. Do I seem particularly evolved or Dali Lama-chill to you? 

You seem pretty basic.

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

.....more to the point, try relaxation response and yogic breathing. The other stuff like detachment and patience work is accomplished by lowering your ego. Meditation is a very roundabout approach to that.

 

Try Buddhist psychology instead. Two books: Why Buddhism is True and Buddha Brain will lay out the logic of why your ego is just a pile of nonsense. Then it would be a very slow, water on a rock process to be a little lighter.

You are probably right. Everything seems like a waste of time though. Just have fun or dont do it. 

[Baht Simpson]

Should lose your virginity first.   

 

 

[bignok]

1 minute ago, Baht Simpson said:

Should lose your virginity first.   

 

 

What does that mean?

[Prubangboy]

My fave teacher said that for people who don't want to meditate, a thing they might instead try is just to ask themselves a few times a day:

 

"What the hell is going on?"

 

Are you tense, are you tired, are you lost in some imaginary conversation? Over time, you will gain a little insight into your thought process. 

 

Said Ram Dass: "Become an educated connoisseur of your own very exquisite neurosis".

 

 

[bignok]

Just now, Prubangboy said:

My fave teacher said that for people who don't want to meditate, the best thing they might try is just to ask themselves a few times a day:

 

"What the hell is going on?"

 

Are you tense, are you tired, are you lost in some imaginary conversation? Over time, you will gain a little insight into your thought process. an

 

Said Ram Dass: "Become an educated connoisseur of your own very exquisite neurosis".

Do you have kids?

[Baht Simpson]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

What does that mean?

You don't understand what losing your virginity means?

 

[Prubangboy]

I've helped raise a couple, and my wife has an adult daughter -but no (thank god).

[bignok]

Just now, Baht Simpson said:

You don't understand what losing your virginity means?

 

Well I had about 550 women so no I don't know what you are on about. The topic is about meditation.

 

If you are a virgin go hire a hooker.

[bignok]

Just now, Prubangboy said:

I've helped raise a couple, and my wife has an adult daughter -but no (thank god).

I think about past gfs. What if we had a kid. You never wonder?

[Prubangboy]

Just now, bignok said:

I think about past gfs. What if we had a kid. You never wonder?

 

Had I knocked a woman up, I would have hopped a freight train like a hobo.

[Baht Simpson]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

If you are a virgin go hire a hooker.

You're very uptight. You should try meditation.

[bignok]

5 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

 

Had I knocked a woman up, I would have hopped a freight train like a hobo.

You seem happy. Were you always happy? 

[bignok]

Just now, Baht Simpson said:

You're very uptight. You should try meditation.

Ok that's funny. Pay that.

[Prubangboy]

My pre-Thailand story has a lot of rage and sadness in it. So pretty much the same as just about everyone else's pre-Thailand story. I feel that old rage and sadness every day. A lot of it resonates with much older rage and sadness. It comes and goes. 

 

I have a very good life. At 71, to be still doing my wife is like winning the Oscar. If I'm still unhappy, please take me out and shoot me. 

 

Since you're self-help-ish, google Constructive Living, a zen based approach to getting over yourself.

 

Prime quote:

 

Suffering is mandatory. Misery is optional (ie. don't dwell on it).

[bignok]

1 minute ago, Prubangboy said:

My pre-Thailand story has a lot of rage and sadness in it. So pretty much the same as just about everyone else's pre-Thailand story. I feel that old rage and sadness every day. A lot of it resonates with much older rage and sadness. It comes and goes. 

 

I have very good life. At 71, to be still doing my wife is like winning the Oscar. If I'm still unhappy, please take me out and shoot me. 

I was happy pre covid. Post covid just neutral. Everything seems unimportant. 

[Prubangboy]

Happiness never sticks around. Someone here made the point that most people have a set happiness point, like their metabolism. Any gym goer will tell you that trying to nudge your metabolism is hard work. And that when you stop, your wonky metabolism resets quickly. 

 

There's another good book called How To Be 10% Happier. 1 sentence summary: Just be less enamored to happiness and more accepting of the current moment.

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

Happiness never sticks around. Someone here made the point that most people have a set happiness point, like their metabolism. Any gym goer will tell you that trying to nudge your metabolism is hard work. And that when you stop, your wonky metabolism resets quickly. 

 

There's another good book called How To Be 10% Happier. 1 sentence summary: Just be less enamored to happiness and more accepting of the current moment.

Do lots of Americans not have kids? Most Aussies do.

[Prubangboy]

I see a lot of disappointment and hardship in the parents I know (including my wife).

 

People assume I am regretful about being childless. If I can get away with it, I'm happy to let them think of that.

 

There's a ton of stuff that I'm supposed to l want, or think or buy. And when nobody's looking, I just don't.

[bignok]

1 minute ago, Prubangboy said:

I see a lot of disappointment and hardship in the parents I know (including my wife).

 

People assume I am regretful about being childless. If I can get away with it, I'm happy to let them think of that.

 

There's a ton of stuff that I'm supposed to l want, or think or buy. And when nobody's looking, I just don't.

Your attitude seems good.

[stoner]

18 minutes ago, bignok said:

I was happy pre covid. Post covid just neutral. Everything seems unimportant. 

 

you seem quite negative lately and have a grind or a grudge or something holding you down. 

[Prubangboy]

Other than my wife and my Sulawesi-bound friend, the world pretty much forgets I exist whenever I leave the room.

 

Any real judgment of me is reflexive and very short lived. People just want me to be cheery and brief. Thailand is a very good teacher of this.

[bignok]

1 minute ago, Prubangboy said:

Other than my wife and my Sulawesi-bound friend, the world pretty much forgets I exist whenever I leave the room.

 

Any real judgment of me is reflexive and very short lived. People just want me to be cheery and brief. Thailand is a very good teacher of this.

Im 49, gf 35. She wants a kid. Some days I do too. Other days no.

 

I wonder if a kid is the way to go.

[Prubangboy]

I am agog at the number of late age dads here who are happy. Partic when they came here for a good time instead.

 

Read their stories; are you like those guys? Me: no double-way.

 

As my friend dying in a dead bedroom marriage in Japan said:

 

"You go to bed with Suzie Wong and you wake up with Yoko Ono".

 

-Don't be that guy.

 

If she's 35 (and Thai?) the train is leaving the station for her. You'll be fired soon enough, so front load the anal now.

[novacova]

Been meditating for decades. Focus on a single point/thought and/or, my favorite, empty the mind of any thought while deflecting incoming thoughts and maintaining mental awareness of the surroundings. Can be done while walking, driving or whatever. Then practice compartmentalization, meditation while working around the house and at work or whatever it is that keeps you occupied, shifting in and out of the state when interrupted. The main objective is deflecting reactions, thoughts and emotions. You don’t need Buddha or a retreat to exercise something so simple.

[novacova]

7 minutes ago, bignok said:

Im 49, gf 35. She wants a kid. Some days I do too. Other days no.

 

I wonder if a kid is the way to go.

I thought you were 45yo.

 

Kids are great at challenging your meditation skills 

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

I am agog at the number of late age dads here who are happy. Partic when they came here for a good time instead.

 

Read their stories; are you like those guys? Me: no double-way.

 

As my friend dying in a dead bedroom marriage in Japan said:

 

"You go to bed with Suzie Wong and you wake up with Yoko Ono".

 

-Don't be that guy.

 

If she's 35 (and Thai?) the train is leaving the station for her. You'll be fired soon enough, so front load the anal now.

I tell a bloke he says no kid. I tell a woman she says have a kid.

 

My friend had a kid at 57. He told me dont have a kid. But then he says he wants her to have all his $ when dead.