I think I'm on the brink

[Jo77]

On 12/14/2023 at 1:01 AM, ChaiyaTH said:

She is depressed from you, your only positive side were the financial promises.

 

how hard is it to realize that if doing what you did? You likely took her away from the real love in her life for the sake of money under family pressure.

 

exact this is why most girls look miserable as soon their foreign bf looks away, if not flirting too. And no sex means sex elsewhere.

 

hurts my trust in humanity to need to repeat this countless, while being one of the younger ones.

Poor gold diggers, really a hard life, desperately gambling away a fortune and spending their life in shopping mall buying hand bags to help their family home. They need a lot of handbags and jewellery at home, also this poor gold diggers need the last new lips, boobs and botox available for survival purpose. Sleeping all day long is their way to fight for the future.

Indeed you are right it's definitively the OP fault...  

[Andrew Dwyer]

How did this end up ??

The op went to Canada, now coming/came back to Thailand, is the wife still in tow ??

[Celsius]

Btw the op was a joke 

[Andrew Dwyer]

1 minute ago, Celsius said:

Btw the op was a joke 

Nope, don’t think so, you just regret posting it, like when you slagged off Thailand and moved back to Canada, how did that work out for you ?

[Celsius]

2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Nope, don’t think so, you just regret posting it, like when you slagged off Thailand and moved back to Canada, how did that work out for you ?

 

nah I don't think so.

 

My wife doesn't depend on Farang handouts and has a very good job here which she would never be able to get in Canada. If we wanted to stay in Canada we would have made arrangements beforehand to stay in Canada. 

 

The only reason we took this trip was for the wife to do her landing as she was required to do before the certain date to qualify for her permanent residency.

 

as if I would make very expensive arrangements about the move and then just come back because I saw some tents and shoplifting. Lol

 

[paddypower]

On 12/14/2023 at 5:34 PM, spidermike007 said:

The "not let me go anywhere without her" alone would be a deal-breaker for me. I have no tolerance for possessive women, nor jealousy and when my woman and I got together we had many conversations about this and established over the years a very independent lifestyle where we spend significant amounts of time apart. With friends, we take trips separately, and there's never a complaint. We both love it.

 

If it's not working get out, the sooner the better, don't waste another day of your life. 

totally agree. unless it's due to depression. but OP doesn't sound like a man who would recognize that, since it seems that each of the 2 of them lives in a different mid  set.  (for transparency, i live with depression)

Edited June 14 by paddypower
spell

[impulse]

I don't have a problem in my life that a trip to Nana or Soi Cowboy wouldn't make worse.

 

But that's why I took the oath in 1988.  My life hasn't been as exciting, but it is a lot simpler (and cheaper). 

 

And "exciting" isn't all it's held out to be.

 

[spidermike007]

2 hours ago, paddypower said:

totally agree. unless it's due to depression. but OP doesn't sound like a man who would recognize that, since it seems that each of the 2 of them lives in a different mid  set.  (for transparency, i live with depression)

Well, while that is true, staying in a dysfunctional relationship long past its expiration date, can cause depression, can cause low for self-esteem, and countless other problems. 

[susanlea]

The only people who get married 3,4,5 times are idiots. The one common denominator is you. It is not them it's you.

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, susanlea said:

The only people who get married 3,4,5 times are idiots. The one common denominator is you. It is not them it's you.

so you married twice and here you are single again looking at 400B hotel rooms wandering around on your walkabout? 

[susanlea]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

so you married twice and here you are single again looking at 400B hotel rooms wandering around on your walkabout? 

No. 

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, susanlea said:

No. 

Tell us about your story, why you ended up here then? You being rude and talking to much about everyone else and calling them out, but so far share nothing about yourself! Time to come off your pedestal and show us who you are!

[susanlea]

Just now, Hummin said:

Tell us about your story, why you ended up here then? You being rude and talking to much about everyone else and calling them out, but so far share nothing about yourself! Time to come off your pedestal and show us who you are!

You first.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

You first.

I have shared alot on this forum, and I can back up everything I say, as well I take responsibility. I do not runaway problems like others 

[susanlea]

Just now, Hummin said:

I have shared alot on this forum, and I can back up everything I say, as well I take responsibility. I do not runaway problems like others 

Nobody cares. Sorry to tell you.

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, susanlea said:

Nobody cares. Sorry to tell you.

Thats true, nobody cares, thats the only true words you managed today, but it feels good to know I am, 

Edited June 17 by Hummin

[susanlea]

6 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Thats true, nobody cares, thats the only true words you managed today, but it feels good to know I am, 

I posted truth all day. Most most bs.

[Hummin]

7 minutes ago, susanlea said:

I posted truth all day. Most most bs.

Good, as long you believe it, it is the truth

 

Since you are in Thailand, you should get some sleep now! I have to finish my handover. 

[paddypower]

On 6/14/2024 at 12:45 PM, spidermike007 said:

Well, while that is true, staying in a dysfunctional relationship long past its expiration date, can cause depression, can cause low for self-esteem, and countless other problems. 

but surely the question is, what is a dysfunctional relationship? certainly the OP's relationship seems to have gone south a long time ago. people with mental health issues are a different kettle of fish. it is by staying in a relationship with someone suffering from depression that your character truly get tested. imho.

[spidermike007]

4 hours ago, paddypower said:

but surely the question is, what is a dysfunctional relationship? certainly the OP's relationship seems to have gone south a long time ago. people with mental health issues are a different kettle of fish. it is by staying in a relationship with someone suffering from depression that your character truly get tested. imho.

I was there. My ex-wife had some serious mental health issues. I did absolutely everything in my power to help her. When she accepted the help, her condition improved. When she spun out again, she again became impossible to live with. There is a not so fine line between being a good husband, and being a martyr. We make choices in life. Deciding to stay in a dysfunctional relationship, with someone who is sick in the head, and refuses treatment, is self torture, and the longer you stay, the lower your self esteem, and quality of life.

 

And life is short. Very, very short. Not smart to waste it on someone who is not worthy of your devotion.

[Celsius]

Holy craMp, I was trolling 

 

Wifey is on a business trip to Japan. What should she get me?

[fredwiggy]

On 12/13/2023 at 8:33 PM, Celsius said:

Of another divorce. Third one to be exact.

 

The worst part is I went all-out for this one  Canadian PR, emotional involvement, boring sex... everything.

 

The biggest screw up I did is I supported her to quit her job. She got another one (work from home) but she does f all, sleeps until 12 and doesn't even eat. For a guy that is not lazy (despite my numerous posts here)I find this unacceptable. I think she is suffering from some kind of depression, but she claims everything is fine. I think she is playing head games 

 

Oh....and she literally does not let me go anywhere without her.

 

Tonight I said fek it and just stormed out and ran. I'm at Terminal 21 now going to Nana.

Sorry to hear this, and I can relate. I don't know how well you treat your wife, so I'll have to assume at least with respect and loyalty. You said you went all out for this one, so that means you did more than the average man to keep it together. Your wife sleeping until 12 is depression by most standards. Unless she's going to sleep at 3 AM. Supporting your wife while she's working is what you do. She does F all, meaning not cook, eat, housework, sex with you etc? This is also depression related IF you are again, treating her with love, care and respect. 9 out of 10 relationships where someone has depression fail, because either the non depressed one ups and leaves, as you did, at least for a day, or the other partner completely gives up, not seeking help and might go all the way in not wanting to be here anymore.

 

There is something called Anhedonia, which comes from clinical depression, which seems like what your wife has, unless you are treating her so bad that environmental depression is a maybe. I will assume clinical. Anhedonia has a person not feeling anything for things they felt good about before. Sex, social times with friends, traveling, enjoying a favorite meal, laughing at jokes, watching TV or listening to movies, all mean little to nothing. They can function, go to work, cook for you, eat and other things, but these are a burden. 

 

All stresses hurt more, meaning fighting with her about small things, taking care of children who misbehave, cooking dinner for family every day, work related stress, arguing with family, driving etc.

 

The answer to all of this is of course seeking help. Talking with a qualified doctor and possibly prescribing medicine,, which will need a followup to make sure it's the right one, as the wrong one can either not work or make things worse. This is happening right now in my life with someone I really care about and love, and it's hard to see them get worse, because depression does not get better unless the symptoms are helped, and it lasts their whole life. At least for now this is all we have to help them.

 

You have to make the decision now if you love this woman enough to stick by her no matter what, and that means no matter what, because they will do things that seem strange to you. The person you thought you knew becomes a mood changing silent partner, going from silence to anger to apathy all in the same day. If you love her, you will stay, and try and get her to seek help. No matter what you could know about depression, you cannot feel what they feel unless you also have it.

 

Everyone gets depressed but with them it's constant, and lasts longer than just the blues or depression from a tragedy or loss. Running out angry will not help one bit. Giving her space is okay, but letting her know you love her and only want some time to think is better. This is a support situation, as support is the number one thing a depressed person needs, and all you have to do sometimes is tell her you are there if she needs you. Advice given is usually wrong, and they will say you don't understand how they feel, which might be true. I would go home and talk with her. She might tell you she's okay, but just tell her you're here if she needs you. Wanting to be around you 24/7 is a good thing, as many want to isolate, and that sometimes leads to the next step, which is suicide.

 

My best friend, back in the late 80's, had depression. He took his own life, even knowing he had a great wife, hobbies, a job, house, car ,family and many friends. He was always a class clown, much like Robin Williams, and he was always sleeping late, up to lunch time like you said your wife does. back then , there wasn't much around as far as seeking help or medicines like there is now. Ask yourself what she means to you, then you'll know what to do.

[fredwiggy]

9 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Holy craMp, I was trolling 

 

Wifey is on a business trip to Japan. What should she get me?

Well, I did give advice, so hopefully one more sincere might read it, because depression is no joke, and is a reason so many relationships fail or are in trouble.

[fredwiggy]

4 hours ago, paddypower said:

but surely the question is, what is a dysfunctional relationship? certainly the OP's relationship seems to have gone south a long time ago. people with mental health issues are a different kettle of fish. it is by staying in a relationship with someone suffering from depression that your character truly get tested. imho.

Exactly. Most will leave seeing all the mood swings. Love is really tested.

[fredwiggy]

38 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I was there. My ex-wife had some serious mental health issues. I did absolutely everything in my power to help her. When she accepted the help, her condition improved. When she spun out again, she again became impossible to live with. There is a not so fine line between being a good husband, and being a martyr. We make choices in life. Deciding to stay in a dysfunctional relationship, with someone who is sick in the head, and refuses treatment, is self torture, and the longer you stay, the lower your self esteem, and quality of life.

 

And life is short. Very, very short. Not smart to waste it on someone who is not worthy of your devotion.

Exactly. They will improve with treatment most of the time, but sometimes they stop doing what they're doing that helps, medicine, talk therapy etc, because they start feeling better, and then backslide. This disease does not go away, with what we have now to treat it, and will last their lifetime, but knowing this is the first step towards helping yourself to get better.

[Denim]

This is known as the Zorba syndrome :

 

 

 

 

And as the OP suggested just hit the town

 

 

 

[KhunLA]

Edited June 20 by KhunLA

[JBChiangRai]

On 12/13/2023 at 8:43 PM, JBChiangRai said:

Married 3 times?

 

Don’t you know the definition of stupidity?

 

2 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

HEY ... 4th is a charm 

 

I'm sure the other 3 were charms too 

(until they weren't)

[KhunLA]

15 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

says the guy eating double pork cheeseburgers and living on a bar stool .......im sure youre Mrs is counting the days to her freedom..and lottery

She can leave (as can I) or chuck my butt out anytime she wants.   Keep it all, as she doesn't need me, or I her.   We just love & actually like each other, unlike so many others I read from or about.

 

Nothing keeping us together except desire to be.  Free world, and been like that for us over 18+ years, living together, 10+, actually married.  First 3, first one last 2 years, maybe, the other two, one year.

 

OH ... and I just had a 7-11 Chicken Caesar Salad (just ok).  Going to follow it up with Smoked Paris Ham sandwich later, on nice bread (Tops).  Had a much better Caesar salad yesterday & excellent  beef burger.   Later on for dinner, a pizza from same place AJ Grill/Sukhothai, if anyone in the hood 👍👍

[In Full Agreement]

2 hours ago, Celsius said:

Holy craMp, I was trolling 

 

Wifey is on a business trip to Japan. What should she get me?

 

 

"What should she get me?"

 

If you treat her nicely, maybe she'll pick up a wakizashi. for you..